Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Teen angst

I pick up my teenage daughter from the bus stop every day after school. Each week the boys get a little fresher as their mouths are embracing springtime, either that or they've lost their minds.
Today, as I pull away, one of the boys says, "Hi future mother-in-law", and I roll down my window to respond, "I'm sure your parents don't appreciate the dope smoking, so bring it down a level boys". To this my daughter and her cute little friend whispered and giggled for a second before they became horrified at what I had done.
It has been brought to my attention that I frightened the young men. It was only funny on their side. My humor is, in fact, not funny at all.
I am mean.
To this I responded, "I'm not mean, I'm funny...just like them. They can't take a joke? Why is my comment mean, when their's was deemed humorous?" I was confused for a moment.
Then I was informed I had embarrassed my daughter, and probably her friend.
"Why did I have to say anything at all - they were just joking". Well, so was I. My jokes aren't funny?

I thought some more, then realized what a wonderful move I had made.
Teen boys need to be afraid...very afraid. Don't bring your game this way.

And I thought I was being funny.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

41?!!? For Reals?

Yesterday I turned 41. Wow...I am actually into the 40's now. Not 40! "whoa- Haha", black balloons and shit-talking about a new generation, but 41 - I've crossed over.
I don't look any different, but my soul feels a little different. I have had epiphany after epiphany this past week and I wonder, am I just more aware? More alert?
My heart feels open. I look around and inhale deeply. I breathe in my surroundings. Not that I haven't done this in the past...just not every day. I wonder about people's "story".
The people close to me - I examine for feelings and history. I realized this week I want to know "why" and "how". I want to feel their passion and understand their outlook.
I don't know that I have heart-felt my friends honesty before this week.
Really grasped who they are from deep down.
I saw my purpose clearly with some and more vaguely with others. I surprised myself. I changed a little. As I drank wine and ate cake and laughed so hard I peed my Smartypants, I really took in each moment.
Every hug. Every kiss. Every touch. Every moment that was different from the last moment and will be different from the next moment. I layed in the sun on a rooftop in my bra.
In those moments I remembered Mexico. I fantasized about Greece. I felt the wind on my face and I felt really loved for a minute. The sun loved me. The wind loved me. A boy smiled at me and I felt so special and I thought - I have moments like this, but I didn't live in them. I didn't appreciate them. I wanted each second to be meaningful. I didn't need to worry about the future. Not the next minute. Not the next day. Just that moment in time when I was fully connected.
And it felt amazing.
Life is beautiful and my goal this birthyear is to embrace each moment. To listen in time. To be present. To accept each moment for what it is and that is all.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Why Can't We Be Friends?

A really great song from my youth. I remember it like I remember being at my grandmother's house on Saturdays in the smmertime. I would climb trees to sit on the roof and just chill and eat apples directly from the tree. I watched everyone below as they came in and out of the house. I sat alone because I could and I liked it. I liked the solitude, even when I was 8 years old.

Now 32 years later I listen to a new upbeat version of the same song with the same lyrics and the same meaning and I enjoy the same solitude tonight and contemplate "why can't we be friends".

I don't get the lyrics. I'm not sure they have any meaning at all. "I remember when you drank my wine - you had to join the CIA - they wouldn't take you in the mafia..." What the hell does this mean? Is this guy talking to someone he grew up with that is some crazy loser that collects welfare checks and tells tall tales of being a spy? I mean, does anyone know what the hell this song is about?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dYpnd_9TFs

I have friends that I have known from a long time back. They drank my wine. They slept with my boyfriend. They gossiped about me. And we simply aren't friends any longer. There is no question "why". YOU know why.
Maybe this is the type of relationship these guys are singing about. Or perhaps this guy has a hero complex. I still don't know, but damn, I love this song. The original was amazing and this particular cover is one of my favorite covers of all time. Thank you smashmouth.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Safehaven(s) vs Survival Instincts

The topic came up today of kids/ teens driving at the age of sixteen as opposed to eighteen. How do you train them? Should they be allowed to drive alone? What about all the distractions (ie texting, radio, friends in the car). Who and how should these limits be imposed?

My 16th bday: I got out of bed, went to school, came home (normal day so far), picked up my mom's car, drove myself to the DMV, passed the written portion of the state required driving test, completed the driving portion of the state required drivers exam, got my driver's license picture taken, and drove myself home. When I arrived, my mom said "Is it your birthday today?" I responded, "Why yes, yes mom it was, thanks for remembering." So, for me, at age sixteen I was well ready, and quite prepared for the driving experience. Shortly after, one of my mom's boyfriends took thirty minutes out of his day to teach me how to drive a stickshift, and I knew, it was "now or never", if I didn't focus and get it the first time, who knows when I might have had another opportunity to get to learn. I picked it up in thirty minutes. That was twenty five years ago, and I have never forgotten that day.
I grew up figuring out pretty quickly that if I didn't take an opportunity that was handed to me I would be S.O.L., so I never looked a gift horse in the mouth. I took life very seriously, and I soaked up information like a sponge. Because I had to.

Kids now have a certain sense of entitlement. They don't have to learn it the first time, because there will be a re-test. They don't have to play 100% on the field, because everyone gets a trophy. I'm not sure what happened to the concept of "earning" in our society; when everything had to be pc instead of real. I don't like it. We are raising a bunch of pansies. My son says to me often, "It's not fair", and I get much joy in saying "Life's not fair", because it's not and it shouldn't be. There are people who work hard and people who drift by. I do not condone drifters. And I'll be damned if my kids are going to join the ranks of the lazy, entitled.

I thought about my thirteen year old daughter who wants to drive so bad, she can taste it, but can't keep track of her soccer uniform. She won't clean her room. She asks daily if she can go to the mall. We have to push push push to get her to do her homework and clean her room, yet she wants to drive a car.

Granted, I doubt highly I will forget her sixteenth birthday. I am positive I will give her lessons in driving the car. I am sure there will be rules about her being in the car - no texting, no carloads of screaming girls to parties on the weekends, but not because she won't earn it, because her attention span is that of a flea. The commonality of these kids who think they can text, drive, sing, hand their friends something in the backseat, and blow bubbles at the same time, isn't so much a lack of skill. It is a lack of respect and short attention spans. We now live in an MTV generation where everything is right here -right now. We have coddled these kids into thinking that they can do whatever they want with little or no repurcussions. There is a direct correlation between raising independant, self-assured people, and raising dependant, aloof, unconcerned individuals who have no real concept of what the real world looks like outside of their bubble.

The concept of safehaven vs chaos (not knowing if the floor will fall beneath your feet) and survival instincts - which is better? To this question, I have pondered all day. I like knowing I am a survivor. I like knowing I can travel anywhere I want and if I sense danger it is likely I will make it out unscathed. I like teaching my kids about life. Simultaneously, I nurture and coddle, something my parents had an aversion to. So, I am learning along the way, but I try. I often wonder, if I am raising unaffected individuals who will proceed to talk and text, while trying to shovel burger king and tie their shoes, while driving seventy miles an hour down I-25.
If these new rules are indeed for their benefit. I know this is an individual question which should be answered on a case by case basis, but I know in my heart as a parent, you cannot protect your children all the time, but in teaching them how to protect themselves, are we doing a disservice by implementing all these rules and not letting them learn how to do anything for themselves?

Monday, April 13, 2009

chocolate vs caramel


With Easter recently passing us by and all the talk of candy and chocolate eggs, as much as I don't want to negate the holiday, which has somehow forgotten all about Christ rising, but is now more about bunnies romping, I may now freely admit, I was a bit disgusted. I'm not a fan of the chocolate. I'm not really a "sweets-eater" in general. I love to bake goods for my family and for friends. I just don't like to eat them. It's kind of like breakfast - I love to make pancakes and hashbrowns - even omelettes or heuvos, but when it comes to eating in the morning, bacon is about the only thing I can stomach.

On the other hand, caramel. Mmmm, so good and so decadent. The consistency is amazing, the color and the smell is wonderful. The taste is simply divine. The only other dessert type items I will ingest, more than likely have a caramel ingredient. ie Samoa ice cream - who came up with this idea? The best girl scout cookie ever, whipped into a creamy frozen batter of deliciousness. Maybe the easter bunny will bring me Girl Scout cookie ice cream next year. The exception to this rule would be the delicate, sumptuous mixture found in tiramisu which I will fall for every time.

How can someone "not" like chocolate you wonder, but as crazy as it sounds - it's just not me. When I read ads for bunnies that stand 30" tall and weigh in at over 6 lbs of chocolate, I wonder who the hell eats 6 lbs of chocolate? If my kids ate 6 lbs of chocolate, it would be a recipe for disaster. The dental repurcusions on their own make me cringe.
But alas, we have made it through one more year of chocolate mania, and somehow survived the wrath of commercial product placement..or at least I did.