Monday, September 28, 2009

NO Bitch!

So, this is one of my favorite phrases. And why you ask?
Well, to begin it is well known that if you need to add the word "Bitch" to the end of any statement or phrase it immediately adds the impact and knowledge of "I think you're a dumbass". Not that the word "No" has any other connotation than the direct meaning, but for some reason people tend to act as if they don't understand the word whenever it is directed at them. Thus the reason for, "Just say No", and "No means No" campaigns. We have to train ourselves to hear the word and embrace the meaning as truth.

So when placing the words No Bitch together in a sentence, this is a radical statement of, "I know you understood what I said, and not only that but apparently you think I have the patience for your dumbass today." Yeeeess!

Needless to say, I am a fan of the direct.

Today, I was milling through some reviews on the website Yelp - just catching up on what's going on in different cities with my friends and reading some truly funny snippets. I came across this little gem, and I just had to share:
http://www.yelp.com/biz/triple-r-repair-service-chicago#hrid:FbsMIX9mS45lpqnLMZgd7w

My friend Tina is also a fan of the "No Bitch" phenom and I gotta say I laughed out loud and almost peed my pants. Yeah Tina...review of the day!

Friday, September 25, 2009

3 years and 1 day

This video has been circulating around FB on the topic of, "If you're not married, you're single".
http://www.facebook.com/ihustlenation
The host makes some valid points about acting like you're married when you're not (and letting someone use you up), and I have been that person, so I had to nod.
The part that made me stop and think was when he states, if you make a commitment to someone - "I am not going to see other people" - and then that commitment is broken - someone cheats - that person simply broke their word. They didn't break the law. They simply broke their word.
He likened this act to someone borrowing a pen and never bringing it back. That person simply broke their word, and you didn't get your pen back.
This is one way to look at it.
And this, my friends, is why people cheat.
I know there are some countries where if you steal a pen, they will chop off the thiefs hand. Where has our sense of personal integrity gone?
This is plain and simple greed. I want my pen and your pen too. I have a pen at home, but I'll just use this pen while I'm out...or travelling...or drinking. I can't just write with one pen at a time, I need a pocket full of pens so when I want a red letter then a blue letter, I can write in every color of the rainbow. Like a kid.
I'm not saying what is right and what is wrong. When I am in a monogamous relationship I appreciate that intimacy. When I am dating for sport, I appreciate the fun and simplicity of not having that intimacy. But, have some personal integrity. Every man who has said to me, point blank, this is what I want, this is what I need...blah blah blah, I have, at times, been shocked initially, but I appreciated the opportunity to decide (my personal choice) whether or not I wanted to participate.
We as human beings (especially Americans) tiptoe around each other, afraid of hurting each others feelings, when life would be so much easier to just state the obvious.
"This race has run its course."
"I'm bored with you."
"I'm not going to marry you, so let's part ways."
"You're an idiot."
Whatever it is you need to say to move on.
I have found, as a woman in my 40's, it is much easier to just state the facts. I don't find that people "get it" when you try to explain feelings, so like a journalist, simply state the facts. We have been taught to tell people, "I feel this" and "I feel that", in an attempt to make others feel better about what they aren't doing for you. "When you do that, it makes me feel like this". Who cares?
What if we just stopped putting so much energy into what we feel like, admit it doesn't feel good, and press on.
Fact: The way we interact makes me feel like shit. Goodbye.
Wouldn't that be so much simpler?
I was in a 3 year long relationship, and I honestly felt like I wasted 3 good years of my life, but who could I blame? Only myself. I let him take 3 years. I gave up 3 years when I could have been with someone that made me feel amazing. Then a friend said to me, just be glad it wasn't 3 years and 1 day. And I am.
Then I thought about Chris Rock, who I always turn to when I need a good honest guffaw.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6X0Qqxx3f0

Friday, September 18, 2009

Pancake Friday


I love Fridays and my kids love pancakes.

School is out today - teachers planning day - Man I'd love to have Fridays off to plan some stuff.

So, we are having pancakes then moseying tothe library to have a study day. Reading and Writing an 'Rithmatic. And me, well, I get to play Mom, all day long ;)

Happy Friday my friends - Enjoy!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Combustion: The Hypocrisy of Race Relations as portrayed by the media

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/illinoisnews/story/60D37B6EC5FF4711862576320011605B?OpenDocument


My Hot-Lanta Correspondant via Facebook alerted me to this media story this morning and I will start by saying how disgusted I am. Everytime I see a video of a violent incident being encouraged by a weak, mindless, herd makes me sick.

This type of mob mentality - this pure ignorance is still rampant in every state. No exceptions. America has a history of hatred, built on the foundation of racial inequality and bias (based on our differences). Our country has exploded into a chasm of violence and spontaneous outbursts with no feeling or remorse.

Nature v Nurture?

This has always been the question scientists pose regarding our state of welfare. Why do kids act the way they do? Why do certain races behave in the manner they do? Men, women, and the social breakdown goes on. My question to science is, does it really matter? In theory, the purpose of breaking down the reasons why, is to find a solution, but hundreds of years later, and many theories later, there is still no solution.

My theory: Plain old energy. Basic combustion.

The pure oxygen (that we breathe in everyday) = the knowledge of our historic wrongdoing of each other as a community.

Fueled by the heat of the media, whose job it is apparently to rile people up. Sex sells. Violence sells. Happiness is for the weak and disillusioned.

This video will probably make the rounds of every internet news feed. Happy stories will get buried next to the obituaries.

And here's the rub:

The question has been posed, if this was an African American kid getting the beatdown by a group of white kids with more white kids promoting the ass-kicking, the community would be in an uproar. Scheduling marches, getting Rev Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson on board; screaming at the world for justice. This story would have surfaced on every national morning news show.

Where is Jesse today?

Monday, September 14, 2009

Loyalty and Integrity

Where do I start?
This morning? This month?
I have been struggling lately.

My family is struggling with one another. My friends are struggling...with each other. My relationship w/ a boy has struggled. My kids seem to be struggling. I have struggled financially and on the career front. I heard that Pluto is in Mars or something wacky, which is causing everyone to be agitated and combustive. I have tried to lay low and let everyone work out their own issues, knowing in my heart that this will level out. That one weekend coming up soon, this will all just dissipate and things will appear normal again.

These are the thoughts that cross my mind because I understand loyalty and integrity. I have friends I have had for 25 years. Friends that, no matter how much time passes between us, we can pick up where we left off because we have this commonality of respect for one another. I believe that the people I have chosen in my life maintain some form of this same value system.

This morning I woke up with a sense of something great in the air. This actually happens quite often for me, but today it seems odd because I am not in an amazing position in life right now. Like I mentioned, I see relationships crumbling around me. I feel very alone as I sit patiently waiting for the chaos around me to subside. My job situation has improved only in theory as the 1 opportunity which has been presented to me won't begin for another 6 weeks (changing nothing about my current financial debacle). Yet, still I have that powerful sense of energy bursting from my heart.

Then I read my horoscope:

"Talk about high energy. You're ready to take on the world -- and anyone in it who gets between you and your dear ones. That goes double for folks you're not fond of. You're already as loyal as a friend could possibly... be -- but now? Now you're armed and ready to fire. Heaven help anyone who decides it might be fun to see just how far you can be pushed." (courtesy yahoo)

I know where this sense of energy and power comes from. It occurs to me that certain traits are learned, and some people don't get the opportunity to have a great mentor. I have worked recently for a woman with very little integrity. I have seen friendships fall apart because of a simple lack of loyalty. I have watched men throw away good women because they have not yet been taught (by example) loyalty, and/or how to behave when you have it. I realized what gives me the power to get up every day and press on; to move forward in life because I believe in something.
I had the opportunity to meet someone with a kindred spirit. Someone who lived freely. Someone who had a set value system. She knew who she was and no one could take that from her. She befriended me in a time of my life where I believed no one. Everyone was a liar. Men cheated. I had grown to understand this was just the way it was. She understood this as well, but taught me to realize even though the outer circle functions like that. It is not right. It is not good. Your inner circle should represent your beliefs, not mirror the negative that is out there. We did not have to be the so-called, "screw you before you screw me" herd.
This thing...this power that lets me smile even when shit has not only hit the fan, but is all over the walls, stuck in the blades, and seems to be covering everything of value - this thing is the knowledge in my soul that I am living with integrity. That my loyalty is unwavering. Even though someone may do me wrong - I am living right.
This is powerful.

I also realized that this was a gift given to me by an amazing woman who took the time to nurture this gift...for a lifelong friend. It's my turn to give this gift back. To teach loyalty to my friends. To show people through my actions what integrity looks like and demand it in return.
It is my turn to exchange this gift with the Universe, so this feeling I have in my heart is something I see in my friends and lover as well. I made a mistake by hiding out and letting chaos usurp my relationships during this difficult time. This is the time I should be gearing up like a warrior and making my inner circle face their challenges head on, because they can, and they have loyal friends here to help them not only get through but be successful as well.

"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself." ~Jean Anouilh

Saturday, September 12, 2009

10 Signs He's Not Good Enough For You

After reading this article (Thanks Larry), I had some tips of my own to share~

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-signs-youre-too-good-for-her_1.html
courtesy askmen.com


The preceding article was funny enough and I'm sure very useful to men who haven't grasped the concept that they deserve someone cool and funny, as well as good looking and whatever other traits they so desire. But, as I read it, I was inclined to think women have the same issues if not moreso defined by the fact that this is not the 50's anymore. Perhaps there is an abundance of women's mags that tell us how to catch the right man, how to be amazing in bed, and how to do all the right things to be appealing. Yet, I hardly ever read an article that says once you've caught this great guy, what that means, and even more important, how you know when to throw it back.

For women, the subtext of most of these articles is, "just be happy you have a man".
Booooo!
"Here are all the right things to do to capture this elusive, fantastic creature".
Booooooo!
How about, what that fool needs to do to catch and KEEP you!

My girlfriends are fabulous women. They are Doctors and Lawyers, and Renaissance Women, Rockin' the Free world. ANY man lucky enough to date one of my friends should count his lucky stars. So, as I read this piece on askmen.com I had to say to myself, Men who are still dating these mindless, blowupdolls; albeit gorgeous, deserve what they end up with because they are simple enough to think that was appealing or engaging in the first place. In response to the askmen.com article:

For my girlfriends out there who are wondering...

Here are 10 Signs He is NOT Good enough for YOU Baby!
10. You find yourself staring into a blank look as you tell him about your life.
It doesn't matter what you are talking about, he just can't listen. You have to repeat yourself over and over again. You find yourself telling the same story 3 sentences after someone else tells it because somehow he missed it. He is always confused about what you're doing and where you're going and swears you never told him.
9. He wants you to have a threesome.
Enough said.
8. Your friends do not like him.
This seems to be a standard for both sexes. If your friends don't like your man, you need to reconsider seriously why you like him. You picked your friends. You've had them for years. You trust them...so trust their judgement.
7. You find you have become a professional ego stroker.
No matter what he's up to in life (or not up to) you are required to make him feel like he's the most awesome at it. "Baby, I didn't know burping could be so girthy. You are the best internal air excretionist ever." Really? Men that are doing great things in life, know it, and don't need you to tell them. This is why they are successful in life. It's called "self-motivation".
6. He always expects you to go "Halfsies".
Call me old fashioned but men need to pay for the 1st date. Period. How you construct your relationship needs after that, based on income, need, lifestyle... whatever, is up to you, But know that whatever you give up in the beginning will set the pace for the rest of your relationship. If you "show him the money" and he takes it, this is what he will expect for the remainder of your time together. And it will get old.
5. He always seems surprised that you've been somewhere or know how to do anything.
He travels for work, but seems shocked that you rented a boat in Italy and sailed around Europe for an entire summer after college. The fact that you speak 3 languages amazes him. Your car beaks down and as you retell the story of how you changed the tire, he asks, "Don't you have AAA?" These men have a low intelligence capacity and even lower concept of what women these days are up to.
4. His mom still does his laundry.
Unless you are 19 and live in a dorm, this is unacceptable.
3. He is jealous.
This is a sign of immaturity, and unless you have done something directly to make him distrust you, this is a passive aggressive sign that he is unable of coping with a mature women who has an active lifestyle. Now if all your friends are men... and they sleep over sometimes... and you drink to blackout stage... and can't tell your new man what you did last night - you are the exception.
2. He has Baby Mama Drama.
If your new man has even one woman in his past that he has a child with, and they cannot have a civil conversation together, this is a huge red flag. As crazy as he says she is, he picked her. Not only did he pick her, but he slept with her..OH, and they had a baby together. Not the best judgement here. Pass.
If he has more than one Baby Mama, and they are all "crazy", RUN.
1. His best asset is the size of his shoe (if ya' know what I mean).
If the only reason you keep going back is because you love the sound of your own voice screaming at the top of your lungs, perhaps you should look into voice lessons. Hot sex does not make a relationship. No matter how you look at it.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

One more reason people should be required to have a license to have kids

photo courtesy of peopleofwalmart.com
I run my local park every day. Today I noticed tons of strollers blocking up the paths. My fault, I ran later in the morning than usual - the demographic changed. It won't happen again.
Most of the parents pushing strollers have sleeping babies, completely unaware of their morning ritual to get them to nap while mommy or daddy works out. These kids have it made. Enjoying the last of summer, and don't even realize it.

As I approached a mom and grandmom, I noticed the mom was struggling as she carried a large child. Gramdma pushed an empty stroller while this cute, chubby kid gave mom a serious workout.
I stopped carrying my kids when they were about two years old. I am strong, but my kids were big and I am fairly thin. Damn kids are heavy. My ex chose to tote Saunders around even when he was 5 and 6. I discouraged it, for my own health really. When dad wasn't around, Saunders still thought he should be carried. Yeah, NO.
But, to each his own. I thought maybe the kid got tired...oh yeah, he has a stroller. Then I got close enough to pass, and realized 1) this kid was about 2/3rd's the size of mom, quite capable of walking on his own, even if he didn't want to ride in the stroller, and 2) this kid was carrying, and drinking, a diet Mountain Dew.

I'm not even going to get into the whole kids and soda conversation. I just have two words: caffeine and aspartame. Why not just give him a red bull while you're at it?

But, it occurred to me why kids act the way they do in today's society. I mean if my mom carried me around 'til I was 5 years old while I sipped on a mountain dew, why shouldn't you kiss my ass too?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

School drop off and Dangerous Mommies

The last week or so I have been getting back into the groove of school drop off and pick up. High School and Elementary school - and this is not something new for me. I have been taking my daughter to and from school or about a decade now. Juggling an early drop and then the later drop for my son before I even begin my day can be kind of stressful, but in relation to the entire world...not so much.
Last week, I picked up my son and noticed in the parking lot the abundance of cars parked illegally and dangerously, blocking emergency exits, using handicapped spaces, etc. I thought, "what a bunch of inconsiderate people". Early this week, as we drove home from school, one of these working Mom's pulled out of traffic, to the side of the road and whipped her door open, then screamed, "Watch where you're going" to me as I tried to manuever past her open car door. I stopped and looked into the rear view mirror, a tad shocked, while contemplating waving my middle finger at her. I proceeded on, glad that I wasn't such a raging Bitch.
This morning, I pulled to the side of a curb as I approached the school, let my son out, and waited patiently to pull back into the carpool lane of trafic which was growing in front of the school. I noticed a gap in the traffic and before I pulled back into the flow, I noticed in my rear view this screaming Mommy, on her cell phone, waving her hands frantically at me to "get it moving", apparently my concept of safety first in a school zone was taking way too long for her to get her kid out of the car.
To think these women are on their way to or from work, their kids are in the car and can see their madness (and by madness I mean crazy, not anger), and we are talking about driving in school zones, not on the Autobahn.
What in the world is wrong with these bitches?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Indifference

Synonyms: 1. Indifference, unconcern, listlessness, apathy, insensibility all imply lack of feeling. Indifference denotes an absence of feeling or interest; unconcern, an absence of concern or solicitude, a calm or cool indifference in the face of what might be expected to cause uneasiness or apprehension; listlessness, an absence of inclination or interest, a languid indifference to what is going on about one; apathy, a profound intellectual and emotional indifference suggestive of faculties either naturally sluggish or dulled by emotional disturbance, mental illness, or prolonged sickness; insensibility, an absence of capacity for feeling or of susceptibility to emotional influences. (Dictionary.com)

In working on a collaborative project about the approach to relationship via man and woman, the topic of love/ hate came up. My partner in the project noted, "hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is". I immediately remembered dating a guy in college who told me one night about another girl he had dated briefly. His mom asked him why he treated her so poorly, and he responded, he wasn't treating her poorly, he just wasn't treating her at all. The comment by my friend which jarred this memory from 20 years ago stuck out because even 20 years ago, I realized the impact on any human soul by someone who just doesn't have any emotional connection to the "relationship".

I thought about my own relationships. The past relationships that impacted me when I would still feel passionately about the man; passionately enough to be emotionally traumatized by his indifference. Then I remembered the relationships where I just couldn't care less. Everyone has been on one or both sides of this concept.

Indifference states, in a very proper tone, "I don't give a fuck." We have all seen the Hollywood movies where a couple has fallen out of love and one declares, "I hate you", and the next scene shows the couple making out furiously and declaring how much they love each other. This is the catalyst for most chemistry driven relationships. The passion is defined by the conflict. The conflict is the catalyst for the sexual tension. And we are so stimulus-manipulated up to believe this is healthy.


In watching Duplicity this weekend it occured to me why we enjoy films like this. Outside of the sexy leading characters which Directors use to titilate our senses, we are manipulated into believing relationshps like this might actually work out. Really?
"You think I'm playing you?"
This is not a phrase that should ever be heard in a healthy relationship, yet these two characters end up together...in Rome. Sexy, romantic Italy (preface, in bed for three days earlier in the film). Again, the catalyst for their highly sexually charged relationship relied highly on the duplicitous nature of their relationship.
Had Julia Roberts character been indifferent to Clive Owens character this film would have been boring and less-than-impassioned. Had Clive Owens character been indifferent to Julia Roberts character, the concept would not have worked at all.

Which brings us back to the concept of energy...neither created nor destroyed, exists to contwine us via feelings...emotions... passion. The stuff that makes people want more. And when that energy is transferred? What then?

Indifference?

"I've been you."