So, the election is over...

After months of agonizing articles, commercials, protests and internet threads, the election is finally over. The dust has settled, our President is still President.
For everyone who said they would move to Canada or Austrailia, funny, the trailers at the end of the block are still here. For those who marched together looking for change - this elusive animal that people seem to think catapults itself through life, they have all gone back to work and coninued with their day to day.
And here we are again, four years later, with the expectations of a miracle, doing nothing.

I simply want to pose the question today, what are YOU  doing for your country?
What are YOU doing to bring gas prices down?
What are YOU doing to help the economy?
What are YOU doing to stop national and international terrorism?
What are YOU doing to enact bills for healthcare and  equal rights and making sure FAIRNESS and EQUALITY exist in OUR country?
What are YOU doing to make sure the President accomplishes everything he promised, and you cheered for?

Everyone who voted, you know you have a voice. Are you using it?

photo courtesy: thewhitneyway

Maturing

I got the opportunity to hang with my seventeen year old daughter this weekend, just she and I, shopping, eating, chatting, and enjoying each other in laughter and bonding.

I have watched this girl intently for 17 years – every day every week. Watched her growing up, and becoming an individual; A strong, independent, intelligent young woman.  Free willed and stubborn but charming and witty, all the things that make a personality valuable.

All the great things I noticed about her this weekend, I realize I nurtured. Her vibrant personality full of humor and curiosity was seeded very early and allowed to bloom. Curiosity and questions were encouraged. When I didn’t know, I answered honestly, “I don’t know”. “Mommy isn’t good at that”. “Maybe we should look it up”. I encouraged use of the dictionary and thesaurus, and any other resources, to challenge questions, and even my own belief systems.

 I respect the ideas and ventures she wants to make. I enjoy watching her learn. This week she made me laugh again and again, and I value that. I understand this sense of humor she has and appreciate the young woman she has developed into. We shared a butt- gusting session over the dance move, “twerk”, and the action of “twerking”. If you do not know what this is, it is the act of standing on one’s hands, positioning the body upside down with feet placed against a wall, and then booty shaking…upside down. This is dancing. We laughed so hard and so long, I was certain I was getting a simultaneous ab workout. Then we both tried it. Even more hysterical laughter at this point, and I thought, I am so lucky to be sharing this moment…these moments with my daughter right now.

I told her that we should have our own reality show, just her and me. Laughing at all the ridiculous things we think are so outrageous and silly. Our everyday lives that we believe are so fun.  But, throughout the fun, the video watching, the talk of slang and what’s going on in high school, we also got to talk about serious topics. She got an opportunity to ask me about the pending election, the other candidates that get no press on mainstream TV, and all the amendments that are on our local ballot. I got the opportunity to share what I have learned and how I am voting this year on these  ”little things”.  I was glad to share the pros and cons of each issue and explain what I thought was important and why I was voting the way that I was voting. I also got to explain why it was important to the other side and what that meant. We take every opportunity to ask questions of each other and learn something different.

These experiences are invaluable. These experiences make relationships. These experiences are the ones that I hold onto because the memories turn into relationship foundations and structure. The maturing process of my child is also the maturation process of me. I am grateful for every moment, every day, every year.

2 Types of Women

"Marriage is not the "destination" for a relationship. Beyond the legal joining of two people, marriage is supposed to be the natural, spiritual re-connection of two souls that recognize each other in this thing called Life. If you're getting married for any other reason, you may end up disappointed." This quote by Charles Orlando, author of The Problem with Women Is Men, is the new topic of the day, and clearly draws a line in the sand between the two types of women I know.
Not to say there aren't many types of women out there and we are all unique and fantastically unparalleled individuals, but there are generally two schools of thought amongst women who have a desire to get married. I repeat, "A DESIRE TO GET MARRIED".
These two schools of thought are defined clearly above and I want to go a step further, because men seem to be under the impression that ALL women are keyed in to the first school of thought, and have a difficult time relating to those of us connected to the second school of thought.

The first school of thought is that women and men get into a  relationship with the intent of eventually getting married. This is why women date, to find a suitable man to marry, have babies and live happily ever after the most beautiful wedding on the planet. Every date after the first "get to know you session" has benign thoughts of, "how will my new last name sound with my first name?", "what will we name our children?", "will our parents get along?", "WHAT WILL MY DRESS LOOK LIKE?" Yeah, there we go, the fantasy all little girls were spoon fed: The wedding is the end goal. 

photo courtesy elizabeth&jane photography

These fantasies are also accompanied by a concept of a house, a certain number of children and usually a pet of some sort, to complete the picture. This school of thought has ended more marriages in divorce than any and every excuse typed on to a divorce document. Irreconcilable differences simply means, we were not made for another, under any uncertain circumstances.

The second school of thought is that women and men are all connected and have a deep desire to reconnect at the heart and soul. That marriage, if necessary, is a contract engaging each other, family, and community in the lifelong commitment of supporting the love and connection the couple has found.
It has nothing to  do with procreation, buying a house, tax breaks or an event.

The issues I have noticed in dating are connected to most men believing that ALL women subscribe to the first school of thought. Most men believe that we must ALL want the kids the house and a ridiculously overpriced wedding event to show the world, we did good. Even though most men will tell you, you're different, what they are thinking is, we are all after the same gold ring.

And women: Really, those of you (that I know personally), don't you want a man who A) knows the difference, and B) believes in the connection you have, not the concept he has been spoon fed?
The society we live in has spent an eternity defining and conditioning men and women to have roles. The reconditioning that it takes to get back to basics could take a lifetime to undo.

Opinion

I have visited the topic of opinion in this blog, and yes, everyone has one, and everyone's opinion does have some validity, but what I have noticed with the upcoming election, is that for whatever reason everyone thinks that their sole opinion is right. A fact, so to speak. The main issue with opinion remaining objective, is the idea that all opinions formed by any one person have come from their own personal history. Each individual has a history which forms opinion. Experiences which decidedly make their opinion a foundation, they believe, to be true, for everyone.

During this election, and I am guilty as well, I have noticed that every person with an opinion believes that opinion to be fact. I know for a fact poverty sucks. I know for a fact that the rich do not pay a fair share of taxes. I know for a fact that small business owners pay too much in taxes and do not get the support locally from sate and government that they need to be successful. I know for a fact that gay marriage should be legal – that equal rights for everyone should not be a matter for courts or other people to decide, it should just be. I know for a fact women are in control and should be responsible for their own reproductive rights. I know for a fact….and so on, and so on.

These facts come from personal experience, friends who have been denied civil rights, women I know that don’t want anyone, man or government, making choices for them regarding their body, small business owners I personally know who were taxed (and insured) out of a fair price range for the profit their business could acquire to remain successful. These experiences which affect people around me that I care about and want to see get a fair shake.

Well, everyone has experiences, on either side of what’s fair. It’s called life. All our experiences have fashioned our concept of what’s fair, so where does any sense of objectivity come in to play? What is fair for everyone? Well the answer is there is not a fair way to do things, because we are not equal. Everyone does not work as hard as everyone else, everyone does not save their money for the benefit of family and community like everyone else. Everyone is not exposed to the education to make them as successful as everyone else. Some people choose not to work. Some people are afflicted and cannot work. Who drew the map that said all people should be treated the same on the level of business and commerce?

Rights and the availability to access the same opportunities seems to be the goal, but everyone has gotten their personal agenda confused with what is fair and accessible. Some people are just not go-getters, business saavy, or have the desire to participate in the business world. If a classroom of people decide they all have the same goal, and 20% of those people go out and over achieve, while 20% of those people decide they would rather wait for something good to fall in their lap, and 40% of those people decide they will just follow the upper 20% and do the bare minimum, we have different people with different values all wanting – desiring the same outcome. It simply is not realistic – or fair.

There is a basis of value for the beginning of any functioning success. Knowledge of how to be successful; Start-up, so to speak, and a team committed to the success of your project. With these things it seems success is imminent, but not all the time. Look at any start-ups that do not have the full spectrum of knowledge of product, or the backing financially to run the entire course, or a half-assed team. These things all directly affect the outcome of any success.

Then the blame starts, "I didn’t get this", "that guy got more", "why isn’t my platform the same" – we as a nation, need to stop comparing ourselves to everyone else and start seeking accountability for what is available, how to fashion it into something personally successful to oneself. My success may not look like your success. And it shouldn’t.

Individuals. We are each singularly responsible for our perception of success and the results of our actions and effort.

The concept of jumping aboard what one man thinks is successful, calling it our own, and then defining it for a nation of people who are as different and unique as snowflakes is one of the biggest issues with why success is un-found for most. The definition is not one’s own.

Thus the concept of opinion and what is relative to experience is confused. I have heard person after person regurgitate something they heard someone else say and treat it as fact. If my dad is a democrat and has an agenda based on his personal experience, what does that have to do with me? My history is with him, my future is with myself. My concept of what is viable and successful is built within my vision I have built for myself. Not something I heard as a child, or in school, or by associates.

Our country has faltered in not allowing free, or critical, thinking, but encouraging classism, racism, and following a group (any group)…to maintain separatism amongst the masses.

Herd mentality is encouraged and this is how the government, via the media and politics, keeps  the rich and powerful in seats, and the poor and ignorant working for them. 

This is also my opinion. 

There were many who believed only by standing together could we make any change, but the concept of change is irrelevant if everyone doesn’t want or perceive the concept of change as beneficial. 

Ideally, we would all be independent minded, follow our own dreams, and grant compassion and good wishes on those around us for their dreams and successes. This definitely is not the case, but at least we can look at what we stand for as our own personal dream of peace and success and not force that on others, or expect others to concede to everyone. 

Opinion...it's just yours, remember?

Embarking on a new journey

Yesterday, on my flight from LaGuardia to Denver, I met quite a few international passengers. It's interesting what airports attract international passengers even when there are numerous options in the area. This is a prime example. LaGuardia attracts hundreds of thousands of international customers, whereas Newark...nto so much.
I met a group from Argentina, who were all going to a wedding together. Beautiful accents and seemed pleasant and easy going. A couple different groups from France. Same thing, easy dispositions and just happy to be going across our country.

I thought about my next trip. Tomorrow, I depart for Puerto Rico. I have never been, and even though owned by the U.S., still a new cultural experience and one I have looked forward to. I do not speak Spanish and although the dollar is used as is English, I want to acclimate to the culture and get to know the beauty of the island.
I think about all the people who come here who do not speak English at all and how difficult that is. I think about my travels abroad, and how I tried to learn new languages and figure out the customs simply to show respect.
I am going in knowing nothing and it's kind of exciting. It is who I have come to be. Just existing. Being in the moment. Living for the sake of living.

I do not know what I will find, but the itinerary is sparse, filled only so far with hotel arrangements, car and beach concepts, and the knowledge that I will be in good company.


Then a quick weekend in Miami to top off the R&R portion of the vacation - dancing in my own country. Free and loved.

A little bit O' Crazy

So, I was chilling in the Las Vegas airport waiting for my flight when I hear a small commotion behind me. By commotion, I mean a woman in a wheelchair yelling at the wheelchair pusher. At first, I thought this was one of the contract wheelchair pushers for the airport, as she was speaking at him so condescendingly. But, alas, it was her husband.
I went back to writing and tried to bury my nose in my laptop and zone out of the sounds of Vegas.
Not even two minutes later, I hear the same woman talking to random passengers sitting across from her, asking if they will watch her cats so she can go to the restroom. Apparently the husband had gone off to fetch her some food and she could not wait for him to return to go to the restroom. She introduced herself to the other passengers and began grilling them on their life story. Where were they from. How did they meet. Did they lose a lot of money in Vegas. What were they doing in Vegas. All sorts of things which were none of her business, and the couple answered uncomfortably. Then the husband returned.
Oh my! And this is when it got cra-cra-crazy.
This woman began to reprimand him for leaving her. Then commanding him to move her around. Then proceeded to tell him he needed to be more "normal". In bed.
As much as I did not want to turn around and see what the hell was going on and why this woman was getting all crazy in a public forum. Like those around me, I could not help myself.
Train wreck ensued.
I looked.
She began to cry and shout. Spewing about all his habits and asking repeatedly, "why can't you just be normal". It occurred to me at that point, "what is normal?"
Then she says, "I know what you want."
At this point, I begin to gather up my things because I cannot sit here for one minute longer listening to this awful display of public insanity.
But, before I can get my laptop back in the bag and my cord wrapped up and into my carryon, she hisses, "You want to gamble."
Ha! I thought I might die laughing.
She went from evil, to sad, to mean, to all-knowing within a 15 minute period and I am not exaggerating one bit. This is when any "normal" person would suggest medication, and perhaps a short stint at a "resort" if you know what I mean.
She needed serious help. Then I thought, how does she have a husband? Who puts up with this kind of crazy?
I hustled out of there as fast as I could, trying not to make eye contact with anyone in the vicinity.
Scared, really. Those are the situations that go from zero to sixty in two minutes or less, and you don't know why. I'll tell you why and I'll tell you how. Some people are just a little crazy.

Collateral Damage: politics and the breakdown of every community

Reading one of the most powerful articles I have read in a decade, today, I am acutely aware of where I stand in American politics, and what I despise about the insolence of this country.
I wrote a blog about collateral damage in relationships a while ago. How people don't even acknowledge collateral damage because that's part of the game right? How to win the war right? In every good fight exists, some, if not necessary trauma and death. Whether death be, human and physical ending of life, or the death of spirit of community, and concept.
Today, this quote stood out to me in an article that was was so blatentely accurate and informative, I feared for the writers backlash and future. Americans hate to hear, or acknowledge the truth.
But, this:
"Then again, no one wants to feel like a bad person, and there's no need to apologize if you are oblivious to the harms done in your name -- calling the occasional ones you notice collateral damage (“stuff happens”) -- or if you believe that American force is always applied righteously in a world that is justly divided into winners and losers." Jeremiah Goulka (Full Article)
is TRUTH.
We, as Americans, have a sense of self that far exceeds the value of human life, and morality, around the world. For whatever reason, we believe that whatever we do, whomever we kill, in the name of justice and freedom, but actually in the name of capitalism and pure greed, overlapped by fear of anything not cloaked in our own generic value of what an American is supposed to look like, is A-OK.
This mode of thought is what has a majority of the world mocking and disdainful of the average American stereotype. All of us.
What we have become is a monster of mass destruction. Incapable of even adhering to our own parents values; childrens right's, and sense of self. The issues have become shadowed by media interpretation and vulgar masks of prejudice and classism. Blatant disregard for human life and rights, in lieu of concept of money - of which we have none. Our country is broke. Wake up!
War is not the answer.
Oil is not a life threatening and freedom bearing issue.
The taxes of one man, who "opts out" is none of our business. The only reason these are popular issues is because it divides our society. The politicians and the media in this country are insidious manipulators.

Making the pie pieces smaller neither enhances the flavor nor multiplies the amount of the pie itself. It simply makes smaller pieces for the few that get to taste it.

Collateral Damage: affects everyone.