Halloween Memo

I must have missed the memo that leveled the playing field with halloween as a major decorating holiday. I have lived in this country 39 years and I participated in the candy bagging ceremony as all my dearest friends have for the last 35 of those years. If I wasn't dressed up as Archie or Veronica, or some princess. I was dressing my kids up as such. Then there were those ten years when I was in high school and college, and briefly thereafter when I dressed as a slut and called it whatever the theme was that year for twenty somethings.

It should be called Ho-Loween. Any excuse to take your clothes off, show some t & a and pretend you don't want to dress like this all year round. This is the one day of the year "good girls" get to dress like a whore and no one calls them on it.

But today's topic is more geared towards the fact that I have been driving through my neighborhood for the past month with more and more crazy halloween decorations taking over the hood. Pumpkins have turned into coaches. Inflatable Skeletans are riding harley's on lawns. Ghosts are hanging from trees with accessories. Witches have flown into trees, doors and windows everywhere I look. Where are the Denver police when you need them? These bitches are obviously drunk.

The amount of lighting and designing yards which now goes into the candy holiday have taken on new meaning. Do these people even have kids? Are they competitive holiday decorators? Are they long lost cousins of the witch from Hansel and Gretal - just luring the small children toward the oven? "Stay away from the gingerbread mansion children"!

Some serious effort goes into preparing for this type of event. And tomorrow will these items come down only to be replaced with a turkey, a full table of Indians and Pilgrims and a sacrifice to follow, led by the inflatable character of Christopher Columbus himself? Then immediately following the pillage of natives, the pop-up Nativity scene with J.C. and Mary leading Santa through the North Pole all riding reindeer bareback.

I'm just waiting to be charged a fee by the HOA for the air taken up by the characters. Or the next law which states any lawns which become fertilized, accidentally or otherwise, by the leaves which fall within the borders designated by the state of colorado and the city of denver shall not pose obstruction to the animals, designated owned or wild which live within the confines of the jurisdiction of the neighborhood or a maximum of 6-12 months of confinement will be required mandatory.

Colorado Sports

So we're going to the World Series - well, we (General public) are not. Apparently, even with six pro sports teams in this city, we can't figure out how to sell tickets. WTF Denver!

Models, Writers and Mommies...

13 years ago I decided to become a Mom. The most important decision anyone can make (I believe). In making this decision, it has affected every other aspect of my life. My career(s), my marriage, my lifestyle, my belief systems, my relationships and my personality. Even my perception.

In my former life(meaning life before kids), I was a model and worked in the film industry. I was laid back and even though I have always been strong-willed, I didn't really venture out of my circle expressing my beliefs to others. "Be and Let Be" was my motto. I had a cute jeep, and lived in various trendy apartments in Boston, Paris, LA and numerous other cities. Where ever I rested my head was home, and I was fine with that.

Recently, I have started to remember those feelings of life before kids, and I wouldn't change a thing, but I miss my old life sometimes. Here and there I take a bit back. I still pick up a freelance shoot here and there. I still write (albeit, not for TV, but it's still writing). I still keep a cute SUV, although not so sporty and I generally drive a sedan to cart kids around in and travel to and from work.
More recently, I have had friends and business acquaintances drawing me back into my lifestyle and career. Opportunities arising all the time to get back into the industry that I love, but how do I juggle family? I am committed to my family, but I have a gap that needs to be filled as well. My chance to be ME seems to be be resurfacing. Or is this just another distraction from mid-life? Another misnomer life is throwing at me to remind me that the success I thought I craved is lost, and a new success must be achieved.
Do I chase my dreams once again or do I continue to excuse my smoldering career dreams as my childrens dreams become more important?

Ex's

As I busily prepare my kids for their visit to their father's house this weekend. I juggle all the normal things that consume my day, my week, my life. Work, soccer practice, the gym, cooking, cleaning (well half assed cleaning), car pooling kids, playdates, library time, homework, etc etc etc - You feel me. I'm a normal mom.

Well, this weekends visit is a little different because I have to pack them for a formal occassion. My ex-husband is getting remarried this weekend. Now, this is a great thing, and I'm happy for him, and his new, young wife. I'm actually looking forward to my kids having an extension of their family - more people to love right?
But, here's the thing: in the last week, not only do I have my own schedule to deal with, but I'm getting phone calls at 7a asking "Do you know our divorce date?". Phone calls in the afternoon, "Hey, can I ask a favor of you?" , and my favorite today, "I just have a quick question - What temperature do you cook quiche on?"
Not just little reminders of our failed marriage but reminders of my competency as a parent, a cook, an organizer, and a friend...just not a wife.

So, what do I say, "Hey asshole, I don't cook quiche for you anymore, not in your kitchen, not in a cookbook reference guide by phone...not at all".
Do I say, "Doesn't the 20 year old cook?" Oh that's right, Chris Rock said it best "New P*%!y can't cook".
Or do I simply say "400 degrees here in Colorado, but since you're at a lower elevation, you might want to make it 375" ?

Is this really my life?

PETA

Today I was inundated with animal lovers devastated by the fact that Ellen's hairdresser's dog was taken away. The fact that this was newsworthy was just another verification of the fact that Americans are consumed with celebrity.
If this was my neighbor's dog, and they decided this pet was not a good match for their family, and they gave the dog to their gardener (and his kids), no one would give a damn. Do you think my neighbor would have gotten a follow up phone call? Do you think, if it hadn't been Ellen DeGeneres who had given up her adopted pet, this story would have made it past the ears of the Shelter's follow-up team? I don't think so.

But the following spectacle was the funniest thing I witness amongst all this b.S.
ET was showing a video collage of celebrities with their pets supporting the love for animals. Video after video of celebrities like Charlize Theron, and Vanessa Williams, even Oprah with her two beloved dogs, and what do I see?
Old ass Betty White, from the long running show The Golden Girls, at some animal shelter hugging and rubbing and kissing the animals... wearing a fur coat. I laughed so hard I peed my pants, then I got up from the floor and laughed some more.
I can't wait to see what the animal revolutionists are going to say about this.

Day One of the rest of my life

I was driving home from work and received a text from my best friend H.K., who lives in Kansas (and I think my life has its downs). As I dug into my oversized purse that I would never have use for if I didn't have small children, I popped open my cell phone, the message read:

this is not my life


...and I got it.

You get to the point where you realize that after the divorce, as you commute to a sub-par job, destined to be condescended to by someone who isn't much smarter than you, if at all, to waste one more 9 hour day smiling at the other cogs as you take your place in the wheel, only to return home to the ingrates you call your teenage children, to humor them by asking apparently insipid questions to be answered with a facetious "yes, mom", "yes, dad", while they eat the food you put on the table, while wearing the $100 jeans your serf-wages bought and contemplate how you can chauffer them to their next social activity...you realize that this isn't the life you asked for.

As little girls and little boys, we weren't inspired to go to school everyday with the less-than-stimulating thought of being the manager of a convenience store, with 3 kids, 2 ex-wives, and 5 employees who do not own clocks or cars, and think smoke breaks are part of their job description. What happened to the dream?

I graduated from a great university 18 years ago. On that day, in my crisp red cap and gown, I honestly believed that my future was bright and I would go out into the world and immediately get hired by the employer of my choice. And why did I believe this absurd concept? Because that's what people had been telling me for 20 years. It seemed like for 20 years, since my 2nd birthday, all I heard was "you have to get a degree, you can't get a decent job without a degree, the world will be at your feet with a degree". Total and utter bullshit.
"The worlds a changin'" is what they should have told us. Figure out what you want to do early, stick to it, and kiss as much ass as possible to get your foot in the door, and then when the first "merger of equals" happens, hope you are mid-management, so you don't get canned, and stick close to the company exec's whose name the company kept.
Make parallel moves across company lines until you find a management position that looks secure enough to hang on to until you retire, and then when the CEO of the company gets indicted for embezzling all your retirement funds, hope like hell your wife's 401k will support you both.
Me on the other hand - I never did the 401k thing b/c I haven't stayed in one career long enough, so whoever marries me better have his own 401k.
Yeah, this is not my life.

Now, what my friend H.K. was referring to, was the 24 year old construction worker who was crying into his beer, as she threw back her Jack Daniels and wondered why she let this hot body convince her that he had relationship potential in the first place. 36 and single, great job, smokin' body, smart and sophisticated, yet finding eligible men who aren't ass-clowns in Kansas is like finding a white bunny rabbit in a snowstorm.
She looked around the bar and in a split second she examined her life and her moment of realization hit her.

Welcome to this is not my life.