10) "I Love You"
9) "I picked up your dry cleaning today"
8) "My cousin/ brother/ mom is moving out"
7) "I will hire someone to fix the..."
6) "I am going to rub you from head to toe tonight"
5) "I am going to 'Return the Favor' "
4) "I will make dinner tonight"
3) "I am taking you out to dinner tonight"
2) "We are going to Maui for your birthday"
and the Number one thing your man can say to you to let you know he really loves you:
1) "You look skinny"
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Teen angst
I pick up my teenage daughter from the bus stop every day after school. Each week the boys get a little fresher as their mouths are embracing springtime, either that or they've lost their minds.
Today, as I pull away, one of the boys says, "Hi future mother-in-law", and I roll down my window to respond, "I'm sure your parents don't appreciate the dope smoking, so bring it down a level boys". To this my daughter and her cute little friend whispered and giggled for a second before they became horrified at what I had done.
It has been brought to my attention that I frightened the young men. It was only funny on their side. My humor is, in fact, not funny at all.
I am mean.
To this I responded, "I'm not mean, I'm funny...just like them. They can't take a joke? Why is my comment mean, when their's was deemed humorous?" I was confused for a moment.
Then I was informed I had embarrassed my daughter, and probably her friend.
"Why did I have to say anything at all - they were just joking". Well, so was I. My jokes aren't funny?
I thought some more, then realized what a wonderful move I had made.
Teen boys need to be afraid...very afraid. Don't bring your game this way.
And I thought I was being funny.
Today, as I pull away, one of the boys says, "Hi future mother-in-law", and I roll down my window to respond, "I'm sure your parents don't appreciate the dope smoking, so bring it down a level boys". To this my daughter and her cute little friend whispered and giggled for a second before they became horrified at what I had done.
It has been brought to my attention that I frightened the young men. It was only funny on their side. My humor is, in fact, not funny at all.
I am mean.
To this I responded, "I'm not mean, I'm funny...just like them. They can't take a joke? Why is my comment mean, when their's was deemed humorous?" I was confused for a moment.
Then I was informed I had embarrassed my daughter, and probably her friend.
"Why did I have to say anything at all - they were just joking". Well, so was I. My jokes aren't funny?
I thought some more, then realized what a wonderful move I had made.
Teen boys need to be afraid...very afraid. Don't bring your game this way.
And I thought I was being funny.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Ex's
As I busily prepare my kids for their visit to their father's house this weekend. I juggle all the normal things that consume my day, my week, my life. Work, soccer practice, the gym, cooking, cleaning (well half assed cleaning), car pooling kids, playdates, library time, homework, etc etc etc - You feel me. I'm a normal mom.
Well, this weekends visit is a little different because I have to pack them for a formal occassion. My ex-husband is getting remarried this weekend. Now, this is a great thing, and I'm happy for him, and his new, young wife. I'm actually looking forward to my kids having an extension of their family - more people to love right?
But, here's the thing: in the last week, not only do I have my own schedule to deal with, but I'm getting phone calls at 7a asking "Do you know our divorce date?". Phone calls in the afternoon, "Hey, can I ask a favor of you?" , and my favorite today, "I just have a quick question - What temperature do you cook quiche on?"
Not just little reminders of our failed marriage but reminders of my competency as a parent, a cook, an organizer, and a friend...just not a wife.
So, what do I say, "Hey asshole, I don't cook quiche for you anymore, not in your kitchen, not in a cookbook reference guide by phone...not at all".
Do I say, "Doesn't the 20 year old cook?" Oh that's right, Chris Rock said it best "New P*%!y can't cook".
Or do I simply say "400 degrees here in Colorado, but since you're at a lower elevation, you might want to make it 375" ?
Is this really my life?
Well, this weekends visit is a little different because I have to pack them for a formal occassion. My ex-husband is getting remarried this weekend. Now, this is a great thing, and I'm happy for him, and his new, young wife. I'm actually looking forward to my kids having an extension of their family - more people to love right?
But, here's the thing: in the last week, not only do I have my own schedule to deal with, but I'm getting phone calls at 7a asking "Do you know our divorce date?". Phone calls in the afternoon, "Hey, can I ask a favor of you?" , and my favorite today, "I just have a quick question - What temperature do you cook quiche on?"
Not just little reminders of our failed marriage but reminders of my competency as a parent, a cook, an organizer, and a friend...just not a wife.
So, what do I say, "Hey asshole, I don't cook quiche for you anymore, not in your kitchen, not in a cookbook reference guide by phone...not at all".
Do I say, "Doesn't the 20 year old cook?" Oh that's right, Chris Rock said it best "New P*%!y can't cook".
Or do I simply say "400 degrees here in Colorado, but since you're at a lower elevation, you might want to make it 375" ?
Is this really my life?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)