Sixth Sense

“When one is pretending, the entire body revolts.” ~ Anaïs Nin


This is the sixth sense I have tried to alert people to for the last 43 years of my life. Even as a child I knew when something was wrong; when people were different.
I knew when my father was lying, I knew when my mother was uncomfortable, I knew when my Nana was withholding information from me. For whatever reasons, when people find themselves avoiding (or disguising) their natural responses, their body reacts, and IF you are paying attention, you will see it clearly.

Women love to talk about their intuition. Why do we discuss women's intuition and not men in the same context? I believe it has something to do with the innate need to nurture. I have female friends who never notice anything about the character of other's. When I try to point out a strange behavior, or a weird incident, they are always surprised, "You think so!" Always. So, intuition isn't designated to women, and it isn't limited from men.
Naturally, women are more inclined to care about the feelings of others and want to take care of people. Whereas, men tend to be more concerned with gathering food and fire - the natural tendencies of man. Men are quite capable of this intuition when they pay attention, sit and analyze, or evaluate, but many tend to find it less important.

"When one is pretending" - it is such a simple statement. When one is pretending to care. When one is pretending to engage. When one is pretending to love. When one is pretending alliance. When one is pretending loyalty.
The body is one's own worst enemy in light of discovery.
Common signs such as sweating, enlarged pupils, or a fast heart rate are easily detectable. Even the police and criminal agencies use those telltale signs to weed out "pretenders". But it's the small, unnoticeable signs that most of the public would never pick up on, but those who know you intimately smell before it's even released. The slight eye movements, the rubbing of one's face, the slight pause in answer which usually does not exist. Is women's intuition nothing but the sociological observations of the one(s) they love?

My son lied to me the other morning and it wasn't the small lie that struck me as eye-opening, it was his smirk. The tiny smile as he let the untrue words slide out of his mouth. The "I'm about to get away with something" grin which reminded me so much of my father that I felt physical distaste for my son in that moment.
People seem so surprised to be discovered. I always respond, "because you don't think I know you, because you don't think I love you enough to notice, because you underestimated my feelings for you...you did not think I would notice the difference."
Your underestimation of people in the world, and their capacity for love is what keeps you from the most open and gracious relationships in your lifetime. When you free yourself to believe that that love exists for you, you will stop being surprised when it shows up.

Lies and their value

What do these people have in common:
Actors, lovers, kids, lawyers, corporations, and politicians.
They all lie.

The one group not on this list: Your friends.
Your true, loyal, til death do you part, friends.
Friends don't lie to you.
No matter how much it sucks, no matter what the consequence, even if it hurts your feelings - your friends will always tell you the truth.
That is their job in life.
Even when you don't want to hear it.
Your best interest is at hand and the truth is always in your best interest. Whether you know it or not, the truth allows you freedoms you don't even know are good for you.
What freedoms you wonder?
The freedom to choose based on facts...not a story, made up by someone who does not have your best interest at hand, but their own.
The freedom to live in integrity with someone who walks with you.
The freedom to believe in someone other than self.
The freedom to know the value of your own life.

"Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity."
~Robert Green Ingersoll 

Liars and the ease of conscience

I have watched two seasons of Dexter over the past week. A brilliantly written drama for Showtime based on the concept of a serial killer within the police department. The ins and outs of what motivates and propels a killer are the basics of what makes this show work. What is fascinating about the main character is his ability to mask a facade to every other character in his life as being what everyone wants and needs him to be.

photo courtesy screenrant.com

He is a hard worker and diligent forensics specialist. He is a caring brother and boyfriend. He is a genuine and good-hearted role model to children. Everyone views him as emotionally neutral. We learn he actually void of any emotion at all. He has been trained to keep his sickness under wraps. Within this training, he has learned how to effectively keep the entire world around him from knowing who he is. Every statement is a lie. Every movement a dance to keep his secret safe, and keep himself free.

In life, we as a society are accustomed to most people around us telling little "white lies" to make themselves feel better, or to make someone else feel better. We consider these non-active lies. They don't hurt anyone. They aren't impactful...in theory.

The reality is - every lie is powerful. Every lie creates a pretense of illusion.
Even the lie of omission propagates fantasy of being.
The only reason people lie is to ease their own conscience. There is no other reason and no purpose.
Keeping the world around us happy - keeping ego's satiated - when did that become our job? When did it become more important to appease the ego instead of demanding respect and honoring friendships and relationships by being honest?
Little things, such as, "no, your ass does not look good in those pants", to big things, such as "yes, I hooked up with that girl on my trip." It comes down to choices. The choice to trust people around you, and that they will still love you, with all your flaws. The decision to let people choose who they want to spend their time, and their lives with - someone who has your back even when it's ugly - or with someone that will sugar coat and provide a fictitional stage life with no real characters, only surface relationships. A stage where no one knows anything true about anyone else - they simply tell a story plotted by the perceptions of each participant.

I have friends who lie to my face and I know they are lying and I accept it because I don't want to embarrass them. Lovers lie to protect their actions and I want to expose them with all the scattered evidence they leave about, carelessly and thoughtlessly. Part of what defines me is my choice to maintain a circle around me of people who not only appreciate my integrity to them but who honor me the same way.
"I lie to everyone I know", Dexter states to one of his final victims. Why? Because you don't have to be vulnerable. You don't have to establish rapport. If a serial killer can be honest about how easy it is to be detached, why can't everyone else? I mean we aren't killing each other...