Mommy Angst

I know I have a blessed life.
I am lucky enough to be able to provide for my kids and then some.
I juggle like a professional and know that my talents lie in resourcefulness and adaptability. I notice my children are quickly acclimating and utilizing these talents as well.
The past few weeks I have been struggling with the strong personality of my kids. My daughter tries to negotiate everything and is quite argumentative (I think she'd make a fine lawyer). My son has a stubborn streak, quite like myself and has decided that he should be able to do whatever he wishes, despite the rules. It has been quite a roller-coaster few weeks.
Mix in changing hormones and external's who can't keep their word, and I find myself in a very interesting mood.
Personally, I am also trying to change career positions and get my financial security back to "secure", not topsy-turvy, hanging-on-by-a-thread.
I realize my success as a parent is what keeps my children from realizing how I struggled, but that being said, the weight is heavy. I don't need acknowledgment for what I have accomplished, or am accomplishing, but I would like a natural graciousness from my kids which says, "I appreciate what we have".
Thanks for the trips. Thanks for the ski lessons. Thanks for the clothing I WANT TO WEAR. Thanks for the playdates, and sleepovers, the sports and the extras we don't seem to notice. Just Thank you Mommy, not, "why can't I", "why can't we", "when", "where", "how"... next.

It's exhausting and overwhelming, and as much as I realize I have not raised brats, some days it feels like it - to me.
I have other parents tell me all the time, how they love having my kids over, how well mannered they are, how they love to have them over anytime, and I know I am raising good people. But, what makes well raised kids treat everyone else so well, and the one's that give them everything so poorly?

Liars and the ease of conscience

I have watched two seasons of Dexter over the past week. A brilliantly written drama for Showtime based on the concept of a serial killer within the police department. The ins and outs of what motivates and propels a killer are the basics of what makes this show work. What is fascinating about the main character is his ability to mask a facade to every other character in his life as being what everyone wants and needs him to be.

photo courtesy screenrant.com

He is a hard worker and diligent forensics specialist. He is a caring brother and boyfriend. He is a genuine and good-hearted role model to children. Everyone views him as emotionally neutral. We learn he actually void of any emotion at all. He has been trained to keep his sickness under wraps. Within this training, he has learned how to effectively keep the entire world around him from knowing who he is. Every statement is a lie. Every movement a dance to keep his secret safe, and keep himself free.

In life, we as a society are accustomed to most people around us telling little "white lies" to make themselves feel better, or to make someone else feel better. We consider these non-active lies. They don't hurt anyone. They aren't impactful...in theory.

The reality is - every lie is powerful. Every lie creates a pretense of illusion.
Even the lie of omission propagates fantasy of being.
The only reason people lie is to ease their own conscience. There is no other reason and no purpose.
Keeping the world around us happy - keeping ego's satiated - when did that become our job? When did it become more important to appease the ego instead of demanding respect and honoring friendships and relationships by being honest?
Little things, such as, "no, your ass does not look good in those pants", to big things, such as "yes, I hooked up with that girl on my trip." It comes down to choices. The choice to trust people around you, and that they will still love you, with all your flaws. The decision to let people choose who they want to spend their time, and their lives with - someone who has your back even when it's ugly - or with someone that will sugar coat and provide a fictitional stage life with no real characters, only surface relationships. A stage where no one knows anything true about anyone else - they simply tell a story plotted by the perceptions of each participant.

I have friends who lie to my face and I know they are lying and I accept it because I don't want to embarrass them. Lovers lie to protect their actions and I want to expose them with all the scattered evidence they leave about, carelessly and thoughtlessly. Part of what defines me is my choice to maintain a circle around me of people who not only appreciate my integrity to them but who honor me the same way.
"I lie to everyone I know", Dexter states to one of his final victims. Why? Because you don't have to be vulnerable. You don't have to establish rapport. If a serial killer can be honest about how easy it is to be detached, why can't everyone else? I mean we aren't killing each other...

Being Unique

We, as a country, have spent our entire life trying to be and to express individuality.
This weekend I got to see clearly where this has taken us... as a country.
A Zumiez 100K event held in Keystone CO showcased what is so unique about individualism and simultaneously depicted how being different has become cliche. "The action sports industry has descended on Keystone, Colorado to celebrate Zumiez’ annual 100K. The event honors each Zumiez employee who sold $100,000 or more over the course of the year..." (Transworld business)
As the attendees descended on Denver International airport, what stood out, was the 100's of pairs of skinny jeans, dudes covered in tats (sleeves are mandatory), toting snowboards, with various degrees of facial hair and ear ornamentation. Hats are key to the uniform.

The irony of being unique is it has become a standard for cool. This picture from the event depicts what 90% of the clientele looked like.

(courtesy Transworld business)

Express yourself.

Coolness has just changed format.

Bringing in 2011

Nothing like a party on the Vegas Strip...