The little one's

I just watched this really sad film, My Sister's Keeper. The premise is a little girl who is being asked to give up a kidney for her dying sister who takes the case to court to maintain control of her own body, in the end because her dying sister has asked her to do this for her.

I was reminded of a conversation I had with my son last week. We were talking about middle school and life, and all the important things kids want to talk about, in the car on the way home from school.


life is easy when you're 10



Saunders was expressing how in 30 years he would be 40 years old and how he would be driving me around instead of me driving him around...and I stopped him and told him that he would have his own family, and a job, and his own car. That "we" would not be living together. Then it occurred to him that if he was 40 years old, I would be in my 70's. I laughed and said, I may be 73, I may be dead, you never know.
He said, "Mom, you won't be dead. You always be here", and I responded, "you never know, I could get hit by a car, or get a disease, and may not live 30 or 40 more years.
If there is one thing in the cycle of life that we know for sure, we are all going to die".

He was so sweet, and said, "you'll be around a long time Mommy".

And I hope I am...to see this smiley little sugar face.

Mommy Angst

I know I have a blessed life.
I am lucky enough to be able to provide for my kids and then some.
I juggle like a professional and know that my talents lie in resourcefulness and adaptability. I notice my children are quickly acclimating and utilizing these talents as well.
The past few weeks I have been struggling with the strong personality of my kids. My daughter tries to negotiate everything and is quite argumentative (I think she'd make a fine lawyer). My son has a stubborn streak, quite like myself and has decided that he should be able to do whatever he wishes, despite the rules. It has been quite a roller-coaster few weeks.
Mix in changing hormones and external's who can't keep their word, and I find myself in a very interesting mood.
Personally, I am also trying to change career positions and get my financial security back to "secure", not topsy-turvy, hanging-on-by-a-thread.
I realize my success as a parent is what keeps my children from realizing how I struggled, but that being said, the weight is heavy. I don't need acknowledgment for what I have accomplished, or am accomplishing, but I would like a natural graciousness from my kids which says, "I appreciate what we have".
Thanks for the trips. Thanks for the ski lessons. Thanks for the clothing I WANT TO WEAR. Thanks for the playdates, and sleepovers, the sports and the extras we don't seem to notice. Just Thank you Mommy, not, "why can't I", "why can't we", "when", "where", "how"... next.

It's exhausting and overwhelming, and as much as I realize I have not raised brats, some days it feels like it - to me.
I have other parents tell me all the time, how they love having my kids over, how well mannered they are, how they love to have them over anytime, and I know I am raising good people. But, what makes well raised kids treat everyone else so well, and the one's that give them everything so poorly?

Teens and the probability of a heart attack

The morning drive to school.

Early morning.

Lights on.

Me and the Girl.

My teenage girl.

Madelene is trying out for the high school soccer team. She has played most of her life, so this is no surprise. We talked about the physical examination which is required, and in the discussion about health - family health history came up.

I told Maddi how heart disease and cancer runs in our family. I told her of my fear of having a heart attack and she seemed surprised (due to my tender age of 41). But, realistically speaking, my natural grandfather's, my uncle's and my cousin either died in their 40's of a heart attack, or had some heart issue by the time they were 40 years old. This is not uncommon in my family. Maddi reminded me that these were the men in the family, so probability remains low that I will die of a heart attack. Maybe, but statistics show more women dying of heart disease - and heart issues going unnoticed and untreated because of these same theories.

I told her I didn't think I would die anytime soon, but I might have a little attack, quickly followed by a come to Jesus - which sparked an entire new conversation on what a, "come to Jesus" was. I laughed so hard. Then I got serious again - I have had a lot of these moments lately. I don't know if it is the new year, or my position in life, or pre-menopause - I can't tell you what is causing these feelings for life to rise up lately. But they are overwhelming and necessary. I looked at her with all the love in my heart and told her - I was not planning on dying, but if I did, I wanted her to know how she has changed my life. That she is special and beautiful and smart and the whole world will laugh around her because of the joy she brings to a room. I told her I am lucky to be her mom and if I never got the opportunity to tell her how special she was again (I could get hit by a car today), I wanted her to know for the rest of her life, she changed my life.

She told me to pick her up at 4:30.

I love teenagers.

Dogs Vs Kids

I read a thread on yelp.com recently about people bringing their kids into dog parks. Dog owners worry that small children may get knocked down by excitable dogs or even worse. I remember my brother being chased and bitten by a german shepard when we were school age.

The combination of strangers, dogs, anxiety and animal instinct doesn't always end well.

This is an interesting topic because dog owners have unwritten rules and kid owners have unwritten rules.

As a parent, I personally do not like to see small children in a dog park - outside of the general safety issues with strange dogs whose behavior is unknown possibly attacking other dogs or small children, on the most simple level, dogs get excited and knock children down, not realizing their size or strength, or the lack of balance a small child has. When I see a toddler rambling about in a small area with dogs running and playing, and being dogs, it makes me uncomfortable. Especially when the small child who barely balances himself is holding a piece of food. It's like a piece of bait.


Dog owners believe their dogs are the best dogs ever. Most parents think their kids are the best children ever. Rarely do others (outside your family) believe the same. And even the best dogs and the best kids have bad days. As cute as your dog is to you - as sweet as it is when he jumps on people to give them a big, slobbery kiss, everyone is not as appreciative of Rover's penchant for scratching his claws on your soft skin, or rubbing his shedding coat on your $400 suit - everyone is simply not a dog lover.


I don't bring my kids to your personal space and let them jump on your lap, and lick you and shed on you or scratch you with their unkempt claws. So, if I am jogging in the park or sitting under a tree trying to eat my lunch, I don't want your dog jumping on me, sniffing me, whatever other cute trick he's doing. I'm not interested. Personal space people. Respect it.

I'm not saying kids and dogs can't meet in some safe zone for all parties involved, but it seems reasonable that if specific parks had to be constructed because people need to separate children and dogs (dogs are not allowed on kid parks, on school lots, any place where children's safety and health might be compromised) respect that. If dog owners can keep their pets off your kids playground, keep your kids off the dog owners playground.

PS: this commentary is about strange dog/ child relationships. How you raise your own child and your own dog under the same roof is your business. :)

Pancake Friday

I love Fridays and my kids love pancakes.

School is out today - teachers planning day - Man I'd love to have Fridays off to plan some stuff.

So, we are having pancakes then moseying tothe library to have a study day. Reading and Writing an 'Rithmatic. And me, well, I get to play Mom, all day long ;)

Happy Friday my friends - Enjoy!

The Beach

In thinking about my upcoming summer I am consumed with travel fantasies. I usually start planning a year in advance for my travels, because I'm a freak like that. I like to research everything from the accomodations to the traditional activities, to (of course) the beaches.
I'm a beach baby (in case you forgot).
Even in my quest to find the most fascinating lighthouse; note, there must be an amazing sunset and beach.
This year I have not start planning yet. I have the dates that my kids will be on vacation. I know when I will have a few weeks to myself. I know where I want to go. In the past, these few items comprised the formula for a well planned adventure. Why not now?
I have been distracted with life.
I realize that my life used to be centered around my next adventure. Now my life is centered around my kids and their next adventure. The Mommyhood Chronicles has overshadowed The Adventures of Sherri Bomb. I would never have imagined letting an entire summer go by without a trip somewhere, and even though in the back of my mind I have this trip scheduled, I have not begun to plan. Very unlike me.
I am not that spontaneous. I will go to Vegas with a backpack and no money for 3 days, no worries. But, not out of the country. When I was 22 I travelled across the country from Boston to LA with not even enough gas money to make it to my destination, but I did it. I would never do that today, but what happened to that spirit?
I am bogged down by work issues (or non-issues, so to speak). I recently moved. My kids need more of my attention than I am used to giving - and not just the physical, "drive me here", "cook my food", "wash my clothes" - but emotional attention. My teen daughter is draining me with her angst. My son is needy. It's hard for me to write, much less plan a trip when I have a window the size of a photograph with which to work.
As I look out my tiny window, all I can see is the beach...

Safehaven(s) vs Survival Instincts

The topic came up today of kids/ teens driving at the age of sixteen as opposed to eighteen. How do you train them? Should they be allowed to drive alone? What about all the distractions (ie texting, radio, friends in the car). Who and how should these limits be imposed?

My 16th bday: I got out of bed, went to school, came home (normal day so far), picked up my mom's car, drove myself to the DMV, passed the written portion of the state required driving test, completed the driving portion of the state required drivers exam, got my driver's license picture taken, and drove myself home. When I arrived, my mom said "Is it your birthday today?" I responded, "Why yes, yes mom it was, thanks for remembering." So, for me, at age sixteen I was well ready, and quite prepared for the driving experience. Shortly after, one of my mom's boyfriends took thirty minutes out of his day to teach me how to drive a stickshift, and I knew, it was "now or never", if I didn't focus and get it the first time, who knows when I might have had another opportunity to get to learn. I picked it up in thirty minutes. That was twenty five years ago, and I have never forgotten that day.
I grew up figuring out pretty quickly that if I didn't take an opportunity that was handed to me I would be S.O.L., so I never looked a gift horse in the mouth. I took life very seriously, and I soaked up information like a sponge. Because I had to.

Kids now have a certain sense of entitlement. They don't have to learn it the first time, because there will be a re-test. They don't have to play 100% on the field, because everyone gets a trophy. I'm not sure what happened to the concept of "earning" in our society; when everything had to be pc instead of real. I don't like it. We are raising a bunch of pansies. My son says to me often, "It's not fair", and I get much joy in saying "Life's not fair", because it's not and it shouldn't be. There are people who work hard and people who drift by. I do not condone drifters. And I'll be damned if my kids are going to join the ranks of the lazy, entitled.

I thought about my thirteen year old daughter who wants to drive so bad, she can taste it, but can't keep track of her soccer uniform. She won't clean her room. She asks daily if she can go to the mall. We have to push push push to get her to do her homework and clean her room, yet she wants to drive a car.

Granted, I doubt highly I will forget her sixteenth birthday. I am positive I will give her lessons in driving the car. I am sure there will be rules about her being in the car - no texting, no carloads of screaming girls to parties on the weekends, but not because she won't earn it, because her attention span is that of a flea. The commonality of these kids who think they can text, drive, sing, hand their friends something in the backseat, and blow bubbles at the same time, isn't so much a lack of skill. It is a lack of respect and short attention spans. We now live in an MTV generation where everything is right here -right now. We have coddled these kids into thinking that they can do whatever they want with little or no repurcussions. There is a direct correlation between raising independant, self-assured people, and raising dependant, aloof, unconcerned individuals who have no real concept of what the real world looks like outside of their bubble.

The concept of safehaven vs chaos (not knowing if the floor will fall beneath your feet) and survival instincts - which is better? To this question, I have pondered all day. I like knowing I am a survivor. I like knowing I can travel anywhere I want and if I sense danger it is likely I will make it out unscathed. I like teaching my kids about life. Simultaneously, I nurture and coddle, something my parents had an aversion to. So, I am learning along the way, but I try. I often wonder, if I am raising unaffected individuals who will proceed to talk and text, while trying to shovel burger king and tie their shoes, while driving seventy miles an hour down I-25.
If these new rules are indeed for their benefit. I know this is an individual question which should be answered on a case by case basis, but I know in my heart as a parent, you cannot protect your children all the time, but in teaching them how to protect themselves, are we doing a disservice by implementing all these rules and not letting them learn how to do anything for themselves?

skateboards and no fear

Remember what it felt like to be 7?

To have no worries and no fear?

To jump off ramps on your bicycle and skate as fast as you could downhill, with no helmet or knee pads?

Remember life before responsibility?

Watching my son at the skatepark today reminded me of what life was like 30 years ago, when summertime never seemed to end. My bike was the only thing I had to worry about and I had a chain to keep it safe from thieves when I sat in the library for hours on end getting lost in Nancy Drew books.

The skatepark today has so many things nostalgic of youth. There were kids of all ages, young and young at heart. Now as I sat and watched my son enjoy his (yet to be) nostalgic days, I just pondered my responsibility. Even a small break in the day or the weekend still lends itself to contemplation of all things accountable for. Difficult to escape under any terms.

Kids of all ages, cultures, and skill levels skated around the park just being.

Today I wanted to get on a skateboard and just skate as fast as I could - catching air and not worrying about a broken bone or spraining a knee or my back. I wanted to drop in to the bowl and feel the wind against my face. Then I wanted to get on my bike and just ride. Ride all day like I used to when I was 10 years old. My only worry then was being home before dark.

I didn't think about how much insurance cost and if it would cover more than one trip to the hospital if I had already sprained my knee skiing this year.
I didn't think about other kids suing me if I accidentally kicked my board into their face and they required stitches.

I didn't think about anything except the freedom of my wheels.

Day to Day adventure and the people in my hood

Today I was driving to the grocery store. Now, I live in really suburban area. I mean, picket fences, elementary schools every mile, a golden retriever with every house, flowers in the yard, and neighbors who actually know and care about each other. Very Rockwell.
So I'm driving to the store and there is a teenager on a bike in front of me. He was weaving back and forth and being a kid. I wanted to go around him but I was intimidated because I really didn't feel comfortable with his swerving, but no big deal - I was 1 block and a half from turning towards the grocery.
As I followed slowly behind him. I noticed a man walking on the other side of the street. As the biker approached the man and passed him, weaving and twisting along the street, the man held up his arms in front of him and pointed his fake, air gun at the boy and pretended to shoot him.
What?
Yes.
Another friendly, suburban neighbor, out for his daily stroll down the block, shot the kid on the bike in his make-believe scenario.
And as I turned the corner, only 20 seconds or so out of my way, I thought "Are these the little things that really provoke people to kill one another if they had the chance?"
Juat a day in the life

Summertime Travel

Today my horoscope read, "It's time, today, to add a little bit of breathing room to your schedule! You've been in a hurry lately, getting things done left and right. Your productivity is admirable, but it cannot be sustained. So go slow, today, and if you can put a few things off for another day, do it."

Generally speaking, I try not to put things off at all, because I feel like procrastination is the downfall of society. I was brought up to believe that you get your work done first and fast and then take time for yourself.
After a summer of full blown travel, I know I have taken time for myself in theory, but really these expeditions were for others as well. My brother's wedding was not a vacation. It was great to get to spend time with my family, but organizing travel for 5 people, arranging family meals for groups of 10-15, and driving all over the city of Los Angeles was work. After 2 trips to Vegas, a trip to LA, a weekender soccer tournement to Steamboat and an upcoming trip to D.C., I will admit, I'm beat. Just plain exhausted and none of these events was for the maxin' and relaxin' beach time I like to invest in for vacation.
When I woke up this morning, I thought to myself "self, what is on the agenda today? I am so tired, I can barely open my eyes, and the thought of driving kids to school, making lunches, breakfast and combing hair, is just not appealing to me right now." But, that's what you do when you have kids, you suck it up and get out of bed. Kids first, Mom second.
When I returned from walking my little one across the street to school, he's the last out of the house in the morning, with a late start of 8:30AM (that's a joke for you that don't get up at 5:30 to get 2-3 different shifts of people out of the house on time), I came in to read my horoscope.
This is generally how my day starts - 3 hours of family rise & shine'ing, then on to my day.
Meetings, client proposals, presentations, and then back in time for the 3p-5p pick ups. It never ends. Then who's responsible for dinner - oh, yeah that's me too.
So today I am spending a large portion of the day catching up with my writing. Then I will work on a pressing presentation, then I will take a nap. The first nap I have had in years.
Everything else, I will put off for tomorrow. Why?
Because I can.