I watched a passenger on a flight to California squeeze this old tattered bear she carried aboard for the entire flight. The bear looked like it had been through the test of time. It's red vest was tattered and it's face was reminiscent of the 50's.
I told her I would be traveling to London soon, alone, for my birthday, and I wanted to visit Paddington Station because I grew up with Paddington Bear and it reminded me of my childhood. She said her mother had made that bear for her, the bear she held to tightly, and she was going to the beach to leave some baggage behind.
I told her I just wanted to watch the sunset and have a cocktail in a foreign country and enjoy the moment. She laughed and said she would be having a mimosa on the beach.
Another little yellow sticky note from the Universe. I spent the summer before last traveling back and forth to the beach to get over someone that hurt me, really the first person I thought I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. The first man to really break my heart. A month back and forth to the beach to just sit, listening to the ocean, and possibly a voice. Someone to tell me everything would be OK. I sat and cried and watched the sun rise and set while my tears cleansed my soul. A hard summer for me, and I understood what she was doing. Her trip with this lifetime bear-friend to soothe the pain.
And at some point during the flight, she looked over at me and said, "I just want to tell you, it's going to be OK". And I nodded.
Weird from any standpoint. Strangers connecting over empty space.
Strangers cross paths every day. Strangers have a voice in the universe.
As we landed, her tears flowed and I felt a little emotional for her, because those moments when you are so alone are the ones which change your life. That bear symbolized something I will never know, but she clung to it with the desperation of her future. We were connected. I don't know how and I don't know why, but I wanted to give this woman a hug and cry with her over a drink and then laugh because life goes on.
The sun will rise tomorrow.
For her and for me.
As she exited, I thanked her for flying and said, "enjoy your time", and she gave me the biggest hug and told me to enjoy my trip. The hug was so personal, as if we had been friends for decades, and again, I was reminded that we all touch each other. We all matter. It only takes 30 seconds to acknowledge someone. Their life, their pain, their importance.
I am so lucky to have the job I have and get to come into contact with a gazillion more of these people than I would if I sat home every night.
Connecting.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
What's it all Matter?
What is this obsession we all have with "mattering?"
If we are all here simply to evolve, why do we all need recognition of the process?
Whether it be from our parents, or a mentor, a boss, society, our peers, God...why do we all subscribe to the notion that we have to please someone in order to have found success?
No success is different. No recognition is more powerful.
And we crave it.
My dad didn't love me enough, so I sought out a teacher. I didn't get the recognition I thought I deserved in college, so I sought out a career which would fill that void. I didn't mesh with my associates, and work was not a match for me, so I sought out more education and a mentor. I grew up. I sought out spirituality and the light of God. I can't hear Him, so I seek further.
I am never satisfied with my accomplishments because there is always the never-ending desire to have someone believe and speak that we matter.
When I pray, I expect an answer. Something. A sign. A motion. A word. Silence. Something. As I age and realize that silence is the only time we can hear the reality of our existence, the only time we can think and just be. This is the most difficult space to be in - the time we only have accountability to ourselves. The moment we realize why we need to matter to someone else.
Because only mattering to ourselves would give us too much power.
Power to succeed. Power to be everything we have dreamed in life. Power to be the light in the world that makes change and gives love.
Is this just me? I don't think so. I live my life and am a happy person. I strive for perfection, for better. All the time.
I give my kids everything I can give.
I try and love unconditionally, but I always notice, in the back of my mind, when/ if, I am getting any love back. From the Universe, from my peers, from God.
I have always believed if you give enough you will get it back.
When you don't get it back you tend to stop. To cease giving what moves the world. But, the fact is, when you aren't getting anything back is when you should give more. That is when your power will shine.
When we look at leaders such as MLK and Mother Teresa, and artists like Bob Marley - if people like that stopped giving love and making a change in the world when they weren't getting anything back in return, we would be cavemen. We need more of them and less of us (if that makes sense).
I know that giving, fundamentally, is not for the purpose of receiving anything in return, but simply because it is natural and the right thing to do. But, everyone has limits. Moments when they realize they are in a world that does not give back. Our ego will not let us continue give to an non-reciprocating audience. Having the internal strength to continue to matter to oneself and not to anyone else, is the most powerful love in the universe and will change the world.
Music exemplifies this theory:
Clapton
Gaither Vocal Band
P.O.D.
Michael Jackson
Celine Dion
Whitney Houston
Bob Marley Playing for change
If we are all here simply to evolve, why do we all need recognition of the process?
Whether it be from our parents, or a mentor, a boss, society, our peers, God...why do we all subscribe to the notion that we have to please someone in order to have found success?
No success is different. No recognition is more powerful.
And we crave it.
My dad didn't love me enough, so I sought out a teacher. I didn't get the recognition I thought I deserved in college, so I sought out a career which would fill that void. I didn't mesh with my associates, and work was not a match for me, so I sought out more education and a mentor. I grew up. I sought out spirituality and the light of God. I can't hear Him, so I seek further.
I am never satisfied with my accomplishments because there is always the never-ending desire to have someone believe and speak that we matter.
When I pray, I expect an answer. Something. A sign. A motion. A word. Silence. Something. As I age and realize that silence is the only time we can hear the reality of our existence, the only time we can think and just be. This is the most difficult space to be in - the time we only have accountability to ourselves. The moment we realize why we need to matter to someone else.
Because only mattering to ourselves would give us too much power.
Power to succeed. Power to be everything we have dreamed in life. Power to be the light in the world that makes change and gives love.
Is this just me? I don't think so. I live my life and am a happy person. I strive for perfection, for better. All the time.
I give my kids everything I can give.
I try and love unconditionally, but I always notice, in the back of my mind, when/ if, I am getting any love back. From the Universe, from my peers, from God.
I have always believed if you give enough you will get it back.
When you don't get it back you tend to stop. To cease giving what moves the world. But, the fact is, when you aren't getting anything back is when you should give more. That is when your power will shine.
When we look at leaders such as MLK and Mother Teresa, and artists like Bob Marley - if people like that stopped giving love and making a change in the world when they weren't getting anything back in return, we would be cavemen. We need more of them and less of us (if that makes sense).
I know that giving, fundamentally, is not for the purpose of receiving anything in return, but simply because it is natural and the right thing to do. But, everyone has limits. Moments when they realize they are in a world that does not give back. Our ego will not let us continue give to an non-reciprocating audience. Having the internal strength to continue to matter to oneself and not to anyone else, is the most powerful love in the universe and will change the world.
Music exemplifies this theory:
Clapton
Gaither Vocal Band
P.O.D.
Michael Jackson
Celine Dion
Whitney Houston
Bob Marley Playing for change
The Rules
I flew with someone the other day who put something so simple into perspective in one sentence.
"If you are doing the right thing, you don't have to worry about the rules."
BINGO
As soon as she said it, I realized, I don't generally think about rules at all. Not at work, not as I drive, not in my friendship boundaries. We all know the rules. When you treat people right, when you are doing the right thing, for yourself and the world around you, you don't have to worry about shit.
I do have a loophole for this. Parking. Urgh! I hate paying for parking. I hate getting tickets. I think it's the biggest scam and makes me mad just to think about it. So, every time I park, I stress.
Unneeded, worrisome stress over how long my car can sit without a ticket.
And 50% of the time, I lose. I worry and I lose. Yet, I still do it. Why?
I know better.
I know the rules.
I know I am trying to beat the system. Then I get angry when I get caught.
I look at people who lie and think the same thing. Why bother? You are going to get caught. You have gotten caught before, and you will get caught again. It is inevitable, yet you still do it.
Then you make excuses for why you lied. Really?
I watch people I work with try and manipulate the system. The conversation around the water cooler always circles around the rules...what the rules are, how to beat them, what not to do if you don't want to get caught breaking them.
How about this, do the right thing.
Sound familiar?
The energy people put into wrangling bullshit, and into trying to convince others that they are good people could fuel the energy crisis. Yet, it doesn't, it just fuels irresponsibility and the potential of getting away with something irrelevant.
"If you are doing the right thing, you don't have to worry about the rules."
BINGO
As soon as she said it, I realized, I don't generally think about rules at all. Not at work, not as I drive, not in my friendship boundaries. We all know the rules. When you treat people right, when you are doing the right thing, for yourself and the world around you, you don't have to worry about shit.
I do have a loophole for this. Parking. Urgh! I hate paying for parking. I hate getting tickets. I think it's the biggest scam and makes me mad just to think about it. So, every time I park, I stress.
Unneeded, worrisome stress over how long my car can sit without a ticket.
And 50% of the time, I lose. I worry and I lose. Yet, I still do it. Why?
I know better.
I know the rules.
I know I am trying to beat the system. Then I get angry when I get caught.
I look at people who lie and think the same thing. Why bother? You are going to get caught. You have gotten caught before, and you will get caught again. It is inevitable, yet you still do it.
Then you make excuses for why you lied. Really?
I watch people I work with try and manipulate the system. The conversation around the water cooler always circles around the rules...what the rules are, how to beat them, what not to do if you don't want to get caught breaking them.
How about this, do the right thing.
Sound familiar?
The energy people put into wrangling bullshit, and into trying to convince others that they are good people could fuel the energy crisis. Yet, it doesn't, it just fuels irresponsibility and the potential of getting away with something irrelevant.
Seaworld 2012
I had the best week ever with my son this past week. His spring break did not coincide with my daughter's, so, lucky me, this year, I get to plan two completely separate weeks of one on one fun for each child.
This means a solid week of play with my son, and a solid week of bonding with my daughter.
The one on one time is almost unheard of these days with our busy schedules, so this was a real treat.
Skiing the first couple days and Seaworld the last few days.
Wonderful!!
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