Homelessness

I have been very aware of the homeless population here in Denver. For years, this issue, which seems increasingly bigger, has weighed heavily on my mind. Living near the shelter I notice the mass quantity of homeless people gathering for shelter and food in the early evening and the early morning. There is also a park nearby which seems to be a gathering place during the day for the more active homeless persons in the community. This morning, as I sat in Starbucks downtown, sipping my tall, skinny Chai, I noticed two teenagers walking past the coffee shop. They wore dirty clothes and had backpacks and bundles of stuff. All their stuff, in transit. I thought, how are kids homeless? Where are their parents? Who lets their child live on the street, with no food or good shoes? Who let them get away?
It's so hard to stay focused on helping others in need when our own plates are so full, but this is a priority. This is our future. These kids. These homeless children walking the earth with no future, are our future.
What are we gonna do about it?

High School all over again

I have always thought I would never go back to high school. What a horrible four years. I was not popular. I did not excel in anything. I was average across the board. My friends made fun of me. My mom made fun of me. I was awkward and uncomfortable. People say, this is the same memory for most kids. I beg to differ. I watch my daughter, my niece, my nephew, all their friends breeze through high school. They are popular, smart, excel not only in sports but in their social scene as well. High school, like a teen movie, appear to be the best days of their lives.
Smart, saavy, driven, exceptional young people surround me and I'm so proud and realize what a difference self confidence makes. What a difference parents, who are involved and push, make on a struggling teenager. What a difference trust and development make on a mind. What a difference activities make on the ego.

Looking at who I am now, if I could go back, knowing what I know - not to change the course of action, nor to wreak havoc on history, but simply to live life as a fan of high school, I would do it in a second.
If I had the opportunity to excel at sports, at least give it my all.
If I had the opportunity to make friends, the same friends I have now, 25 years later.
If I had the opportunity to tell someone I liked them and maybe date someone that I really had a super crush on.
If I had the opportunity to stand up for myself.
If I had the opportunity to let people get to know me, maybe run for office, maybe go to a dance, maybe take off the shy cloak for one year.
If I had the opportunity to do it all again, 4 years, full steam ahead, I would take that opportunity.
I would take those 4 years and make them something memorable, not forgettable.
I can't even imagine the future college will hold for these same kids.
And life.
And love.

Fear based action

I was lucky enough to participate in a self defense class put on by TSA and the Aurora Police Academy Instructors.
Initially, I took this class because I have personal space issues and feel like things that aren't necessarily a threat, feel like a threat to me. I wanted to be more secure in tight spaces with people who sometimes are not conscious of others boundaries. I also wanted to feel more secure traveling, as I have had situations in the past where I have been accosted in foreign countries and felt helpless.
The content of the class was great. 8 hours of direction, contact and physical practice.
Then there were the stories - stories of women who have been attacked and survived. Realistic situations where injury is imminent. Fear based actualities.
Those are the things I have carried around the last few weeks. Fear of opening a hotel door, because someone may jump from the stairwell and shove me into my hotel room and attack me. The fear of being assaulted and worse case scenario, not being killed, but for me, living through it. Fear of losing control. Fear of fighting. Just plain fear.
Simultaneously, I have had some issues in my personal life which are also fear based. Not physically, but people pushing the limits of their authority or past relationship, or concept of who I am and mistaking my niceness for weakness. A far greater fear base than the physical one(s) for me.
As I weigh both sides, I realized I have to treat them the same.
I can not worry about the pending attack until it happens.
I cannot walk the universe not being me and shining my gifts on others. I will not waver because there is a foul, careless world out there.
I have lost some smiles these past few weeks because of the tension in the air. I have questioned the good I seek and do. I almost forgot the impact I have on others.

Today, I take that back.