Snow...wonderful snow!

Shout out to the Wash Park Sweetheart with the dog who pushed me(& my car) out of the snow drift in front of Wash Perk - Thank you! Thank you ! Thank you!...and your dog~

Now for some fun pics & Video...enjoy~

the inside of strawberry cake

This afternoon was one of those days when I felt like I had no idea where I was going. Every career opportunity seems to have fallen through the cracks. I have had the roller coaster ups and downs of relationships (friends and love interests), and I have had so many breathtaking moments I would never take it back, but just as many stifling seconds that I wonder, is this what everyone does for love and friendship?

I find when I am overwhelmed with life I talk to my Nana. I find a quiet place, and I ask what to do. What is my next step? Where is my path taking me? I say aloud (putting into the universe and hearing myself speak), “Tell me what to do.”

I wait and I wait for an answer. Today, I thought about all my options; my kids, my lifestyle, rent. I thought about how much tragedy has escaped into the atmosphere because people don’t feel they have an out – a resource – anyone who really gives a shit about what happens to them. I thought about how to let go and how to hang on.
I wondered if any of this would ever make sense.

I decided to bake a cake; a sweet pound cake with fresh strawberries. I thought, at least, I can still make something to give to my family to show them I love them. I mixed it and threw it in the oven. My thoughts were all over the place. I drove to pick up my daughter from high school. Maybe this is the beginning of my midlife crisis. I am over 40. I have a teenage daughter. I am single …again. Perhaps everyone goes through the exact same thing and it’s simply my turn.

When I pulled into the high school parking lot my sweet girl bounced to the car…because that’s who she is – I take full credit for that…and she threw her backpack in, sat down and closed the door. I backed up and held my tongue before I said anything. I always try to think about what I say aloud and what I keep to myself, especially when I’m in a mood. Before we even left the parking lot, she looked at me and said, “You’re doing a great job mom.” I immediately asked what she wanted because generally speaking, the grease comes before the rub. She said, “Nothing, I just wanted you to know I am not ungrateful and you do a good job.” I responded, “A good job picking you up from school and driving you around?” She said, “yes, and keeping a roof over our heads and feeding us. You are a good mom.”

I burst into tears, and she laughed, and I realized once again – she is my daughter. Every time I make her smile or laugh makes me happy. It’s like a drug. Even when she’s laughing at me, it is the best feeling in the world. My teenage daughter thinks I’m a good mom. I thought my life sucked…and it couldn’t be better.

And I burned the cake. When we walked in the door I saw the smoke. I thought I could juggle a bit too much as usual), and as I pulled it out of the oven, and all the smoke wafted up to the ceiling I was bummed, for a second. Then I cut into it and the inside was soft and good and the strawberries were perfectly sweet. Again, even when the outside looks like shit – the inside couldn’t be sweeter.

Running Naked in the Street

This morning as I drove my daughter to school, I saw a man running butt-ass naked down Alameda in front of Country Club about 3 blocks from the neighborhood elementary school. I drive this route everyday and as I saw him coming towards me, in the center of the road, I noticed he seemed frazzled. This is not a normal activity in my neighborhood. I usually see the same police officer waiting for speeders to blow through the school zone. I see my Starbucks lovers waiting to get a parking space in the lot. I see parents walking their children to school. I generally do not see naked men trotting down the center of the street.

As he got closer, I noticed a bizarre look in his eye. He was also slowing down his pace. I don't know if it was the weather or the hill, but he was coming to the end of his run. Even if he had worn shoes and socks, the 32 degree weather would have eventually slowed his pace. I remembered briefly a naked Halloween run in Boulder where the participants wear pumpkins on their heads and thought maybe this was a college or youthful shoot-off of this activity. But, I saw this "look" in his eye that convinced me otherwise.

This wasn't a college prank. This guy was off.

I continued on to my house - I have 30 minutes to get the 2nd kid off to school.

As I drove the same route, in reverse, to take my son to school, I had a conversation with him about crazy and the people who wear it well. I told him about the guy running and talked to him about a little girl who was snatched yesterday and how her body was found last night and why I warn him not to talk to strangers. I noticed a few police cars in the neighborhood so I slowed and asked one of the officers if they were responding to the "naked guy running down the street" and they said yes. I then asked if it was a prank, or if there was something wrong with him and they responded "bi-polar." I talked to my son about people that are having a hard time functioning right now, not only because of any pre-determined illness, or psychosis, but also because of the state of affairs the world is in right now. People can't afford their medications. People are homeless and jobless. The world is in crisis and people are acting out.

Then I got home and read this:


Taurus (4/20-5/20)
When you're driving in your car, you realize that you are not the only driver on the road -- after all, you must be aware of what other people are doing to be as safe as you can be. This awareness should apply to all areas of your life right now. Take note of who is around you and how they are behaving. Be careful of how others may affect day's scheduled route. Plan a detour, just in case.

I have never had such a literal synopsis of my day (or my morning), but I appreciated the heads up...if only I had read it before I left the house this morning. As usual, I believe the universe is speaking to me and I will detour this afternoon, but I'm glad I got the opportunity to warn my kids to be aware.

School Nurse Humor

Yesterday I received a call from my son's school. It was shortly after 10a, so I wondered what could have happened so quickly in the day. It was the school nurse who had my son in her office with a note from his 3rd grade teacher. She wanted to let me know that my son had ingested a go-gurt from last week's lunch and his tummy didn't feel well.
I was a bit confused.
How did my son get a go-gurt from last week's lunch?
Did I need to pick him up from school?
How sick was he?
The nurse informed me that she simply read the note from the teacher and gave my son a lecture on dairy products and refrigeration. Something I had apparently overlooked. She then went on to say that I didn't need to come get him, she just wanted to give me a heads up. So, I asked again, how did my son get a dairy product from last week's lunch when he had a perfectly good, fresh lunch packed for him this morning. She asked, "Would you like to speak to him?"

Saunders answered, "hello." I repeated my question to him. "Why did you eat a go-gurt from last week when you had a fresh snack/ lunch today...and how did you get it - where did it come from?" He began to explain to me how, on Friday, he wanted to save the go-gurt for after school, but forgot it, and by chance, left his lunchbox in the lunchbox bin in the classroom over the weekend, so when snack time arrived, he thought he would take the opportunity to devour last weeks snack first. I think I threw up a little in my mouth. I asked him, "why?"
He simply responded, "I don't know."
I have a boy.
We had a conversation on the difference between refrigerated items and food items which are stored in the cabinet when he got home.

On the topic of being a single Mom...

I realize, or I should say I notice lately that the bulk of my friends are single and childless; most by choice, some just by timing. The friends I do spend any amount of time with that do have kids are single dads. This in itself is a societal change that makes the stereotype of being a single mom more of a common, and being a single dad more the new selective point of interest in modern society.
And still single dads are looked upon as some sort of hero. Single moms have been doing the same thing for decades upon decades, yet the stereotype moved from “poor her” to simply being a substantial part of the mainstream. The stereotype of single dad moved from, “what horrible woman would leave her kids to a man” to “what an amazing father”.
Makes me want to puke.
My mom was a single mom and I remember times when she worked 3 jobs to keep our house running. My Nana was a widow and I remember her cleaning houses and going to nursing school full time while raising me. She raised 4 kids and a few grandkids. Women have been taking care of children, making a home while working and educating themselves for years. Our strength as women has allowed society around us to forget the challenge of remaining a woman and an individual outside the stereotype. And, I believe, because we spend so much time catering to men, we have put them on a pedestal for doing the same thing we have been doing all along. I think about how to address certain discussions with my son on being a man and doing the right thing in life, but it’s expected. My single dad counterparts have the awkward task of explaining menstruation to teenage girls and teaching them how to put on makeup and NOT dress like a hoochie. What man wants to have the discussion with his daughters about why her best friends from school last week are so mean to her at school this week? Does he even know?

I don’t believe it’s any easier for a woman to be a mom (much less a single mom), it’s just come to be expected. Women are expected to run the house, raise the kids, make lunches, balance the checkbook, get the cable turned off/on, get a job, feed the dog, register for school/soccer/swim team/etc etc etc, drive carpool, plan play-dates, do the grocery shopping, show up for all the games/awards ceremonies/recitals/etc etc etc, man up for sex, while working on her Master’s thesis and look beautiful while doing it. While a dad (single dad or otherwise) gets a break simply because he’s a man. Really?
Yet another point to be debated on the list of, “equality vs. inequality” of the sexes.

In the end we don’t get paid as much for being mom’s either.

Is society failing men?

I had an interesting conversation with a really charismatic man over the weekend, and he brought it to my attention that he noticed the lack of Rites of Passages for men these days. He had the opportunity to train and work as a firefighter/ EMT in his youth. During the course of this training he also had the opportunity to grow up, be hazed properly, and in fact be inducted into manhood by his peers. His comment to me was society as a whole is failing men as they don't have these traditional rituals which raise men to be men. In fact, these rituals which make men hard and strong. Hard being equivalent to powerful in a society where power is equated with success.

It was quite intriguing to hear someone in my same age range discuss subjects which I ponder as a single mom. I think often, it's hard to raise a man. I don't want my son to be soft. I hear myself telling him to "man up". My favorite is when he tells me, "it's not fair" and I respond, "life's not fair, get used to it". It breaks my heart sometimes to push him a little harder, to expect a little more, but I realize, if I don't, who will? I want him to spend as much time with his father as possible, to learn "man things". When it was time for him to be potty trained, I sent him to his dad. I don't know how to show a man how to pee while standing. Would that not be the greatest trick ever? I know when it's time to talk about the birds and bees, I would love to pass the baton on that one as well. There are some things men need to learn from other men.
I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by amazing women in my life. Smart, funny women who empower each other for the most part. At the least, great examples of what socializing and friendships should look like. But men...that's more challenging. I have great male friends; friends from college, my best friends boyfriends, even relatives that I don't see that often but show up just in time for some man-ley advice sometimes. I generally don't have men that I date spend time or offer advice to my children. But, I think often that there are always good qualities one could pass on to a child if the situation were different.
One of my male friends has confided in me that he would like to study nursing - pediatric nursing actually. My response at the time was "don't you need to be nurturing to have that career?" He was actually offended. Then in explaining my judgement of what I thought the definition of nurturing looked like and what I see in his personality as fun and smart, and moreso a man's man, I just didn't get it. I didn't feel he had ever shown me a nurturing side, and he almost yelled at me that I didn't need to be nurtured, as if he would be wasting that side of his personality on me. I had to contemplate this for weeks before I realized I put off the air that I don't need to be nurtured. My friends don't nurture me because of who I am not because of who they are. Yikes.
This led to the realization (again) that peception is reality. We put out into the Universe what we believe to be true. I treat men as the non-nurturers of society because my perception dictates that. I see this correllation between the downfall of strength in our society dictated by the over-exasperation of what is politically correct vs. what is base truth. I am certain I am doing a fine job raising my son...to be my perception of what a strong male figure looks like. But what stands to integrate these above mentioned traditions vs. my point of view?



I am interested in what my readers (males in particular) think about this topic and how they see the generation of men being raised in our society today being scutinized for their lack of traditional training.

Competition and Men's Luck

If you have seen the Chris Rock standup routine where he talks about men being pet projects of women and how other women aren't even thinking of looking twice at some men until their new woman cleaned them up, gave them a tic tac and basically "trained them" - now these men are getting random booty calls mid-week asking for "freaky-stuff".



Chris Rock has a way of bringing the funny to the table, no matter what the situation. The reality of this schtick is the true competitive nature of women. Men seem to be under the impression that if they smile and swagger, women will drop at their feet. Well, some women, yes. What I have learned (as a wingman for most of my male friends) is that men who are surrounded by beautiful women pull more beautiful women. There is a competitive instinct amongst women that rivals that of most men.



Where does this desire to win man's affection come from? Is it instinctual? Is it hormonal?

Or is it not as much about competition as it is about pheramones? Men who have a woman in their life tend to put off a sexier air. Their confidence is higher. They are more secure. Perhaps these things are more appealing to women, and lead



Is it as simple as caveman days, updated by the power struggle women have had to gain what we perceive as a society as strength. My cave needs to be bigger, I need to win the stronger of the species to procreate and make a master race. Is it simply a Darwinistic approach to social structure which is as obvious as the need to breathe oxygen and drink water?

This is an ongoing discussion that will be updated sporadically as more info and commentary are submitted...