I go on tangents about accountability and manners, and issues I see as those that distinguish between adults and children. Maturity comes with it responsibility.
Almost two years ago, I got into a fender bender in the parking lot of my daughter's high school. I waited for almost a half an hour for the owner of the vehicle, then I put a note on the car with my contact information, letting the owner of the dinged vehicle that I hit it, and wanted to be responsible for the damage.
When the owner called, he said, he was shocked, not only that I idnetified my self, but moreso, that I simply wanted to apologize.
I apologized to him for the inconvenience, for hitting his car and for the damage I did. I then claimed financial responsibility and he was thankful.
This past week, I had another vehicular incident, where the other driver was responsible, the police confirmed this in their report, and not once did she simply apologize.
I am sorry I ventured into oncoming traffic. I am sorry I caused a traffic collision. I am sorry about your car. I am sorry.
Not only did she not apologize, but when retelling her version of the story, her response was, "yes, I could not see her coming in the oncoming traffic but once in the center of the street, she was coming fast". She actually tried to toss blame at me instead of taking responsibility for the fact that she thought she could beat traffic.
Also, after contacting her insurance company I have been given the runaround, told to be patient, again with no acknowledgement or apologies for my inconvenience, my vehicle or my life which has been inconvenienced immensely. Not only my life, but the life of my family. How about the work I missed due to this accident? Nothing.
Instances like this, although a reminder of where my value system lies, is also a shock as to how inconsiderate and selfish most people who are wandering the universe constantly feeling entitled yet, with no regard to the lives they affect.
We as a nation, and a world, in effect have stopped teaching our youth how to be responsible and take accountability for the results of their actions. We have grown into a culture of advantage-takers. Irreverent, entitled leeches with no moral compass, content with letting others take the fall, and pick up the tab.
Everybody's trying to get over.
...awesome
Friday, November 30, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Power vs the Penis
Following the scandal of Petraeus, which is now being linked to CIA leaks and the accountability for the Benghazi incident, it has occurred to me how trite it is to follow a trail of bullshit and gossip as "grownups" act out a sophomoric stereotype.
Similar to an episode of Gossip Girl, or any day in any given high school, Johnny slept with Janie, who threated Tammy, who is the bff of Johnny, but is sleeping with Aaron, who is the Capt of the football team. They all have significant others (and families) who are impetuously disregarded in this scenario. Like a high school love triangle, these professional leaders have reduced our government, and their careers to a joke.
Text messages, emails, late night phone calls.
Whores and the men who pursue them.
Ass-Clowns and the girls who love them.
How shall we spin this?
The people running this country, and responsible for the safety and military action as such, are expected to have more common sense, and value for their profession and our country, not to mention their families. This submission to human nature is not unexpected, nor is it unnatural. The events which followed are the insults to the American citizen, and show the disregard for the American people, which deem the government as incapable of maintaining security for our State, as they are of keeping their dicks in their pants.
There is a time and a place for everything.
High school was the time and place for this rancid, immature behavior.
Now, what I had to stop and acknowledge was the fact that men in positions of power constantly get caught with their pants down. Why? because women love men who appear to be powerful.
Wife or not. "State at risk", or not.
Historically, women want to taste that power, feel like they have seduced the power of man. Look at the premise of Sampson and Delilah, or the Trojan War. We are doomed to repeat this story over and over because men will always be tempted by Delilah and lose their power.
Women have been used to acquiesce control, and whether that means enticing someone unattainable, or running the home of a powerful man from the back room, women are well versed in where their talents lie and what it takes to allow a man to be in control while still maintaining control.
Chris Rock once said, there is nothing better than pussy, except new pussy. When incidents like this get documented, and powerful men get caught, it seems textbook:
Men appear to be incapable of resisting "new pussy".
And, no doubt, as soon as the newness wears off, it is simply the same punani it was before you needed to confirm it wasn't any different. Or maybe that is the issue. I overheard a bartender telling a trainee, "well, of course it was different, it's all different." But, in reality it is not the strange that attracted you in the first place - it was the concept of conquering.
Politicians have become rock stars. We expect singers to get ass. That's part of the reuirement for being a rock star...panties. But when did the leaders of the free world get so hot? Oh, Clinton, that's right. The blow job heard round the world, in conjunction with the worldwide spread and access of the internet.
The men that have an ego large enough to think they can run a country rarely have the moral value (or time) it takes to be committed to that task as well as keep their personal promises. More often than not, you have to give up playing nice if you want to be in control of anything capitalistically valuable. The hours and hours of time you commit to an office cannot be compensated for at home. Relationships take time, and so does building an empire - it is rare that both can be done simultaneously.
I do believe that the struggle of man is of the basest sense: power vs. the penis. More often than not, the penis wins. Food water sex = needs of man. Power is contrived. A lion is not only the king, he gets all the girls too.
Similar to an episode of Gossip Girl, or any day in any given high school, Johnny slept with Janie, who threated Tammy, who is the bff of Johnny, but is sleeping with Aaron, who is the Capt of the football team. They all have significant others (and families) who are impetuously disregarded in this scenario. Like a high school love triangle, these professional leaders have reduced our government, and their careers to a joke.
Text messages, emails, late night phone calls.
Whores and the men who pursue them.
Ass-Clowns and the girls who love them.
How shall we spin this?
The people running this country, and responsible for the safety and military action as such, are expected to have more common sense, and value for their profession and our country, not to mention their families. This submission to human nature is not unexpected, nor is it unnatural. The events which followed are the insults to the American citizen, and show the disregard for the American people, which deem the government as incapable of maintaining security for our State, as they are of keeping their dicks in their pants.
There is a time and a place for everything.
High school was the time and place for this rancid, immature behavior.
Now, what I had to stop and acknowledge was the fact that men in positions of power constantly get caught with their pants down. Why? because women love men who appear to be powerful.
Wife or not. "State at risk", or not.
Historically, women want to taste that power, feel like they have seduced the power of man. Look at the premise of Sampson and Delilah, or the Trojan War. We are doomed to repeat this story over and over because men will always be tempted by Delilah and lose their power.
Women have been used to acquiesce control, and whether that means enticing someone unattainable, or running the home of a powerful man from the back room, women are well versed in where their talents lie and what it takes to allow a man to be in control while still maintaining control.
Chris Rock once said, there is nothing better than pussy, except new pussy. When incidents like this get documented, and powerful men get caught, it seems textbook:
Men appear to be incapable of resisting "new pussy".
And, no doubt, as soon as the newness wears off, it is simply the same punani it was before you needed to confirm it wasn't any different. Or maybe that is the issue. I overheard a bartender telling a trainee, "well, of course it was different, it's all different." But, in reality it is not the strange that attracted you in the first place - it was the concept of conquering.
Politicians have become rock stars. We expect singers to get ass. That's part of the reuirement for being a rock star...panties. But when did the leaders of the free world get so hot? Oh, Clinton, that's right. The blow job heard round the world, in conjunction with the worldwide spread and access of the internet.
The men that have an ego large enough to think they can run a country rarely have the moral value (or time) it takes to be committed to that task as well as keep their personal promises. More often than not, you have to give up playing nice if you want to be in control of anything capitalistically valuable. The hours and hours of time you commit to an office cannot be compensated for at home. Relationships take time, and so does building an empire - it is rare that both can be done simultaneously.
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| photo courtesy AP, USA Today |
Monday, November 12, 2012
So, the election is over...
After months of agonizing articles, commercials, protests and internet threads, the election is finally over. The dust has settled, our President is still President.
For everyone who said they would move to Canada or Austrailia, funny, the trailers at the end of the block are still here. For those who marched together looking for change - this elusive animal that people seem to think catapults itself through life, they have all gone back to work and coninued with their day to day.
And here we are again, four years later, with the expectations of a miracle, doing nothing.
I simply want to pose the question today, what are YOU doing for your country?
What are YOU doing to bring gas prices down?
What are YOU doing to help the economy?
What are YOU doing to stop national and international terrorism?
What are YOU doing to enact bills for healthcare and equal rights and making sure FAIRNESS and EQUALITY exist in OUR country?
What are YOU doing to make sure the President accomplishes everything he promised, and you cheered for?
Everyone who voted, you know you have a voice. Are you using it?
For everyone who said they would move to Canada or Austrailia, funny, the trailers at the end of the block are still here. For those who marched together looking for change - this elusive animal that people seem to think catapults itself through life, they have all gone back to work and coninued with their day to day.
And here we are again, four years later, with the expectations of a miracle, doing nothing.
I simply want to pose the question today, what are YOU doing for your country?
What are YOU doing to bring gas prices down?
What are YOU doing to help the economy?
What are YOU doing to stop national and international terrorism?
What are YOU doing to enact bills for healthcare and equal rights and making sure FAIRNESS and EQUALITY exist in OUR country?
What are YOU doing to make sure the President accomplishes everything he promised, and you cheered for?
Everyone who voted, you know you have a voice. Are you using it?
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| photo courtesy: thewhitneyway |
Friday, November 2, 2012
Maturing
I got the opportunity to hang with my seventeen year old
daughter this weekend, just she and I, shopping, eating, chatting, and enjoying
each other in laughter and bonding.
I have watched this girl intently for 17 years – every day
every week. Watched her growing up, and becoming an individual; A strong,
independent, intelligent young woman. Free willed and stubborn but charming and witty, all the things that make a personality valuable.
All the great things I noticed about her this weekend, I
realize I nurtured. Her vibrant personality full of humor and curiosity was
seeded very early and allowed to bloom. Curiosity and questions were
encouraged. When I didn’t know, I answered honestly, “I don’t know”. “Mommy
isn’t good at that”. “Maybe we should look it up”. I encouraged use of the
dictionary and thesaurus, and any other resources, to challenge questions, and
even my own belief systems.
I respect the ideas
and ventures she wants to make. I enjoy watching her learn. This week she made
me laugh again and again, and I value that. I understand this sense of humor
she has and appreciate the young woman she has developed into. We shared a butt-
gusting session over the dance move, “twerk”, and the action of “twerking”. If
you do not know what this is, it is the act of standing on one’s hands,
positioning the body upside down with feet placed against a wall, and then
booty shaking…upside down. This is dancing. We laughed so hard and so long, I
was certain I was getting a simultaneous ab workout. Then we both tried it.
Even more hysterical laughter at this point, and I thought, I am so lucky to be
sharing this moment…these moments with my daughter right now.
I told her that we should have our own reality show, just
her and me. Laughing at all the ridiculous things we think are so outrageous and
silly. Our everyday lives that we believe are so fun. But, throughout the fun, the video watching,
the talk of slang and what’s going on in high school, we also got to talk about
serious topics. She got an opportunity to ask me about the pending election,
the other candidates that get no press on mainstream TV, and all the amendments
that are on our local ballot. I got the opportunity to share what I have learned
and how I am voting this year on these ”little things”. I was glad to share the pros and cons of each
issue and explain what I thought was important and why I was voting the way
that I was voting. I also got to explain why it was important to the other side
and what that meant. We take every opportunity to ask questions of each other
and learn something different.
These experiences are invaluable. These experiences make
relationships. These experiences are the ones that I hold onto because the
memories turn into relationship foundations and structure. The maturing process
of my child is also the maturation process of me. I am grateful for every
moment, every day, every year.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
2 Types of Women
"Marriage is not the "destination" for a
relationship. Beyond the legal joining of two people, marriage is
supposed to be the natural, spiritual re-connection of two souls that
recognize each other in this thing called Life. If you're getting
married for any other reason, you may end up disappointed." This quote by Charles Orlando, author of The Problem with Women Is Men, is the new topic of the day, and clearly draws a line in the sand between the two types of women I know.
Not to say there aren't many types of women out there and we are all unique and fantastically unparalleled individuals, but there are generally two schools of thought amongst women who have a desire to get married. I repeat, "A DESIRE TO GET MARRIED".
These two schools of thought are defined clearly above and I want to go a step further, because men seem to be under the impression that ALL women are keyed in to the first school of thought, and have a difficult time relating to those of us connected to the second school of thought.
The first school of thought is that women and men get into a relationship with the intent of eventually getting married. This is why women date, to find a suitable man to marry, have babies and live happily ever after the most beautiful wedding on the planet. Every date after the first "get to know you session" has benign thoughts of, "how will my new last name sound with my first name?", "what will we name our children?", "will our parents get along?", "WHAT WILL MY DRESS LOOK LIKE?" Yeah, there we go, the fantasy all little girls were spoon fed: The wedding is the end goal.
These fantasies are also accompanied by a concept of a house, a certain number of children and usually a pet of some sort, to complete the picture. This school of thought has ended more marriages in divorce than any and every excuse typed on to a divorce document. Irreconcilable differences simply means, we were not made for another, under any uncertain circumstances.
The second school of thought is that women and men are all connected and have a deep desire to reconnect at the heart and soul. That marriage, if necessary, is a contract engaging each other, family, and community in the lifelong commitment of supporting the love and connection the couple has found.
It has nothing to do with procreation, buying a house, tax breaks or an event.
The issues I have noticed in dating are connected to most men believing that ALL women subscribe to the first school of thought. Most men believe that we must ALL want the kids the house and a ridiculously overpriced wedding event to show the world, we did good. Even though most men will tell you, you're different, what they are thinking is, we are all after the same gold ring.
And women: Really, those of you (that I know personally), don't you want a man who A) knows the difference, and B) believes in the connection you have, not the concept he has been spoon fed?
The society we live in has spent an eternity defining and conditioning men and women to have roles. The reconditioning that it takes to get back to basics could take a lifetime to undo.
Not to say there aren't many types of women out there and we are all unique and fantastically unparalleled individuals, but there are generally two schools of thought amongst women who have a desire to get married. I repeat, "A DESIRE TO GET MARRIED".
These two schools of thought are defined clearly above and I want to go a step further, because men seem to be under the impression that ALL women are keyed in to the first school of thought, and have a difficult time relating to those of us connected to the second school of thought.
The first school of thought is that women and men get into a relationship with the intent of eventually getting married. This is why women date, to find a suitable man to marry, have babies and live happily ever after the most beautiful wedding on the planet. Every date after the first "get to know you session" has benign thoughts of, "how will my new last name sound with my first name?", "what will we name our children?", "will our parents get along?", "WHAT WILL MY DRESS LOOK LIKE?" Yeah, there we go, the fantasy all little girls were spoon fed: The wedding is the end goal.
 |
| photo courtesy elizabeth&jane photography |
The second school of thought is that women and men are all connected and have a deep desire to reconnect at the heart and soul. That marriage, if necessary, is a contract engaging each other, family, and community in the lifelong commitment of supporting the love and connection the couple has found.
It has nothing to do with procreation, buying a house, tax breaks or an event.
The issues I have noticed in dating are connected to most men believing that ALL women subscribe to the first school of thought. Most men believe that we must ALL want the kids the house and a ridiculously overpriced wedding event to show the world, we did good. Even though most men will tell you, you're different, what they are thinking is, we are all after the same gold ring.
And women: Really, those of you (that I know personally), don't you want a man who A) knows the difference, and B) believes in the connection you have, not the concept he has been spoon fed?
The society we live in has spent an eternity defining and conditioning men and women to have roles. The reconditioning that it takes to get back to basics could take a lifetime to undo.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Opinion
I have visited the topic of opinion in this blog, and yes, everyone has one, and everyone's opinion does have some validity, but what I have noticed with the upcoming election, is that for whatever reason everyone thinks that their sole opinion is right. A fact, so to speak. The main issue
with opinion remaining objective, is the idea that all opinions formed by any one
person have come from their own personal history. Each individual has a history which forms
opinion. Experiences which decidedly make their opinion a foundation, they believe,
to be true, for everyone.
During this election, and I am guilty as well, I have
noticed that every person with an opinion believes that opinion to be fact. I
know for a fact poverty sucks. I know for a fact that the rich do not pay a
fair share of taxes. I know for a fact that small business owners pay too much
in taxes and do not get the support locally from sate and government that they
need to be successful. I know for a fact that gay marriage should be legal – that
equal rights for everyone should not be a matter for courts or other people to
decide, it should just be. I know for a fact women are in control and should be
responsible for their own reproductive rights. I know for a fact….and so on, and
so on.
These facts come from personal experience, friends who have
been denied civil rights, women I know that don’t want anyone, man or
government, making choices for them regarding their body, small business owners
I personally know who were taxed (and insured) out of a fair price range for
the profit their business could acquire to remain successful. These experiences
which affect people around me that I care about and want to see get a fair
shake.
Well, everyone has experiences, on either side of what’s
fair. It’s called life. All our experiences have fashioned our concept of
what’s fair, so where does any sense of objectivity come in to play? What is
fair for everyone? Well the answer is there is not
a fair way to do things, because we are not equal. Everyone does not work as
hard as everyone else, everyone does not save their money for the benefit of
family and community like everyone else. Everyone is not exposed to the
education to make them as successful as everyone else. Some people choose not
to work. Some people are afflicted and cannot work. Who drew the map that said
all people should be treated the same on the level of business and commerce?
Rights and the availability to access the same opportunities
seems to be the goal, but everyone has gotten their personal agenda confused
with what is fair and accessible. Some people are just not go-getters, business saavy, or have the desire to participate in the business world. If a
classroom of people decide they all have the same goal, and 20% of those people go
out and over achieve, while 20% of those people decide they would rather wait
for something good to fall in their lap, and 40% of those people decide they
will just follow the upper 20% and do the bare minimum, we have different people
with different values all wanting – desiring the same outcome. It simply is not
realistic – or fair.
There is a basis of value for the beginning of any
functioning success. Knowledge of how to be successful; Start-up, so to speak, and a team committed to the success of your project. With these things it seems
success is imminent, but not all the time. Look at any start-ups that do not
have the full spectrum of knowledge of product, or the backing financially to
run the entire course, or a half-assed team. These things all directly affect
the outcome of any success.
Then the blame starts, "I didn’t get this", "that guy got more",
"why isn’t my platform the same" – we as a nation, need to stop comparing
ourselves to everyone else and start seeking accountability for what is
available, how to fashion it into something personally successful to oneself.
My success may not look like your success. And it shouldn’t.
Individuals. We are each singularly responsible for our
perception of success and the results of our actions and effort.
The concept of jumping aboard what one man thinks is
successful, calling it our own, and then defining it for a nation of people who
are as different and unique as snowflakes is one of the biggest issues with why
success is un-found for most. The definition is not one’s own.
Thus the concept of opinion and what is relative to
experience is confused. I have heard person after person regurgitate something
they heard someone else say and treat it as fact. If my dad is a democrat and
has an agenda based on his personal experience, what does that have to do with
me? My history is with him, my future is with myself. My concept of what is
viable and successful is built within my vision I have built for myself. Not
something I heard as a child, or in school, or by associates.
Our country has faltered in not allowing free, or critical, thinking,
but encouraging classism, racism, and following a group (any group)…to maintain separatism
amongst the masses.
Herd mentality is encouraged and this is how the government,
via the media and politics, keeps the
rich and powerful in seats, and the poor and ignorant working for them.
This is
also my opinion.
There were many who believed only by standing together could
we make any change, but the concept of change is irrelevant if everyone doesn’t
want or perceive the concept of change as beneficial.
Ideally, we would all be independent minded, follow our own dreams, and grant compassion and good wishes on those around us for their dreams and successes. This definitely is not the case, but at least we can look at what we stand for as our own personal dream of peace and success and not force that on others, or expect others to concede to everyone.
Opinion...it's just yours, remember?
Friday, October 5, 2012
Embarking on a new journey
Yesterday, on my flight from LaGuardia to Denver, I met quite a few international passengers. It's interesting what airports attract international passengers even when there are numerous options in the area. This is a prime example. LaGuardia attracts hundreds of thousands of international customers, whereas Newark...nto so much.
I met a group from Argentina, who were all going to a wedding together. Beautiful accents and seemed pleasant and easy going. A couple different groups from France. Same thing, easy dispositions and just happy to be going across our country.
I thought about my next trip. Tomorrow, I depart for Puerto Rico. I have never been, and even though owned by the U.S., still a new cultural experience and one I have looked forward to. I do not speak Spanish and although the dollar is used as is English, I want to acclimate to the culture and get to know the beauty of the island.
I think about all the people who come here who do not speak English at all and how difficult that is. I think about my travels abroad, and how I tried to learn new languages and figure out the customs simply to show respect.
I am going in knowing nothing and it's kind of exciting. It is who I have come to be. Just existing. Being in the moment. Living for the sake of living.
I do not know what I will find, but the itinerary is sparse, filled only so far with hotel arrangements, car and beach concepts, and the knowledge that I will be in good company.
Then a quick weekend in Miami to top off the R&R portion of the vacation - dancing in my own country. Free and loved.
I met a group from Argentina, who were all going to a wedding together. Beautiful accents and seemed pleasant and easy going. A couple different groups from France. Same thing, easy dispositions and just happy to be going across our country.
I thought about my next trip. Tomorrow, I depart for Puerto Rico. I have never been, and even though owned by the U.S., still a new cultural experience and one I have looked forward to. I do not speak Spanish and although the dollar is used as is English, I want to acclimate to the culture and get to know the beauty of the island.I think about all the people who come here who do not speak English at all and how difficult that is. I think about my travels abroad, and how I tried to learn new languages and figure out the customs simply to show respect.
I am going in knowing nothing and it's kind of exciting. It is who I have come to be. Just existing. Being in the moment. Living for the sake of living.
I do not know what I will find, but the itinerary is sparse, filled only so far with hotel arrangements, car and beach concepts, and the knowledge that I will be in good company.
Then a quick weekend in Miami to top off the R&R portion of the vacation - dancing in my own country. Free and loved.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
A little bit O' Crazy
So, I was chilling in the Las Vegas airport waiting for my flight when I hear a small commotion behind me. By commotion, I mean a woman in a wheelchair yelling at the wheelchair pusher. At first, I thought this was one of the contract wheelchair pushers for the airport, as she was speaking at him so condescendingly. But, alas, it was her husband.
I went back to writing and tried to bury my nose in my laptop and zone out of the sounds of Vegas.
Not even two minutes later, I hear the same woman talking to random passengers sitting across from her, asking if they will watch her cats so she can go to the restroom. Apparently the husband had gone off to fetch her some food and she could not wait for him to return to go to the restroom. She introduced herself to the other passengers and began grilling them on their life story. Where were they from. How did they meet. Did they lose a lot of money in Vegas. What were they doing in Vegas. All sorts of things which were none of her business, and the couple answered uncomfortably. Then the husband returned.
Oh my! And this is when it got cra-cra-crazy.
This woman began to reprimand him for leaving her. Then commanding him to move her around. Then proceeded to tell him he needed to be more "normal". In bed.
As much as I did not want to turn around and see what the hell was going on and why this woman was getting all crazy in a public forum. Like those around me, I could not help myself.
Train wreck ensued.
I looked.
She began to cry and shout. Spewing about all his habits and asking repeatedly, "why can't you just be normal". It occurred to me at that point, "what is normal?"
Then she says, "I know what you want."
At this point, I begin to gather up my things because I cannot sit here for one minute longer listening to this awful display of public insanity.
But, before I can get my laptop back in the bag and my cord wrapped up and into my carryon, she hisses, "You want to gamble."
Ha! I thought I might die laughing.
She went from evil, to sad, to mean, to all-knowing within a 15 minute period and I am not exaggerating one bit. This is when any "normal" person would suggest medication, and perhaps a short stint at a "resort" if you know what I mean.
She needed serious help. Then I thought, how does she have a husband? Who puts up with this kind of crazy?
I hustled out of there as fast as I could, trying not to make eye contact with anyone in the vicinity.
Scared, really. Those are the situations that go from zero to sixty in two minutes or less, and you don't know why. I'll tell you why and I'll tell you how. Some people are just a little crazy.
I went back to writing and tried to bury my nose in my laptop and zone out of the sounds of Vegas.
Not even two minutes later, I hear the same woman talking to random passengers sitting across from her, asking if they will watch her cats so she can go to the restroom. Apparently the husband had gone off to fetch her some food and she could not wait for him to return to go to the restroom. She introduced herself to the other passengers and began grilling them on their life story. Where were they from. How did they meet. Did they lose a lot of money in Vegas. What were they doing in Vegas. All sorts of things which were none of her business, and the couple answered uncomfortably. Then the husband returned.
Oh my! And this is when it got cra-cra-crazy.
This woman began to reprimand him for leaving her. Then commanding him to move her around. Then proceeded to tell him he needed to be more "normal". In bed.
As much as I did not want to turn around and see what the hell was going on and why this woman was getting all crazy in a public forum. Like those around me, I could not help myself.
Train wreck ensued.
I looked.
She began to cry and shout. Spewing about all his habits and asking repeatedly, "why can't you just be normal". It occurred to me at that point, "what is normal?"
Then she says, "I know what you want."
At this point, I begin to gather up my things because I cannot sit here for one minute longer listening to this awful display of public insanity.
But, before I can get my laptop back in the bag and my cord wrapped up and into my carryon, she hisses, "You want to gamble."
Ha! I thought I might die laughing.
She went from evil, to sad, to mean, to all-knowing within a 15 minute period and I am not exaggerating one bit. This is when any "normal" person would suggest medication, and perhaps a short stint at a "resort" if you know what I mean.
She needed serious help. Then I thought, how does she have a husband? Who puts up with this kind of crazy?
I hustled out of there as fast as I could, trying not to make eye contact with anyone in the vicinity.
Scared, really. Those are the situations that go from zero to sixty in two minutes or less, and you don't know why. I'll tell you why and I'll tell you how. Some people are just a little crazy.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Collateral Damage: politics and the breakdown of every community
Reading one of the most powerful articles I have read in a decade, today, I am acutely aware of where I stand in American politics, and what I despise about the insolence of this country.
I wrote a blog about collateral damage in relationships a while ago. How people don't even acknowledge collateral damage because that's part of the game right? How to win the war right? In every good fight exists, some, if not necessary trauma and death. Whether death be, human and physical ending of life, or the death of spirit of community, and concept.
Today, this quote stood out to me in an article that was was so blatentely accurate and informative, I feared for the writers backlash and future. Americans hate to hear, or acknowledge the truth.
But, this:
"Then again, no one wants to feel like a bad person, and there's no need to apologize if you are oblivious to the harms done in your name -- calling the occasional ones you notice collateral damage (“stuff happens”) -- or if you believe that American force is always applied righteously in a world that is justly divided into winners and losers." Jeremiah Goulka (Full Article)
is TRUTH.
We, as Americans, have a sense of self that far exceeds the value of human life, and morality, around the world. For whatever reason, we believe that whatever we do, whomever we kill, in the name of justice and freedom, but actually in the name of capitalism and pure greed, overlapped by fear of anything not cloaked in our own generic value of what an American is supposed to look like, is A-OK.
This mode of thought is what has a majority of the world mocking and disdainful of the average American stereotype. All of us.
What we have become is a monster of mass destruction. Incapable of even adhering to our own parents values; childrens right's, and sense of self. The issues have become shadowed by media interpretation and vulgar masks of prejudice and classism. Blatant disregard for human life and rights, in lieu of concept of money - of which we have none. Our country is broke. Wake up!
War is not the answer.
Oil is not a life threatening and freedom bearing issue.
The taxes of one man, who "opts out" is none of our business. The only reason these are popular issues is because it divides our society. The politicians and the media in this country are insidious manipulators.
Making the pie pieces smaller neither enhances the flavor nor multiplies the amount of the pie itself. It simply makes smaller pieces for the few that get to taste it.
Collateral Damage: affects everyone.
I wrote a blog about collateral damage in relationships a while ago. How people don't even acknowledge collateral damage because that's part of the game right? How to win the war right? In every good fight exists, some, if not necessary trauma and death. Whether death be, human and physical ending of life, or the death of spirit of community, and concept.
Today, this quote stood out to me in an article that was was so blatentely accurate and informative, I feared for the writers backlash and future. Americans hate to hear, or acknowledge the truth.
But, this:
"Then again, no one wants to feel like a bad person, and there's no need to apologize if you are oblivious to the harms done in your name -- calling the occasional ones you notice collateral damage (“stuff happens”) -- or if you believe that American force is always applied righteously in a world that is justly divided into winners and losers." Jeremiah Goulka (Full Article)
is TRUTH.
We, as Americans, have a sense of self that far exceeds the value of human life, and morality, around the world. For whatever reason, we believe that whatever we do, whomever we kill, in the name of justice and freedom, but actually in the name of capitalism and pure greed, overlapped by fear of anything not cloaked in our own generic value of what an American is supposed to look like, is A-OK.
This mode of thought is what has a majority of the world mocking and disdainful of the average American stereotype. All of us.
What we have become is a monster of mass destruction. Incapable of even adhering to our own parents values; childrens right's, and sense of self. The issues have become shadowed by media interpretation and vulgar masks of prejudice and classism. Blatant disregard for human life and rights, in lieu of concept of money - of which we have none. Our country is broke. Wake up!
War is not the answer.
Oil is not a life threatening and freedom bearing issue.
The taxes of one man, who "opts out" is none of our business. The only reason these are popular issues is because it divides our society. The politicians and the media in this country are insidious manipulators.
Making the pie pieces smaller neither enhances the flavor nor multiplies the amount of the pie itself. It simply makes smaller pieces for the few that get to taste it.
Collateral Damage: affects everyone.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
And the baby is a senior
As school starts this year and all the "First Day" photos pop up on all the social medias, I settle in and think about what this year means to my child and to myself.
Choices.
Opportunities.
The world as your oyster and at your fingertips.
I relived my first days of senior year. The thoughts of college. The thoughts of leaving the nest.
I thought I loved her 16 years, 11 months and 25 days ago. Today, I can barely breathe thinking of my life without her even a semester at a time.
She drives the car.
She makes me laugh.
She follows instructions and challenges me.
She laughs at my jokes and makes me cringe at the future.
This doll is my world. My everything from the day she first took a breath and I didn't even know it.
Slowly she has taken over my entire sense of self.
Everything I do in life, I think of her needs first. She doesn't know it, but I couldn't move forward if she weren't there. Not anymore. I don't brush my teeth without wondering if she brushed hers. I don't cook without thinking what she can't stand on her plate.
When the news is on I worry about her. Every parent has these moments, I know. Children change lives. Bigger than anything imaginable.Now, and then. Little, then BIG. Then bigger. Then bigger than that.
Her life is my life.
My first born.
My soul kept.
A seventeen year old girl.
Last year of high school. The excitement of the future; not just college, but an entire lifetime ahead. Marriage...her own children...career options...OPTIONS... the whole world ahead of anyone is the most exciting time in everyone's life.Choices.
Opportunities.
The world as your oyster and at your fingertips.
I relived my first days of senior year. The thoughts of college. The thoughts of leaving the nest.
I thought I loved her 16 years, 11 months and 25 days ago. Today, I can barely breathe thinking of my life without her even a semester at a time.
She drives the car.
She makes me laugh.
She follows instructions and challenges me.
She laughs at my jokes and makes me cringe at the future.
This doll is my world. My everything from the day she first took a breath and I didn't even know it.
Slowly she has taken over my entire sense of self.
Everything I do in life, I think of her needs first. She doesn't know it, but I couldn't move forward if she weren't there. Not anymore. I don't brush my teeth without wondering if she brushed hers. I don't cook without thinking what she can't stand on her plate.
When the news is on I worry about her. Every parent has these moments, I know. Children change lives. Bigger than anything imaginable.Now, and then. Little, then BIG. Then bigger. Then bigger than that.
Her life is my life.
My first born.
My soul kept.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Again, with the smile
Three very long days, hundreds of "end of summer" passengers, strange cities, amidst a heated political climate and a southern storm a brewin', and even though I can barely stay focused on the last two trips of the evening, I'm still smiling. On auto-pilot, so to speak, but very much, just being me.
A businessman walks out of the bathroom and asks for a Coke. Simple enough. I scoop ice, pop open a can, and grab a napkin. As I hand him the items, he says, "that is a well rehearsed smile", or something to that effect. Implying that my smile which he perceived as fake, was something I doled out no matter what the circumstance.
Although this bears witness to two facts, 1) he doesn't believe he was worthy of my fantastic smile, and 2) he felt as if asking me to get him a coke was a pain in my ass and I gave him the smile in response.
Wrong on both counts and insulting to who I am, it also reminded me what I offer up, even when on auto - a huge smile to everyone who needs one.
My response to his remark, "I smile like this all the time. I am like this, all the time".
His response, "it's annoying".
Whoa.
My smile is annoying?
Look here, Grinch...but before I could even respond, my associate, my partner in crime for three days, jumped in. "Annoying? She IS like this all the time. She is one of the nicest..." yadda yadda.
Then I laughed. I don't need to defend myself to a stranger, and how sad, to be so conditioned that you believe anyone who smiles at you is only doing so facetiously.
He then stood in the back of the plane and chatted with us for about twenty minutes before returning to his seat. He talked about all the legacy carriers and how, "they just don't get it". How rude and awful the crews are and how our airline is so different in the way they treat customers. A common exchange between many of our customers, how much they love us and prefer us to all the other airlines.
Ironically enough, this particular trip showed another side to our passengers. We had passengers bring us chocolates, compliments and even jewelry. The three days was filled with gratitude and love from our passengers and I felt truly lucky to have my job this week. As exhausting as each day was, we received genuine appreciation from our passengers which, sometimes, is far greater than any compensation.
By the end of this particular flight, as the gentleman from the beginning of this story exited the plane I waited up front to say goodbye personally, I asked if I was still annoying him and he smiled and said, "Actually, it's quite charming."
Yeah, that's what I thought.
A businessman walks out of the bathroom and asks for a Coke. Simple enough. I scoop ice, pop open a can, and grab a napkin. As I hand him the items, he says, "that is a well rehearsed smile", or something to that effect. Implying that my smile which he perceived as fake, was something I doled out no matter what the circumstance.
Although this bears witness to two facts, 1) he doesn't believe he was worthy of my fantastic smile, and 2) he felt as if asking me to get him a coke was a pain in my ass and I gave him the smile in response.
Wrong on both counts and insulting to who I am, it also reminded me what I offer up, even when on auto - a huge smile to everyone who needs one.
My response to his remark, "I smile like this all the time. I am like this, all the time".
His response, "it's annoying".
Whoa.
My smile is annoying?
Look here, Grinch...but before I could even respond, my associate, my partner in crime for three days, jumped in. "Annoying? She IS like this all the time. She is one of the nicest..." yadda yadda.
Then I laughed. I don't need to defend myself to a stranger, and how sad, to be so conditioned that you believe anyone who smiles at you is only doing so facetiously.
He then stood in the back of the plane and chatted with us for about twenty minutes before returning to his seat. He talked about all the legacy carriers and how, "they just don't get it". How rude and awful the crews are and how our airline is so different in the way they treat customers. A common exchange between many of our customers, how much they love us and prefer us to all the other airlines.
Ironically enough, this particular trip showed another side to our passengers. We had passengers bring us chocolates, compliments and even jewelry. The three days was filled with gratitude and love from our passengers and I felt truly lucky to have my job this week. As exhausting as each day was, we received genuine appreciation from our passengers which, sometimes, is far greater than any compensation.
By the end of this particular flight, as the gentleman from the beginning of this story exited the plane I waited up front to say goodbye personally, I asked if I was still annoying him and he smiled and said, "Actually, it's quite charming."
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Sports and relationships
And I do not mean, hate the game.
I love football. I grew up on football. I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader when I was a little cheerleader of life. I think it was more exciting for me to cheer on the Cowboys, whom my father hated, than to actually be a cheerleader, but this is how it all begins, n'est ce pas?
I watched an HBO Sports documentary on Steve Gleason - the game that changed his life, his bout with ALS and the revival of the Saints. It is an emotional documentary. It touches on passion for life. A game Americans relate to and are conjoined by, and a relationship one man has with the game and his city. Passion is not defined by one man's concept, but by any man's engagement with his perception of that concept.
Steve Gleason is a hero. He has that passion. He loves his city. He loved the game.
The irony of his life and his relationship with the Saints, is the scandal that ensued most recently. Bounties and payments made and taken for physically damaging other players from other teams. The Saints were made a target, as if they were the only team to ever bounty up another player ina professional sport. But men like Gleason and many, many others who suffered the final blow and damage of these boounties now pay the ultimate price.
Unable to speak, and with few mobilities left, these men speak on the power of the game - the power of the blow, every blow with ultimately led to their demise. Gleason clearly states, it is not the words of the head coaches that cause damage to other players, it is the impact itself. The head to body, head to head and head to ground contact with immobilizes these hero's we love to watch over beer and nachos on Sunday.
Like Gladiators, these men get into the ring and fight for a paycheck, fight for their families and fight for their fans. As if they are changing the world. Some get killed against the lion.
I have a son who wants to fight the lion.
Now my fan status has a different outlook.
Do I think Steve Gleason's mom appreciates the game as much as all her son's fans? How about his wife, or their infant son?
What some give up to be a hero is not winning the game. It is the fight that happens after the games are over and life is on the line. For the future of other players. For their families.
Not for the game.
I love football. I grew up on football. I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader when I was a little cheerleader of life. I think it was more exciting for me to cheer on the Cowboys, whom my father hated, than to actually be a cheerleader, but this is how it all begins, n'est ce pas?
I watched an HBO Sports documentary on Steve Gleason - the game that changed his life, his bout with ALS and the revival of the Saints. It is an emotional documentary. It touches on passion for life. A game Americans relate to and are conjoined by, and a relationship one man has with the game and his city. Passion is not defined by one man's concept, but by any man's engagement with his perception of that concept.
Steve Gleason is a hero. He has that passion. He loves his city. He loved the game.
The irony of his life and his relationship with the Saints, is the scandal that ensued most recently. Bounties and payments made and taken for physically damaging other players from other teams. The Saints were made a target, as if they were the only team to ever bounty up another player ina professional sport. But men like Gleason and many, many others who suffered the final blow and damage of these boounties now pay the ultimate price.
Unable to speak, and with few mobilities left, these men speak on the power of the game - the power of the blow, every blow with ultimately led to their demise. Gleason clearly states, it is not the words of the head coaches that cause damage to other players, it is the impact itself. The head to body, head to head and head to ground contact with immobilizes these hero's we love to watch over beer and nachos on Sunday.
Like Gladiators, these men get into the ring and fight for a paycheck, fight for their families and fight for their fans. As if they are changing the world. Some get killed against the lion.
I have a son who wants to fight the lion.
Now my fan status has a different outlook.
Do I think Steve Gleason's mom appreciates the game as much as all her son's fans? How about his wife, or their infant son?
What some give up to be a hero is not winning the game. It is the fight that happens after the games are over and life is on the line. For the future of other players. For their families.
Not for the game.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Heartache and the meaning of life
The purpose in life, under some terms is not simply to evolve, but to engage and learn.
This is affected by the people we are born to. The friends we choose. The children we are blessed with.
The lovers that cross our paths. Our lifelong friends, and our acquaintances.
Each of these relationships is specific in determining how we proceed to our (own individual) next level.
I held on to this article for few days before I actually read it, because I knew there were things that I would easily get, and things I wasn't ready to face yet; the path of my own journey I didn't want to see on paper. Like knowing your bank account is a mess, but being afraid to log in and see it firsthand, because in your mind, the damage is far worse than in reality.
This article in O magazine lightly sauces a few very typical behaviors that change people's outlooks. But, on some level gives a better outlook on how and why we become the people we are today. How do we react to these encounters? How do we train our persona's to react to similar acts in the future? Do we become more aware? Do we repeat the same mistakes over and over again? Do we jump up and never open the door again?
I finally read the article today, and as I suspected, received it far better than I anticipated. The #1 point made, which we have all walked through...hanging on longer than necessary believing under some sun that we are more special than that person thought we were. And we are, even if they don't think so.
I had a great friend tell me once, "just because "that guy" mistreated me, doesn't mean I am unlovable". Those words changed my path. My outlook, my life.
I had attached my love-ability to some dick, who treated me just like my dad did forty years ago, and responded as if that was my future, my story, not just my history.
I had to tell myself everyday for months, "I am loveable". And today, I would never have to say that outloud, because I know it's true, but then, I needed to hear it everyday, even if only from my own lips, to remind myself that one fucktard (maybe two) does not define me.
But, had that never happened, had I never been mistreated, had I never heard my friends kind words, had I never picked my ass up off the ground and revitalized myself, and my spirit, I would be the same pathetic girl disengaged by words and actions of someone so careless, they don't even care about them self, much less anyone else.
The benefit of heartache...the quality of engaging in life.
Always the opportunity to build a better universe for self.
This is affected by the people we are born to. The friends we choose. The children we are blessed with.
The lovers that cross our paths. Our lifelong friends, and our acquaintances.
Each of these relationships is specific in determining how we proceed to our (own individual) next level.
I held on to this article for few days before I actually read it, because I knew there were things that I would easily get, and things I wasn't ready to face yet; the path of my own journey I didn't want to see on paper. Like knowing your bank account is a mess, but being afraid to log in and see it firsthand, because in your mind, the damage is far worse than in reality.
This article in O magazine lightly sauces a few very typical behaviors that change people's outlooks. But, on some level gives a better outlook on how and why we become the people we are today. How do we react to these encounters? How do we train our persona's to react to similar acts in the future? Do we become more aware? Do we repeat the same mistakes over and over again? Do we jump up and never open the door again?
I finally read the article today, and as I suspected, received it far better than I anticipated. The #1 point made, which we have all walked through...hanging on longer than necessary believing under some sun that we are more special than that person thought we were. And we are, even if they don't think so.
I had a great friend tell me once, "just because "that guy" mistreated me, doesn't mean I am unlovable". Those words changed my path. My outlook, my life.
I had attached my love-ability to some dick, who treated me just like my dad did forty years ago, and responded as if that was my future, my story, not just my history.
I had to tell myself everyday for months, "I am loveable". And today, I would never have to say that outloud, because I know it's true, but then, I needed to hear it everyday, even if only from my own lips, to remind myself that one fucktard (maybe two) does not define me.
But, had that never happened, had I never been mistreated, had I never heard my friends kind words, had I never picked my ass up off the ground and revitalized myself, and my spirit, I would be the same pathetic girl disengaged by words and actions of someone so careless, they don't even care about them self, much less anyone else.
The benefit of heartache...the quality of engaging in life.
Always the opportunity to build a better universe for self.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Moments that change your outlook
In general, I do not give money to people who beg. It sucks. I don't like guilt. I don't have extra money to give to everyone who asks, so on some level, I have simply resolved to giving to no one. I also feel like when people ask me for money, I want to tell my story and ask if they want to help feed my kids, I mean, yeah, I have a job, but I have earned everything I have, and yes its hard.
But, I am done taking food out of my kids mouth to feed a stranger. I commit my time. I donate clothing, cell phones, cars and furniture and anything I have to help, but cash money is a hot commodity these days.
Fast forward to today. Maddi and I are at the grocery and a visibly pregnant woman approaches the car and says she is trying to get back to Boulder and the express bus is $5 and she just needs help getting home.
She is young and pregnant, and seems distressed. What to do? She also reminds us of an old friend who was pregnant last year. Personal accountability, as a human being, on some level.
I don't have cash but tell her to wait and when I am done grocery shopping, I will bring her cash.
I gave her a $10 after we finished and told her, I didn't know if she was hungry too, but good luck.
Maddi said, "what if she was a con artist"? Hmmm, who taught her that? I simply answered, maybe she is, but I remember being pregnant, and I was hungry all the time... and begging sucks. So, hopefully she really needed the help and gets where she needs to go, and my daughter has learned there are exceptions to every rule.
But, it weighed on my mind because I like to set a good example, I like to be consistent, and I want my kids to know that there are always exceptions, but doing the right thing is your choice, not reflective on how people accept it, or take advantage of it. That is solely on them.
Good day.
But, I am done taking food out of my kids mouth to feed a stranger. I commit my time. I donate clothing, cell phones, cars and furniture and anything I have to help, but cash money is a hot commodity these days.
Fast forward to today. Maddi and I are at the grocery and a visibly pregnant woman approaches the car and says she is trying to get back to Boulder and the express bus is $5 and she just needs help getting home.
She is young and pregnant, and seems distressed. What to do? She also reminds us of an old friend who was pregnant last year. Personal accountability, as a human being, on some level.
I don't have cash but tell her to wait and when I am done grocery shopping, I will bring her cash.
I gave her a $10 after we finished and told her, I didn't know if she was hungry too, but good luck.
Maddi said, "what if she was a con artist"? Hmmm, who taught her that? I simply answered, maybe she is, but I remember being pregnant, and I was hungry all the time... and begging sucks. So, hopefully she really needed the help and gets where she needs to go, and my daughter has learned there are exceptions to every rule.
But, it weighed on my mind because I like to set a good example, I like to be consistent, and I want my kids to know that there are always exceptions, but doing the right thing is your choice, not reflective on how people accept it, or take advantage of it. That is solely on them.
Good day.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Bucket lists
I have never had a bucket list per se. I pretty much just live my life day to day doing the most and the best each day has to offer. I don't pass up opportunities. I try to capture every moment like it may be the last. Not my last, but the the last chance to do it.
On some level, I still have the youthful outlook of invincibility. I suppose that is what keeps me young in spirit. I am smarter, more careful, but I make choices based on the knowledge of future chance and the concept that things don't just come along at will. I appreciate each moment that comes my way.
My job has afforded me the destination accessibility for many ventures lately. But, my desire to seek them out has been the catalyst for the many cool activities I have seen and done lately.
I have aggressively pursued my adventures. Blessed to have the ability to get to certain places I would not have traveled to on my own. Blessed to be healthy enough to follow though with my pursuits.
Everyone, on some level has tasks, adventures, things that they want to do. Whether it is travel to a new city, see a sports team play, buy a certain vehicle, everyone has a "thing".
I turned 40 a few years ago, and prior to this birthday I had a list as long as my arm. I wanted to publish a book. Done. I wanted to run a marathon. Done. I wanted to live abroad. Done. I wanted to write an everyday cookbook for busy moms. Almost done. Point being - there was always something at the forefront.
Lately, since I've ventured into my 40's, I've slacked off. Nothing at the forefront. No pending desires that are taking over my time and money as I prepare, just really trying to enjoy each day.
Yes, I want to travel more. Yes, I have goals for my kids. Yes, I want to get better at golf. But, nothing seems as important as living in the moment. Enjoying every sunrise, every kiss, every dinner, every glass of wine, every run, every moment with my child, every chance to connect with another human being. The important things have changed and I didn't even realize it.
It's almost like I changed my perspective on my reception of life and how I attack it to breathing in each moment and letting it embrace me, for a minute.
These 12 people, whether they had a bucket list or not, will never get to fulfill their desires in this lifetime, and I breathe in slowly as I connect with life itself, blessed to be here one more day, with my kid, in my home, in my life.
Live it! It's short... and un-promised.
On some level, I still have the youthful outlook of invincibility. I suppose that is what keeps me young in spirit. I am smarter, more careful, but I make choices based on the knowledge of future chance and the concept that things don't just come along at will. I appreciate each moment that comes my way.
My job has afforded me the destination accessibility for many ventures lately. But, my desire to seek them out has been the catalyst for the many cool activities I have seen and done lately.
I have aggressively pursued my adventures. Blessed to have the ability to get to certain places I would not have traveled to on my own. Blessed to be healthy enough to follow though with my pursuits.
Everyone, on some level has tasks, adventures, things that they want to do. Whether it is travel to a new city, see a sports team play, buy a certain vehicle, everyone has a "thing".
I turned 40 a few years ago, and prior to this birthday I had a list as long as my arm. I wanted to publish a book. Done. I wanted to run a marathon. Done. I wanted to live abroad. Done. I wanted to write an everyday cookbook for busy moms. Almost done. Point being - there was always something at the forefront.
Lately, since I've ventured into my 40's, I've slacked off. Nothing at the forefront. No pending desires that are taking over my time and money as I prepare, just really trying to enjoy each day.
Yes, I want to travel more. Yes, I have goals for my kids. Yes, I want to get better at golf. But, nothing seems as important as living in the moment. Enjoying every sunrise, every kiss, every dinner, every glass of wine, every run, every moment with my child, every chance to connect with another human being. The important things have changed and I didn't even realize it.
It's almost like I changed my perspective on my reception of life and how I attack it to breathing in each moment and letting it embrace me, for a minute.
These 12 people, whether they had a bucket list or not, will never get to fulfill their desires in this lifetime, and I breathe in slowly as I connect with life itself, blessed to be here one more day, with my kid, in my home, in my life.
Live it! It's short... and un-promised.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Loving New Orleans
I have been so lucky - traveling city to city, not only domestically, but internationally, and recently over and over to some of my favorite cities. New Orleans has been an opportunity for me to embrace the culture of the southern region of the states - a portion of the country I have avoided because of my experiences in the south in the past and clumping that entire region together.
But there is no place on earth like New Orleans. Believe it.
The food, the music, the fans of the New Orleans Saints. Beignets, chicory coffee, the Quarter, brass bands, dirty streets and hurricanes. All the best and the grimy...making one of the most unique cities and a noted charming presence in the country.
The people - the most genuine, real, down to earth American people - the culture of the south, the heart of America in soul. The concept of diversity and love.
Music, sweet music.
Music and food define love and how we treat each other - think about what New Orleans gives to its own community and all the tourists that come down to embrace the love. Undeniably, from the heart - they put their foot in it. Your plate, my plate, every note, every sultry voice, spreading love into the night and to anyone who wants to listen and enjoy.
Again, I am blessed, but if you haven't been down south lately, New Orleans is back!
But there is no place on earth like New Orleans. Believe it.
The food, the music, the fans of the New Orleans Saints. Beignets, chicory coffee, the Quarter, brass bands, dirty streets and hurricanes. All the best and the grimy...making one of the most unique cities and a noted charming presence in the country.
The people - the most genuine, real, down to earth American people - the culture of the south, the heart of America in soul. The concept of diversity and love.
Music, sweet music.
Music and food define love and how we treat each other - think about what New Orleans gives to its own community and all the tourists that come down to embrace the love. Undeniably, from the heart - they put their foot in it. Your plate, my plate, every note, every sultry voice, spreading love into the night and to anyone who wants to listen and enjoy.
Again, I am blessed, but if you haven't been down south lately, New Orleans is back!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Living in Terror
I came in late last night - quick overnight at home and as I relaxed and fell asleep with the fan on me, I thought of nothing but sleep. Within 3 hours I was awakened by a car door slam and then the sound of fighting.
I looked out my window to see a car pulled over on the side of the street, lights on, and a man atop another in the middle of the street. Although the streetlamp exposed the scuffle, it was hard to make out the who, the what, the why. I then heard a voice. A voice hurrying the fighters back into the vehicle. I had to assume they had seen me peering out of the window directly at them.
As I contemplated calling the police, the voice jarred me into reality. I live alone. I travel a lot. I am now a target.
A man punching the daylights out of what looked to be a teenager in the middle of the street at 3a.
What do you do?
And as fast as it drew me out of bed, the tires on the mini van squealed and the driver drove both men away into the darkness.
I re-ran the conversation, all the sounds over and over again in my head. Was this a gang related beatdown? Were these two drunk buddies that finally broke the last straw and decided to throw down? Was this a father figure beating a teenager who was out of line? These are the thoughts that went through my head.
Something told me it was domestic. Maybe the way the receiver of the beating slunk back to the car and got in silently. It also wasn't a loud altercation. NO cries for help. No voices at all, except initially when the car door slammed. I heard a man's voice saying, "...I told you...". Then after repeatedly punching the victim in the face and head, the voice of the woman driving the vehicle signaling them to depart the scene.
Regardless, my thoughts surrounded, would they come back? Would they break in and give me a beating because I witnessed the event? What the hell just happened?
Re-living the scene over and over again.
Getting out of bed over and over to look into the street and the cars. Trying to recognize my worst fear.
Finally falling back to sleep hours later of sheer exhaustion.
I sat on the toilet and quietly peed listening for any sounds coming from downstairs and outside. I thought about the fear the victim must live in daily to take a beating like that and get back in the car with these people. I thought about how much I don't know about my neighbors. I thought about how I made a conscious choice not to live in fear after two home invasions during my twenties.
It crossed my mind that I need to move. That I love my house and I love downtown but I am alone.
I am not protecting anyone. No one is protecting me. I don't want to lie awake at night reliving someone else's terror.
No compassion in the world can absorb the victimization of another human being.
And I look forward to my hotel room tonight so I can sleep well again.
And this makes me sad as well.
The irony: it's Independence Day.
Where is my freedom?
I looked out my window to see a car pulled over on the side of the street, lights on, and a man atop another in the middle of the street. Although the streetlamp exposed the scuffle, it was hard to make out the who, the what, the why. I then heard a voice. A voice hurrying the fighters back into the vehicle. I had to assume they had seen me peering out of the window directly at them.
As I contemplated calling the police, the voice jarred me into reality. I live alone. I travel a lot. I am now a target.
A man punching the daylights out of what looked to be a teenager in the middle of the street at 3a.
What do you do?
And as fast as it drew me out of bed, the tires on the mini van squealed and the driver drove both men away into the darkness.
I re-ran the conversation, all the sounds over and over again in my head. Was this a gang related beatdown? Were these two drunk buddies that finally broke the last straw and decided to throw down? Was this a father figure beating a teenager who was out of line? These are the thoughts that went through my head.
Something told me it was domestic. Maybe the way the receiver of the beating slunk back to the car and got in silently. It also wasn't a loud altercation. NO cries for help. No voices at all, except initially when the car door slammed. I heard a man's voice saying, "...I told you...". Then after repeatedly punching the victim in the face and head, the voice of the woman driving the vehicle signaling them to depart the scene.
Regardless, my thoughts surrounded, would they come back? Would they break in and give me a beating because I witnessed the event? What the hell just happened?
Re-living the scene over and over again.
Getting out of bed over and over to look into the street and the cars. Trying to recognize my worst fear.
Finally falling back to sleep hours later of sheer exhaustion.
I sat on the toilet and quietly peed listening for any sounds coming from downstairs and outside. I thought about the fear the victim must live in daily to take a beating like that and get back in the car with these people. I thought about how much I don't know about my neighbors. I thought about how I made a conscious choice not to live in fear after two home invasions during my twenties.
It crossed my mind that I need to move. That I love my house and I love downtown but I am alone.
I am not protecting anyone. No one is protecting me. I don't want to lie awake at night reliving someone else's terror.
No compassion in the world can absorb the victimization of another human being.
And I look forward to my hotel room tonight so I can sleep well again.
And this makes me sad as well.
The irony: it's Independence Day.
Where is my freedom?
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Golf
I started taking golf lessons this summer. It is a sport I have been interested in for many years but did not think I was good at it after a bad group lesson about a decade ago.
I have matured. I think my perception of the sport has evolved. I decided it was time to give it another try.
This has probably been one of the best decisions I have made in a long time.
I love learning new things. I am competitive and determined, and this is a sport which challenges my athleticism and my intellect. I likened it to playing billiards; the setup, the geometry and angles in determining where to hit the ball to make a good shot, and the focus. It is easy to get one in every once in a while, but it takes practice and focus to win.
Outside of the sport itself, I initially joined a woman's group so I would have other women to play with and find new ways to network, meet people and step out of my comfort zone a bit. I wanted a new way to be social as my social life had become a bit stagnate. I wanted to have yet another way to spend time outdoors without sitting on a patio or boiling next to a pool. I wanted to learn this sport that I could now travel with and incorporate golf destinations into my future travel plans. I wanted to learn this sport that I could play when I retire and through my golden years.
I was looking for so many things and golf has provided me with almost all of them.
Golf is allowing me to step out of my head for a couple hours and truly put myself 100% into the game and my personal goals and success.
Golf is taking me out of my comfort zone and forcing me to open my mind to a different way of thinking.
Golf is giving me confidence in myself as an athlete.
Golf reminds me that no matter how much I do in life, there is still more to be done.
Golf is letting me be a better me.
Success!
I have matured. I think my perception of the sport has evolved. I decided it was time to give it another try.
This has probably been one of the best decisions I have made in a long time.
I love learning new things. I am competitive and determined, and this is a sport which challenges my athleticism and my intellect. I likened it to playing billiards; the setup, the geometry and angles in determining where to hit the ball to make a good shot, and the focus. It is easy to get one in every once in a while, but it takes practice and focus to win.
Outside of the sport itself, I initially joined a woman's group so I would have other women to play with and find new ways to network, meet people and step out of my comfort zone a bit. I wanted a new way to be social as my social life had become a bit stagnate. I wanted to have yet another way to spend time outdoors without sitting on a patio or boiling next to a pool. I wanted to learn this sport that I could now travel with and incorporate golf destinations into my future travel plans. I wanted to learn this sport that I could play when I retire and through my golden years.
I was looking for so many things and golf has provided me with almost all of them.
Golf is allowing me to step out of my head for a couple hours and truly put myself 100% into the game and my personal goals and success.
Golf is taking me out of my comfort zone and forcing me to open my mind to a different way of thinking.
Golf is giving me confidence in myself as an athlete.
Golf reminds me that no matter how much I do in life, there is still more to be done.
Golf is letting me be a better me.
Success!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Perception in Relationship... and Letting Go
In the past week I have read three different articles which spoke to me directly. All three articles deal with relationships, how each person in the relationship perceives what is happening to them, and the tragedy of how men and women cannot (DO not) communicate rationally and honestly about what they need. Emotionally, each article defines how emotions change our rationale and ability to look at the big picture. How we as human beings, instead of challenging ourselves to look honesty inward first, decidedly define actions as attacks on us based on our history and perception instead of the truth of what the person's intent is.
If someone kicks a dog, the action is the kick, the target is the dog. This action is not defined by why we think the person kicked the dog, what that person needs in life, the fault of the dog, or any other extraneous events which led to the action.
If someone treats you in a way you do not desire to be treated, no excuse for the behavior needs to be extrapolated from the event. It simply is what it is and you decide whether or not you want to live with someone who acts that way. If you don't mind dog kickers then stay with him. But your perception and desire to coach a dog kicker is simply a waste of time if you believe it will impact or change your personal relationship with this person.
Now when the dog bites the kicker, there is a new catalyst for discussion and excusing the behavior of the dog.
It is all a vicious cycle.
How we react is as powerful as every initial action.
Mary Kennedy
The first article I read - a heartbreaking story of dysfunction, battery and a cycle which finally ended in suicide. Whether or not Mary Kennedy suffered from borderline personality disorder was not determined by a professional, but her alcoholism, and documented abuse of her family stands to show how a dysfunctional family can continue to spiral downward until one leaves or dies.
This article speaks on insecurities, addiction and depression and how couples, in sometimes trying to help, fuel these issues by not addressing them and demanding their partner take action in dealing with the problems. This defines couples who lean on each others similarities in addiction and personality issues to avoid dealing with their individual issues - they use each other as a crutch.
Both parties blamed each other, while in fact both parties acted as individuals not as part of a couple. Both are equally to blame. Both had the opportunity to address their personal problems and work together as a couple, or decide what did not work as a couple.
Neither of them had the emotional maturity to address their addictions, their insecurities and become healthy enough to be in a relationship at all, much less with a mirror image.
Ask E. Jean
This column in ELLE magazine addresses a question from a woman who feels she has met the perfect guy in all aspects except his level of intellect, as determined by herself.
Miss E. breaks it down:
If this guy is everything you want in a man and you are questioning how smart he is, maybe he isn't the one that isn't so smart. She offers a guideline of "Rules for picking a smart boyfriend":
"Gorgeous is better than ugly...
kind is better than raging asshole...
amazing father material...better than penchant for screwing teenagers
likes life is better than liking books
makes you laugh better than makes you cry
balanced ego is better than huge ego
mindblowing sex...always better" (courtesy elle magazine/July 2012/ Ask E Jean p.156)
Sometimes we have to put it down on paper to see how black and white it is.
The final article was a magazine article on how this woman's ex-boyfriend sued her after their breakup. She ignored her first instinct, which was not to go out with this guy in the first place, dated this guy for a few months and at the peak of the horror of their relationship, spent a vacation in India arguing with man, ruining not only their vacation, but reinforcing why she knew they could not be together.
When she returned to the states, and the safety of her home, she was hit with a civil suit demanding over $900 in expenses for this vacation which they took together. She realized that this guy did not want the money, but wanted to punish her for dumping him, and after speaking to the court, found out she could just pay him the damages or ask for a retrial where she could respond to the suit.
It occurred to her this was one more way to manipulate her into seeing him and talking to him about what happened, which she refused to re-live, so she simply wrote him a check.
The interesting points of this article were how her perceptions of him prior to this trip were exasperated over and over as every insecurity reared its ugly head as they traveled. People who are quick to point out your flaws in every dispute don't have a valid argument, so they bully in order to get you to back down.
I have been in similar situations where a trip has been ruined because my travel companion was intent on controlling every situation and putting me down, throwing tantrums in fact, when basic communication could have been the simple resolution. What do you need? Why does that bother you? What is the real issue here?
As a result of these three articles I have pulled together a personal guide which I shall use to remind myself of who I am, what I stand for, and because I deserve no less:
I have decided when I am kicked, I shall not bite in retribution, I shall limp away, chalk it up to a jackass with no self control and heal myself so I may walk taller(and stronger) the next day. I choose not to continue cycles of dysfunction. I choose to take charge of my destiny, no one else's. I choose to heal myself, and let others do the same.
I have decided, I have a list of "rules for picking a companion" and I will stick to it. No exceptions. I am not too picky. I am reasonable and smart, choose love and peace, and deserve the same in companionship and any relationship. Every qualification I desire, I give, and it is NOT too much to ask to receive the same.
I have decided that walking away is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it is the best thing. The only "time lost/wasted" is that which I unduly impose on myself when I refused to walk away initially only delaying the inevitable. Sometimes cutting losses is far cheaper than the emotional cost of self.
I have decided I am fabulous and deserve someone who not only sees that, but agrees with me and wants to nurture that...the great parts.
If someone kicks a dog, the action is the kick, the target is the dog. This action is not defined by why we think the person kicked the dog, what that person needs in life, the fault of the dog, or any other extraneous events which led to the action.
If someone treats you in a way you do not desire to be treated, no excuse for the behavior needs to be extrapolated from the event. It simply is what it is and you decide whether or not you want to live with someone who acts that way. If you don't mind dog kickers then stay with him. But your perception and desire to coach a dog kicker is simply a waste of time if you believe it will impact or change your personal relationship with this person.
Now when the dog bites the kicker, there is a new catalyst for discussion and excusing the behavior of the dog.
It is all a vicious cycle.
How we react is as powerful as every initial action.
Mary Kennedy
The first article I read - a heartbreaking story of dysfunction, battery and a cycle which finally ended in suicide. Whether or not Mary Kennedy suffered from borderline personality disorder was not determined by a professional, but her alcoholism, and documented abuse of her family stands to show how a dysfunctional family can continue to spiral downward until one leaves or dies.
This article speaks on insecurities, addiction and depression and how couples, in sometimes trying to help, fuel these issues by not addressing them and demanding their partner take action in dealing with the problems. This defines couples who lean on each others similarities in addiction and personality issues to avoid dealing with their individual issues - they use each other as a crutch.
Both parties blamed each other, while in fact both parties acted as individuals not as part of a couple. Both are equally to blame. Both had the opportunity to address their personal problems and work together as a couple, or decide what did not work as a couple.
Neither of them had the emotional maturity to address their addictions, their insecurities and become healthy enough to be in a relationship at all, much less with a mirror image.
Ask E. Jean
This column in ELLE magazine addresses a question from a woman who feels she has met the perfect guy in all aspects except his level of intellect, as determined by herself.
Miss E. breaks it down:
If this guy is everything you want in a man and you are questioning how smart he is, maybe he isn't the one that isn't so smart. She offers a guideline of "Rules for picking a smart boyfriend":
"Gorgeous is better than ugly...
kind is better than raging asshole...
amazing father material...better than penchant for screwing teenagers
likes life is better than liking books
makes you laugh better than makes you cry
balanced ego is better than huge ego
mindblowing sex...always better" (courtesy elle magazine/July 2012/ Ask E Jean p.156)
Sometimes we have to put it down on paper to see how black and white it is.
The final article was a magazine article on how this woman's ex-boyfriend sued her after their breakup. She ignored her first instinct, which was not to go out with this guy in the first place, dated this guy for a few months and at the peak of the horror of their relationship, spent a vacation in India arguing with man, ruining not only their vacation, but reinforcing why she knew they could not be together.
When she returned to the states, and the safety of her home, she was hit with a civil suit demanding over $900 in expenses for this vacation which they took together. She realized that this guy did not want the money, but wanted to punish her for dumping him, and after speaking to the court, found out she could just pay him the damages or ask for a retrial where she could respond to the suit.
It occurred to her this was one more way to manipulate her into seeing him and talking to him about what happened, which she refused to re-live, so she simply wrote him a check.
The interesting points of this article were how her perceptions of him prior to this trip were exasperated over and over as every insecurity reared its ugly head as they traveled. People who are quick to point out your flaws in every dispute don't have a valid argument, so they bully in order to get you to back down.
I have been in similar situations where a trip has been ruined because my travel companion was intent on controlling every situation and putting me down, throwing tantrums in fact, when basic communication could have been the simple resolution. What do you need? Why does that bother you? What is the real issue here?
As a result of these three articles I have pulled together a personal guide which I shall use to remind myself of who I am, what I stand for, and because I deserve no less:
I have decided when I am kicked, I shall not bite in retribution, I shall limp away, chalk it up to a jackass with no self control and heal myself so I may walk taller(and stronger) the next day. I choose not to continue cycles of dysfunction. I choose to take charge of my destiny, no one else's. I choose to heal myself, and let others do the same.
I have decided, I have a list of "rules for picking a companion" and I will stick to it. No exceptions. I am not too picky. I am reasonable and smart, choose love and peace, and deserve the same in companionship and any relationship. Every qualification I desire, I give, and it is NOT too much to ask to receive the same.
I have decided that walking away is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it is the best thing. The only "time lost/wasted" is that which I unduly impose on myself when I refused to walk away initially only delaying the inevitable. Sometimes cutting losses is far cheaper than the emotional cost of self.
I have decided I am fabulous and deserve someone who not only sees that, but agrees with me and wants to nurture that...the great parts.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Loving Napa
I have been wanting to go to Napa Valley and visit the amazing wineries and taste all the supple wines for years. I can't remember what very first inspired my desire to visit. Possibly, my simple love for the vino. Yet, I had no idea what the beautiful countryside held in store for me.
Acres and acres of grapes, green fields and beautiful bursts of color here and there to distract the eye, as well as other creatures of the field.
As I drove around, I wanted to stop everywhere and photograph the beautiful countryside. Visually reminding me of all the European countries we have told stories about, on film, which represent love and bountifulness. The lush green picturesque land highlighted by the knowledge of velvet, smooth taste on our tongues, yet to come.
I stopped first at Domaine Chandon, simply because I wanted to begin with the sparkling wines and make my way to the richer, deeper tastes of all the reds to come. All the reds of the rainbow.
I had my heart set on Zinfandel after Zinfandel passing my lips and calming my heart.
I found the sparkling wines to be a treat. The dryness and the subtleties surprised me. Crisp and light, unexpected attraction to whites which I learned are simply reds without the skin of the grape.
I learned all about processing grapes, the how-to in making sparkling sparkle. I learned about bubbles and color and sweetness. I learned so much about sparkling wines, I drank them for 2 days straight with no guilt for passing on my quest for Zinfandel.
Mumm and Domaine quenched my thirst and my love of knowledge.
Pairings became inconsequential as sparkly goes with everything.
My only regret is that I didn't stay longer to discover more about each and every grape.
Next up...Sonoma!
As I drove around, I wanted to stop everywhere and photograph the beautiful countryside. Visually reminding me of all the European countries we have told stories about, on film, which represent love and bountifulness. The lush green picturesque land highlighted by the knowledge of velvet, smooth taste on our tongues, yet to come.
I stopped first at Domaine Chandon, simply because I wanted to begin with the sparkling wines and make my way to the richer, deeper tastes of all the reds to come. All the reds of the rainbow.
I had my heart set on Zinfandel after Zinfandel passing my lips and calming my heart.
I found the sparkling wines to be a treat. The dryness and the subtleties surprised me. Crisp and light, unexpected attraction to whites which I learned are simply reds without the skin of the grape.
I learned all about processing grapes, the how-to in making sparkling sparkle. I learned about bubbles and color and sweetness. I learned so much about sparkling wines, I drank them for 2 days straight with no guilt for passing on my quest for Zinfandel.
Mumm and Domaine quenched my thirst and my love of knowledge.
Pairings became inconsequential as sparkly goes with everything.
My only regret is that I didn't stay longer to discover more about each and every grape.
Next up...Sonoma!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
one smile at a time~
Today
I worked
Nothing special
Doing my thing...
a slight, quiet woman passed by me and said, "We can change the world - one smile at a time".
Outta nowhere.
...and I responded, "yes we can".
That is my life.
That is what it's all for.
That is why I exist.
It doesn't matter what you think of me.
I live my life for those who need that smile.
For me.
For the shoes I walk in.
...and sometimes I need a reminder, the little voice that says, "hey, you are living your life, walking your path, the way you are supposed to - nothing wrong with who you are. Nothing wrong at all."
Simply: My smile is not for you if you don't want it. My laughter. My good spirit (you try to break with your self imposed rules of life and your ignorance of faith and hope). My "je ne sais quoi". You feel me?
My smile is for me, and how I live my life, and the world I live in, and if you don't get it, and you don't get me - that is so NOT my problem.
I worked
Nothing special
Doing my thing...
a slight, quiet woman passed by me and said, "We can change the world - one smile at a time".
Outta nowhere.
...and I responded, "yes we can".
That is my life.
That is what it's all for.
That is why I exist.
It doesn't matter what you think of me.
I live my life for those who need that smile.
For me.
For the shoes I walk in.
...and sometimes I need a reminder, the little voice that says, "hey, you are living your life, walking your path, the way you are supposed to - nothing wrong with who you are. Nothing wrong at all."
Simply: My smile is not for you if you don't want it. My laughter. My good spirit (you try to break with your self imposed rules of life and your ignorance of faith and hope). My "je ne sais quoi". You feel me?
My smile is for me, and how I live my life, and the world I live in, and if you don't get it, and you don't get me - that is so NOT my problem.
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