So, the Broncos have been pulling out the wins. Typically speaking the end of seasons always look better for the Broncos, historically. Why so much hubbub this season? The media chase of the elusive Tebow.
The Boy-Wonder who was destined to bring the Broncos back up to their potential.
The kid that is moreso known for his religious stance than his throw.
The young man that is famous for the newly coined term, "tebowing".
I asked an older gentleman on a recent trip, what his impression was of this young man and why everyone is jocking him so much. I mean, really, he's just a kid. Every year there are first round draft picks that go on to do well...or not. Every year the media likes to pick on one up and coming athlete and make an example of him, whether good or bad. This conservative, religious gentleman responded, "the liberal media is making him a big deal because he is the only openly Christian athlete". Well. OK.
I wondered how many other, bitter disillusioned conservatives are so pissed off at the media that they spew this kind of ignorance.
Tebow is hardly the first openly Chritian anything.
As long as I have been watching professional sports, there have always been pro athletes dropping down on one knee, raising their arms to the skies after a touchdown, thanking Jesus himself during a press conference after a win.
So, no. That is not why.
My opinion.
This kid is too good to be true, and the media's job is to find the dirt. So, why do they ride him like the paparazzi chases Lohan? Because they are waiting for him to misstep. This has nothing to do with his game.
It has to do with the taste of scandal. The hungry, blood thirsty sharks out there with cameras and a laptop. The break. The hidden story. The opportunity to nail someone to the cross...we've been doing it for hundreds of years, and now the masses build the crosses for the persecutors.
So watch out Tebow. "They've" got their eye on you.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Keeping Hope Alive
I read an article in USA Today written by Joyce King, a freelance writer, on the topic of keeping hope alive in this tough job search market.
In tough job search...
Funny enough, I was in this tough market 2 years ago; myself, my friends, quite a few people in my city, so I understand this market.
I also understand her point, that some people simply give up after receiving rejection after rejection. Personally, I am not a quitter, and I have 2 kids to raise, so it is unlikely under any circumstances that I would give up. What are the options at that point? Become homeless? Beg? Live on welfare? I do not see any option which seems reasonable or acceptable FOR ME.
Then I notice, there are jobs available on the market, still. Not desirable jobs to me, but jobs.
I recently read another article on jobs Americans won't take. I think there is an interesting correlation between the two articles. One, there are jobs out there. Yes, the market is competitive, even for the shitty jobs that no one wants, but as an alternative to being hungry, who has the audacity to turn down anything?
The problem with this entitled country and it's unemployed population is their perception of their self.
Yes, when I lost my job, I initially only looked for jobs with salaries in the same compensation range which I was accustomed to. I had the savings and the credit to be choosey at that time.
A year later, I had to lower my standards a bit.
Finally, 18 months, 2 maxed out credit cards, and an empty savings account later, I just had to apply for anything and everything that came along. Whether I was qualified or not.
Whether it paid dollars or stones, I needed a job.
I had to reevaluate my system of applying process.
I had to rethink how to get back on the train (the money train that is).
I had to decide how to start over and reinvent myself, for the benefit of my family.
So, when the opportunity to get my foot in the door at my current company showed up. I took it. I did not care that the beginning salary was one fourth of what I was used to. I did not care that I would work doubles to simply pay rent and eat. I did not care that I had to wear a uniform and be treated like crap by masses of people who have no manners and think customer service agents are peons on the chain of life. The same people I stood with, two years previously, with my disdain for customer service work. My arrogance had finally caught up with me.
This was the best thing that could have happened to me. Not only to be forced to swallow my pride and step off my high horse, but to have to work from the bottom up... all over again.
Honestly, I put a smile on every day because I realized this was the opportunity I had waited for my entire life. It wasn't about the money. It was about re-learning to be humble. It was about treasuring every penny. It was about learning to budget little, to no, money. It was about having pride, regardless of title. It was about learning to grow all over again.
I reminded myself every week for 18 months that while my grandmother worked her way through nursing school, she scrubbed toilets; worked as a maid - something I would never do, to attain her goals. She did whatever it took. And this kept me focused.
I could see a great future with this company. It didn't matter where I started. I knew there was growth and opportunity ahead of me, and I just needed to batton down the hatches and dig my heels in and take it.
Here I am two years later, making twice as much money, loving the transitions I have made in the company, and still seeing a future brighter than any. The money has come, and it will only get better, but what I've gained that is even greater, is the experience of knowing that I will never give up. I will never lose hope, and I have what it takes, when the going gets tough.
When Americans figure out that no one is giving them anything in life that sometimes they have to work for it, from the bottom up, they will find a far clearer picture of a positively rewarding future.
In tough job search...
Funny enough, I was in this tough market 2 years ago; myself, my friends, quite a few people in my city, so I understand this market.
I also understand her point, that some people simply give up after receiving rejection after rejection. Personally, I am not a quitter, and I have 2 kids to raise, so it is unlikely under any circumstances that I would give up. What are the options at that point? Become homeless? Beg? Live on welfare? I do not see any option which seems reasonable or acceptable FOR ME.
Then I notice, there are jobs available on the market, still. Not desirable jobs to me, but jobs.
I recently read another article on jobs Americans won't take. I think there is an interesting correlation between the two articles. One, there are jobs out there. Yes, the market is competitive, even for the shitty jobs that no one wants, but as an alternative to being hungry, who has the audacity to turn down anything?
The problem with this entitled country and it's unemployed population is their perception of their self.
Yes, when I lost my job, I initially only looked for jobs with salaries in the same compensation range which I was accustomed to. I had the savings and the credit to be choosey at that time.
A year later, I had to lower my standards a bit.
Finally, 18 months, 2 maxed out credit cards, and an empty savings account later, I just had to apply for anything and everything that came along. Whether I was qualified or not.
Whether it paid dollars or stones, I needed a job.
I had to reevaluate my system of applying process.
I had to rethink how to get back on the train (the money train that is).
I had to decide how to start over and reinvent myself, for the benefit of my family.
So, when the opportunity to get my foot in the door at my current company showed up. I took it. I did not care that the beginning salary was one fourth of what I was used to. I did not care that I would work doubles to simply pay rent and eat. I did not care that I had to wear a uniform and be treated like crap by masses of people who have no manners and think customer service agents are peons on the chain of life. The same people I stood with, two years previously, with my disdain for customer service work. My arrogance had finally caught up with me.
This was the best thing that could have happened to me. Not only to be forced to swallow my pride and step off my high horse, but to have to work from the bottom up... all over again.
Honestly, I put a smile on every day because I realized this was the opportunity I had waited for my entire life. It wasn't about the money. It was about re-learning to be humble. It was about treasuring every penny. It was about learning to budget little, to no, money. It was about having pride, regardless of title. It was about learning to grow all over again.
I reminded myself every week for 18 months that while my grandmother worked her way through nursing school, she scrubbed toilets; worked as a maid - something I would never do, to attain her goals. She did whatever it took. And this kept me focused.
I could see a great future with this company. It didn't matter where I started. I knew there was growth and opportunity ahead of me, and I just needed to batton down the hatches and dig my heels in and take it.
Here I am two years later, making twice as much money, loving the transitions I have made in the company, and still seeing a future brighter than any. The money has come, and it will only get better, but what I've gained that is even greater, is the experience of knowing that I will never give up. I will never lose hope, and I have what it takes, when the going gets tough.
When Americans figure out that no one is giving them anything in life that sometimes they have to work for it, from the bottom up, they will find a far clearer picture of a positively rewarding future.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Giving Thanks
Today is Thanksgiving, 2011.
I could make a list of things I am thankful for today, this year, in life. Looking with clarity at my job, my lifestyle and the opportunity to make money and support my family. I am blessed that today, my children are safe, I am traveling, yet will get a wonderful spread of all the turkey day fixings(free of charge) from the hotel which is housing us today. Flight crews are treated very well, I must say. This evening, I will treat myself to a walking tour of a new city. This I gift to myself, via my awesome job, and again, I am thankful.
This blog is actually about the day itself and all those who are required to work because of their industry. I have the choice to work today. I choose to make double time pay. I choose to fly around instead of sitting at home. My kids spend this holiday with "Dad", so instead of bidding this day off, or giving it away, I choose to work. Everyone is not that lucky.
Please keep in mind this Thanksgiving, everyone in a service industry, or retail industry that is required to work today or tomorrow. This 4 day "weekend", which most take for granted is not a given for everyone.
Target Stores have taken a lot of heat for opening today instead of tomorrow. Black Friday now starts on Thanksgiving Day itself, and most of those workers do not want to work today. Cashiers, and stockers, and salespeople would rather be home with their families...just like you.
Let me also say, if this country ceased shopping on holidays, these people could have the day off as well, but like Target spokespeople have said, they have to be competitive in an industry (and a day and age) where if you aren't open, you are losing money.
Understood. People are broke. Businesses are failing, but we as a country need to stand up for each other? Why does anyone need to get out and shop after the turkey gorge fest to buy a TV? When did buying stuff become so f'ing important? Who are we?
That said, if you are out and about today for whatever reason, please consider those who had their day cut short with their families so they could serve you.
Please think about giving thanks to those who are serving you today. Even if they are ringing up your gas at the service station, or bagging your last minute groceries this morning, or helping you find that perfect bottle of wine at the liquor store - these people drew the short end of the stick.
If you are at a bar, please "holiday tip".
If a cab has to drive you home tonight, please "holiday tip".
If you eat out, please "holiday tip".
If you must go shopping, please thank those who are not fortunate enough to get a day off...one day where most of the country is home, watching football, playing with their kids, overeating, celebrating a tradition of America.
#thinkThanks
I could make a list of things I am thankful for today, this year, in life. Looking with clarity at my job, my lifestyle and the opportunity to make money and support my family. I am blessed that today, my children are safe, I am traveling, yet will get a wonderful spread of all the turkey day fixings(free of charge) from the hotel which is housing us today. Flight crews are treated very well, I must say. This evening, I will treat myself to a walking tour of a new city. This I gift to myself, via my awesome job, and again, I am thankful.
This blog is actually about the day itself and all those who are required to work because of their industry. I have the choice to work today. I choose to make double time pay. I choose to fly around instead of sitting at home. My kids spend this holiday with "Dad", so instead of bidding this day off, or giving it away, I choose to work. Everyone is not that lucky.
Please keep in mind this Thanksgiving, everyone in a service industry, or retail industry that is required to work today or tomorrow. This 4 day "weekend", which most take for granted is not a given for everyone.
Target Stores have taken a lot of heat for opening today instead of tomorrow. Black Friday now starts on Thanksgiving Day itself, and most of those workers do not want to work today. Cashiers, and stockers, and salespeople would rather be home with their families...just like you.
Let me also say, if this country ceased shopping on holidays, these people could have the day off as well, but like Target spokespeople have said, they have to be competitive in an industry (and a day and age) where if you aren't open, you are losing money.
Understood. People are broke. Businesses are failing, but we as a country need to stand up for each other? Why does anyone need to get out and shop after the turkey gorge fest to buy a TV? When did buying stuff become so f'ing important? Who are we?
That said, if you are out and about today for whatever reason, please consider those who had their day cut short with their families so they could serve you.
Please think about giving thanks to those who are serving you today. Even if they are ringing up your gas at the service station, or bagging your last minute groceries this morning, or helping you find that perfect bottle of wine at the liquor store - these people drew the short end of the stick.
If you are at a bar, please "holiday tip".
If a cab has to drive you home tonight, please "holiday tip".
If you eat out, please "holiday tip".
If you must go shopping, please thank those who are not fortunate enough to get a day off...one day where most of the country is home, watching football, playing with their kids, overeating, celebrating a tradition of America.
#thinkThanks
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Sixth Sense
“When one is pretending, the entire body revolts.” ~ Anaïs Nin
This is the sixth sense I have tried to alert people to for the last 43 years of my life. Even as a child I knew when something was wrong; when people were different.
I knew when my father was lying, I knew when my mother was uncomfortable, I knew when my Nana was withholding information from me. For whatever reasons, when people find themselves avoiding (or disguising) their natural responses, their body reacts, and IF you are paying attention, you will see it clearly.
Women love to talk about their intuition. Why do we discuss women's intuition and not men in the same context? I believe it has something to do with the innate need to nurture. I have female friends who never notice anything about the character of other's. When I try to point out a strange behavior, or a weird incident, they are always surprised, "You think so!" Always. So, intuition isn't designated to women, and it isn't limited from men.
Naturally, women are more inclined to care about the feelings of others and want to take care of people. Whereas, men tend to be more concerned with gathering food and fire - the natural tendencies of man. Men are quite capable of this intuition when they pay attention, sit and analyze, or evaluate, but many tend to find it less important.
"When one is pretending" - it is such a simple statement. When one is pretending to care. When one is pretending to engage. When one is pretending to love. When one is pretending alliance. When one is pretending loyalty.
The body is one's own worst enemy in light of discovery.
Common signs such as sweating, enlarged pupils, or a fast heart rate are easily detectable. Even the police and criminal agencies use those telltale signs to weed out "pretenders". But it's the small, unnoticeable signs that most of the public would never pick up on, but those who know you intimately smell before it's even released. The slight eye movements, the rubbing of one's face, the slight pause in answer which usually does not exist. Is women's intuition nothing but the sociological observations of the one(s) they love?
My son lied to me the other morning and it wasn't the small lie that struck me as eye-opening, it was his smirk. The tiny smile as he let the untrue words slide out of his mouth. The "I'm about to get away with something" grin which reminded me so much of my father that I felt physical distaste for my son in that moment.
People seem so surprised to be discovered. I always respond, "because you don't think I know you, because you don't think I love you enough to notice, because you underestimated my feelings for you...you did not think I would notice the difference."
Your underestimation of people in the world, and their capacity for love is what keeps you from the most open and gracious relationships in your lifetime. When you free yourself to believe that that love exists for you, you will stop being surprised when it shows up.
This is the sixth sense I have tried to alert people to for the last 43 years of my life. Even as a child I knew when something was wrong; when people were different.
I knew when my father was lying, I knew when my mother was uncomfortable, I knew when my Nana was withholding information from me. For whatever reasons, when people find themselves avoiding (or disguising) their natural responses, their body reacts, and IF you are paying attention, you will see it clearly.
Women love to talk about their intuition. Why do we discuss women's intuition and not men in the same context? I believe it has something to do with the innate need to nurture. I have female friends who never notice anything about the character of other's. When I try to point out a strange behavior, or a weird incident, they are always surprised, "You think so!" Always. So, intuition isn't designated to women, and it isn't limited from men.
Naturally, women are more inclined to care about the feelings of others and want to take care of people. Whereas, men tend to be more concerned with gathering food and fire - the natural tendencies of man. Men are quite capable of this intuition when they pay attention, sit and analyze, or evaluate, but many tend to find it less important.
"When one is pretending" - it is such a simple statement. When one is pretending to care. When one is pretending to engage. When one is pretending to love. When one is pretending alliance. When one is pretending loyalty.
The body is one's own worst enemy in light of discovery.
Common signs such as sweating, enlarged pupils, or a fast heart rate are easily detectable. Even the police and criminal agencies use those telltale signs to weed out "pretenders". But it's the small, unnoticeable signs that most of the public would never pick up on, but those who know you intimately smell before it's even released. The slight eye movements, the rubbing of one's face, the slight pause in answer which usually does not exist. Is women's intuition nothing but the sociological observations of the one(s) they love?
My son lied to me the other morning and it wasn't the small lie that struck me as eye-opening, it was his smirk. The tiny smile as he let the untrue words slide out of his mouth. The "I'm about to get away with something" grin which reminded me so much of my father that I felt physical distaste for my son in that moment.
People seem so surprised to be discovered. I always respond, "because you don't think I know you, because you don't think I love you enough to notice, because you underestimated my feelings for you...you did not think I would notice the difference."
Your underestimation of people in the world, and their capacity for love is what keeps you from the most open and gracious relationships in your lifetime. When you free yourself to believe that that love exists for you, you will stop being surprised when it shows up.
Friday, November 18, 2011
What would you do for love?
"Stay tuned..."
Original post dated October 12, 2010: 6:21p
empty page...
I had no idea why this sentence and topic was driving my thought process(a year ago today), well, maybe I do have one idea. The man I thought was the genuine love of my life was up to his old tricks again, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. So, at that time, what was I willing to do for love?
I should have composed a list of questions for myself:
Are you willing to sacrifice your knowledge of self for love?
Are you willing to live with the knowledge that the man you have chosen does not know how to be faithful?
Are you willing to interpret and re-interpret his version of the truth, for love?
Are you willing to give up your values and morals for love?
Are you willing to be the role model for your children who says, "do as I say, not as I do" for love?
Are you willing to be miserable in the light of someone who does not deserve you, for love?
Are you willing to ignore the disrespect of other women, and undoubtedly this man, for love?
Are you willing to give yourself completely to someone who has ...who can't give them-self to you, for love?
Are you willing to be miserable, for love?
Are you willing to be alone, for love?
Are you willing t second guess your own judgement which as been diligently faithful to you, for love?
Are you willing to give up one more day of your fantastic and sun filled life, for love?
Th answer was, and still is, NO.
Original post dated October 12, 2010: 6:21p
empty page...
I had no idea why this sentence and topic was driving my thought process(a year ago today), well, maybe I do have one idea. The man I thought was the genuine love of my life was up to his old tricks again, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. So, at that time, what was I willing to do for love?
I should have composed a list of questions for myself:
Are you willing to sacrifice your knowledge of self for love?
Are you willing to live with the knowledge that the man you have chosen does not know how to be faithful?
Are you willing to interpret and re-interpret his version of the truth, for love?
Are you willing to give up your values and morals for love?
Are you willing to be the role model for your children who says, "do as I say, not as I do" for love?
Are you willing to be miserable in the light of someone who does not deserve you, for love?
Are you willing to ignore the disrespect of other women, and undoubtedly this man, for love?
Are you willing to give yourself completely to someone who has ...who can't give them-self to you, for love?
Are you willing to be miserable, for love?
Are you willing to be alone, for love?
Are you willing t second guess your own judgement which as been diligently faithful to you, for love?
Are you willing to give up one more day of your fantastic and sun filled life, for love?
Th answer was, and still is, NO.
San Antonio natural art - Vlog
My view of San Antonio
I have been lucky enough to wander upon many great moments. Connect with really genuine people...
I have been lucky enough to wander upon many great moments. Connect with really genuine people...
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Denver School of the Arts
Another Middle School Tour this morning, followed by the ooohs and aaahhs of my fifth grader who is looking forward to Middle School almost as much as Christmas.
As we toured the campus today I got to relive some of my moments of "school love". The film equipment, the literature, the camaraderie I found in University all came rushing back to me as we moved around the campus.
The cinema program here is outstanding. I can't believe 6th graders have access to some of the equipment used here - equipment I didn't see until after I graduated college and moved into TV world. The opportunities that kids get these days is awe-inspiring.
Today, one of the feelings that overwhelmed me was the ability to actually help my child through his middle and high school process. My knowledge of the area he would be studying. The thought of being able to help write a treatment, draw a storyboard, to actually help my child design a program that creatively will draw the foundation of a career I miss.
I have felt overwhelmed with the "new" academics kids are learning these days. Outside of literature and language there isn't much I know about what my kids are learning in school today. It can make a parent feel a bit inept. But today, I felt the need to hold my excitement so as not to impact my son's choices. I dn't want my excitement about this program to influence which school he chooses if it comes down to his personal choice.
But, man the energy in this school brought a flood of emotions. His excitement alone made me proud and happy to be nurturing education, no matter what the choice, but I had no idea how these visits and choices would affect me personally.
As we toured the campus today I got to relive some of my moments of "school love". The film equipment, the literature, the camaraderie I found in University all came rushing back to me as we moved around the campus.
The cinema program here is outstanding. I can't believe 6th graders have access to some of the equipment used here - equipment I didn't see until after I graduated college and moved into TV world. The opportunities that kids get these days is awe-inspiring.
Today, one of the feelings that overwhelmed me was the ability to actually help my child through his middle and high school process. My knowledge of the area he would be studying. The thought of being able to help write a treatment, draw a storyboard, to actually help my child design a program that creatively will draw the foundation of a career I miss.
I have felt overwhelmed with the "new" academics kids are learning these days. Outside of literature and language there isn't much I know about what my kids are learning in school today. It can make a parent feel a bit inept. But today, I felt the need to hold my excitement so as not to impact my son's choices. I dn't want my excitement about this program to influence which school he chooses if it comes down to his personal choice.
But, man the energy in this school brought a flood of emotions. His excitement alone made me proud and happy to be nurturing education, no matter what the choice, but I had no idea how these visits and choices would affect me personally.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Interracial Dater Haters
I was having a beer with a friend and retelling this story where this bouncer yelled at me in a bar. I had wandered into the men's restroom, locked the door behind me and this guy made it his job to yell at me and tell me to get out!
After the bathroom incident, I saw the same bouncer in the bar and made a point to approach and apologize. He just smiled. I wasn't sure if he was giving me shit, or simply harassing me because I was in the men's bathroom.
Regardless, I realized he was mocking me.
I told my friend that I got the feeling that it was because I was dancing with this white guy in front of the band and he didn't like it. My friend responds, "every black guy I know only dates white girls". His impression was that, this bouncer, who happened to be black could care less about the fact I was dancing with some white guy.
But, I have had numerous occassions in the past where black men were aggressive with me, and have made comments about my date. This is not an unusual scenario. This was also not in Denver. I notice in the southern states people, in general, have a lot more animosity (and are vocal about it) towards those in interracial courtships.
Meanwhile...back at the ranch, I was flying home and had one of the male, gay flight attendants, who happens to be in an interracial relationship tell me this story:
He was in the hotel van and they were waiting for another male flight attendant. When the male flight attendant arrived, he was striking. Tall, blond, and described as looking like a famous male model. The girls in the van swooned, while the male flight attendant I was speaking with described how awestruck he was with a gasp. He then stated that another passenger in the van, an older woman (late 50's, early 60's) acknowledged his reaction, then leaned in and whispered to him, "I prefer black cock".
Our society has changed so much in the last 50 years.
We have become so brazen, and so outspoken.
I believe like everything in life there has to be balance, and as we have those who do not adhere to the concept of inter racial dating, we also have those who will tell a complete stranger on the hotel van what they prefer.
What I want to know is, who cares?
Why does anyone care who I have dinner with? Who I sleep with? Who I rest my head on at night? Who cares?
and why?
When I see a couple out, I could give a shit why they are together.
Like most things in life, I worry about my own stuff. I worry about my bills. My kids. My sex life. My breakfast.
I also wonder how we can all live in the same country yet have such different ideas about what race means...what relationships mean, and why we care what those around us think.
photo courtesy of celebuzz.com
After the bathroom incident, I saw the same bouncer in the bar and made a point to approach and apologize. He just smiled. I wasn't sure if he was giving me shit, or simply harassing me because I was in the men's bathroom.
Regardless, I realized he was mocking me.
I told my friend that I got the feeling that it was because I was dancing with this white guy in front of the band and he didn't like it. My friend responds, "every black guy I know only dates white girls". His impression was that, this bouncer, who happened to be black could care less about the fact I was dancing with some white guy.
But, I have had numerous occassions in the past where black men were aggressive with me, and have made comments about my date. This is not an unusual scenario. This was also not in Denver. I notice in the southern states people, in general, have a lot more animosity (and are vocal about it) towards those in interracial courtships.
Meanwhile...back at the ranch, I was flying home and had one of the male, gay flight attendants, who happens to be in an interracial relationship tell me this story:
He was in the hotel van and they were waiting for another male flight attendant. When the male flight attendant arrived, he was striking. Tall, blond, and described as looking like a famous male model. The girls in the van swooned, while the male flight attendant I was speaking with described how awestruck he was with a gasp. He then stated that another passenger in the van, an older woman (late 50's, early 60's) acknowledged his reaction, then leaned in and whispered to him, "I prefer black cock".
Our society has changed so much in the last 50 years.
We have become so brazen, and so outspoken.
I believe like everything in life there has to be balance, and as we have those who do not adhere to the concept of inter racial dating, we also have those who will tell a complete stranger on the hotel van what they prefer.
What I want to know is, who cares?
Why does anyone care who I have dinner with? Who I sleep with? Who I rest my head on at night? Who cares?
and why?
When I see a couple out, I could give a shit why they are together.
Like most things in life, I worry about my own stuff. I worry about my bills. My kids. My sex life. My breakfast.
I also wonder how we can all live in the same country yet have such different ideas about what race means...what relationships mean, and why we care what those around us think.
photo courtesy of celebuzz.com
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Surprise! I am brown
Today I picked up a schoolmate of Saunders for a play-date.
Neutral spot.
I had spoken to the Dad on the phone prior to the pick-up. Saunders and John have been classmates for 3-4 years now.
As the dad approached, he cruised right past me and pointed at Saunders. "There he is", he stated. He then noticed there were no other parental figures around and turned back towards me, the woman he moved so quickly past 90 seconds prior. "Are you Sherri?"
"Yes," I answered, as I removed my sunglasses and stretched out my hand. His visible surprise made me laugh as I have seen this too many times.
How did this brown lady make this red-haired, blue eyed kid?
Genes are a funny thing.
I have had this happen many times. The 1st day of school is usually the most fun, because I am most prepared. I remember the 1st day of school for 2nd grade when the teacher asked me if I would be picking up Saunders everyday. Very tactfully, I explained, well, yes, we live directly across the street from the school. I realize that some people have no concept of how many flavors there are to bi-racial children.
Black Americans are some of the most diverse looking people on earth. We range on color and shade from the blondest of blonde, with blue and green eyes, to the darkest cherry with the most mahogany skin and hair. There is every spectrum of beauty in the Black culture because we are so mixed with every other culture in the world.
Someone asked me over the past weekend, if I wore contacts, and I was so offended, because I had not heard this question in twenty-five years. Then I dropped back a decade prior - back to the elementary school playground, "what are you?"
Then a friend confirmed, "I thought the same thing - perhaps you had green contacts." Wow, I assume ignorance from those milling around the country, but not from my own peers, people I have chosen to sit in my sphere.
I am not one to change my appearance with contacts, or hair dye, or silicone.
I am proud of how I look, no matter what; freckles and green eyes, yellow skin in the winter, small boobs when I am thin enough.
I am who I am.
I am a woman.
Today was a quick reminder that the world does not change around me.
I change and accept.
Even when I forget, I accept.
Even when I am surprised, I accept, because that is what my color brings me.
My children have no idea, because they are fair skinned, what it means to be Black in America. But, I carry this for them.
Neutral spot.
I had spoken to the Dad on the phone prior to the pick-up. Saunders and John have been classmates for 3-4 years now.
As the dad approached, he cruised right past me and pointed at Saunders. "There he is", he stated. He then noticed there were no other parental figures around and turned back towards me, the woman he moved so quickly past 90 seconds prior. "Are you Sherri?"
"Yes," I answered, as I removed my sunglasses and stretched out my hand. His visible surprise made me laugh as I have seen this too many times.
How did this brown lady make this red-haired, blue eyed kid?
Genes are a funny thing.
I have had this happen many times. The 1st day of school is usually the most fun, because I am most prepared. I remember the 1st day of school for 2nd grade when the teacher asked me if I would be picking up Saunders everyday. Very tactfully, I explained, well, yes, we live directly across the street from the school. I realize that some people have no concept of how many flavors there are to bi-racial children.
Black Americans are some of the most diverse looking people on earth. We range on color and shade from the blondest of blonde, with blue and green eyes, to the darkest cherry with the most mahogany skin and hair. There is every spectrum of beauty in the Black culture because we are so mixed with every other culture in the world.
Someone asked me over the past weekend, if I wore contacts, and I was so offended, because I had not heard this question in twenty-five years. Then I dropped back a decade prior - back to the elementary school playground, "what are you?"
Then a friend confirmed, "I thought the same thing - perhaps you had green contacts." Wow, I assume ignorance from those milling around the country, but not from my own peers, people I have chosen to sit in my sphere.
I am not one to change my appearance with contacts, or hair dye, or silicone.
I am proud of how I look, no matter what; freckles and green eyes, yellow skin in the winter, small boobs when I am thin enough.
I am who I am.
I am a woman.
Today was a quick reminder that the world does not change around me.
I change and accept.
Even when I forget, I accept.
Even when I am surprised, I accept, because that is what my color brings me.
My children have no idea, because they are fair skinned, what it means to be Black in America. But, I carry this for them.
Some Spam I am so glad I went back to the trash to retrieve
True Story:
Ladies: What we have been discussing all week
And I would like to focus on #2, #6 and #11
hahaha
Just sayin'
I don't have many male friends that "can't wait to get a girl back to their place", and moody men...Booooo!
Next!
Ladies: What we have been discussing all week
And I would like to focus on #2, #6 and #11
hahaha
Just sayin'
I don't have many male friends that "can't wait to get a girl back to their place", and moody men...Booooo!
Next!
Today...Taking "Me" Back
This morning in working on a blog project for another company, it occurred to me that I need to "clean up" my old blogs. Delete the old and freshen the new. I'm back on track (thank you to the Dr.).
When I got to the old blogs I realized I had years and years of work that would just be archived, then I noticed the import/ export tool.
Where have I been?
I exported all my old blogs and deleted the account. I was then able to import every word from every year into my new format - yay! technology.
Now, with this comes history...ha!
I also realized with my new phone had somehow deleted all my photos from my old blogs, but the links were still there. So, after a few days work, This blog should be back on track with all my history, all my stories, my photos, all my whims of fancy.
This is so important, because I had an overwhelming year. I switched departments at my company and not only is everything that was once smooth and good, now a sheer pain in the ass (go corporate b.s.), but apparently I wasn't even allowed to have a public opinion anymore unless it was anonymous.
My writing has been my life since I was 5 years old, and now a job was attempting to stiffle my voice.
It took me months to get back on track and even write again.
So today is valuable for so many reasons.
I have lost nothing. I have learned the value of patience and technology. I have gotten my gift back IN VOLUMES.
Thank you Google, you are genius.
When I got to the old blogs I realized I had years and years of work that would just be archived, then I noticed the import/ export tool.
Where have I been?
I exported all my old blogs and deleted the account. I was then able to import every word from every year into my new format - yay! technology.
Now, with this comes history...ha!
I also realized with my new phone had somehow deleted all my photos from my old blogs, but the links were still there. So, after a few days work, This blog should be back on track with all my history, all my stories, my photos, all my whims of fancy.
This is so important, because I had an overwhelming year. I switched departments at my company and not only is everything that was once smooth and good, now a sheer pain in the ass (go corporate b.s.), but apparently I wasn't even allowed to have a public opinion anymore unless it was anonymous.
My writing has been my life since I was 5 years old, and now a job was attempting to stiffle my voice.
It took me months to get back on track and even write again.
So today is valuable for so many reasons.
I have lost nothing. I have learned the value of patience and technology. I have gotten my gift back IN VOLUMES.
Thank you Google, you are genius.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The power of Inner Beauty
This was posted on Facebook today:
"For every beautiful woman there's a man that has successfully made her feel that she wasn't." via Kalimah P.
The sad thing is, it's so true. It is so easy to bring anyone to their knees by making them feel like they aren't beautiful or special. It's funny, because it's so subliminal on some levels.
Like racism and sexism in America, we have been trained to hear some things and not feel the depth of how fucked up the statements are and how they can impact someone's soul.
Yes, there are plenty of jackwads that directly insult women to keep them insecure and incapable. But then there are the men that tell women how pretty they are, and how smart they are, and how fantastic they are - then (like my previous blogs this week describe) they undermine these verbal compliments with actions, and psychological undermining s: ie "Don't post pics of us (now) because it may hurt someone else (supposedly from my past)."
I could teach a class on what things you shouldn't be doing if it may hurt someone else, and how simple you must be to think A) the original acts aren't "bad", or B) the person you are speaking to doesn't have feelings as well.
Next:
Every woman is beautiful , and if we were all taught that from the moment of birth, men couldn't get away with making any woman feel as if she wasn't.
My mom always told me from the time I could understand:
There will ALWAYS be someone prettier, smarter and younger, but YOU are special.
It took me 40 years, and a daughter of my own, to fully understand what this statement means, but if I pass anything on to the young women of the world it is: Never let a man take away your strength.
YOUR strength is your inner beauty. The power of you. The righteousness of choice, and love.
You can't help how the outer looks and changes, but you have full power over the inner.
All
Day
Long.
"For every beautiful woman there's a man that has successfully made her feel that she wasn't." via Kalimah P.
The sad thing is, it's so true. It is so easy to bring anyone to their knees by making them feel like they aren't beautiful or special. It's funny, because it's so subliminal on some levels.
Like racism and sexism in America, we have been trained to hear some things and not feel the depth of how fucked up the statements are and how they can impact someone's soul.
Yes, there are plenty of jackwads that directly insult women to keep them insecure and incapable. But then there are the men that tell women how pretty they are, and how smart they are, and how fantastic they are - then (like my previous blogs this week describe) they undermine these verbal compliments with actions, and psychological undermining s: ie "Don't post pics of us (now) because it may hurt someone else (supposedly from my past)."
I could teach a class on what things you shouldn't be doing if it may hurt someone else, and how simple you must be to think A) the original acts aren't "bad", or B) the person you are speaking to doesn't have feelings as well.
Next:
Every woman is beautiful , and if we were all taught that from the moment of birth, men couldn't get away with making any woman feel as if she wasn't.
My mom always told me from the time I could understand:
There will ALWAYS be someone prettier, smarter and younger, but YOU are special.
It took me 40 years, and a daughter of my own, to fully understand what this statement means, but if I pass anything on to the young women of the world it is: Never let a man take away your strength.
YOUR strength is your inner beauty. The power of you. The righteousness of choice, and love.
You can't help how the outer looks and changes, but you have full power over the inner.
All
Day
Long.
Kids and School
This morning I took my son to tour Graland Country Day School here in Denver. He is entering Middle School next year and initially he said he wasn't interested. He thought the kids would be too different, and he had been influenced by his high school sisters viewpoint on what a Country Day school meant to herself, and her too-cool-for-school classmates.
I went to a Country Day School when I was in High school and am not only an advocate for private education, but I always think it' a good idea for kids to see their options and make their own decisions.
I have been struggling with the choices that were made for Maddi and want to make the right decisions for Saunders, acknowledging the fact that they are very different children and students.
I knew he would be enticed by the amazing athletic facilities and the student labs (science/ computer). Saunders is a natural athlete and a bit of a techie. He enjoys high-end technology and the benefits of the enviroment that Graland would offer.
That said, he has not been the best student in elementary, and it is hard to keep his attention.
I rode the fence between thinking, perhaps he is just not going to be an outstanding student, and/or maybe he is the genius I think he is, but hasn't found his niche yet.
This morning he was sucked into the Graland campus like an NCAA athlete into the NFL. He just walked around taking everything in, with the biggest smile on his face.
He pulled me over twice to tell me he loved it, and this was his number one choice.
When the Director of Admissions asked him if he had any questions, he just smiled and said, he liked the school very much.
As we left the campus, he told me how much he loved the Invention Lab and the idea of having the full park across the street to play sports. How he wanted to play sports in fall, winter and spring. I explained that he would have to work hard - that these benefits come with hard work and focus, but that I had hoped that we could find an environment that would inspire him academically, and that would nurture his own success.
I then asked what he thought about the dress code policy and wearing a collared shirt everyday and he said, he wanted to start wearing collared shirts everyday to prepare himself for the school.
I tried to cover all bases, good and bad, but he was so excited over the hour on campus, that he wore his name tag back to his own school for the rest of the day.
Now...tuition.
I went to a Country Day School when I was in High school and am not only an advocate for private education, but I always think it' a good idea for kids to see their options and make their own decisions.
I have been struggling with the choices that were made for Maddi and want to make the right decisions for Saunders, acknowledging the fact that they are very different children and students.
I knew he would be enticed by the amazing athletic facilities and the student labs (science/ computer). Saunders is a natural athlete and a bit of a techie. He enjoys high-end technology and the benefits of the enviroment that Graland would offer.
That said, he has not been the best student in elementary, and it is hard to keep his attention.
I rode the fence between thinking, perhaps he is just not going to be an outstanding student, and/or maybe he is the genius I think he is, but hasn't found his niche yet.
This morning he was sucked into the Graland campus like an NCAA athlete into the NFL. He just walked around taking everything in, with the biggest smile on his face.
He pulled me over twice to tell me he loved it, and this was his number one choice.
When the Director of Admissions asked him if he had any questions, he just smiled and said, he liked the school very much.
As we left the campus, he told me how much he loved the Invention Lab and the idea of having the full park across the street to play sports. How he wanted to play sports in fall, winter and spring. I explained that he would have to work hard - that these benefits come with hard work and focus, but that I had hoped that we could find an environment that would inspire him academically, and that would nurture his own success.
I then asked what he thought about the dress code policy and wearing a collared shirt everyday and he said, he wanted to start wearing collared shirts everyday to prepare himself for the school.
I tried to cover all bases, good and bad, but he was so excited over the hour on campus, that he wore his name tag back to his own school for the rest of the day.
Now...tuition.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Me... Today...another day in the life of...
This morning I woke up with a sense of clarity. Why have I always felt the need to be so nice to everyone?
I find myself, "killin' em with kindness", all the time. I know I do it. I have always done it.
Even when my best friends shit on me, I forgive and forget. Well I forgive.
I will never be able to forget some of the things that people have done, but I tolerate their presence because apparently my other friends have no sense of loyalty or trustworthiness. I still show up and am nice.
That's how I was raised:
funny sidebar via Chris Rock regarding "how you were raised".
Well, I was raised by the Golden Rule, treat people the way you want to be treated. So, even when I am being treated like shit, I still turn the other cheek and show kindness. Partially, because I think people need to be shown how to act. Perhaps, because even my ego wants me to show hate that I am above their disdain for other people they were designed to connect with.
I have been told I over-tip on bad service. I treat service people who are shitty to me with extra "thank you's" etc, to show I am unaffected by their rudeness. I go above and beyond to prove I was raised right.
Why?
This comes back to bite me in the ass.
Time after time, I am reminded that people will not treat you the same, because they don't give a shit.
But, I cannot bring myself to treating people poorly in response.
Newton's 3rd Law of Motion sums it up:
Every action does have a equal and opposite reaction, but generally, I believe this theory is only in response to the animal-istic knee jerk reaction, not the well thought out, I-will-think-before-I-act-reaction, which I am prone to.
I am constantly self-proposing alternate modes of being. I would like to see myself enlightened sometime in this lifetime, so I tend to extend boundaries(let lines in the sand be crossed), thinking that I may learn something.
I hope I have learned something. What? I am not sure, but this lifetime has shown me so many more levels of life and what it offers than I could ever imagine, and every day I am shown more light.
I hope I am never burdened with the darkness which is the opposite reaction of what I stand for in life.
Hope.
Give Thanks.
Remind myself every day to look for light and goodness, no matter what surrounds me.
I find myself, "killin' em with kindness", all the time. I know I do it. I have always done it.
Even when my best friends shit on me, I forgive and forget. Well I forgive.
I will never be able to forget some of the things that people have done, but I tolerate their presence because apparently my other friends have no sense of loyalty or trustworthiness. I still show up and am nice.
That's how I was raised:
funny sidebar via Chris Rock regarding "how you were raised".
Well, I was raised by the Golden Rule, treat people the way you want to be treated. So, even when I am being treated like shit, I still turn the other cheek and show kindness. Partially, because I think people need to be shown how to act. Perhaps, because even my ego wants me to show hate that I am above their disdain for other people they were designed to connect with.
I have been told I over-tip on bad service. I treat service people who are shitty to me with extra "thank you's" etc, to show I am unaffected by their rudeness. I go above and beyond to prove I was raised right.
Why?
This comes back to bite me in the ass.
Time after time, I am reminded that people will not treat you the same, because they don't give a shit.
But, I cannot bring myself to treating people poorly in response.
Newton's 3rd Law of Motion sums it up:
Every action does have a equal and opposite reaction, but generally, I believe this theory is only in response to the animal-istic knee jerk reaction, not the well thought out, I-will-think-before-I-act-reaction, which I am prone to.
I am constantly self-proposing alternate modes of being. I would like to see myself enlightened sometime in this lifetime, so I tend to extend boundaries(let lines in the sand be crossed), thinking that I may learn something.
I hope I have learned something. What? I am not sure, but this lifetime has shown me so many more levels of life and what it offers than I could ever imagine, and every day I am shown more light.
I hope I am never burdened with the darkness which is the opposite reaction of what I stand for in life.
Hope.
Give Thanks.
Remind myself every day to look for light and goodness, no matter what surrounds me.
Charlie Sheen and Beck
I have a feeling that Charlie Sheen in his downward spiral of personal dismay was more self aware than we all believe:
Listening to Beck this morning, I noticed some lyrics that I think I've heard before, (perhaps slurred and more arrogantly stated by the notorious Sheen), but a statement of true being.
"I'm a driver, I'm a winner; things are gonna change, I can feel it".(Loser, Beck)
Everyone needs a cheerleader in life, and sometimes it's oneself.
I'd like to challenge all the judges of Charlie Sheen's life to think about a low point in their life when the only reason you got out of bed is because you cheered yourself out of the dark covers, and pulled the sheet off of your own head.
This is all.
Listening to Beck this morning, I noticed some lyrics that I think I've heard before, (perhaps slurred and more arrogantly stated by the notorious Sheen), but a statement of true being.
"I'm a driver, I'm a winner; things are gonna change, I can feel it".(Loser, Beck)
Everyone needs a cheerleader in life, and sometimes it's oneself.
I'd like to challenge all the judges of Charlie Sheen's life to think about a low point in their life when the only reason you got out of bed is because you cheered yourself out of the dark covers, and pulled the sheet off of your own head.
This is all.
Red Flags and Intent
This may be something I have covered before but is super important.
I have been in so many situations lately where I am confused, or agitated, or realize my thought process is off balance with the world around me... and it all comes down to Red Flags and Intent.
I recently explained to a friend that I was looking for specific things in a relationship. I was very clear about my requirements for fidelity, honesty, and monogamy. I also shared feelings that I had regarding being in a relationship in the past where I was made to feel like I was a secret. Come to find out, this past relationship was maintaining another relationship at the same time, which clarified all the feelings I had at the time.
There were specific details of this past relationship that I explained in order to clarify the things that contributed to my current list of things that make me go "hmmm". Likely red flags that would end any possibility of any relationship based not only on my history with these types of actions, but the intent behind them as well.
When a man tells you that he does not add women he is dating to a public media forum and then you find out, that is because his other girlfriend(s) is/are in this forum.
OR
A man asks you not to share photographs of you two together, for whatever reason.
OR
Cell phone secrecy...ie. going into the bathroom to return phone calls or texts.
I actually kicked open the door of a men's restroom in a bar once because I knew my date who had been glancing at his phone all night had finally gone into the restroom to return texts. The look on his face as I kicked the door open and found him standing directly in front of the urinal, with his phone in his hand, doing exactly what I knew he was doing....priceless. Half the bar got a giggle.
These few things are simple examples which proved to be masks for shady behaviors. I have a sixth sense for human nature. I can not explain it. But, whether anxiety, or stress, or nervousness - men (mankind) change their behaviors when they are up to something. Sometimes it can be a good surprise - a surprise birthday dinner, a super duper present they have been hiding, or even a proposal. But, more often than not, it's simply hiding the obvious. The good surprises eventually unveil themselves...the obvious, but not so good, never uncover themselves, they are usually revealed by someone else.
This is where intent comes into the picture. The purposefulness of the secrets. Regardless if one thinks they are doing someone a favor by "not hurting their feelings" someone else's feelings are bound to get hurt. I have never been able to stress the importance of honesty to anyone I have ever dated.
You aren't sparing my feelings by hiding that you like to spend time with someone else.
I would prefer you save me my from wasting my time on someone who isn't sure what they want. Then it is my choice.
My choice to continue to date openly - perhaps I want to date five men simultaneously. That should be my choice, not bound to someone who commits to monogamy...but only for me.
My choice to decide to sleep with someone who is likely sleeping with (or trying to sleep with) other women.
My choice to find someone who is more like minded.
My choice to not buy bullshit.
Funny enough, the friend I was having this discussion with, couldn't understand why I was so sure that these red flags meant the same thing for every man. To which I respond:
The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts...
it is not one individual item or red flag so to speak, but the teamwork of all the flags which make a scenario.
I have been in so many situations lately where I am confused, or agitated, or realize my thought process is off balance with the world around me... and it all comes down to Red Flags and Intent.
I recently explained to a friend that I was looking for specific things in a relationship. I was very clear about my requirements for fidelity, honesty, and monogamy. I also shared feelings that I had regarding being in a relationship in the past where I was made to feel like I was a secret. Come to find out, this past relationship was maintaining another relationship at the same time, which clarified all the feelings I had at the time.
There were specific details of this past relationship that I explained in order to clarify the things that contributed to my current list of things that make me go "hmmm". Likely red flags that would end any possibility of any relationship based not only on my history with these types of actions, but the intent behind them as well.
When a man tells you that he does not add women he is dating to a public media forum and then you find out, that is because his other girlfriend(s) is/are in this forum.
OR
A man asks you not to share photographs of you two together, for whatever reason.
OR
Cell phone secrecy...ie. going into the bathroom to return phone calls or texts.
I actually kicked open the door of a men's restroom in a bar once because I knew my date who had been glancing at his phone all night had finally gone into the restroom to return texts. The look on his face as I kicked the door open and found him standing directly in front of the urinal, with his phone in his hand, doing exactly what I knew he was doing....priceless. Half the bar got a giggle.
These few things are simple examples which proved to be masks for shady behaviors. I have a sixth sense for human nature. I can not explain it. But, whether anxiety, or stress, or nervousness - men (mankind) change their behaviors when they are up to something. Sometimes it can be a good surprise - a surprise birthday dinner, a super duper present they have been hiding, or even a proposal. But, more often than not, it's simply hiding the obvious. The good surprises eventually unveil themselves...the obvious, but not so good, never uncover themselves, they are usually revealed by someone else.
This is where intent comes into the picture. The purposefulness of the secrets. Regardless if one thinks they are doing someone a favor by "not hurting their feelings" someone else's feelings are bound to get hurt. I have never been able to stress the importance of honesty to anyone I have ever dated.
You aren't sparing my feelings by hiding that you like to spend time with someone else.
I would prefer you save me my from wasting my time on someone who isn't sure what they want. Then it is my choice.
My choice to continue to date openly - perhaps I want to date five men simultaneously. That should be my choice, not bound to someone who commits to monogamy...but only for me.
My choice to decide to sleep with someone who is likely sleeping with (or trying to sleep with) other women.
My choice to find someone who is more like minded.
My choice to not buy bullshit.
Funny enough, the friend I was having this discussion with, couldn't understand why I was so sure that these red flags meant the same thing for every man. To which I respond:
The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts...
it is not one individual item or red flag so to speak, but the teamwork of all the flags which make a scenario.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Me...Today
I have been sharing a lot of experiences and occurrences lately, but as to sharing of myself, it's been pretty surface. It's easy to share your day, or a third party story, but as to how each interaction touches you personally, those are the events that make a moment important...valuable.
I spent the past few days in New Orleans and I got to party like it was my job...again. I do this, time after time. Smiling and dancing and drinking and spreading love - reminding the world around me that I am special, if only for a couple days. I can make anyone giggle. I can make the surliest and most bitter, laugh and smile. I appreciate the music of life and share that with everyone around me.
The funny thing about this special talent of mine is that it all stems from the fact that I have felt so little love... received so few smiles. The world around me is serious. My childhood was serious. The standards I was held to as a child were too tall for me to grasp. I make people happy, because I wanted that so desperately in my life. The moment that stands out in my childhood, which I wrote about in my first published work, was the moment that my father told me not to call him Dad. I have spent my entire life letting things roll off my back and putting on a smile because that is how I trained myself to cope with the fact that my father did not, would not, acknowledge me as his child. The one person he was supposed to love back.
I thought I had let it go.
My outer person shows the world that I am unaffected.
The reality is, it has molded everything about me.
Why I can't sustain a relationship with a man, or continue to choose men who are simply unavailable.
Why I believe I am so undeserving.
How easy it is for me to push people away and keep everyone at an arms distance...keeping myself safe.
How I have let cocktails and giggles define me to the world, so the world wouldn't be saddened by another damaged parcel.
A gift to everyone but myself.
This week, I pushed someone so hard while simultaneously having the best time of my life, and showing those around me how to have a good time...how fun I am. It is quite a talent I would say, to bring people together with your charm while keeping them away with moments of doubt and foolish antics. I am a professional at this. If it were a career, I would be rich.
I spent the past few days in New Orleans and I got to party like it was my job...again. I do this, time after time. Smiling and dancing and drinking and spreading love - reminding the world around me that I am special, if only for a couple days. I can make anyone giggle. I can make the surliest and most bitter, laugh and smile. I appreciate the music of life and share that with everyone around me.
The funny thing about this special talent of mine is that it all stems from the fact that I have felt so little love... received so few smiles. The world around me is serious. My childhood was serious. The standards I was held to as a child were too tall for me to grasp. I make people happy, because I wanted that so desperately in my life. The moment that stands out in my childhood, which I wrote about in my first published work, was the moment that my father told me not to call him Dad. I have spent my entire life letting things roll off my back and putting on a smile because that is how I trained myself to cope with the fact that my father did not, would not, acknowledge me as his child. The one person he was supposed to love back.
I thought I had let it go.
My outer person shows the world that I am unaffected.
The reality is, it has molded everything about me.
Why I can't sustain a relationship with a man, or continue to choose men who are simply unavailable.
Why I believe I am so undeserving.
How easy it is for me to push people away and keep everyone at an arms distance...keeping myself safe.
How I have let cocktails and giggles define me to the world, so the world wouldn't be saddened by another damaged parcel.
A gift to everyone but myself.
This week, I pushed someone so hard while simultaneously having the best time of my life, and showing those around me how to have a good time...how fun I am. It is quite a talent I would say, to bring people together with your charm while keeping them away with moments of doubt and foolish antics. I am a professional at this. If it were a career, I would be rich.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Bats...or Birds...
New Orleans never ceased to amaze me
Only because I was just in Austin and had the opportunity to watch the bat show down there was I even aware of this kind of bird/ bat sensation. It was absolutely amazing.
Only because I was just in Austin and had the opportunity to watch the bat show down there was I even aware of this kind of bird/ bat sensation. It was absolutely amazing.
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