What would you do if there was a rumor at your child's high school that there would be a shooting that day? Would you send your kid to school? Would you go to school with them? Would you do nothing...it is only a rumor?
This was my dilemma this morning.
At this time, I haven't processed all my thoughts on this topic, and I am debating on my next course of action because the way the incident has been handled by the school administration (to this moment in time) has not been to my satisfaction, and actually frustrates me more.
Any responses are welcome, and will be incorporated into the final blog post.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
"I won't let you down... please don't give in, I won't let you down"
Thank you to Adam Lambert for putting it into words.
What Do You Want From Me
The hardest words to hear from someone you love. An uncontaminated inner voice.
The words you need to feel.
Pure honesty.
Not from the heart, from the desperation of knowing their heart is not capable of anything deeper.
My father told me once, "Don't call me Dad, call me Cyril" - that was his name.
His most sincere statement to me.
To the face, and soul, of a seven year old little girl.
And I heard him...I am not capable of being a father to you.
I am very hard on myself, most of us are. Women especially. We try to please everyone. We want to nurture. We live to love. As much as we crave honesty, we desire people to want us. To accept, and to love us. I have been conflicted - told someone I just wanted the truth, when I wanted to hear something else. Part of me wanted to be loved and told everything would be alright... that all my fears were unwarranted. When part of me wanted that moment of raw, spot on clarity that you can never take back. The words from another person that you love, that allow you to walk away and never look back. Words that let you stand up and be a woman. Even when you're seven years old. Once, I wanted that moment back.
I had a second moment of clarity this week. A friend who wanted to get to know me better - "spend more time together", asked me if I was even interested in him. Initially, I responded in the nice, "proper" way to respond. The way that lets everyone's feelings stay in tact and allows us all the privilege of being called civilized. I got called out.
I thought about the entire transaction.
Granted, I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but it's not even that big a deal. I meet hundreds of people everyday. Do I care what they think of me?
No.
Saying No, is part of my job. "No, you cannot change your flight for free." "No, you cannot have my phone number."
To me it is a conscious choice whether I do or do not take action to further any friendship/ relationship? A conscious voice to acknowledge that inner knowledge that someone has feelings for you that you do not reciprocate.
I realized I was doing the same thing I had despised so much in past relationships, when lovers had not been honest with me. Although, not on such deep terms, nor in the same context, why wait so long? Why let relationships move in a direction you are not committed to and then have to hit that deep note of unadulterated honesty because you just cannot stand one more second of even half commitment? I was being my own worst nightmare.
So, I simply stated, "You are right".
When someone tells you, "If you were interested in me, I wouldn't be sitting here wondering if you were interested in me", they are right. Absolutely, fucking right. And credit is deserved.
In my past relationships, I hated that feeling of knowing my gut instinct was right. I had to acknowledge all the collateral damage that went along with it. When, it all could have been avoided in a split moment, like my father took, 35 years ago, and I never had to think about it again.
Up front.
It's not you, it's me, and mean it.
So, What do I want from you?
That moment of clarity. The pure, honest truth.
Maybe it hurt that day, maybe it hurt for 40 years, but today the great thing I can take away from all of this is:
"Baby I'm beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with me."
What Do You Want From Me
The hardest words to hear from someone you love. An uncontaminated inner voice.
The words you need to feel.
Pure honesty.
Not from the heart, from the desperation of knowing their heart is not capable of anything deeper.
My father told me once, "Don't call me Dad, call me Cyril" - that was his name.
His most sincere statement to me.
To the face, and soul, of a seven year old little girl.
And I heard him...I am not capable of being a father to you.
I am very hard on myself, most of us are. Women especially. We try to please everyone. We want to nurture. We live to love. As much as we crave honesty, we desire people to want us. To accept, and to love us. I have been conflicted - told someone I just wanted the truth, when I wanted to hear something else. Part of me wanted to be loved and told everything would be alright... that all my fears were unwarranted. When part of me wanted that moment of raw, spot on clarity that you can never take back. The words from another person that you love, that allow you to walk away and never look back. Words that let you stand up and be a woman. Even when you're seven years old. Once, I wanted that moment back.
I had a second moment of clarity this week. A friend who wanted to get to know me better - "spend more time together", asked me if I was even interested in him. Initially, I responded in the nice, "proper" way to respond. The way that lets everyone's feelings stay in tact and allows us all the privilege of being called civilized. I got called out.
I thought about the entire transaction.
Granted, I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but it's not even that big a deal. I meet hundreds of people everyday. Do I care what they think of me?
No.
Saying No, is part of my job. "No, you cannot change your flight for free." "No, you cannot have my phone number."
To me it is a conscious choice whether I do or do not take action to further any friendship/ relationship? A conscious voice to acknowledge that inner knowledge that someone has feelings for you that you do not reciprocate.
I realized I was doing the same thing I had despised so much in past relationships, when lovers had not been honest with me. Although, not on such deep terms, nor in the same context, why wait so long? Why let relationships move in a direction you are not committed to and then have to hit that deep note of unadulterated honesty because you just cannot stand one more second of even half commitment? I was being my own worst nightmare.
So, I simply stated, "You are right".
When someone tells you, "If you were interested in me, I wouldn't be sitting here wondering if you were interested in me", they are right. Absolutely, fucking right. And credit is deserved.
In my past relationships, I hated that feeling of knowing my gut instinct was right. I had to acknowledge all the collateral damage that went along with it. When, it all could have been avoided in a split moment, like my father took, 35 years ago, and I never had to think about it again.
Up front.
It's not you, it's me, and mean it.
So, What do I want from you?
That moment of clarity. The pure, honest truth.
Maybe it hurt that day, maybe it hurt for 40 years, but today the great thing I can take away from all of this is:
"Baby I'm beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with me."
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
WWJD
So many times, in dealing with the public (or even my kids), I think to myself, "what is the right thing to do", how do I set a good life example?
People will test you.
Time and time again.
I attribute my patience to everything my Nana taught me. I am far from perfect. Lately, I feel I have been tested to the height of my tolerance. I have been challenged to do the right thing, and I have to remind myself, doing the right thing is a personal choice.
Lately, driving has become my heaviest albatross. It takes all my strength not to flip people off and curse them from an open window. Matter of fact, as someone blocked my alleyway, preventing me from getting to my garage, as I squeezed past, barely shaving the side of the wall, I called from the window, "You suck". I couldn't help myself.
I notice people have no courtesy, no common sense, and no intention of following the rules. On top of this, the level of entitlement when driving on the open road has become a disease. Running red lights while talking on the phone and throwing trash out f the car. I actually saw a car load of people run a red light while making a left turn, and when we caught up with the same car at the next red light, they were tossing an empty 24 oz beer can out of the car.
Broad daylight. No shame.
And what do you do?
I try to think to myself, WWJD? But often, my mind wanders to this :
(courtesy funnypix.ca)
Everyone, at one time or another has felt like, even Jesus might knock this Bitch out.
People will test you.
Time and time again.
I attribute my patience to everything my Nana taught me. I am far from perfect. Lately, I feel I have been tested to the height of my tolerance. I have been challenged to do the right thing, and I have to remind myself, doing the right thing is a personal choice.
Lately, driving has become my heaviest albatross. It takes all my strength not to flip people off and curse them from an open window. Matter of fact, as someone blocked my alleyway, preventing me from getting to my garage, as I squeezed past, barely shaving the side of the wall, I called from the window, "You suck". I couldn't help myself.
I notice people have no courtesy, no common sense, and no intention of following the rules. On top of this, the level of entitlement when driving on the open road has become a disease. Running red lights while talking on the phone and throwing trash out f the car. I actually saw a car load of people run a red light while making a left turn, and when we caught up with the same car at the next red light, they were tossing an empty 24 oz beer can out of the car.
Broad daylight. No shame.
And what do you do?
I try to think to myself, WWJD? But often, my mind wanders to this :
Sunday, October 17, 2010
A woman scorned
I have a close friend who recently discovered the relationship she was in was based on a foundation of lies and deceit. I think we all have some experience with liars on some level. This is a historical story, almost trite, it's such a stereotype.
You know, there are two ways to end a relationship: with integrity and honesty, or with the same lies that weaved the very end of the same relationship.
I have been at the receiving end of both types. I have walked in on a man with another woman, more than once. The first time in high school, I was so shocked, I just walked out. I had no experience with this kind of deceit. The second time it happened, in college, I knew in my gut what I would find. I have uncovered emails to other women still professing undying love, and I have listened, more than once, to men "explain" why this was happening (see preceding blog on topic of explaining unacceptable behavior). Regardless, that gut feeling is usually right.
I have, more often than not, been in relationships that simply ended. No drama. No love lost. Just the end of the road. Men that knew when to say when, and walk away with some dignity and respect, not just for themselves, but for the person they were so in love with months before.
Here's the thing: when you have a relationship that ends with both parties understanding that some people just don't click for the long term, you also get two people that can walk away with dignity. When you have a situation where one person has been caught lying and cheating, you get bashed feelings and unsettled emotions, and the knowledge that perhaps everything your "relationship" was built on, is likely false. These feelings of falsehood, and deception, lead emotional types (women mostly) to very extreme positions to get the acknowledgment that they feel they deserve. Lorraina Bobbit is a fine example of this theory. I could write a thesis on why emotional attachments lead to destructive behaviors, but the commonality seems to be the total disregard for the heart and soul of the person on the receiving end of the emotional loss. The hidden secrets atop layers of lies. The lack of integrity. The thought of being "led on". Sound familiar?
Nothing rational exists between a person that has been expressed undying love, or a lifetime commitment of marriage only to find out, that some other woman has received the same promises, or even worse, just one night (or week, or month) of careless, thoughtless engagement. Then comes the Waiting to Exhale moment.
The obvious issue is the broken commitment which is disregarded for a fling.
The silent issue is the connection you thought you had because one person meant it and the other didn't. The deception behind the unspoken words. The connection one person falsifies in order to secure another notch. The disregard for another human being in seeking out short term emotional, or physical, gratification.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," has been sung over and over again, by various artists in various genre's, but we all get it. Reasonably, you never think it will be you that slashes some man's tires outside a lover's home. No woman ever wants to be the pissed off Bitch that throws a pet rabbit in a pot. I honestly believe it is rare that we as a sex have to be talked off the ledge over a man (or woman) - it's just that one time it does happen. Watch out.
What is frightening about a woman scorned is you never know where that emotion will take you. So, every reaction is destined to be unique.
"Maybe next time, he'll think before he cheats" ~Carrie Underwood
You know, there are two ways to end a relationship: with integrity and honesty, or with the same lies that weaved the very end of the same relationship.
I have been at the receiving end of both types. I have walked in on a man with another woman, more than once. The first time in high school, I was so shocked, I just walked out. I had no experience with this kind of deceit. The second time it happened, in college, I knew in my gut what I would find. I have uncovered emails to other women still professing undying love, and I have listened, more than once, to men "explain" why this was happening (see preceding blog on topic of explaining unacceptable behavior). Regardless, that gut feeling is usually right.
I have, more often than not, been in relationships that simply ended. No drama. No love lost. Just the end of the road. Men that knew when to say when, and walk away with some dignity and respect, not just for themselves, but for the person they were so in love with months before.
Here's the thing: when you have a relationship that ends with both parties understanding that some people just don't click for the long term, you also get two people that can walk away with dignity. When you have a situation where one person has been caught lying and cheating, you get bashed feelings and unsettled emotions, and the knowledge that perhaps everything your "relationship" was built on, is likely false. These feelings of falsehood, and deception, lead emotional types (women mostly) to very extreme positions to get the acknowledgment that they feel they deserve. Lorraina Bobbit is a fine example of this theory. I could write a thesis on why emotional attachments lead to destructive behaviors, but the commonality seems to be the total disregard for the heart and soul of the person on the receiving end of the emotional loss. The hidden secrets atop layers of lies. The lack of integrity. The thought of being "led on". Sound familiar?
Nothing rational exists between a person that has been expressed undying love, or a lifetime commitment of marriage only to find out, that some other woman has received the same promises, or even worse, just one night (or week, or month) of careless, thoughtless engagement. Then comes the Waiting to Exhale moment.
The obvious issue is the broken commitment which is disregarded for a fling.
The silent issue is the connection you thought you had because one person meant it and the other didn't. The deception behind the unspoken words. The connection one person falsifies in order to secure another notch. The disregard for another human being in seeking out short term emotional, or physical, gratification.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," has been sung over and over again, by various artists in various genre's, but we all get it. Reasonably, you never think it will be you that slashes some man's tires outside a lover's home. No woman ever wants to be the pissed off Bitch that throws a pet rabbit in a pot. I honestly believe it is rare that we as a sex have to be talked off the ledge over a man (or woman) - it's just that one time it does happen. Watch out.
What is frightening about a woman scorned is you never know where that emotion will take you. So, every reaction is destined to be unique.
"Maybe next time, he'll think before he cheats" ~Carrie Underwood
Saturday, October 16, 2010
A Bitch is a Bitch is a Bitch
In the customer service industry, we run across all types of people. Over the past week, I have heard numerous stories retold of the rudest sorts. People who cut lines. People who think the rules do not apply to them. People who think the world owes them something. Generally speaking, people so miserable in their own life, they have to project that ugliness on to the rest of the world in the form of hateful words and selfish actions.
The one common denominator amongst all these people is they have an excuse for their behavior.
"I cut the line because there was an open kiosk and no one else was using it".
Oh, you mean the kiosk that the family of 5 was trying to get to with their 6 bags, stroller, car seat and grandma, but you raced in front of them through the exit pretending you didn't see them and the 70 people waiting patiently behind them? Those "no one's"?
"Security made me miss the flight. Why would you close the door? I am here. The plane is still there. I see it. Why can't it come back for me?" Security somehow let 136 other passengers make this flight on time. Security did not cause you to get your boarding pass 20 minutes before the door of this flight closed because YOU thought you could race through in front of the line and arrive at push back time.
The excuses are what make most Bitches feel OK about their behaviors. But what it comes down to is simple human courtesy, which these people do not have. I see them everyday, oblivious to the world around them, not one solid care about anyone or anything but themselves. What most Bitches don't realize is the whole world sees them. Even though they see no one, everyone notices them.
I have had businessmen oblivious to other travelers step in front of a family to try and show their boarding pass and skip ahead. Passengers where, I've had to say "Sir, you just stepped in front of two small children, can you wait one second," and they look around, shocked to see anyone in their immediate area. "Where did these small people come from", is the look on their face, and they mumble and carry on. No apology. No second thought, really. Meanwhile the mom, and the line of people behind her laugh and say, "thank you" as they continue on.
And for those Bitches that think the rest of the world is moving too slow. Sometimes the world is moving too slow. So what? One day your Bitch ass will be moving slowly too, and when your grandson blows past you to get to a twinkie, or some ass, or whatever it is he thinks is so important that he needs to knock grandma down to get it, you'll think, "Is it really that important?"
I have had to laughingly tell a passenger that his place in line would not board at the same time as another group, but in fact all the seats (on the aircraft) would arrive at their destination at the same time.
What is it exactly, do people think they are gaining by getting in front of someone else? On any level.
On a personal level, I am nice. Just nice. I smile all the time. I don't let grouchy people bother me. I try to make people feel good, no matter what their issue is. Especially when people are hateful with me it is shocking - not to me, but to my associates. I have been telling a story of rude passengers where I have been interrupted by a coworker to ask, "they did that TO YOU?" I have been mid-dispute with a passenger, and had another coworker jump in because they were offended with the Bitchassedness of the passenger, and stated later, that I was too nice. I have had male coworkers tell me after overhearing the way a passenger spoke to me that "one more word outta him, and I was gonna grab that guy by the throat."
Bottom line, most people in the world do not appreciate the actions of Bitches. It's not cute.
This has been a public service announcement.
The one common denominator amongst all these people is they have an excuse for their behavior.
"I cut the line because there was an open kiosk and no one else was using it".
Oh, you mean the kiosk that the family of 5 was trying to get to with their 6 bags, stroller, car seat and grandma, but you raced in front of them through the exit pretending you didn't see them and the 70 people waiting patiently behind them? Those "no one's"?
"Security made me miss the flight. Why would you close the door? I am here. The plane is still there. I see it. Why can't it come back for me?" Security somehow let 136 other passengers make this flight on time. Security did not cause you to get your boarding pass 20 minutes before the door of this flight closed because YOU thought you could race through in front of the line and arrive at push back time.
The excuses are what make most Bitches feel OK about their behaviors. But what it comes down to is simple human courtesy, which these people do not have. I see them everyday, oblivious to the world around them, not one solid care about anyone or anything but themselves. What most Bitches don't realize is the whole world sees them. Even though they see no one, everyone notices them.
I have had businessmen oblivious to other travelers step in front of a family to try and show their boarding pass and skip ahead. Passengers where, I've had to say "Sir, you just stepped in front of two small children, can you wait one second," and they look around, shocked to see anyone in their immediate area. "Where did these small people come from", is the look on their face, and they mumble and carry on. No apology. No second thought, really. Meanwhile the mom, and the line of people behind her laugh and say, "thank you" as they continue on.
And for those Bitches that think the rest of the world is moving too slow. Sometimes the world is moving too slow. So what? One day your Bitch ass will be moving slowly too, and when your grandson blows past you to get to a twinkie, or some ass, or whatever it is he thinks is so important that he needs to knock grandma down to get it, you'll think, "Is it really that important?"
I have had to laughingly tell a passenger that his place in line would not board at the same time as another group, but in fact all the seats (on the aircraft) would arrive at their destination at the same time.
What is it exactly, do people think they are gaining by getting in front of someone else? On any level.
On a personal level, I am nice. Just nice. I smile all the time. I don't let grouchy people bother me. I try to make people feel good, no matter what their issue is. Especially when people are hateful with me it is shocking - not to me, but to my associates. I have been telling a story of rude passengers where I have been interrupted by a coworker to ask, "they did that TO YOU?" I have been mid-dispute with a passenger, and had another coworker jump in because they were offended with the Bitchassedness of the passenger, and stated later, that I was too nice. I have had male coworkers tell me after overhearing the way a passenger spoke to me that "one more word outta him, and I was gonna grab that guy by the throat."
Bottom line, most people in the world do not appreciate the actions of Bitches. It's not cute.
This has been a public service announcement.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Blindness and Relationship
We have all heard the phrase, “love is blind”, but today I really thought about what that means. Have you ever considered what it would be like to be blind? What attracts people to each other?
My daughter asked me what I like; what I am attracted to in men, and when I thought about it, I answered honestly, I don’t really have a type. I like tall. I like nice eyes – soft loving eyes, with nice eyelashes. I like funny. I like confidence.
Granted, when I think about the physical qualities I enjoy, I rely on looks, scent, touch.
What if I was blind and couldn’t rely on the sideways glances we give to one another?
What if I couldn’t see the smile that shows me love?
(photo courtesy gardenofgloomdeviantart.com)
What if I couldn’t look into the eyes that looked deeply into mine?
I thought about some of the weirdos that approach me and thought, if I couldn’t see what they looked like would I be more attracted to them? I doubt it. But, what does blind love truly look like?
Would I be happier if I couldn’t see everything that tears relationships apart?
What if I couldn’t see uncertainty?
If I couldn’t see disappointment on someone’s face.
What if I didn’t notice attraction to other women?
If I could not see the point of no return during an argument would I be “in love” differently? Would my relationships look different?
Are all the things we choose to overlook when in love because our heart is open and allows for this sentimental blindness any different than physical blindness?
Does blind love have attributes that will always be unknown, or does loving blindly have the same power, and I just haven’t had that “A-ha” moment yet?
What would love look like if I went through life as if I was blind...using my other senses to lead my heart?
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Going to the Chapel and I'm...
Hot shit!
My sister is getting married!
I'm so excited I could just burst. I'm not only happy for her, but happy for an addition to the family. I'm happy she is happy. I am happy for the responsibility to be someone's, anyone's, but my baby sister's(woooo!) Maid of Honor.
New Years eve in Vegas...are you kidding me! She's my hero!
Combining my favorite holiday, in my favorite party city, with my favorite sister. I could just pee.
I feel like I was waiting for this day my whole life, but I didn't know it until she announced it. Seeing my little sister get married, start a new life, be sooo happy.
I don't know much else that could be as exciting or draw the same response...well, maybe when Maddi announces that she is getting married. It's kind of the same. My heart is so full.
AND M.O.H. wow!
If my sister only knew how honored I am.
I'm gonna ruin all her pictures with my tears of joy - Oooh! Note to self, suggest pics be taken before ceremony. Yes, that is genius.
It occurred to me to find a proper list of MOH duties, just in case I am living in a fantasy of what is expected:
- Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure everyone gets their bridesmaid dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties.
- Help shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids'). And the MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes).
- Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors and nodding enthusiastically when she waxes poetic about wedding cake.
- Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered.
- Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns.
- Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening.
- Host or cohost a bridal shower for the bride.
- Attend all prewedding parties.
- Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this).
- Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids.
- See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary.
- Make sure that all bridesmaids get their hair and makeup done, get to the ceremony on time, and have the correct bouquets.
- Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony. Safest place to put it? On your thumb.
- Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar. The MOH might also need to help her bustle the train for easy dancing at the reception.
- Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows.
- Sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the best man.
- Stand next to the groom in the receiving line (this is optional; the bride may decide to have attendants circulate among the guests instead).
- Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc.
- Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place.
- Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm.
- Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others.
- Toast the couple after the best man. (This is optional, but it is a nice touch.)
- Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.
- Keep the bride laughing. For the stressed-out bride, laughter can be as effective as venting.
My best wishes and biggest heart-full of love for my sister Dedree and her love Damon~ I hope they see all the light in the world as they rise together to face all the battles of the world and see the most beautiful sunsets as they close everyday with their love for each other.
I am so proud and happy~
Friday, October 8, 2010
Media inspired stereotypes
I just watched yet another episode of TV drama where a "bottle girl" struggled with making the right choice in life because she was a single mom and desperately "needed the money" in order to keep her child.
Bottle girl = the new stripper.
Apparently, in an attempt to show single mom's in a better light, (hell, all single mom's aren't strippers, right?), the new p.c. character role for single mom is "bottle girl".
HEY TVLAND! Single mom's all over the world have 9-5 jobs and make enough money to take care of their kids, are not being followed and harassed by psychotic ex's and/ or "the state", and are not faced with moral dilemma daily in a futile attempt to keep their children.
All single mom's are not being offered illegal monies in exchange for illicit activities with the knowledge that they are so desperate they won't have a choice, or the good sense to say no.
Granted it does not make for good TV, but how about a storyline where the main suspect in an extortion attempt is a parent in a two-parent household that's just plain greedy?
Not so exciting?
Not so exploitative of struggling women who actually do the right thing in life and are setting great examples for their children who are outstanding college bound students and athletes?
Not stereotypical enough of women who have moral value and are raising children with moral value?
Not pitch-able?
Boooo CSI. Weak.
Bottle girl = the new stripper.
Apparently, in an attempt to show single mom's in a better light, (hell, all single mom's aren't strippers, right?), the new p.c. character role for single mom is "bottle girl".
 |
| image by Shawn Frederick via NWMassmedia.com |
HEY TVLAND! Single mom's all over the world have 9-5 jobs and make enough money to take care of their kids, are not being followed and harassed by psychotic ex's and/ or "the state", and are not faced with moral dilemma daily in a futile attempt to keep their children.
All single mom's are not being offered illegal monies in exchange for illicit activities with the knowledge that they are so desperate they won't have a choice, or the good sense to say no.
Granted it does not make for good TV, but how about a storyline where the main suspect in an extortion attempt is a parent in a two-parent household that's just plain greedy?
Not so exciting?
Not so exploitative of struggling women who actually do the right thing in life and are setting great examples for their children who are outstanding college bound students and athletes?
Not stereotypical enough of women who have moral value and are raising children with moral value?
Not pitch-able?
Boooo CSI. Weak.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Keeping Conscious; Staying Grounded in a Busy World
I found this great "List". Even those who know me well don't know how addicted I am to "lists" and calendars. My favorite two things. I love making lists, and I love organizing my day to day on a calendar. I have a lot to juggle so I need my organization tools, but being the Queen of organization does not have to be my goal, so to speak.
But, this particular list (courtesy Daily Om) reminds me to be conscious every day. It is one of the best lists I have ever seen, and I keep a tattered copy on my refrigerator. I can't believe I have not shared it before now. Staying Grounded in a Busy World gives detailed insight on how to live in the moment. I use it as a directive for staying on path...the path to consciously keep all the good aligned in regards to being me.
I would love to take a point a day and speak on how each of these affects everyone everyday, and how important all these points are, not just to me, but to you.
And you.
And you.
But, today I just want to discuss point # 7. Number 7 is, "See the larger picture" - the way I choose to live is not the only way to live. I have to remind myself everyday that just because that's not how I would do something (the best way), doesn't mean it won't be effective for someone else. In raising children, this is probably one of the foremost important things to teach: just because you want something done a certain way does not make it so. Just because you were taught how to do something one way, does not mean someone else cannot do it just as effectively another way.
Many paths lead to God.
Just as children argue over little things because each wants it done their way, adults fight over larger issues for the same reason. My way.
I try to see the larger picture in everything I do lately.
In contemplating moving to a new city, I weigh heavily the pros and cons of the move, short term move and long term; housing prices, safety and education for my little one, the future cost of education for my teen, the future of my career - all of these things branch out from the simple question, should I move closer to the ocean and beach to maintain my sanity right now?
In any relationship, their are compromises and disagreements. Points of view which have to be taken into consideration to maintain camaraderie and build solidarity. In my last relationship I tried to see the bigger picture and look at the possibility and the future of the relationship, not just the history and the flaws. I could not get past my expectations of what is required in any relationship to make the picture big enough. I was reminded that there is a big picture. A picture bigger than I.
I do research. I do travel. I do discuss.
In theory I should be living the big picture. In reality I am human and I live how I know, hoping to gain insights and learn along the way.
We choose our paths, ride out the conflicts of life, answer the questions the best we can, and we move forward with the knowledge that the picture will always be bigger then we can ever see. That in fact is growth and learning and hopefully... keeping conscious.
But, this particular list (courtesy Daily Om) reminds me to be conscious every day. It is one of the best lists I have ever seen, and I keep a tattered copy on my refrigerator. I can't believe I have not shared it before now. Staying Grounded in a Busy World gives detailed insight on how to live in the moment. I use it as a directive for staying on path...the path to consciously keep all the good aligned in regards to being me.
I would love to take a point a day and speak on how each of these affects everyone everyday, and how important all these points are, not just to me, but to you.
And you.
And you.
But, today I just want to discuss point # 7. Number 7 is, "See the larger picture" - the way I choose to live is not the only way to live. I have to remind myself everyday that just because that's not how I would do something (the best way), doesn't mean it won't be effective for someone else. In raising children, this is probably one of the foremost important things to teach: just because you want something done a certain way does not make it so. Just because you were taught how to do something one way, does not mean someone else cannot do it just as effectively another way.
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| photo courtesy realmenministry.com |
Just as children argue over little things because each wants it done their way, adults fight over larger issues for the same reason. My way.
I try to see the larger picture in everything I do lately.
In contemplating moving to a new city, I weigh heavily the pros and cons of the move, short term move and long term; housing prices, safety and education for my little one, the future cost of education for my teen, the future of my career - all of these things branch out from the simple question, should I move closer to the ocean and beach to maintain my sanity right now?
In any relationship, their are compromises and disagreements. Points of view which have to be taken into consideration to maintain camaraderie and build solidarity. In my last relationship I tried to see the bigger picture and look at the possibility and the future of the relationship, not just the history and the flaws. I could not get past my expectations of what is required in any relationship to make the picture big enough. I was reminded that there is a big picture. A picture bigger than I.
I do research. I do travel. I do discuss.
In theory I should be living the big picture. In reality I am human and I live how I know, hoping to gain insights and learn along the way.
We choose our paths, ride out the conflicts of life, answer the questions the best we can, and we move forward with the knowledge that the picture will always be bigger then we can ever see. That in fact is growth and learning and hopefully... keeping conscious.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Oh Saucy!
Big week.
I am contemplating moving to California for a career opportunity. I have double kid duty all month and the double carpool in the a.m. and the double car pool in the p.m. are wearing on me. Scheduling.
Groceries.
Recycling and toilets.
This week is wearing me out already...then there was Tuesday.
Tuesday after school, Saunders gets into the car and immediately apologizes for being late to the Kiss-n-Go for pick up. He looks like his little day has been wrecked, but I don't say anything. As we drive on an errand for Maddi, he says, "when we get home I need to talk to you about something that happened after school."
Every worst thought goes through my mind, and if you know me you know I have no patience. I want to know now. I wait until we get to the errand point and Maddi gets out of the car. I turn off the ignition and ask him what's up. He starts to ask me if I know how hard he's been trying to have a good year, and I respond, yes, and he goes on to tell me that he will likely get a "think sheet" for something that happened after school.
Oh great. I wait patiently for the bomb to drop.
He tells me that he was playing wall ball and accidentally tripped another student. The student, in anger retaliated against him and shoved him. Saunders walked away but the other child came back, called him names and shoved him to the ground. Saunders then states he got up and shoved him back at which point a parent intervened and took them both inside for fighting,
which is a big deal in public school these days.
I listened to his story and thought about what he was trying to accomplish and told him we could talk about it later and I was sorry he had had a bad day.
Fast forward Wednesday, After school, I ask about the think sheet and Saunders tells me that he would probably be getting one, but he may be getting suspended as well.
Outstanding.
I ask about the meeting. I ask about the think sheet. I ask about the other student. I ask specifically what happened, and if all the stories would line up. His answers were consistent.
Fast forward to this morning. I decide to take matters into my own hands, as I can hardly be expected to wait for someone else to determine my kids destiny.
I have a conversation with the Administrator in charge of discipline in this matter.
She basically confirms Saunders story with the addition of what was said between the two boys, and the physical activity. Apparently, the boy called Saunders "a retard", so Saunders retorted "at least I'm not in special Ed." Ouch! Unfortunately, the boy does have special needs classes, and I will assume this is when he shoved Saunders to the ground. In turn Saunders kicked this boy in the ribs hard enough to leave a bruise.
Now, luckily they are nine years old, so there will be no legal ramifications, but when they turn ten years old, apparently, the law gets involved, so the school is worried for them both that they understand the consequences of their actions.
She did let me know that Saunders is a good kid but the incident was considered a fight and they have policy to follow. Well, yeah... But, in benefit of both kids, she said they both fessed up to what they each did and both showed sorrow and remorse, which is a great thing.
This was probably my biggest worry, that the truth would be greyed and that the kids would not have remorse. These are touchy words, and Physical altercations rarely lead to the truth. So kudos to them for stepping up and showing maturity and responsibility for their actions.
But man! being a parent never ends.
I am contemplating moving to California for a career opportunity. I have double kid duty all month and the double carpool in the a.m. and the double car pool in the p.m. are wearing on me. Scheduling.
Groceries.
Recycling and toilets.
This week is wearing me out already...then there was Tuesday.
Tuesday after school, Saunders gets into the car and immediately apologizes for being late to the Kiss-n-Go for pick up. He looks like his little day has been wrecked, but I don't say anything. As we drive on an errand for Maddi, he says, "when we get home I need to talk to you about something that happened after school."
Every worst thought goes through my mind, and if you know me you know I have no patience. I want to know now. I wait until we get to the errand point and Maddi gets out of the car. I turn off the ignition and ask him what's up. He starts to ask me if I know how hard he's been trying to have a good year, and I respond, yes, and he goes on to tell me that he will likely get a "think sheet" for something that happened after school.
Oh great. I wait patiently for the bomb to drop.
He tells me that he was playing wall ball and accidentally tripped another student. The student, in anger retaliated against him and shoved him. Saunders walked away but the other child came back, called him names and shoved him to the ground. Saunders then states he got up and shoved him back at which point a parent intervened and took them both inside for fighting,
which is a big deal in public school these days.
I listened to his story and thought about what he was trying to accomplish and told him we could talk about it later and I was sorry he had had a bad day.
Fast forward Wednesday, After school, I ask about the think sheet and Saunders tells me that he would probably be getting one, but he may be getting suspended as well.
Outstanding.
I ask about the meeting. I ask about the think sheet. I ask about the other student. I ask specifically what happened, and if all the stories would line up. His answers were consistent.
Fast forward to this morning. I decide to take matters into my own hands, as I can hardly be expected to wait for someone else to determine my kids destiny.
I have a conversation with the Administrator in charge of discipline in this matter.
She basically confirms Saunders story with the addition of what was said between the two boys, and the physical activity. Apparently, the boy called Saunders "a retard", so Saunders retorted "at least I'm not in special Ed." Ouch! Unfortunately, the boy does have special needs classes, and I will assume this is when he shoved Saunders to the ground. In turn Saunders kicked this boy in the ribs hard enough to leave a bruise.
Now, luckily they are nine years old, so there will be no legal ramifications, but when they turn ten years old, apparently, the law gets involved, so the school is worried for them both that they understand the consequences of their actions.
She did let me know that Saunders is a good kid but the incident was considered a fight and they have policy to follow. Well, yeah... But, in benefit of both kids, she said they both fessed up to what they each did and both showed sorrow and remorse, which is a great thing.
This was probably my biggest worry, that the truth would be greyed and that the kids would not have remorse. These are touchy words, and Physical altercations rarely lead to the truth. So kudos to them for stepping up and showing maturity and responsibility for their actions.
But man! being a parent never ends.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Reason? Season? Lifetime?
After so many years together, she suggested they had reached their limit: "You bring people into your life at certain times. Maybe you have a relationship to have children and you realize that it's fulfilled after that point." Susan Sarandon, on the breakup last year of her and her life partner (never married) Tim Robbins
Everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
This is a difficult concept for most people. It is hard to be taught how to connect to people, only to let them go when the "learning", or the growth experience is actually over. I have gone through an extremely difficult breakup, and in evaluating myself and trying to gain growth from the experience, I question who I am every day. Who am I? What can I do differently? What do I want?
The experience, I find, is challenging because I have been the road runner in the past. I run at a moment's notice. I live by the notion that life is short... don't miss anything. Live for life. Make it about the journey.
So, when meeting someone that you absolutely connect with and it doesn't pan out, it takes a toll on who you are. When dating in general, it is easy to move on, there is no investment. It is open for the anticipation of the end. Possibility is the bottom line. When you connect with someone, anyone - the promise of "forever" is what strokes the pain of ego.
The conversations, the intimacy, the sharing of "like" - it all bears against the investment of life and love.
I guess I should feel lucky that I haven't had my heart broken over and over again.
I look at Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins as one of those couples that connected. They got it. They overcame the celebrity and maintained a relationship for 23 years.
I can't maintain a relationship for longer than 5 years. I can connect with pretty much any one for the short term, but what I question is, what is it about me that prevents me from getting over the long term hump?
I have plenty of relationships I know fulfilled whatever limitations the purposefulness was - why, in fact, it existed. But, there are those few that lurk - that concept of why people share themselves only to walk away.
Is that who I am?
Is that what I have done to people in the past?
Have I finally hit the glass ceiling of relationship purpose based on who I have been in the past and what I am capable of offering or fulfilling?
photo courtesy Adam Russell
Everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
This is a difficult concept for most people. It is hard to be taught how to connect to people, only to let them go when the "learning", or the growth experience is actually over. I have gone through an extremely difficult breakup, and in evaluating myself and trying to gain growth from the experience, I question who I am every day. Who am I? What can I do differently? What do I want?
The experience, I find, is challenging because I have been the road runner in the past. I run at a moment's notice. I live by the notion that life is short... don't miss anything. Live for life. Make it about the journey.
So, when meeting someone that you absolutely connect with and it doesn't pan out, it takes a toll on who you are. When dating in general, it is easy to move on, there is no investment. It is open for the anticipation of the end. Possibility is the bottom line. When you connect with someone, anyone - the promise of "forever" is what strokes the pain of ego.
The conversations, the intimacy, the sharing of "like" - it all bears against the investment of life and love.
I guess I should feel lucky that I haven't had my heart broken over and over again.
I look at Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins as one of those couples that connected. They got it. They overcame the celebrity and maintained a relationship for 23 years.
I can't maintain a relationship for longer than 5 years. I can connect with pretty much any one for the short term, but what I question is, what is it about me that prevents me from getting over the long term hump?
I have plenty of relationships I know fulfilled whatever limitations the purposefulness was - why, in fact, it existed. But, there are those few that lurk - that concept of why people share themselves only to walk away.
Is that who I am?
Is that what I have done to people in the past?
Have I finally hit the glass ceiling of relationship purpose based on who I have been in the past and what I am capable of offering or fulfilling?
photo courtesy Adam Russell
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