Last night I took my son to his first basketball practice for the season. His team is comprised of nine and ten year olds with limited skill-sets and talent, but so fun to watch.
Parent pride generally kicks in as soon as your kid grabs the ball on any play, but it's even better to see your child have the chutzpah to try even when they have no experience and simply want to play.
This is the feeling that athletes should nurture.
The movie, Jerry Maguire gives a professional look at the game itself and how it's changed, "show me the money" becomes the major focus at the college level when pro recruiters get involved. The greed of the game.
But these days, the days where kids just want to play, for the love of the game, that's where the heart of playing comes from.
You can't buy that feeling.
These are the days when you watch your kid score for the joy of scoring. Seeing a genuine love of team camaraderie. The desire to play with certain kids because they are good, and they want to win.
These are the days when sports have value for hope and love, not greed and prosperity.
I hope my kid can remember this day, years from now when he is an adult and the world around him is nudging him to take the money. I hope he always remembers this day...the day he tried, the day he just wanted to score, and how proud I was of him because his love of the game fueled his attempts.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Oh Tebow!
So, the Broncos have been pulling out the wins. Typically speaking the end of seasons always look better for the Broncos, historically. Why so much hubbub this season? The media chase of the elusive Tebow.
The Boy-Wonder who was destined to bring the Broncos back up to their potential.
The kid that is moreso known for his religious stance than his throw.
The young man that is famous for the newly coined term, "tebowing".
I asked an older gentleman on a recent trip, what his impression was of this young man and why everyone is jocking him so much. I mean, really, he's just a kid. Every year there are first round draft picks that go on to do well...or not. Every year the media likes to pick on one up and coming athlete and make an example of him, whether good or bad. This conservative, religious gentleman responded, "the liberal media is making him a big deal because he is the only openly Christian athlete". Well. OK.
I wondered how many other, bitter disillusioned conservatives are so pissed off at the media that they spew this kind of ignorance.
Tebow is hardly the first openly Chritian anything.
As long as I have been watching professional sports, there have always been pro athletes dropping down on one knee, raising their arms to the skies after a touchdown, thanking Jesus himself during a press conference after a win.
So, no. That is not why.
My opinion.
This kid is too good to be true, and the media's job is to find the dirt. So, why do they ride him like the paparazzi chases Lohan? Because they are waiting for him to misstep. This has nothing to do with his game.
It has to do with the taste of scandal. The hungry, blood thirsty sharks out there with cameras and a laptop. The break. The hidden story. The opportunity to nail someone to the cross...we've been doing it for hundreds of years, and now the masses build the crosses for the persecutors.
So watch out Tebow. "They've" got their eye on you.
The Boy-Wonder who was destined to bring the Broncos back up to their potential.
The kid that is moreso known for his religious stance than his throw.
The young man that is famous for the newly coined term, "tebowing".
I asked an older gentleman on a recent trip, what his impression was of this young man and why everyone is jocking him so much. I mean, really, he's just a kid. Every year there are first round draft picks that go on to do well...or not. Every year the media likes to pick on one up and coming athlete and make an example of him, whether good or bad. This conservative, religious gentleman responded, "the liberal media is making him a big deal because he is the only openly Christian athlete". Well. OK.
I wondered how many other, bitter disillusioned conservatives are so pissed off at the media that they spew this kind of ignorance.
Tebow is hardly the first openly Chritian anything.
As long as I have been watching professional sports, there have always been pro athletes dropping down on one knee, raising their arms to the skies after a touchdown, thanking Jesus himself during a press conference after a win.
So, no. That is not why.
My opinion.
This kid is too good to be true, and the media's job is to find the dirt. So, why do they ride him like the paparazzi chases Lohan? Because they are waiting for him to misstep. This has nothing to do with his game.
It has to do with the taste of scandal. The hungry, blood thirsty sharks out there with cameras and a laptop. The break. The hidden story. The opportunity to nail someone to the cross...we've been doing it for hundreds of years, and now the masses build the crosses for the persecutors.
So watch out Tebow. "They've" got their eye on you.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Keeping Hope Alive
I read an article in USA Today written by Joyce King, a freelance writer, on the topic of keeping hope alive in this tough job search market.
In tough job search...
Funny enough, I was in this tough market 2 years ago; myself, my friends, quite a few people in my city, so I understand this market.
I also understand her point, that some people simply give up after receiving rejection after rejection. Personally, I am not a quitter, and I have 2 kids to raise, so it is unlikely under any circumstances that I would give up. What are the options at that point? Become homeless? Beg? Live on welfare? I do not see any option which seems reasonable or acceptable FOR ME.
Then I notice, there are jobs available on the market, still. Not desirable jobs to me, but jobs.
I recently read another article on jobs Americans won't take. I think there is an interesting correlation between the two articles. One, there are jobs out there. Yes, the market is competitive, even for the shitty jobs that no one wants, but as an alternative to being hungry, who has the audacity to turn down anything?
The problem with this entitled country and it's unemployed population is their perception of their self.
Yes, when I lost my job, I initially only looked for jobs with salaries in the same compensation range which I was accustomed to. I had the savings and the credit to be choosey at that time.
A year later, I had to lower my standards a bit.
Finally, 18 months, 2 maxed out credit cards, and an empty savings account later, I just had to apply for anything and everything that came along. Whether I was qualified or not.
Whether it paid dollars or stones, I needed a job.
I had to reevaluate my system of applying process.
I had to rethink how to get back on the train (the money train that is).
I had to decide how to start over and reinvent myself, for the benefit of my family.
So, when the opportunity to get my foot in the door at my current company showed up. I took it. I did not care that the beginning salary was one fourth of what I was used to. I did not care that I would work doubles to simply pay rent and eat. I did not care that I had to wear a uniform and be treated like crap by masses of people who have no manners and think customer service agents are peons on the chain of life. The same people I stood with, two years previously, with my disdain for customer service work. My arrogance had finally caught up with me.
This was the best thing that could have happened to me. Not only to be forced to swallow my pride and step off my high horse, but to have to work from the bottom up... all over again.
Honestly, I put a smile on every day because I realized this was the opportunity I had waited for my entire life. It wasn't about the money. It was about re-learning to be humble. It was about treasuring every penny. It was about learning to budget little, to no, money. It was about having pride, regardless of title. It was about learning to grow all over again.
I reminded myself every week for 18 months that while my grandmother worked her way through nursing school, she scrubbed toilets; worked as a maid - something I would never do, to attain her goals. She did whatever it took. And this kept me focused.
I could see a great future with this company. It didn't matter where I started. I knew there was growth and opportunity ahead of me, and I just needed to batton down the hatches and dig my heels in and take it.
Here I am two years later, making twice as much money, loving the transitions I have made in the company, and still seeing a future brighter than any. The money has come, and it will only get better, but what I've gained that is even greater, is the experience of knowing that I will never give up. I will never lose hope, and I have what it takes, when the going gets tough.
When Americans figure out that no one is giving them anything in life that sometimes they have to work for it, from the bottom up, they will find a far clearer picture of a positively rewarding future.
In tough job search...
Funny enough, I was in this tough market 2 years ago; myself, my friends, quite a few people in my city, so I understand this market.
I also understand her point, that some people simply give up after receiving rejection after rejection. Personally, I am not a quitter, and I have 2 kids to raise, so it is unlikely under any circumstances that I would give up. What are the options at that point? Become homeless? Beg? Live on welfare? I do not see any option which seems reasonable or acceptable FOR ME.
Then I notice, there are jobs available on the market, still. Not desirable jobs to me, but jobs.
I recently read another article on jobs Americans won't take. I think there is an interesting correlation between the two articles. One, there are jobs out there. Yes, the market is competitive, even for the shitty jobs that no one wants, but as an alternative to being hungry, who has the audacity to turn down anything?
The problem with this entitled country and it's unemployed population is their perception of their self.
Yes, when I lost my job, I initially only looked for jobs with salaries in the same compensation range which I was accustomed to. I had the savings and the credit to be choosey at that time.
A year later, I had to lower my standards a bit.
Finally, 18 months, 2 maxed out credit cards, and an empty savings account later, I just had to apply for anything and everything that came along. Whether I was qualified or not.
Whether it paid dollars or stones, I needed a job.
I had to reevaluate my system of applying process.
I had to rethink how to get back on the train (the money train that is).
I had to decide how to start over and reinvent myself, for the benefit of my family.
So, when the opportunity to get my foot in the door at my current company showed up. I took it. I did not care that the beginning salary was one fourth of what I was used to. I did not care that I would work doubles to simply pay rent and eat. I did not care that I had to wear a uniform and be treated like crap by masses of people who have no manners and think customer service agents are peons on the chain of life. The same people I stood with, two years previously, with my disdain for customer service work. My arrogance had finally caught up with me.
This was the best thing that could have happened to me. Not only to be forced to swallow my pride and step off my high horse, but to have to work from the bottom up... all over again.
Honestly, I put a smile on every day because I realized this was the opportunity I had waited for my entire life. It wasn't about the money. It was about re-learning to be humble. It was about treasuring every penny. It was about learning to budget little, to no, money. It was about having pride, regardless of title. It was about learning to grow all over again.
I reminded myself every week for 18 months that while my grandmother worked her way through nursing school, she scrubbed toilets; worked as a maid - something I would never do, to attain her goals. She did whatever it took. And this kept me focused.
I could see a great future with this company. It didn't matter where I started. I knew there was growth and opportunity ahead of me, and I just needed to batton down the hatches and dig my heels in and take it.
Here I am two years later, making twice as much money, loving the transitions I have made in the company, and still seeing a future brighter than any. The money has come, and it will only get better, but what I've gained that is even greater, is the experience of knowing that I will never give up. I will never lose hope, and I have what it takes, when the going gets tough.
When Americans figure out that no one is giving them anything in life that sometimes they have to work for it, from the bottom up, they will find a far clearer picture of a positively rewarding future.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Giving Thanks
Today is Thanksgiving, 2011.
I could make a list of things I am thankful for today, this year, in life. Looking with clarity at my job, my lifestyle and the opportunity to make money and support my family. I am blessed that today, my children are safe, I am traveling, yet will get a wonderful spread of all the turkey day fixings(free of charge) from the hotel which is housing us today. Flight crews are treated very well, I must say. This evening, I will treat myself to a walking tour of a new city. This I gift to myself, via my awesome job, and again, I am thankful.
This blog is actually about the day itself and all those who are required to work because of their industry. I have the choice to work today. I choose to make double time pay. I choose to fly around instead of sitting at home. My kids spend this holiday with "Dad", so instead of bidding this day off, or giving it away, I choose to work. Everyone is not that lucky.
Please keep in mind this Thanksgiving, everyone in a service industry, or retail industry that is required to work today or tomorrow. This 4 day "weekend", which most take for granted is not a given for everyone.
Target Stores have taken a lot of heat for opening today instead of tomorrow. Black Friday now starts on Thanksgiving Day itself, and most of those workers do not want to work today. Cashiers, and stockers, and salespeople would rather be home with their families...just like you.
Let me also say, if this country ceased shopping on holidays, these people could have the day off as well, but like Target spokespeople have said, they have to be competitive in an industry (and a day and age) where if you aren't open, you are losing money.
Understood. People are broke. Businesses are failing, but we as a country need to stand up for each other? Why does anyone need to get out and shop after the turkey gorge fest to buy a TV? When did buying stuff become so f'ing important? Who are we?
That said, if you are out and about today for whatever reason, please consider those who had their day cut short with their families so they could serve you.
Please think about giving thanks to those who are serving you today. Even if they are ringing up your gas at the service station, or bagging your last minute groceries this morning, or helping you find that perfect bottle of wine at the liquor store - these people drew the short end of the stick.
If you are at a bar, please "holiday tip".
If a cab has to drive you home tonight, please "holiday tip".
If you eat out, please "holiday tip".
If you must go shopping, please thank those who are not fortunate enough to get a day off...one day where most of the country is home, watching football, playing with their kids, overeating, celebrating a tradition of America.
#thinkThanks
I could make a list of things I am thankful for today, this year, in life. Looking with clarity at my job, my lifestyle and the opportunity to make money and support my family. I am blessed that today, my children are safe, I am traveling, yet will get a wonderful spread of all the turkey day fixings(free of charge) from the hotel which is housing us today. Flight crews are treated very well, I must say. This evening, I will treat myself to a walking tour of a new city. This I gift to myself, via my awesome job, and again, I am thankful.
This blog is actually about the day itself and all those who are required to work because of their industry. I have the choice to work today. I choose to make double time pay. I choose to fly around instead of sitting at home. My kids spend this holiday with "Dad", so instead of bidding this day off, or giving it away, I choose to work. Everyone is not that lucky.
Please keep in mind this Thanksgiving, everyone in a service industry, or retail industry that is required to work today or tomorrow. This 4 day "weekend", which most take for granted is not a given for everyone.
Target Stores have taken a lot of heat for opening today instead of tomorrow. Black Friday now starts on Thanksgiving Day itself, and most of those workers do not want to work today. Cashiers, and stockers, and salespeople would rather be home with their families...just like you.
Let me also say, if this country ceased shopping on holidays, these people could have the day off as well, but like Target spokespeople have said, they have to be competitive in an industry (and a day and age) where if you aren't open, you are losing money.
Understood. People are broke. Businesses are failing, but we as a country need to stand up for each other? Why does anyone need to get out and shop after the turkey gorge fest to buy a TV? When did buying stuff become so f'ing important? Who are we?
That said, if you are out and about today for whatever reason, please consider those who had their day cut short with their families so they could serve you.
Please think about giving thanks to those who are serving you today. Even if they are ringing up your gas at the service station, or bagging your last minute groceries this morning, or helping you find that perfect bottle of wine at the liquor store - these people drew the short end of the stick.
If you are at a bar, please "holiday tip".
If a cab has to drive you home tonight, please "holiday tip".
If you eat out, please "holiday tip".
If you must go shopping, please thank those who are not fortunate enough to get a day off...one day where most of the country is home, watching football, playing with their kids, overeating, celebrating a tradition of America.
#thinkThanks
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Sixth Sense
“When one is pretending, the entire body revolts.” ~ Anaïs Nin
This is the sixth sense I have tried to alert people to for the last 43 years of my life. Even as a child I knew when something was wrong; when people were different.
I knew when my father was lying, I knew when my mother was uncomfortable, I knew when my Nana was withholding information from me. For whatever reasons, when people find themselves avoiding (or disguising) their natural responses, their body reacts, and IF you are paying attention, you will see it clearly.
Women love to talk about their intuition. Why do we discuss women's intuition and not men in the same context? I believe it has something to do with the innate need to nurture. I have female friends who never notice anything about the character of other's. When I try to point out a strange behavior, or a weird incident, they are always surprised, "You think so!" Always. So, intuition isn't designated to women, and it isn't limited from men.
Naturally, women are more inclined to care about the feelings of others and want to take care of people. Whereas, men tend to be more concerned with gathering food and fire - the natural tendencies of man. Men are quite capable of this intuition when they pay attention, sit and analyze, or evaluate, but many tend to find it less important.
"When one is pretending" - it is such a simple statement. When one is pretending to care. When one is pretending to engage. When one is pretending to love. When one is pretending alliance. When one is pretending loyalty.
The body is one's own worst enemy in light of discovery.
Common signs such as sweating, enlarged pupils, or a fast heart rate are easily detectable. Even the police and criminal agencies use those telltale signs to weed out "pretenders". But it's the small, unnoticeable signs that most of the public would never pick up on, but those who know you intimately smell before it's even released. The slight eye movements, the rubbing of one's face, the slight pause in answer which usually does not exist. Is women's intuition nothing but the sociological observations of the one(s) they love?
My son lied to me the other morning and it wasn't the small lie that struck me as eye-opening, it was his smirk. The tiny smile as he let the untrue words slide out of his mouth. The "I'm about to get away with something" grin which reminded me so much of my father that I felt physical distaste for my son in that moment.
People seem so surprised to be discovered. I always respond, "because you don't think I know you, because you don't think I love you enough to notice, because you underestimated my feelings for you...you did not think I would notice the difference."
Your underestimation of people in the world, and their capacity for love is what keeps you from the most open and gracious relationships in your lifetime. When you free yourself to believe that that love exists for you, you will stop being surprised when it shows up.
This is the sixth sense I have tried to alert people to for the last 43 years of my life. Even as a child I knew when something was wrong; when people were different.
I knew when my father was lying, I knew when my mother was uncomfortable, I knew when my Nana was withholding information from me. For whatever reasons, when people find themselves avoiding (or disguising) their natural responses, their body reacts, and IF you are paying attention, you will see it clearly.
Women love to talk about their intuition. Why do we discuss women's intuition and not men in the same context? I believe it has something to do with the innate need to nurture. I have female friends who never notice anything about the character of other's. When I try to point out a strange behavior, or a weird incident, they are always surprised, "You think so!" Always. So, intuition isn't designated to women, and it isn't limited from men.
Naturally, women are more inclined to care about the feelings of others and want to take care of people. Whereas, men tend to be more concerned with gathering food and fire - the natural tendencies of man. Men are quite capable of this intuition when they pay attention, sit and analyze, or evaluate, but many tend to find it less important.
"When one is pretending" - it is such a simple statement. When one is pretending to care. When one is pretending to engage. When one is pretending to love. When one is pretending alliance. When one is pretending loyalty.
The body is one's own worst enemy in light of discovery.
Common signs such as sweating, enlarged pupils, or a fast heart rate are easily detectable. Even the police and criminal agencies use those telltale signs to weed out "pretenders". But it's the small, unnoticeable signs that most of the public would never pick up on, but those who know you intimately smell before it's even released. The slight eye movements, the rubbing of one's face, the slight pause in answer which usually does not exist. Is women's intuition nothing but the sociological observations of the one(s) they love?
My son lied to me the other morning and it wasn't the small lie that struck me as eye-opening, it was his smirk. The tiny smile as he let the untrue words slide out of his mouth. The "I'm about to get away with something" grin which reminded me so much of my father that I felt physical distaste for my son in that moment.
People seem so surprised to be discovered. I always respond, "because you don't think I know you, because you don't think I love you enough to notice, because you underestimated my feelings for you...you did not think I would notice the difference."
Your underestimation of people in the world, and their capacity for love is what keeps you from the most open and gracious relationships in your lifetime. When you free yourself to believe that that love exists for you, you will stop being surprised when it shows up.
Friday, November 18, 2011
What would you do for love?
"Stay tuned..."
Original post dated October 12, 2010: 6:21p
empty page...
I had no idea why this sentence and topic was driving my thought process(a year ago today), well, maybe I do have one idea. The man I thought was the genuine love of my life was up to his old tricks again, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. So, at that time, what was I willing to do for love?
I should have composed a list of questions for myself:
Are you willing to sacrifice your knowledge of self for love?
Are you willing to live with the knowledge that the man you have chosen does not know how to be faithful?
Are you willing to interpret and re-interpret his version of the truth, for love?
Are you willing to give up your values and morals for love?
Are you willing to be the role model for your children who says, "do as I say, not as I do" for love?
Are you willing to be miserable in the light of someone who does not deserve you, for love?
Are you willing to ignore the disrespect of other women, and undoubtedly this man, for love?
Are you willing to give yourself completely to someone who has ...who can't give them-self to you, for love?
Are you willing to be miserable, for love?
Are you willing to be alone, for love?
Are you willing t second guess your own judgement which as been diligently faithful to you, for love?
Are you willing to give up one more day of your fantastic and sun filled life, for love?
Th answer was, and still is, NO.
Original post dated October 12, 2010: 6:21p
empty page...
I had no idea why this sentence and topic was driving my thought process(a year ago today), well, maybe I do have one idea. The man I thought was the genuine love of my life was up to his old tricks again, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. So, at that time, what was I willing to do for love?
I should have composed a list of questions for myself:
Are you willing to sacrifice your knowledge of self for love?
Are you willing to live with the knowledge that the man you have chosen does not know how to be faithful?
Are you willing to interpret and re-interpret his version of the truth, for love?
Are you willing to give up your values and morals for love?
Are you willing to be the role model for your children who says, "do as I say, not as I do" for love?
Are you willing to be miserable in the light of someone who does not deserve you, for love?
Are you willing to ignore the disrespect of other women, and undoubtedly this man, for love?
Are you willing to give yourself completely to someone who has ...who can't give them-self to you, for love?
Are you willing to be miserable, for love?
Are you willing to be alone, for love?
Are you willing t second guess your own judgement which as been diligently faithful to you, for love?
Are you willing to give up one more day of your fantastic and sun filled life, for love?
Th answer was, and still is, NO.
San Antonio natural art - Vlog
My view of San Antonio
I have been lucky enough to wander upon many great moments. Connect with really genuine people...
I have been lucky enough to wander upon many great moments. Connect with really genuine people...
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Denver School of the Arts
Another Middle School Tour this morning, followed by the ooohs and aaahhs of my fifth grader who is looking forward to Middle School almost as much as Christmas.
As we toured the campus today I got to relive some of my moments of "school love". The film equipment, the literature, the camaraderie I found in University all came rushing back to me as we moved around the campus.
The cinema program here is outstanding. I can't believe 6th graders have access to some of the equipment used here - equipment I didn't see until after I graduated college and moved into TV world. The opportunities that kids get these days is awe-inspiring.
Today, one of the feelings that overwhelmed me was the ability to actually help my child through his middle and high school process. My knowledge of the area he would be studying. The thought of being able to help write a treatment, draw a storyboard, to actually help my child design a program that creatively will draw the foundation of a career I miss.
I have felt overwhelmed with the "new" academics kids are learning these days. Outside of literature and language there isn't much I know about what my kids are learning in school today. It can make a parent feel a bit inept. But today, I felt the need to hold my excitement so as not to impact my son's choices. I dn't want my excitement about this program to influence which school he chooses if it comes down to his personal choice.
But, man the energy in this school brought a flood of emotions. His excitement alone made me proud and happy to be nurturing education, no matter what the choice, but I had no idea how these visits and choices would affect me personally.
As we toured the campus today I got to relive some of my moments of "school love". The film equipment, the literature, the camaraderie I found in University all came rushing back to me as we moved around the campus.
The cinema program here is outstanding. I can't believe 6th graders have access to some of the equipment used here - equipment I didn't see until after I graduated college and moved into TV world. The opportunities that kids get these days is awe-inspiring.
Today, one of the feelings that overwhelmed me was the ability to actually help my child through his middle and high school process. My knowledge of the area he would be studying. The thought of being able to help write a treatment, draw a storyboard, to actually help my child design a program that creatively will draw the foundation of a career I miss.
I have felt overwhelmed with the "new" academics kids are learning these days. Outside of literature and language there isn't much I know about what my kids are learning in school today. It can make a parent feel a bit inept. But today, I felt the need to hold my excitement so as not to impact my son's choices. I dn't want my excitement about this program to influence which school he chooses if it comes down to his personal choice.
But, man the energy in this school brought a flood of emotions. His excitement alone made me proud and happy to be nurturing education, no matter what the choice, but I had no idea how these visits and choices would affect me personally.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Interracial Dater Haters
I was having a beer with a friend and retelling this story where this bouncer yelled at me in a bar. I had wandered into the men's restroom, locked the door behind me and this guy made it his job to yell at me and tell me to get out!
After the bathroom incident, I saw the same bouncer in the bar and made a point to approach and apologize. He just smiled. I wasn't sure if he was giving me shit, or simply harassing me because I was in the men's bathroom.
Regardless, I realized he was mocking me.
I told my friend that I got the feeling that it was because I was dancing with this white guy in front of the band and he didn't like it. My friend responds, "every black guy I know only dates white girls". His impression was that, this bouncer, who happened to be black could care less about the fact I was dancing with some white guy.
But, I have had numerous occassions in the past where black men were aggressive with me, and have made comments about my date. This is not an unusual scenario. This was also not in Denver. I notice in the southern states people, in general, have a lot more animosity (and are vocal about it) towards those in interracial courtships.
Meanwhile...back at the ranch, I was flying home and had one of the male, gay flight attendants, who happens to be in an interracial relationship tell me this story:
He was in the hotel van and they were waiting for another male flight attendant. When the male flight attendant arrived, he was striking. Tall, blond, and described as looking like a famous male model. The girls in the van swooned, while the male flight attendant I was speaking with described how awestruck he was with a gasp. He then stated that another passenger in the van, an older woman (late 50's, early 60's) acknowledged his reaction, then leaned in and whispered to him, "I prefer black cock".
Our society has changed so much in the last 50 years.
We have become so brazen, and so outspoken.
I believe like everything in life there has to be balance, and as we have those who do not adhere to the concept of inter racial dating, we also have those who will tell a complete stranger on the hotel van what they prefer.
What I want to know is, who cares?
Why does anyone care who I have dinner with? Who I sleep with? Who I rest my head on at night? Who cares?
and why?
When I see a couple out, I could give a shit why they are together.
Like most things in life, I worry about my own stuff. I worry about my bills. My kids. My sex life. My breakfast.
I also wonder how we can all live in the same country yet have such different ideas about what race means...what relationships mean, and why we care what those around us think.
photo courtesy of celebuzz.com
After the bathroom incident, I saw the same bouncer in the bar and made a point to approach and apologize. He just smiled. I wasn't sure if he was giving me shit, or simply harassing me because I was in the men's bathroom.
Regardless, I realized he was mocking me.
I told my friend that I got the feeling that it was because I was dancing with this white guy in front of the band and he didn't like it. My friend responds, "every black guy I know only dates white girls". His impression was that, this bouncer, who happened to be black could care less about the fact I was dancing with some white guy.
But, I have had numerous occassions in the past where black men were aggressive with me, and have made comments about my date. This is not an unusual scenario. This was also not in Denver. I notice in the southern states people, in general, have a lot more animosity (and are vocal about it) towards those in interracial courtships.
Meanwhile...back at the ranch, I was flying home and had one of the male, gay flight attendants, who happens to be in an interracial relationship tell me this story:
He was in the hotel van and they were waiting for another male flight attendant. When the male flight attendant arrived, he was striking. Tall, blond, and described as looking like a famous male model. The girls in the van swooned, while the male flight attendant I was speaking with described how awestruck he was with a gasp. He then stated that another passenger in the van, an older woman (late 50's, early 60's) acknowledged his reaction, then leaned in and whispered to him, "I prefer black cock".
Our society has changed so much in the last 50 years.
We have become so brazen, and so outspoken.
I believe like everything in life there has to be balance, and as we have those who do not adhere to the concept of inter racial dating, we also have those who will tell a complete stranger on the hotel van what they prefer.
What I want to know is, who cares?
Why does anyone care who I have dinner with? Who I sleep with? Who I rest my head on at night? Who cares?
and why?
When I see a couple out, I could give a shit why they are together.
Like most things in life, I worry about my own stuff. I worry about my bills. My kids. My sex life. My breakfast.
I also wonder how we can all live in the same country yet have such different ideas about what race means...what relationships mean, and why we care what those around us think.
photo courtesy of celebuzz.com
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Surprise! I am brown
Today I picked up a schoolmate of Saunders for a play-date.
Neutral spot.
I had spoken to the Dad on the phone prior to the pick-up. Saunders and John have been classmates for 3-4 years now.
As the dad approached, he cruised right past me and pointed at Saunders. "There he is", he stated. He then noticed there were no other parental figures around and turned back towards me, the woman he moved so quickly past 90 seconds prior. "Are you Sherri?"
"Yes," I answered, as I removed my sunglasses and stretched out my hand. His visible surprise made me laugh as I have seen this too many times.
How did this brown lady make this red-haired, blue eyed kid?
Genes are a funny thing.
I have had this happen many times. The 1st day of school is usually the most fun, because I am most prepared. I remember the 1st day of school for 2nd grade when the teacher asked me if I would be picking up Saunders everyday. Very tactfully, I explained, well, yes, we live directly across the street from the school. I realize that some people have no concept of how many flavors there are to bi-racial children.
Black Americans are some of the most diverse looking people on earth. We range on color and shade from the blondest of blonde, with blue and green eyes, to the darkest cherry with the most mahogany skin and hair. There is every spectrum of beauty in the Black culture because we are so mixed with every other culture in the world.
Someone asked me over the past weekend, if I wore contacts, and I was so offended, because I had not heard this question in twenty-five years. Then I dropped back a decade prior - back to the elementary school playground, "what are you?"
Then a friend confirmed, "I thought the same thing - perhaps you had green contacts." Wow, I assume ignorance from those milling around the country, but not from my own peers, people I have chosen to sit in my sphere.
I am not one to change my appearance with contacts, or hair dye, or silicone.
I am proud of how I look, no matter what; freckles and green eyes, yellow skin in the winter, small boobs when I am thin enough.
I am who I am.
I am a woman.
Today was a quick reminder that the world does not change around me.
I change and accept.
Even when I forget, I accept.
Even when I am surprised, I accept, because that is what my color brings me.
My children have no idea, because they are fair skinned, what it means to be Black in America. But, I carry this for them.
Neutral spot.
I had spoken to the Dad on the phone prior to the pick-up. Saunders and John have been classmates for 3-4 years now.
As the dad approached, he cruised right past me and pointed at Saunders. "There he is", he stated. He then noticed there were no other parental figures around and turned back towards me, the woman he moved so quickly past 90 seconds prior. "Are you Sherri?"
"Yes," I answered, as I removed my sunglasses and stretched out my hand. His visible surprise made me laugh as I have seen this too many times.
How did this brown lady make this red-haired, blue eyed kid?
Genes are a funny thing.
I have had this happen many times. The 1st day of school is usually the most fun, because I am most prepared. I remember the 1st day of school for 2nd grade when the teacher asked me if I would be picking up Saunders everyday. Very tactfully, I explained, well, yes, we live directly across the street from the school. I realize that some people have no concept of how many flavors there are to bi-racial children.
Black Americans are some of the most diverse looking people on earth. We range on color and shade from the blondest of blonde, with blue and green eyes, to the darkest cherry with the most mahogany skin and hair. There is every spectrum of beauty in the Black culture because we are so mixed with every other culture in the world.
Someone asked me over the past weekend, if I wore contacts, and I was so offended, because I had not heard this question in twenty-five years. Then I dropped back a decade prior - back to the elementary school playground, "what are you?"
Then a friend confirmed, "I thought the same thing - perhaps you had green contacts." Wow, I assume ignorance from those milling around the country, but not from my own peers, people I have chosen to sit in my sphere.
I am not one to change my appearance with contacts, or hair dye, or silicone.
I am proud of how I look, no matter what; freckles and green eyes, yellow skin in the winter, small boobs when I am thin enough.
I am who I am.
I am a woman.
Today was a quick reminder that the world does not change around me.
I change and accept.
Even when I forget, I accept.
Even when I am surprised, I accept, because that is what my color brings me.
My children have no idea, because they are fair skinned, what it means to be Black in America. But, I carry this for them.
Some Spam I am so glad I went back to the trash to retrieve
True Story:
Ladies: What we have been discussing all week
And I would like to focus on #2, #6 and #11
hahaha
Just sayin'
I don't have many male friends that "can't wait to get a girl back to their place", and moody men...Booooo!
Next!
Ladies: What we have been discussing all week
And I would like to focus on #2, #6 and #11
hahaha
Just sayin'
I don't have many male friends that "can't wait to get a girl back to their place", and moody men...Booooo!
Next!
Today...Taking "Me" Back
This morning in working on a blog project for another company, it occurred to me that I need to "clean up" my old blogs. Delete the old and freshen the new. I'm back on track (thank you to the Dr.).
When I got to the old blogs I realized I had years and years of work that would just be archived, then I noticed the import/ export tool.
Where have I been?
I exported all my old blogs and deleted the account. I was then able to import every word from every year into my new format - yay! technology.
Now, with this comes history...ha!
I also realized with my new phone had somehow deleted all my photos from my old blogs, but the links were still there. So, after a few days work, This blog should be back on track with all my history, all my stories, my photos, all my whims of fancy.
This is so important, because I had an overwhelming year. I switched departments at my company and not only is everything that was once smooth and good, now a sheer pain in the ass (go corporate b.s.), but apparently I wasn't even allowed to have a public opinion anymore unless it was anonymous.
My writing has been my life since I was 5 years old, and now a job was attempting to stiffle my voice.
It took me months to get back on track and even write again.
So today is valuable for so many reasons.
I have lost nothing. I have learned the value of patience and technology. I have gotten my gift back IN VOLUMES.
Thank you Google, you are genius.
When I got to the old blogs I realized I had years and years of work that would just be archived, then I noticed the import/ export tool.
Where have I been?
I exported all my old blogs and deleted the account. I was then able to import every word from every year into my new format - yay! technology.
Now, with this comes history...ha!
I also realized with my new phone had somehow deleted all my photos from my old blogs, but the links were still there. So, after a few days work, This blog should be back on track with all my history, all my stories, my photos, all my whims of fancy.
This is so important, because I had an overwhelming year. I switched departments at my company and not only is everything that was once smooth and good, now a sheer pain in the ass (go corporate b.s.), but apparently I wasn't even allowed to have a public opinion anymore unless it was anonymous.
My writing has been my life since I was 5 years old, and now a job was attempting to stiffle my voice.
It took me months to get back on track and even write again.
So today is valuable for so many reasons.
I have lost nothing. I have learned the value of patience and technology. I have gotten my gift back IN VOLUMES.
Thank you Google, you are genius.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The power of Inner Beauty
This was posted on Facebook today:
"For every beautiful woman there's a man that has successfully made her feel that she wasn't." via Kalimah P.
The sad thing is, it's so true. It is so easy to bring anyone to their knees by making them feel like they aren't beautiful or special. It's funny, because it's so subliminal on some levels.
Like racism and sexism in America, we have been trained to hear some things and not feel the depth of how fucked up the statements are and how they can impact someone's soul.
Yes, there are plenty of jackwads that directly insult women to keep them insecure and incapable. But then there are the men that tell women how pretty they are, and how smart they are, and how fantastic they are - then (like my previous blogs this week describe) they undermine these verbal compliments with actions, and psychological undermining s: ie "Don't post pics of us (now) because it may hurt someone else (supposedly from my past)."
I could teach a class on what things you shouldn't be doing if it may hurt someone else, and how simple you must be to think A) the original acts aren't "bad", or B) the person you are speaking to doesn't have feelings as well.
Next:
Every woman is beautiful , and if we were all taught that from the moment of birth, men couldn't get away with making any woman feel as if she wasn't.
My mom always told me from the time I could understand:
There will ALWAYS be someone prettier, smarter and younger, but YOU are special.
It took me 40 years, and a daughter of my own, to fully understand what this statement means, but if I pass anything on to the young women of the world it is: Never let a man take away your strength.
YOUR strength is your inner beauty. The power of you. The righteousness of choice, and love.
You can't help how the outer looks and changes, but you have full power over the inner.
All
Day
Long.
"For every beautiful woman there's a man that has successfully made her feel that she wasn't." via Kalimah P.
The sad thing is, it's so true. It is so easy to bring anyone to their knees by making them feel like they aren't beautiful or special. It's funny, because it's so subliminal on some levels.
Like racism and sexism in America, we have been trained to hear some things and not feel the depth of how fucked up the statements are and how they can impact someone's soul.
Yes, there are plenty of jackwads that directly insult women to keep them insecure and incapable. But then there are the men that tell women how pretty they are, and how smart they are, and how fantastic they are - then (like my previous blogs this week describe) they undermine these verbal compliments with actions, and psychological undermining s: ie "Don't post pics of us (now) because it may hurt someone else (supposedly from my past)."
I could teach a class on what things you shouldn't be doing if it may hurt someone else, and how simple you must be to think A) the original acts aren't "bad", or B) the person you are speaking to doesn't have feelings as well.
Next:
Every woman is beautiful , and if we were all taught that from the moment of birth, men couldn't get away with making any woman feel as if she wasn't.
My mom always told me from the time I could understand:
There will ALWAYS be someone prettier, smarter and younger, but YOU are special.
It took me 40 years, and a daughter of my own, to fully understand what this statement means, but if I pass anything on to the young women of the world it is: Never let a man take away your strength.
YOUR strength is your inner beauty. The power of you. The righteousness of choice, and love.
You can't help how the outer looks and changes, but you have full power over the inner.
All
Day
Long.
Kids and School
This morning I took my son to tour Graland Country Day School here in Denver. He is entering Middle School next year and initially he said he wasn't interested. He thought the kids would be too different, and he had been influenced by his high school sisters viewpoint on what a Country Day school meant to herself, and her too-cool-for-school classmates.
I went to a Country Day School when I was in High school and am not only an advocate for private education, but I always think it' a good idea for kids to see their options and make their own decisions.
I have been struggling with the choices that were made for Maddi and want to make the right decisions for Saunders, acknowledging the fact that they are very different children and students.
I knew he would be enticed by the amazing athletic facilities and the student labs (science/ computer). Saunders is a natural athlete and a bit of a techie. He enjoys high-end technology and the benefits of the enviroment that Graland would offer.
That said, he has not been the best student in elementary, and it is hard to keep his attention.
I rode the fence between thinking, perhaps he is just not going to be an outstanding student, and/or maybe he is the genius I think he is, but hasn't found his niche yet.
This morning he was sucked into the Graland campus like an NCAA athlete into the NFL. He just walked around taking everything in, with the biggest smile on his face.
He pulled me over twice to tell me he loved it, and this was his number one choice.
When the Director of Admissions asked him if he had any questions, he just smiled and said, he liked the school very much.
As we left the campus, he told me how much he loved the Invention Lab and the idea of having the full park across the street to play sports. How he wanted to play sports in fall, winter and spring. I explained that he would have to work hard - that these benefits come with hard work and focus, but that I had hoped that we could find an environment that would inspire him academically, and that would nurture his own success.
I then asked what he thought about the dress code policy and wearing a collared shirt everyday and he said, he wanted to start wearing collared shirts everyday to prepare himself for the school.
I tried to cover all bases, good and bad, but he was so excited over the hour on campus, that he wore his name tag back to his own school for the rest of the day.
Now...tuition.
I went to a Country Day School when I was in High school and am not only an advocate for private education, but I always think it' a good idea for kids to see their options and make their own decisions.
I have been struggling with the choices that were made for Maddi and want to make the right decisions for Saunders, acknowledging the fact that they are very different children and students.
I knew he would be enticed by the amazing athletic facilities and the student labs (science/ computer). Saunders is a natural athlete and a bit of a techie. He enjoys high-end technology and the benefits of the enviroment that Graland would offer.
That said, he has not been the best student in elementary, and it is hard to keep his attention.
I rode the fence between thinking, perhaps he is just not going to be an outstanding student, and/or maybe he is the genius I think he is, but hasn't found his niche yet.
This morning he was sucked into the Graland campus like an NCAA athlete into the NFL. He just walked around taking everything in, with the biggest smile on his face.
He pulled me over twice to tell me he loved it, and this was his number one choice.
When the Director of Admissions asked him if he had any questions, he just smiled and said, he liked the school very much.
As we left the campus, he told me how much he loved the Invention Lab and the idea of having the full park across the street to play sports. How he wanted to play sports in fall, winter and spring. I explained that he would have to work hard - that these benefits come with hard work and focus, but that I had hoped that we could find an environment that would inspire him academically, and that would nurture his own success.
I then asked what he thought about the dress code policy and wearing a collared shirt everyday and he said, he wanted to start wearing collared shirts everyday to prepare himself for the school.
I tried to cover all bases, good and bad, but he was so excited over the hour on campus, that he wore his name tag back to his own school for the rest of the day.
Now...tuition.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Me... Today...another day in the life of...
This morning I woke up with a sense of clarity. Why have I always felt the need to be so nice to everyone?
I find myself, "killin' em with kindness", all the time. I know I do it. I have always done it.
Even when my best friends shit on me, I forgive and forget. Well I forgive.
I will never be able to forget some of the things that people have done, but I tolerate their presence because apparently my other friends have no sense of loyalty or trustworthiness. I still show up and am nice.
That's how I was raised:
funny sidebar via Chris Rock regarding "how you were raised".
Well, I was raised by the Golden Rule, treat people the way you want to be treated. So, even when I am being treated like shit, I still turn the other cheek and show kindness. Partially, because I think people need to be shown how to act. Perhaps, because even my ego wants me to show hate that I am above their disdain for other people they were designed to connect with.
I have been told I over-tip on bad service. I treat service people who are shitty to me with extra "thank you's" etc, to show I am unaffected by their rudeness. I go above and beyond to prove I was raised right.
Why?
This comes back to bite me in the ass.
Time after time, I am reminded that people will not treat you the same, because they don't give a shit.
But, I cannot bring myself to treating people poorly in response.
Newton's 3rd Law of Motion sums it up:
Every action does have a equal and opposite reaction, but generally, I believe this theory is only in response to the animal-istic knee jerk reaction, not the well thought out, I-will-think-before-I-act-reaction, which I am prone to.
I am constantly self-proposing alternate modes of being. I would like to see myself enlightened sometime in this lifetime, so I tend to extend boundaries(let lines in the sand be crossed), thinking that I may learn something.
I hope I have learned something. What? I am not sure, but this lifetime has shown me so many more levels of life and what it offers than I could ever imagine, and every day I am shown more light.
I hope I am never burdened with the darkness which is the opposite reaction of what I stand for in life.
Hope.
Give Thanks.
Remind myself every day to look for light and goodness, no matter what surrounds me.
I find myself, "killin' em with kindness", all the time. I know I do it. I have always done it.
Even when my best friends shit on me, I forgive and forget. Well I forgive.
I will never be able to forget some of the things that people have done, but I tolerate their presence because apparently my other friends have no sense of loyalty or trustworthiness. I still show up and am nice.
That's how I was raised:
funny sidebar via Chris Rock regarding "how you were raised".
Well, I was raised by the Golden Rule, treat people the way you want to be treated. So, even when I am being treated like shit, I still turn the other cheek and show kindness. Partially, because I think people need to be shown how to act. Perhaps, because even my ego wants me to show hate that I am above their disdain for other people they were designed to connect with.
I have been told I over-tip on bad service. I treat service people who are shitty to me with extra "thank you's" etc, to show I am unaffected by their rudeness. I go above and beyond to prove I was raised right.
Why?
This comes back to bite me in the ass.
Time after time, I am reminded that people will not treat you the same, because they don't give a shit.
But, I cannot bring myself to treating people poorly in response.
Newton's 3rd Law of Motion sums it up:
Every action does have a equal and opposite reaction, but generally, I believe this theory is only in response to the animal-istic knee jerk reaction, not the well thought out, I-will-think-before-I-act-reaction, which I am prone to.
I am constantly self-proposing alternate modes of being. I would like to see myself enlightened sometime in this lifetime, so I tend to extend boundaries(let lines in the sand be crossed), thinking that I may learn something.
I hope I have learned something. What? I am not sure, but this lifetime has shown me so many more levels of life and what it offers than I could ever imagine, and every day I am shown more light.
I hope I am never burdened with the darkness which is the opposite reaction of what I stand for in life.
Hope.
Give Thanks.
Remind myself every day to look for light and goodness, no matter what surrounds me.
Charlie Sheen and Beck
I have a feeling that Charlie Sheen in his downward spiral of personal dismay was more self aware than we all believe:
Listening to Beck this morning, I noticed some lyrics that I think I've heard before, (perhaps slurred and more arrogantly stated by the notorious Sheen), but a statement of true being.
"I'm a driver, I'm a winner; things are gonna change, I can feel it".(Loser, Beck)
Everyone needs a cheerleader in life, and sometimes it's oneself.
I'd like to challenge all the judges of Charlie Sheen's life to think about a low point in their life when the only reason you got out of bed is because you cheered yourself out of the dark covers, and pulled the sheet off of your own head.
This is all.
Listening to Beck this morning, I noticed some lyrics that I think I've heard before, (perhaps slurred and more arrogantly stated by the notorious Sheen), but a statement of true being.
"I'm a driver, I'm a winner; things are gonna change, I can feel it".(Loser, Beck)
Everyone needs a cheerleader in life, and sometimes it's oneself.
I'd like to challenge all the judges of Charlie Sheen's life to think about a low point in their life when the only reason you got out of bed is because you cheered yourself out of the dark covers, and pulled the sheet off of your own head.
This is all.
Red Flags and Intent
This may be something I have covered before but is super important.
I have been in so many situations lately where I am confused, or agitated, or realize my thought process is off balance with the world around me... and it all comes down to Red Flags and Intent.
I recently explained to a friend that I was looking for specific things in a relationship. I was very clear about my requirements for fidelity, honesty, and monogamy. I also shared feelings that I had regarding being in a relationship in the past where I was made to feel like I was a secret. Come to find out, this past relationship was maintaining another relationship at the same time, which clarified all the feelings I had at the time.
There were specific details of this past relationship that I explained in order to clarify the things that contributed to my current list of things that make me go "hmmm". Likely red flags that would end any possibility of any relationship based not only on my history with these types of actions, but the intent behind them as well.
When a man tells you that he does not add women he is dating to a public media forum and then you find out, that is because his other girlfriend(s) is/are in this forum.
OR
A man asks you not to share photographs of you two together, for whatever reason.
OR
Cell phone secrecy...ie. going into the bathroom to return phone calls or texts.
I actually kicked open the door of a men's restroom in a bar once because I knew my date who had been glancing at his phone all night had finally gone into the restroom to return texts. The look on his face as I kicked the door open and found him standing directly in front of the urinal, with his phone in his hand, doing exactly what I knew he was doing....priceless. Half the bar got a giggle.
These few things are simple examples which proved to be masks for shady behaviors. I have a sixth sense for human nature. I can not explain it. But, whether anxiety, or stress, or nervousness - men (mankind) change their behaviors when they are up to something. Sometimes it can be a good surprise - a surprise birthday dinner, a super duper present they have been hiding, or even a proposal. But, more often than not, it's simply hiding the obvious. The good surprises eventually unveil themselves...the obvious, but not so good, never uncover themselves, they are usually revealed by someone else.
This is where intent comes into the picture. The purposefulness of the secrets. Regardless if one thinks they are doing someone a favor by "not hurting their feelings" someone else's feelings are bound to get hurt. I have never been able to stress the importance of honesty to anyone I have ever dated.
You aren't sparing my feelings by hiding that you like to spend time with someone else.
I would prefer you save me my from wasting my time on someone who isn't sure what they want. Then it is my choice.
My choice to continue to date openly - perhaps I want to date five men simultaneously. That should be my choice, not bound to someone who commits to monogamy...but only for me.
My choice to decide to sleep with someone who is likely sleeping with (or trying to sleep with) other women.
My choice to find someone who is more like minded.
My choice to not buy bullshit.
Funny enough, the friend I was having this discussion with, couldn't understand why I was so sure that these red flags meant the same thing for every man. To which I respond:
The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts...
it is not one individual item or red flag so to speak, but the teamwork of all the flags which make a scenario.
I have been in so many situations lately where I am confused, or agitated, or realize my thought process is off balance with the world around me... and it all comes down to Red Flags and Intent.
I recently explained to a friend that I was looking for specific things in a relationship. I was very clear about my requirements for fidelity, honesty, and monogamy. I also shared feelings that I had regarding being in a relationship in the past where I was made to feel like I was a secret. Come to find out, this past relationship was maintaining another relationship at the same time, which clarified all the feelings I had at the time.
There were specific details of this past relationship that I explained in order to clarify the things that contributed to my current list of things that make me go "hmmm". Likely red flags that would end any possibility of any relationship based not only on my history with these types of actions, but the intent behind them as well.
When a man tells you that he does not add women he is dating to a public media forum and then you find out, that is because his other girlfriend(s) is/are in this forum.
OR
A man asks you not to share photographs of you two together, for whatever reason.
OR
Cell phone secrecy...ie. going into the bathroom to return phone calls or texts.
I actually kicked open the door of a men's restroom in a bar once because I knew my date who had been glancing at his phone all night had finally gone into the restroom to return texts. The look on his face as I kicked the door open and found him standing directly in front of the urinal, with his phone in his hand, doing exactly what I knew he was doing....priceless. Half the bar got a giggle.
These few things are simple examples which proved to be masks for shady behaviors. I have a sixth sense for human nature. I can not explain it. But, whether anxiety, or stress, or nervousness - men (mankind) change their behaviors when they are up to something. Sometimes it can be a good surprise - a surprise birthday dinner, a super duper present they have been hiding, or even a proposal. But, more often than not, it's simply hiding the obvious. The good surprises eventually unveil themselves...the obvious, but not so good, never uncover themselves, they are usually revealed by someone else.
This is where intent comes into the picture. The purposefulness of the secrets. Regardless if one thinks they are doing someone a favor by "not hurting their feelings" someone else's feelings are bound to get hurt. I have never been able to stress the importance of honesty to anyone I have ever dated.
You aren't sparing my feelings by hiding that you like to spend time with someone else.
I would prefer you save me my from wasting my time on someone who isn't sure what they want. Then it is my choice.
My choice to continue to date openly - perhaps I want to date five men simultaneously. That should be my choice, not bound to someone who commits to monogamy...but only for me.
My choice to decide to sleep with someone who is likely sleeping with (or trying to sleep with) other women.
My choice to find someone who is more like minded.
My choice to not buy bullshit.
Funny enough, the friend I was having this discussion with, couldn't understand why I was so sure that these red flags meant the same thing for every man. To which I respond:
The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts...
it is not one individual item or red flag so to speak, but the teamwork of all the flags which make a scenario.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Me...Today
I have been sharing a lot of experiences and occurrences lately, but as to sharing of myself, it's been pretty surface. It's easy to share your day, or a third party story, but as to how each interaction touches you personally, those are the events that make a moment important...valuable.
I spent the past few days in New Orleans and I got to party like it was my job...again. I do this, time after time. Smiling and dancing and drinking and spreading love - reminding the world around me that I am special, if only for a couple days. I can make anyone giggle. I can make the surliest and most bitter, laugh and smile. I appreciate the music of life and share that with everyone around me.
The funny thing about this special talent of mine is that it all stems from the fact that I have felt so little love... received so few smiles. The world around me is serious. My childhood was serious. The standards I was held to as a child were too tall for me to grasp. I make people happy, because I wanted that so desperately in my life. The moment that stands out in my childhood, which I wrote about in my first published work, was the moment that my father told me not to call him Dad. I have spent my entire life letting things roll off my back and putting on a smile because that is how I trained myself to cope with the fact that my father did not, would not, acknowledge me as his child. The one person he was supposed to love back.
I thought I had let it go.
My outer person shows the world that I am unaffected.
The reality is, it has molded everything about me.
Why I can't sustain a relationship with a man, or continue to choose men who are simply unavailable.
Why I believe I am so undeserving.
How easy it is for me to push people away and keep everyone at an arms distance...keeping myself safe.
How I have let cocktails and giggles define me to the world, so the world wouldn't be saddened by another damaged parcel.
A gift to everyone but myself.
This week, I pushed someone so hard while simultaneously having the best time of my life, and showing those around me how to have a good time...how fun I am. It is quite a talent I would say, to bring people together with your charm while keeping them away with moments of doubt and foolish antics. I am a professional at this. If it were a career, I would be rich.
I spent the past few days in New Orleans and I got to party like it was my job...again. I do this, time after time. Smiling and dancing and drinking and spreading love - reminding the world around me that I am special, if only for a couple days. I can make anyone giggle. I can make the surliest and most bitter, laugh and smile. I appreciate the music of life and share that with everyone around me.
The funny thing about this special talent of mine is that it all stems from the fact that I have felt so little love... received so few smiles. The world around me is serious. My childhood was serious. The standards I was held to as a child were too tall for me to grasp. I make people happy, because I wanted that so desperately in my life. The moment that stands out in my childhood, which I wrote about in my first published work, was the moment that my father told me not to call him Dad. I have spent my entire life letting things roll off my back and putting on a smile because that is how I trained myself to cope with the fact that my father did not, would not, acknowledge me as his child. The one person he was supposed to love back.
I thought I had let it go.
My outer person shows the world that I am unaffected.
The reality is, it has molded everything about me.
Why I can't sustain a relationship with a man, or continue to choose men who are simply unavailable.
Why I believe I am so undeserving.
How easy it is for me to push people away and keep everyone at an arms distance...keeping myself safe.
How I have let cocktails and giggles define me to the world, so the world wouldn't be saddened by another damaged parcel.
A gift to everyone but myself.
This week, I pushed someone so hard while simultaneously having the best time of my life, and showing those around me how to have a good time...how fun I am. It is quite a talent I would say, to bring people together with your charm while keeping them away with moments of doubt and foolish antics. I am a professional at this. If it were a career, I would be rich.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Bats...or Birds...
New Orleans never ceased to amaze me
Only because I was just in Austin and had the opportunity to watch the bat show down there was I even aware of this kind of bird/ bat sensation. It was absolutely amazing.
Only because I was just in Austin and had the opportunity to watch the bat show down there was I even aware of this kind of bird/ bat sensation. It was absolutely amazing.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Misadventure
This morning's yahoo music headlines: "Amy Winehouse (singer extraordinaire) died from misadventure, or drinking too much alcohol"
...not a drug overdose, as was assumed.
"The report stated that Amy died of "misadventure," since she voluntarily put the liquor into her system. "The unintended consequence of such potentially fatal levels (of alcohol) was her sudden and unexpected death," the coroner wrote."
(original post by Daniel Kreps in Amplifier)
When I think of misadventure, I think of "adventurer's" like Aron Ralston, who fell into a canyon and had to cut his own arm off to escape death. A climber. An outdoorsman challenged by his chase of the world, caught up by the teeth of earth, and able to survive by sawing off his own arm minute by minute, second by second...127 hours of (Mis)Adventure.
Since when is an alcohol or drug overdose classified as misadventure? Amy Winehouse was an alcoholic. Not an adventurer. She was addicted to alcohol, pills, recreational drugs and challenged only by life itself, and maybe her talent. Her extreme and vivacious talent.
The other irony of the coroner's statement was the separation in definition of misadventure, as opposed to usual reports of drug overdose by celebrities, and those lucky enough to have their name in the paper when they overdose on recreation or prescription drugs.
Here is the reality:
Alcohol is a drug.
(link)
Alcohol is one of the most widely used drug substances in the world. Alcohol use and binge drinking among our nation’s youth is a major public health problem:
BAM! Are we calling this adventure?
and why?
Because it's legal...which only means we can tax it.
Now marijauna is legal in some states, why? Because we can tax it.
Maybe tomorrow, heroin, or ecstasy...and then we can all be adventurer's.
...not a drug overdose, as was assumed.
"The report stated that Amy died of "misadventure," since she voluntarily put the liquor into her system. "The unintended consequence of such potentially fatal levels (of alcohol) was her sudden and unexpected death," the coroner wrote."
(original post by Daniel Kreps in Amplifier)
When I think of misadventure, I think of "adventurer's" like Aron Ralston, who fell into a canyon and had to cut his own arm off to escape death. A climber. An outdoorsman challenged by his chase of the world, caught up by the teeth of earth, and able to survive by sawing off his own arm minute by minute, second by second...127 hours of (Mis)Adventure.
Since when is an alcohol or drug overdose classified as misadventure? Amy Winehouse was an alcoholic. Not an adventurer. She was addicted to alcohol, pills, recreational drugs and challenged only by life itself, and maybe her talent. Her extreme and vivacious talent.
The other irony of the coroner's statement was the separation in definition of misadventure, as opposed to usual reports of drug overdose by celebrities, and those lucky enough to have their name in the paper when they overdose on recreation or prescription drugs.
Here is the reality:
Alcohol is a drug.
(link)
Alcohol is one of the most widely used drug substances in the world. Alcohol use and binge drinking among our nation’s youth is a major public health problem:
- Alcohol is used by more young people in the United States than tobacco or illicit drugs.1
- Excessive alcohol consumption is associated with approximately 75,000 deaths per year.2
- Alcohol is a factor in approximately 41% of all deaths from motor vehicle crashes.3
- Among youth, the use of alcohol and other drugs has been linked to unintentional injuries, physical fights, academic and occupational problems, and illegal behavior.4
- Long-term alcohol misuse is associated with liver disease, cancer, cardiovascular disease, and neurological damage as well as psychiatric problems such as depression, anxiety, and antisocial personality disorder.5
- Drug use contributes directly and indirectly to the HIV epidemic, and alcohol and drug use contribute markedly to infant morbidity and mortality.5
BAM! Are we calling this adventure?
and why?
Because it's legal...which only means we can tax it.
Now marijauna is legal in some states, why? Because we can tax it.
Maybe tomorrow, heroin, or ecstasy...and then we can all be adventurer's.
Amy Winehouse was best known for her hit Rehab, but the following is actually my favorite Winehouse remix, and here's to you Amy, and here's to Misadventure.
"you cheated yourself, but these are the breaks"~ Ghostface Killah
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The little one's
I just watched this really sad film, My Sister's Keeper. The premise is a little girl who is being asked to give up a kidney for her dying sister who takes the case to court to maintain control of her own body, in the end because her dying sister has asked her to do this for her.
I was reminded of a conversation I had with my son last week. We were talking about middle school and life, and all the important things kids want to talk about, in the car on the way home from school.
Saunders was expressing how in 30 years he would be 40 years old and how he would be driving me around instead of me driving him around...and I stopped him and told him that he would have his own family, and a job, and his own car. That "we" would not be living together. Then it occurred to him that if he was 40 years old, I would be in my 70's. I laughed and said, I may be 73, I may be dead, you never know.
He said, "Mom, you won't be dead. You always be here", and I responded, "you never know, I could get hit by a car, or get a disease, and may not live 30 or 40 more years.
If there is one thing in the cycle of life that we know for sure, we are all going to die".
He was so sweet, and said, "you'll be around a long time Mommy".
And I hope I am...to see this smiley little sugar face.
I was reminded of a conversation I had with my son last week. We were talking about middle school and life, and all the important things kids want to talk about, in the car on the way home from school.
 |
| life is easy when you're 10 |
Saunders was expressing how in 30 years he would be 40 years old and how he would be driving me around instead of me driving him around...and I stopped him and told him that he would have his own family, and a job, and his own car. That "we" would not be living together. Then it occurred to him that if he was 40 years old, I would be in my 70's. I laughed and said, I may be 73, I may be dead, you never know.
He said, "Mom, you won't be dead. You always be here", and I responded, "you never know, I could get hit by a car, or get a disease, and may not live 30 or 40 more years.
If there is one thing in the cycle of life that we know for sure, we are all going to die".
He was so sweet, and said, "you'll be around a long time Mommy".
And I hope I am...to see this smiley little sugar face.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Video Blog #1: On the subject of Women's Magazines and the downfall of our self esteem
This is my 1st Vlog. So, bear with me.
I havent figured out how to run the video - full length...tidbits between writing...etc, the platform of video is new to me, so if these 1st few are awkward, give me a little slack.
Take 1:
What I did not get to in the video, was how detrimental it is to constantly be told we aren't thin enough, aren't pretty enough, aren't sexy enough, etc etc etc...
We are all unique and should not be compared to one another in the first place. We are all beautiful. Every smile. Every tooth. Every wrinkle. Every round bottom.
In conjunction with that, I am sick of reading about how some tired assed man didn't treat you right.
Here are some tips Shape Magazine did not share:
Get over it!
He's just a guy.
There are a billion other one's.
If you think you are fantastic, someone else will too.
If your friends havent told you this week how fabulous you are - get new friends.
Surround yourself with positive people who support you;
Not people who are trying to change how you look, how you dress, how you smile and take it like a man.
Surround yourself with love and you will get love, as you give it.
Happy Tuesday.
I havent figured out how to run the video - full length...tidbits between writing...etc, the platform of video is new to me, so if these 1st few are awkward, give me a little slack.
Take 1:
What I did not get to in the video, was how detrimental it is to constantly be told we aren't thin enough, aren't pretty enough, aren't sexy enough, etc etc etc...
We are all unique and should not be compared to one another in the first place. We are all beautiful. Every smile. Every tooth. Every wrinkle. Every round bottom.
In conjunction with that, I am sick of reading about how some tired assed man didn't treat you right.
Here are some tips Shape Magazine did not share:
Get over it!
He's just a guy.
There are a billion other one's.
If you think you are fantastic, someone else will too.
If your friends havent told you this week how fabulous you are - get new friends.
Surround yourself with positive people who support you;
Not people who are trying to change how you look, how you dress, how you smile and take it like a man.
Surround yourself with love and you will get love, as you give it.
Happy Tuesday.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Bats...
I recently visited Austin Tx, one of the cutest little towns I have ever seen. If I was going to be from Texas, I'd only want to be from Austin. It is like the cool little sister to all the other Texas cities.
University/ intellectual/ energy...good looking/ fit people...live music everywhere...great beer...what else could you ask for?Oh, an interesting point of attraction...a bridge with 1.5 million bats living underneath.
Yes, bats.
Bats that come out every evening at sunset to seek food.
 |
| just outside the action |
The cruise ships that carry passengers are filled with eager bat-watchers.
Restaurants in the area seat diners so they can view the activity from the comfort of a patio with adult beverages...I like.
This was my perch (note: I got eaten alive by mosquitos or chiggers or something totally disgusting and my legs are covered in bites...still):
I failed to mention I ran from my hotel to get to this location which turned out to be the perfect place to observe the tourists and the bat migration into the Austin community.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Plato
My daughter is in a Philosophy class and is reading Plato's Republic right now.
Painful for me at best, I could barely get through this read in high school. Matter of fact, this may be the one book I did not read...cliffnotes...holla. She just asked for my help in getting through this work.
What to do?
Tell her NO, Mommy just can't wrap her head around the words of Plato. Pretend to listen then tell her she needs to figure it out herself? Actually try to read it with her...
We all know the correct answer here, but I just can't make myself listen to the words of this literary work...again.
Someone carefully explained The Cave to me, and I remembered, this was actually the only work I could relate to. The concept of trying to explain to others "the truth". What is the truth? The truth is your perception of your reality, but there is a reality outside of that as well.
I look inside myself and know my perception is also manipulated by history.
Truth is a world of a word.
Your truth is more reasonable because it is defined by you in terms you can understand. When Jack Nicholson screams, "You can't handle the truth" in the war crime film "A Few Good Men", he speaks the truth. We can not handle the truth. The truth is so far greater than what we know or understand. The truth makes men. The truth defines heros. The truth is a concept so expansive, even as I type it, I realize it is not even what I have believed up until this day. My truth is different from yours. There is a world of truth that is a planet I haven't traveled to...yet.
Incidents themselves are not manipulated by perception, but an objective retell is hardly possible. Action sparks feeling, feeling generates opinion, and the truth becomes "a truth", not the truth.
How you remember everything is your own truth, not THE truth. How we interpret life is our truth, not the truth.
Step outside the cave and look into the light, this is still only our truth because we defined the sun.
We can only relate to what we know, not what exists outside of our reality.
Then there's the emotional attachment to what that means.
Have you ever had a moment where you read something, or someone told you a story, and you didn't have a direct reaction to it without even thinking? A moment ever, where what you know didn't affect what you heard? What is truth, really?
Painful for me at best, I could barely get through this read in high school. Matter of fact, this may be the one book I did not read...cliffnotes...holla. She just asked for my help in getting through this work.
What to do?
Tell her NO, Mommy just can't wrap her head around the words of Plato. Pretend to listen then tell her she needs to figure it out herself? Actually try to read it with her...
We all know the correct answer here, but I just can't make myself listen to the words of this literary work...again.
Someone carefully explained The Cave to me, and I remembered, this was actually the only work I could relate to. The concept of trying to explain to others "the truth". What is the truth? The truth is your perception of your reality, but there is a reality outside of that as well.
I look inside myself and know my perception is also manipulated by history.
Truth is a world of a word.
Your truth is more reasonable because it is defined by you in terms you can understand. When Jack Nicholson screams, "You can't handle the truth" in the war crime film "A Few Good Men", he speaks the truth. We can not handle the truth. The truth is so far greater than what we know or understand. The truth makes men. The truth defines heros. The truth is a concept so expansive, even as I type it, I realize it is not even what I have believed up until this day. My truth is different from yours. There is a world of truth that is a planet I haven't traveled to...yet.
Incidents themselves are not manipulated by perception, but an objective retell is hardly possible. Action sparks feeling, feeling generates opinion, and the truth becomes "a truth", not the truth.
How you remember everything is your own truth, not THE truth. How we interpret life is our truth, not the truth.
Step outside the cave and look into the light, this is still only our truth because we defined the sun.
We can only relate to what we know, not what exists outside of our reality.
Then there's the emotional attachment to what that means.
Have you ever had a moment where you read something, or someone told you a story, and you didn't have a direct reaction to it without even thinking? A moment ever, where what you know didn't affect what you heard? What is truth, really?
Great concepts and traveling
I have finally decided where my creative drive is going to take me this week.
I have a full week off, and so many stories in my head from the past month or so, I hadn't quite decided how to get all these idea on paper. I finally decided, 3 short stories. 1 novel. All flight related.
125 pages each, a deadline, and 3 very interesting stories.
GO!
I have a full week off, and so many stories in my head from the past month or so, I hadn't quite decided how to get all these idea on paper. I finally decided, 3 short stories. 1 novel. All flight related.
125 pages each, a deadline, and 3 very interesting stories.
GO!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Travel Attire
I flew on a USAir flight from Phoenix to Denver and became acutely aware of the difference between American travelers and travelers from anywhere else in the world. Somehow we have become the lazy, sloppy tourist, turning air travel into bus travel, with our pajamas and head scarves and lack of respect for public presentation.
The people of Wal-Mart have nothing on the air travelers of our nation.
In twenty minutes I watched women in head scarves traipse through the airport chewing with their mouths full. I saw small children in pajamas, being led by adults in sweats and house slippers. It occurred to me that we have no pride.
Gone are the days of dressing up to go see family and friends on the other side of the country or the world. I actually saw a man in a suit with flip flops on. Whether you are going to a business meeting or going home from a day of business - what if your company CEO happened to be on the same flight? What if your CFO happened to be at the airport picking up his wife or mother as you bounced off of a airplane with no damn socks on?
We have taken this "comfort thing" too far.
For shame.
No offense, but I will never take anyone seriously who approaches me in a house coat and curlers in their hair. Did you really leave the house like that? What is wrong with you? With us, as a nation?
The people of Wal-Mart have nothing on the air travelers of our nation.
In twenty minutes I watched women in head scarves traipse through the airport chewing with their mouths full. I saw small children in pajamas, being led by adults in sweats and house slippers. It occurred to me that we have no pride.
Gone are the days of dressing up to go see family and friends on the other side of the country or the world. I actually saw a man in a suit with flip flops on. Whether you are going to a business meeting or going home from a day of business - what if your company CEO happened to be on the same flight? What if your CFO happened to be at the airport picking up his wife or mother as you bounced off of a airplane with no damn socks on?
We have taken this "comfort thing" too far.
For shame.
No offense, but I will never take anyone seriously who approaches me in a house coat and curlers in their hair. Did you really leave the house like that? What is wrong with you? With us, as a nation?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Lies and their value
What do these people have in common:
Actors, lovers, kids, lawyers, corporations, and politicians.
They all lie.
The one group not on this list: Your friends.
Your true, loyal, til death do you part, friends.
Friends don't lie to you.
No matter how much it sucks, no matter what the consequence, even if it hurts your feelings - your friends will always tell you the truth.
That is their job in life.
Even when you don't want to hear it.
Your best interest is at hand and the truth is always in your best interest. Whether you know it or not, the truth allows you freedoms you don't even know are good for you.
What freedoms you wonder?
The freedom to choose based on facts...not a story, made up by someone who does not have your best interest at hand, but their own.
The freedom to live in integrity with someone who walks with you.
The freedom to believe in someone other than self.
The freedom to know the value of your own life.
"Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity."
~Robert Green Ingersoll
Actors, lovers, kids, lawyers, corporations, and politicians.
They all lie.
The one group not on this list: Your friends.
Your true, loyal, til death do you part, friends.
Friends don't lie to you.
No matter how much it sucks, no matter what the consequence, even if it hurts your feelings - your friends will always tell you the truth.
That is their job in life.
Even when you don't want to hear it.
Your best interest is at hand and the truth is always in your best interest. Whether you know it or not, the truth allows you freedoms you don't even know are good for you.
What freedoms you wonder?
The freedom to choose based on facts...not a story, made up by someone who does not have your best interest at hand, but their own.
The freedom to live in integrity with someone who walks with you.
The freedom to believe in someone other than self.
The freedom to know the value of your own life.
"Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity."
~Robert Green Ingersoll
Monday, August 22, 2011
Homelessness
I have been very aware of the homeless population here in Denver. For years, this issue, which seems increasingly bigger, has weighed heavily on my mind. Living near the shelter I notice the mass quantity of homeless people gathering for shelter and food in the early evening and the early morning. There is also a park nearby which seems to be a gathering place during the day for the more active homeless persons in the community. This morning, as I sat in Starbucks downtown, sipping my tall, skinny Chai, I noticed two teenagers walking past the coffee shop. They wore dirty clothes and had backpacks and bundles of stuff. All their stuff, in transit. I thought, how are kids homeless? Where are their parents? Who lets their child live on the street, with no food or good shoes? Who let them get away?
It's so hard to stay focused on helping others in need when our own plates are so full, but this is a priority. This is our future. These kids. These homeless children walking the earth with no future, are our future.
What are we gonna do about it?
It's so hard to stay focused on helping others in need when our own plates are so full, but this is a priority. This is our future. These kids. These homeless children walking the earth with no future, are our future.
What are we gonna do about it?
Saturday, August 20, 2011
High School all over again
I have always thought I would never go back to high school. What a horrible four years. I was not popular. I did not excel in anything. I was average across the board. My friends made fun of me. My mom made fun of me. I was awkward and uncomfortable. People say, this is the same memory for most kids. I beg to differ. I watch my daughter, my niece, my nephew, all their friends breeze through high school. They are popular, smart, excel not only in sports but in their social scene as well. High school, like a teen movie, appear to be the best days of their lives.
Smart, saavy, driven, exceptional young people surround me and I'm so proud and realize what a difference self confidence makes. What a difference parents, who are involved and push, make on a struggling teenager. What a difference trust and development make on a mind. What a difference activities make on the ego.
Looking at who I am now, if I could go back, knowing what I know - not to change the course of action, nor to wreak havoc on history, but simply to live life as a fan of high school, I would do it in a second.
If I had the opportunity to excel at sports, at least give it my all.
If I had the opportunity to make friends, the same friends I have now, 25 years later.
If I had the opportunity to tell someone I liked them and maybe date someone that I really had a super crush on.
If I had the opportunity to stand up for myself.
If I had the opportunity to let people get to know me, maybe run for office, maybe go to a dance, maybe take off the shy cloak for one year.
If I had the opportunity to do it all again, 4 years, full steam ahead, I would take that opportunity.
I would take those 4 years and make them something memorable, not forgettable.
I can't even imagine the future college will hold for these same kids.
And life.
And love.
Smart, saavy, driven, exceptional young people surround me and I'm so proud and realize what a difference self confidence makes. What a difference parents, who are involved and push, make on a struggling teenager. What a difference trust and development make on a mind. What a difference activities make on the ego.
Looking at who I am now, if I could go back, knowing what I know - not to change the course of action, nor to wreak havoc on history, but simply to live life as a fan of high school, I would do it in a second.
If I had the opportunity to excel at sports, at least give it my all.
If I had the opportunity to make friends, the same friends I have now, 25 years later.
If I had the opportunity to tell someone I liked them and maybe date someone that I really had a super crush on.
If I had the opportunity to stand up for myself.
If I had the opportunity to let people get to know me, maybe run for office, maybe go to a dance, maybe take off the shy cloak for one year.
If I had the opportunity to do it all again, 4 years, full steam ahead, I would take that opportunity.
I would take those 4 years and make them something memorable, not forgettable.
I can't even imagine the future college will hold for these same kids.
And life.
And love.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Fear based action
I was lucky enough to participate in a self defense class put on by TSA and the Aurora Police Academy Instructors.
Initially, I took this class because I have personal space issues and feel like things that aren't necessarily a threat, feel like a threat to me. I wanted to be more secure in tight spaces with people who sometimes are not conscious of others boundaries. I also wanted to feel more secure traveling, as I have had situations in the past where I have been accosted in foreign countries and felt helpless.
The content of the class was great. 8 hours of direction, contact and physical practice.
Then there were the stories - stories of women who have been attacked and survived. Realistic situations where injury is imminent. Fear based actualities.
Those are the things I have carried around the last few weeks. Fear of opening a hotel door, because someone may jump from the stairwell and shove me into my hotel room and attack me. The fear of being assaulted and worse case scenario, not being killed, but for me, living through it. Fear of losing control. Fear of fighting. Just plain fear.
Simultaneously, I have had some issues in my personal life which are also fear based. Not physically, but people pushing the limits of their authority or past relationship, or concept of who I am and mistaking my niceness for weakness. A far greater fear base than the physical one(s) for me.
As I weigh both sides, I realized I have to treat them the same.
I can not worry about the pending attack until it happens.
I cannot walk the universe not being me and shining my gifts on others. I will not waver because there is a foul, careless world out there.
I have lost some smiles these past few weeks because of the tension in the air. I have questioned the good I seek and do. I almost forgot the impact I have on others.
Today, I take that back.
Initially, I took this class because I have personal space issues and feel like things that aren't necessarily a threat, feel like a threat to me. I wanted to be more secure in tight spaces with people who sometimes are not conscious of others boundaries. I also wanted to feel more secure traveling, as I have had situations in the past where I have been accosted in foreign countries and felt helpless.
The content of the class was great. 8 hours of direction, contact and physical practice.
Then there were the stories - stories of women who have been attacked and survived. Realistic situations where injury is imminent. Fear based actualities.
Those are the things I have carried around the last few weeks. Fear of opening a hotel door, because someone may jump from the stairwell and shove me into my hotel room and attack me. The fear of being assaulted and worse case scenario, not being killed, but for me, living through it. Fear of losing control. Fear of fighting. Just plain fear.
Simultaneously, I have had some issues in my personal life which are also fear based. Not physically, but people pushing the limits of their authority or past relationship, or concept of who I am and mistaking my niceness for weakness. A far greater fear base than the physical one(s) for me.
As I weigh both sides, I realized I have to treat them the same.
I can not worry about the pending attack until it happens.
I cannot walk the universe not being me and shining my gifts on others. I will not waver because there is a foul, careless world out there.
I have lost some smiles these past few weeks because of the tension in the air. I have questioned the good I seek and do. I almost forgot the impact I have on others.
Today, I take that back.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Do your JOB!
Part of the reason (I have noticed) that concepts fail, is the lack of integrity with which actions are implemented. The lack of consistency in following laws and guidelines that have been put into place for a reason. A law is not an optional tool to be used at one's discretion. A law is implemented because a need for it has arisen.
I have been to Las Vegas more times than I can count. Before this past week, I have never been asked for my picture identification with the exception of a visit to the Michaels Kors boutique when I made a sizable and expensive purchase. This past week I was asked, almost every single time I pulled out my Visa bankcard for additional identification. It didn't matter the amount of the purchase, everything from $8 to $40, convenience stores and restaurants, hotels and casino's. Which is fine, but the attitude I was given when asked for i.d., as if I am a potential criminal, not as if they are doing me a favor by asking - to keep my money and financial security safe, was funky at best.
I was told, this is a new law, they have to ask. This is the issue I have with laws made to protect people - laws for your own good. The persons who are forced to enforce them, don't care - it is just an additional step, more work in fact for their daily job so they act put out to do the work.
Resulting in a halfhearted effort and usually a purposeless action and a half-assed job.
My attitude, as a result, shifted as well. Instead of thanking the cashiers for their diligence in keeping my money and credit safe, I waited until they returned with my bankcard, my picture i.d., and my receipt, which generally also needed a signature and tip amount to be added, and I asked them, "What is my name"?
Not one cashier knew my name. Not one.
One actually had the audacity to ask me, in response, "Is there a problem"?
In three days of my personal experiment, the best, most noteworthy answer was, "Well, I knew you were from Colorado". Well, bravo for you. Your job is actually to mach the name, picture on the i.d. to the name on the card, in fact you could match signatures on the picture i.d. with the signature on the back of the bankcard as well if you knew what your job was, and the purpose of your extra effort.
I think I annoyed some of the people I was hanging out with because no one wants an agitated bartender, right? But, my point is, asking for my i.d. is not an extra step. It is part of your job. It requires observation and diligence, and you agreed to do it when you took the job in the service industry.
Do your job. Do it right. And don't give me attitude when you snatch up my i.d. like I'm the criminal here. I'm paying you to bring my tapas to the table, not to give me the stink eye.
I have been to Las Vegas more times than I can count. Before this past week, I have never been asked for my picture identification with the exception of a visit to the Michaels Kors boutique when I made a sizable and expensive purchase. This past week I was asked, almost every single time I pulled out my Visa bankcard for additional identification. It didn't matter the amount of the purchase, everything from $8 to $40, convenience stores and restaurants, hotels and casino's. Which is fine, but the attitude I was given when asked for i.d., as if I am a potential criminal, not as if they are doing me a favor by asking - to keep my money and financial security safe, was funky at best.
I was told, this is a new law, they have to ask. This is the issue I have with laws made to protect people - laws for your own good. The persons who are forced to enforce them, don't care - it is just an additional step, more work in fact for their daily job so they act put out to do the work.
Resulting in a halfhearted effort and usually a purposeless action and a half-assed job.
My attitude, as a result, shifted as well. Instead of thanking the cashiers for their diligence in keeping my money and credit safe, I waited until they returned with my bankcard, my picture i.d., and my receipt, which generally also needed a signature and tip amount to be added, and I asked them, "What is my name"?
Not one cashier knew my name. Not one.
One actually had the audacity to ask me, in response, "Is there a problem"?
In three days of my personal experiment, the best, most noteworthy answer was, "Well, I knew you were from Colorado". Well, bravo for you. Your job is actually to mach the name, picture on the i.d. to the name on the card, in fact you could match signatures on the picture i.d. with the signature on the back of the bankcard as well if you knew what your job was, and the purpose of your extra effort.
I think I annoyed some of the people I was hanging out with because no one wants an agitated bartender, right? But, my point is, asking for my i.d. is not an extra step. It is part of your job. It requires observation and diligence, and you agreed to do it when you took the job in the service industry.
Do your job. Do it right. And don't give me attitude when you snatch up my i.d. like I'm the criminal here. I'm paying you to bring my tapas to the table, not to give me the stink eye.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Planes and Pervs
I knew this career would afford me numerous tales to write about. Cities, people, lifestyle; these are just a few topics of interest to most people who don't think about going from city to city every day for work. What didn't occur to me was how many low moral people are out there in this world that sneak through the system undetected. Predators. The true venom of this society that most don't see because they are stealth in their actions.
Yesterday, after a three hour delay in Los Angeles (for flight crews, delays sometimes mean possible higher level passenger intoxication because most Americans cannot entertain themselves for more than twenty minutes without a cocktail), a girl in her twenties boarded our aircraft. I noticed her when she boarded because of the way she was dressed. Very small shorts, boots and long hair - if she was holding a guitar she could have been in a video. She had long hair and was cute. Tall and cute. She moved slowly and didn't speak when I addressed her. No big deal, after a delay, many people are grumpy and don't want to answer a greeting, as if that non-verbally cues a flight attendant to report back to the company that they were one of the passengers unhappy the flight was delayed. We are mind-readers as well.
This flight landed briefly in San Jose, and I noticed the girl milling about the plane very slowly. Walking as if the plane were a cloud and she were an angel overlooking all the people and movements below. But, we were on the ground and she was in the aisle, in theory, stretching her legs between flights.
Leg 2: San Jose to Seattle:
After service, I notice a large man cornering a lady in the window seat and I slow down to look closely, because his actions look inappropriate. I look to see if his hands are anywhere they shouldn't be (because we are on a plane...not in a hotel room). I am not sure why some people think we can't see them when they sit in an airplane seat. If you can see us, we can see you - under the blanket, near the window, yes, even in the last row of the aircraft. We can see you!
I don't see anything pornographic, so I continue down the aisle.
Within ten minutes, a woman with a baby comes to the back of the aircraft. She is visibly uncomfortable and states, the man in the seat ahead of her seems to be kissing on the girl next to him and she believes the girl is not with him, and the man may be doing something wrong with the girl.
I think it may be the same couple I noticed earlier. My stomach gets that feeling.
We walk back to the couple and ask if everything is OK.
The girl seems sleepy. She waves her hand around. She doesn't really make eye contact. The man answers, everything is fine. We are fine, etc. The girl waves us off.
We move back. We involve the third flight attendant. Discuss the behavior of the girl from the time she first entered the aircraft. She is an adult. She has had wine. She was canoodling with another guy on the first leg, but he got off the plane in San Jose. This was really an odd situation. Other passengers had noticed her earlier and commented "she's out of it". Her behavior has been questionable since she got on the plane. But, this predator, with a ring on his finger, is obviously taking advantage of her state of being, or her youth, or her stupidity.
We decided to approach again and make sure she is safe. She does not want to leave her seat. She does not want to come to the back of the aircraft with us. She does not want anything to do with us or a safer envrironment. One of the flight attendants jokes, she's gonna be sorry tomorrow when she wakes up and see's this guys face. I thought, I would never want this to be my daughter. Drugged up and out of it, with some disgusting, middle aged pedophile feeling her up on a public mode of transportation. We continued to monitor the situation and the guy was undeterred. He kissed her and kept his arm around her for the remainder of the flight. Until the lights came on. When the lights came on, he sat upright and tryed to look upstanding. A pig in a suit, can you visualize it?
As the passengers exited the plane we kept an eye on them. She exited first. She seemed more composed. She was wearing sunglasses (at 11p) and walked off the plane as if she had no memory of any of us and the last hour of the flight. The man waited behind, let about fifteen people get between them and exited with his smarmy smile on his face and the knowledge of his cheap thrill.
Disturbing and disgusting, I thought about this scenario all the way to the hotel. How young women get taken advantage of every day. What this would have looked like at a college party instead of an airplane. What if he was her uncle...everyone has one. What if this was the end of a very average date. So many things went through my head, and then the result. What will happen? Nothing. The other flight attendants joked that the "good thing" about this situation is the girl probably won't remember. Maybe she won't, but I will.
Yesterday, after a three hour delay in Los Angeles (for flight crews, delays sometimes mean possible higher level passenger intoxication because most Americans cannot entertain themselves for more than twenty minutes without a cocktail), a girl in her twenties boarded our aircraft. I noticed her when she boarded because of the way she was dressed. Very small shorts, boots and long hair - if she was holding a guitar she could have been in a video. She had long hair and was cute. Tall and cute. She moved slowly and didn't speak when I addressed her. No big deal, after a delay, many people are grumpy and don't want to answer a greeting, as if that non-verbally cues a flight attendant to report back to the company that they were one of the passengers unhappy the flight was delayed. We are mind-readers as well.
This flight landed briefly in San Jose, and I noticed the girl milling about the plane very slowly. Walking as if the plane were a cloud and she were an angel overlooking all the people and movements below. But, we were on the ground and she was in the aisle, in theory, stretching her legs between flights.
Leg 2: San Jose to Seattle:
After service, I notice a large man cornering a lady in the window seat and I slow down to look closely, because his actions look inappropriate. I look to see if his hands are anywhere they shouldn't be (because we are on a plane...not in a hotel room). I am not sure why some people think we can't see them when they sit in an airplane seat. If you can see us, we can see you - under the blanket, near the window, yes, even in the last row of the aircraft. We can see you!
I don't see anything pornographic, so I continue down the aisle.
Within ten minutes, a woman with a baby comes to the back of the aircraft. She is visibly uncomfortable and states, the man in the seat ahead of her seems to be kissing on the girl next to him and she believes the girl is not with him, and the man may be doing something wrong with the girl.
I think it may be the same couple I noticed earlier. My stomach gets that feeling.
We walk back to the couple and ask if everything is OK.
The girl seems sleepy. She waves her hand around. She doesn't really make eye contact. The man answers, everything is fine. We are fine, etc. The girl waves us off.
We move back. We involve the third flight attendant. Discuss the behavior of the girl from the time she first entered the aircraft. She is an adult. She has had wine. She was canoodling with another guy on the first leg, but he got off the plane in San Jose. This was really an odd situation. Other passengers had noticed her earlier and commented "she's out of it". Her behavior has been questionable since she got on the plane. But, this predator, with a ring on his finger, is obviously taking advantage of her state of being, or her youth, or her stupidity.
We decided to approach again and make sure she is safe. She does not want to leave her seat. She does not want to come to the back of the aircraft with us. She does not want anything to do with us or a safer envrironment. One of the flight attendants jokes, she's gonna be sorry tomorrow when she wakes up and see's this guys face. I thought, I would never want this to be my daughter. Drugged up and out of it, with some disgusting, middle aged pedophile feeling her up on a public mode of transportation. We continued to monitor the situation and the guy was undeterred. He kissed her and kept his arm around her for the remainder of the flight. Until the lights came on. When the lights came on, he sat upright and tryed to look upstanding. A pig in a suit, can you visualize it?
As the passengers exited the plane we kept an eye on them. She exited first. She seemed more composed. She was wearing sunglasses (at 11p) and walked off the plane as if she had no memory of any of us and the last hour of the flight. The man waited behind, let about fifteen people get between them and exited with his smarmy smile on his face and the knowledge of his cheap thrill.
Disturbing and disgusting, I thought about this scenario all the way to the hotel. How young women get taken advantage of every day. What this would have looked like at a college party instead of an airplane. What if he was her uncle...everyone has one. What if this was the end of a very average date. So many things went through my head, and then the result. What will happen? Nothing. The other flight attendants joked that the "good thing" about this situation is the girl probably won't remember. Maybe she won't, but I will.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Days Off with Writers Block
What do I busy myself with on the days I want to be writing? I have the time, but can't generate ideas. Well, I can generate concepts, but can't compose the structure it takes to make a full story. It's so frustrating.
I find myself walking around the house looking for things to do.
I've done the laundry.
I've cleaned the kitchen, well as clean as I am willing to make the effort for - ask my mom. The sink is empty. Even the blender is clean. My blueberry, starfruit smoothie is gone.
I've cooked food for the week to take on my trip. I've Facebooked and Tweeted. I've looked at the new picture on my dresser for about 25 minutes too long. Now I'm bored.
Where is this going, you ask?
On demand cable TV.
I love catching up on my favorite shows, but it's off season so there is nothing on TV I have not seen already - fact. I don't have the attention span for a movie, so I look for 25-45 minute TV shows.
I check MTV, VH1, Bravo and CBS - my favorite goto channels on demand. Nothing new.
Somehow I find a show about Paris Hilton on the Oxygen network. Not a BFF show. Not a weird game/ reality show, but a reality life show highlighting her friends, and her mom, and her day to day in and outs of being a celebrity. Not super interesting in general, but everyone likes a little "peek into the life of".
So, here we are.
The first thing I notice in "The World According to Paris", is one of the "characters" is labeled as "friend/ photographer". Paris Hilton has a full-time photographer following her around all day long shooting her life. Could you imagine? It then occurred to me, what if someone was sitting on the edge of my bed right now taking my picture. Shooting me type and drink my iced coffee...in my underwear. Following me on my run. Going to the hair salon with me. Watching me put my makeup on. Hanging back on the plane. Really? Why does anyone need a constant moment capturer...just in case? Just in case what?
The second thing I notice is this obnoxious pink Bentley that Paris Hilton drives around and I think, WTF? Really? Then it occurs to me, no one else in the world has a pink Bentley. No one can steal it. It is great PR. Is it crazy or is it genius? I can't decide. Branding. Genius.
Then Kathy Hilton (Paris' mom) makes a comment, "I'm so embarrassed to be seen in this car, I'll just hide in the back". She's no Kris Jenner, that's for sure. Real mom's keep you in check.
No matter what you are up to in life, your mom will bring you back to reality.
(photo courtesy zimbio.com)
Now, I can get back to roaming around my house in my underwear looking for something to write about. Seriously.
I find myself walking around the house looking for things to do.
I've done the laundry.
I've cleaned the kitchen, well as clean as I am willing to make the effort for - ask my mom. The sink is empty. Even the blender is clean. My blueberry, starfruit smoothie is gone.
I've cooked food for the week to take on my trip. I've Facebooked and Tweeted. I've looked at the new picture on my dresser for about 25 minutes too long. Now I'm bored.
Where is this going, you ask?
On demand cable TV.
I love catching up on my favorite shows, but it's off season so there is nothing on TV I have not seen already - fact. I don't have the attention span for a movie, so I look for 25-45 minute TV shows.
I check MTV, VH1, Bravo and CBS - my favorite goto channels on demand. Nothing new.
Somehow I find a show about Paris Hilton on the Oxygen network. Not a BFF show. Not a weird game/ reality show, but a reality life show highlighting her friends, and her mom, and her day to day in and outs of being a celebrity. Not super interesting in general, but everyone likes a little "peek into the life of".
So, here we are.
The first thing I notice in "The World According to Paris", is one of the "characters" is labeled as "friend/ photographer". Paris Hilton has a full-time photographer following her around all day long shooting her life. Could you imagine? It then occurred to me, what if someone was sitting on the edge of my bed right now taking my picture. Shooting me type and drink my iced coffee...in my underwear. Following me on my run. Going to the hair salon with me. Watching me put my makeup on. Hanging back on the plane. Really? Why does anyone need a constant moment capturer...just in case? Just in case what?
The second thing I notice is this obnoxious pink Bentley that Paris Hilton drives around and I think, WTF? Really? Then it occurs to me, no one else in the world has a pink Bentley. No one can steal it. It is great PR. Is it crazy or is it genius? I can't decide. Branding. Genius.
Then Kathy Hilton (Paris' mom) makes a comment, "I'm so embarrassed to be seen in this car, I'll just hide in the back". She's no Kris Jenner, that's for sure. Real mom's keep you in check.No matter what you are up to in life, your mom will bring you back to reality.
(photo courtesy zimbio.com)
Now, I can get back to roaming around my house in my underwear looking for something to write about. Seriously.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
A full month...indicative of my life
A full month has gone by since my last post. Time flies, right?
This is how fast my life has been whizzing past me the last fifteen years. I have a daughter who is learning to drive and looking at Universities. My son is truly independant. I am spending a tremendous amount of time alone, and as much as I usually treasure it, I realize one day I will wake up and be old. Not 50. Not retired. Just old.
I look at the blank pages...the empty web space and think of all the things I want to put down, not only for other's to read but to preserve these days. And, I don't, because I realize I am preserving these days, which will soon be a part of my past. The life I once lived. The great days of my youth.
I am already reminded by my sister and my daughter (unbeknownst to either of them) that my fun, party girl life is over. My reputation which once preceded me, now dates me. Now, paves a path to my golden days...showcasing what a fun, great life I HAD. My sister actually asked me if I babysat, as if it was the weirdest thing on the planet - even though I have two kids of my own, my history is far more interesting and outstanding than the concept of me as a mom, which has slowly taken over the last sixteen years, without anyone else noticing.
My daughter asks me to recount stories that made her laugh when she was younger because "Mommy is funny". Oh, Mommy was funny. That's a fact.
And it overwhelms me some days.
As I look forward to watching my children raise their families, I notice the similar paths my siblings are taking...simply fifteen years later than myself. My brother has two children under the age of two, and my sister just had her first child. I have three neices and nephews under the ages of two years old. Yet, my children are teens and tweens. I have advice to offer. I have mommyism's. I have grown up...
and it frightens me.
Have I done everything I wanted to do?
Will I manifest the successes I am still missing?
Will I die alone?
Another holiday.
Another week.
Another month.
Another lifetime.
This is how fast my life has been whizzing past me the last fifteen years. I have a daughter who is learning to drive and looking at Universities. My son is truly independant. I am spending a tremendous amount of time alone, and as much as I usually treasure it, I realize one day I will wake up and be old. Not 50. Not retired. Just old.
I look at the blank pages...the empty web space and think of all the things I want to put down, not only for other's to read but to preserve these days. And, I don't, because I realize I am preserving these days, which will soon be a part of my past. The life I once lived. The great days of my youth.
I am already reminded by my sister and my daughter (unbeknownst to either of them) that my fun, party girl life is over. My reputation which once preceded me, now dates me. Now, paves a path to my golden days...showcasing what a fun, great life I HAD. My sister actually asked me if I babysat, as if it was the weirdest thing on the planet - even though I have two kids of my own, my history is far more interesting and outstanding than the concept of me as a mom, which has slowly taken over the last sixteen years, without anyone else noticing.
My daughter asks me to recount stories that made her laugh when she was younger because "Mommy is funny". Oh, Mommy was funny. That's a fact.
And it overwhelms me some days.
As I look forward to watching my children raise their families, I notice the similar paths my siblings are taking...simply fifteen years later than myself. My brother has two children under the age of two, and my sister just had her first child. I have three neices and nephews under the ages of two years old. Yet, my children are teens and tweens. I have advice to offer. I have mommyism's. I have grown up...
and it frightens me.
Have I done everything I wanted to do?
Will I manifest the successes I am still missing?
Will I die alone?
Another holiday.
Another week.
Another month.
Another lifetime.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Boston L O V E
City : Boston, MA
Points of Interest : Too many to mention; but start at Fanueil Hall, the Freedom Trail, Fenway Park, the Massachusetts State House
Hotel/ Transportation Information : Hilton Boston Logan
complimentary hotel shuttle, the T (rail system), metro bus, trolley
People Watching : above average, high energy/ friendly
Don't Miss! : I finally walked the Freedom Trail, starting at Fanuil Hall and making my way, weaving through the streets of Boston, through burial sites, and political points of interest, via the Boston Commons and other famous city landmarks in this fantastically rich city. A city known for changing the country - lawmakers and rebels, Presidents and soldiers, all remembered along the way. Along the way to Cheers, where everyody knows my name and everyone inside knows the cast of this infamous TV show, an icon itself of our Pop Culture.
This tour is about 2.5 miles long, and also covers a Public Garden and give s sweet tour of Beacon Hill, and the beautiful architectural structures of the 1800's.Boston is a city rich in culture and history and sprinkled with beauty and charm.
A must see city for anyone.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Airline Passenger Awards
Our company, like most companies in the country give kudos for high performers and/ or outstanding service. My company also has a peer kudos program where you can nominate your peers for, "the above and beyond" services that you witness or receive. The last corporate office I worked for also had a program similar to this, which was well received by most associates. I think there should be awards for some airline passengers (and an eject button for others).
I flew home a few days ago after a month of intense and exhausting mental training. I was tired to say the least. When I got to the airport, all the flights which had seats only hours prior, were now full. I started the non-rev shuffle from gate to gate trying to get on any flight out of Texas.
I finally found a flight leaving immediately, which would connect to a full flight I couldn't get on at that point of the day, but would have seats once it dumped people where I was headed on the earlier flight. Long story short, I took an extra leg, earlier, so I could jump on later and eventually end up at home.
My plan worked and I got on a flight that had plenty of open seats, just later than I anticipated. I was still tired. I chose a seat near the rear and comfy'ed myself in for the trip back home. Shortly after takeoff, I awoke to my seat being jolted. I rearranged myself and closed my eyes again. Two minutes later, a continuous kicking of my chair followed by a pounding on the tray table attached to my chair. I peeked around the seat to see a small child kicking my chair and his dad simply watching. Watching his evil spawn kick my chair over and over again.
I excused myself from my row and went to the back of the plane and stood from the rest of the flight. I was so tired I couldn't care about this Satanic child keeping me awake, or his inconsiderate breeder. I would rather stand for 90 minutes, keeping my composure and looking forward to sleep once I got home.
While I stood in the back, I noticed a young dad, full sleeve tat's, with the sweetest little girl (about the same age as the son of Lucifer from my seat) sitting a couple rows from the back of the aircraft. I watched as this little girl wiggled, and dad scooped her up, put her on his lap and helped her get comfortable. She was polite and quiet and they were ideal guests.
I wondered how this kid( guy in his 20's is now a kid to me) had such a cool, peaceful, well behaved toddler, while a grown ass man in business casual attire couldn't keep his monster in line, nor had any desire to do so.
I could not give a formal kudos to the man and his child in the back, as I also couldn't give a swat to the rear of the kid behind my seat - OH, I forgot to mention, when the plane started it's descent and I was forced to take my seat again, the monster behind me gave me a razzberry as I sat back down. Satan, I tell you.
But, what I could do instead of harboring hate for a child, was reward the sweet child with some snacks I had in my bag. I waited for the young dad and his sweet girl to exit the plane and offered them my cuties and a huge cookie left over from my lunch, still in the package. They were so grateful, because they still had another flight, from Denver, on to Boise.
One more of life's moments when a negative situation can consume you if you don't look for the high road. I can't explain how much better it made me feel to smile at a child and hand over a cookie, than to stew behind clenched teeth at the rest of the inconsiderate world.
So much better.
I flew home a few days ago after a month of intense and exhausting mental training. I was tired to say the least. When I got to the airport, all the flights which had seats only hours prior, were now full. I started the non-rev shuffle from gate to gate trying to get on any flight out of Texas.
I finally found a flight leaving immediately, which would connect to a full flight I couldn't get on at that point of the day, but would have seats once it dumped people where I was headed on the earlier flight. Long story short, I took an extra leg, earlier, so I could jump on later and eventually end up at home.
My plan worked and I got on a flight that had plenty of open seats, just later than I anticipated. I was still tired. I chose a seat near the rear and comfy'ed myself in for the trip back home. Shortly after takeoff, I awoke to my seat being jolted. I rearranged myself and closed my eyes again. Two minutes later, a continuous kicking of my chair followed by a pounding on the tray table attached to my chair. I peeked around the seat to see a small child kicking my chair and his dad simply watching. Watching his evil spawn kick my chair over and over again.
I excused myself from my row and went to the back of the plane and stood from the rest of the flight. I was so tired I couldn't care about this Satanic child keeping me awake, or his inconsiderate breeder. I would rather stand for 90 minutes, keeping my composure and looking forward to sleep once I got home.
While I stood in the back, I noticed a young dad, full sleeve tat's, with the sweetest little girl (about the same age as the son of Lucifer from my seat) sitting a couple rows from the back of the aircraft. I watched as this little girl wiggled, and dad scooped her up, put her on his lap and helped her get comfortable. She was polite and quiet and they were ideal guests.
I wondered how this kid( guy in his 20's is now a kid to me) had such a cool, peaceful, well behaved toddler, while a grown ass man in business casual attire couldn't keep his monster in line, nor had any desire to do so.
I could not give a formal kudos to the man and his child in the back, as I also couldn't give a swat to the rear of the kid behind my seat - OH, I forgot to mention, when the plane started it's descent and I was forced to take my seat again, the monster behind me gave me a razzberry as I sat back down. Satan, I tell you.
But, what I could do instead of harboring hate for a child, was reward the sweet child with some snacks I had in my bag. I waited for the young dad and his sweet girl to exit the plane and offered them my cuties and a huge cookie left over from my lunch, still in the package. They were so grateful, because they still had another flight, from Denver, on to Boise.
One more of life's moments when a negative situation can consume you if you don't look for the high road. I can't explain how much better it made me feel to smile at a child and hand over a cookie, than to stew behind clenched teeth at the rest of the inconsiderate world.
So much better.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Is Entreprenuerial Success Inherited?
Forbes Magazine Article
Again, the concept of Nature vs Nurture, yet in the context of Success.
Are successful people more likely to be successful based on the success of their parents?
As if DNA controls education, capabilities, or success on any level.
I have always been an advocate of nurture over nature. I don't believe dna controls anything, except looks. People all over this earth with no opportunity, no parents, no support, no guidance show up in life. They work hard. They make the money that some are gifted with. They study and they learn. They become as successful as they want to be, because something innate in them demands it.
Does the daughter of Ralph Lauren have an advantage? Yes, she does. If my parents were billionaires, it would be a lot easier to sit back and start a company with the financial backing and a "no-risk" attitude.
My father grew up in a household where he was gifted everything he had. My grandparents were successful and wealthy. Did my father's dna take over and make him successful? No. He chose his path. He chose to squander his gifts, on all levels.
Nature is great, but the opportunity to learn how to be successful comes from your environment. Hard work generates success, not a dad with a gazillion bucks.
Again, the concept of Nature vs Nurture, yet in the context of Success.
Are successful people more likely to be successful based on the success of their parents?
As if DNA controls education, capabilities, or success on any level.
I have always been an advocate of nurture over nature. I don't believe dna controls anything, except looks. People all over this earth with no opportunity, no parents, no support, no guidance show up in life. They work hard. They make the money that some are gifted with. They study and they learn. They become as successful as they want to be, because something innate in them demands it.
Does the daughter of Ralph Lauren have an advantage? Yes, she does. If my parents were billionaires, it would be a lot easier to sit back and start a company with the financial backing and a "no-risk" attitude.
My father grew up in a household where he was gifted everything he had. My grandparents were successful and wealthy. Did my father's dna take over and make him successful? No. He chose his path. He chose to squander his gifts, on all levels.
Nature is great, but the opportunity to learn how to be successful comes from your environment. Hard work generates success, not a dad with a gazillion bucks.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Sex and Visualization
I had an eye opening conversation with a male friend on the topic of picturing someone else while in the moment.
ie. Having sex with someone while visualizing someone completely different.
I thought, "No way". Who does that?
He went on to tell me about, "this guy in college", etc.
I thought about how much it would suck to have some guy I thought was into me (no pun intended), daydreaming about Carmen Elektra, or Kim Kardashian, or simply some girl he met on the train that he knew he'd never get the opportunity to love on.
How disappointing.
Then I wondered how many people did this.
How many married couples are in the moment, yet thinking about that girl/guy at work, or some pro athlete? Or some sexy celebrity.
I'm all about having fantasies, but when you are committing to a moment with someone, give them the courtesy of that hour, I mean damn! Shouldn't sex - shouldn't that type of intimacy, be reserved for someone you (at minimum) can give your full attention for an hour?
(p.s. no wonder so many people are bad in bed...feel me?)
Personally, I don't want to be naked with someone I'm not totally 100% into. I certainly don't want some guy on top of me that makes me wish I was with someone else. For the guys, is sex that inconsequential that anyplace warm is better than nothing at all?
I am curious as to how many people have done this? How many people think there is no issue with this (whatever you have to do, right)? How many people would consider it, if it came to that? And how many are totally turned off by this practice?
Tell me something.
ie. Having sex with someone while visualizing someone completely different.
I thought, "No way". Who does that?
He went on to tell me about, "this guy in college", etc.
I thought about how much it would suck to have some guy I thought was into me (no pun intended), daydreaming about Carmen Elektra, or Kim Kardashian, or simply some girl he met on the train that he knew he'd never get the opportunity to love on.
How disappointing.
Then I wondered how many people did this.
How many married couples are in the moment, yet thinking about that girl/guy at work, or some pro athlete? Or some sexy celebrity.
I'm all about having fantasies, but when you are committing to a moment with someone, give them the courtesy of that hour, I mean damn! Shouldn't sex - shouldn't that type of intimacy, be reserved for someone you (at minimum) can give your full attention for an hour?
(p.s. no wonder so many people are bad in bed...feel me?)
Personally, I don't want to be naked with someone I'm not totally 100% into. I certainly don't want some guy on top of me that makes me wish I was with someone else. For the guys, is sex that inconsequential that anyplace warm is better than nothing at all?
I am curious as to how many people have done this? How many people think there is no issue with this (whatever you have to do, right)? How many people would consider it, if it came to that? And how many are totally turned off by this practice?
Tell me something.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Hotels and Green grass
Sometimes, all I need to recharge is a good run and a night in a great hotel.
Funny enough, my new job provides me this at no charge. It comes with a paycheck too. A day flying around (which I love, and would do for free), complimented by overnights in charming cities, and stays in great hotel suites.
I found my calling.
Today was a reminder of what I appreciate so much about my life.
The ability to go where ever I want, whenever I want.
The solace of a great suite.
A sweaty run in a city where no one knows me and I can run for as hard and as long as I want with no commitment - no time limit - no, "I can only run for 30 today because I have to be somewhere...anywhere", because I don't.
I lay in my giant bed with the air conditioning blasting, after eating a great meal I would never treat myself to at home (well, that may be a stretch), waiting for sleep to come over me, because my day could have only been better in one aspect.
And that's coming.
Life is good - make it yours!
Look where my path led me.
Funny enough, my new job provides me this at no charge. It comes with a paycheck too. A day flying around (which I love, and would do for free), complimented by overnights in charming cities, and stays in great hotel suites.
Today was a reminder of what I appreciate so much about my life.
The ability to go where ever I want, whenever I want.
The solace of a great suite.
A sweaty run in a city where no one knows me and I can run for as hard and as long as I want with no commitment - no time limit - no, "I can only run for 30 today because I have to be somewhere...anywhere", because I don't.
I lay in my giant bed with the air conditioning blasting, after eating a great meal I would never treat myself to at home (well, that may be a stretch), waiting for sleep to come over me, because my day could have only been better in one aspect.
And that's coming.
Life is good - make it yours!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Calling to the Universe
I believe in calling to the Universe.
Letting the world know what you want. Living in integrity of what you want. The power of thought.
We are surrounded by catch phrases that are meant to inspire people. The reality is, your life is out there if you want it. What you need is out there if you are honest about what you want and you follow the path that will take you there.
I have come across many people who are not successful and complain that they just don't have the tools that they need to be successful. I have come to realize that I cannot continue to coddle adults who are unable to attain their goals. One of the main commonalities I notice amongst people who are unhappy about where they are in their lives is, they don't put their desires out into the universe.
They aren't honest about what they want and don't live in integrity of what they say they want.
-Maybe these aren't really their dreams - maybe the dreams belong to someone else.
-Maybe they don't want to hurt someone's feelings by telling them THIS is the path I want to pursue and what you want isn't necessarily what I want...anymore.
-Maybe they are on the path already and sabotage themselves because if they don't succeed they can fall back into their old habits which are comfortable.
-Maybe they are content being average, and that's OK.
-Maybe the path is scary and they aren't mature enough to see past their emotional attachment to what's on this side of the path instead of the possibility of what may be on the other side.
The Universe does a good job of keeping people in line.
"You get what you ask for."
"Be careful what you ask for, you may just get it."
These are little sayings that remind us to be careful in choosing our path and be focused once we are on it. Once you know what you want, make your choices count, because the sole person responsible for those choices is YOU.
I know what I want, but it took me forty years to have integrity in that and be proud about it, remembering, I don't have to live anyone else's life but my own. When I think in my head, "I got this", I mean it. Not that people can't have hurdles on their path. Not that everyone's path wasn't meant for them at that time. But, if you truly have connected with your hearts desire, and you have taken the steps towards meeting your goals, you should be committed to doing what it takes and finding your success.
Have ever been on a road you realized you weren't committed to, and changed your mind, but you were already halfway there; people were expecting you, and you had made obligations? Instead of just saying, I changed my mind, I made a wrong turn, I'd rather stay right here - instead you continue on, as if you are still committed, and the Universe takes over. The Universe hides your wallet, or your keys, or flats your tire - prevents you from going down the path you've decided was not truly the path you wanted. In the back of your mind, you think, "I didn't really want to go anyway", or on the opposite, you remember the goal - you jump at the best opportunity to get there. Therein lies your stamina for your goal. I almost didn't make it to my flight attendant interview, but through the tears, and pushes from others in the universe who knew how badly I wanted it, I figured out a way to get there. You lay the foundation and the Universe makes a path. Take it!
Have integrity in your decisions and honor yourself first.
Once I had kids it was easier to do this because I had their paths to think about too - and still do. My path directly affects their path. When I was single, I didn't worry about my path because I could change it whenever I wanted to - no harm, no foul. My single friends still have this option, sometimes forgetting that my decisions are still family based. I'm not taking a path I haven't thought over and over to plan for the future of my kids. And I'm not going to let anyone else make decisions for me that will affect my, or their path.
Every step I take...every move I make...is long thought out and I've got my eye on the Universe and how she takes care of me.
Letting the world know what you want. Living in integrity of what you want. The power of thought.
We are surrounded by catch phrases that are meant to inspire people. The reality is, your life is out there if you want it. What you need is out there if you are honest about what you want and you follow the path that will take you there.
I have come across many people who are not successful and complain that they just don't have the tools that they need to be successful. I have come to realize that I cannot continue to coddle adults who are unable to attain their goals. One of the main commonalities I notice amongst people who are unhappy about where they are in their lives is, they don't put their desires out into the universe.
photo courtesy spiritualnow.com
People don't get what they want for a number of reasons but the most the most apparent is...They aren't honest about what they want and don't live in integrity of what they say they want.
-Maybe these aren't really their dreams - maybe the dreams belong to someone else.
-Maybe they don't want to hurt someone's feelings by telling them THIS is the path I want to pursue and what you want isn't necessarily what I want...anymore.
-Maybe they are on the path already and sabotage themselves because if they don't succeed they can fall back into their old habits which are comfortable.
-Maybe they are content being average, and that's OK.
-Maybe the path is scary and they aren't mature enough to see past their emotional attachment to what's on this side of the path instead of the possibility of what may be on the other side.
The Universe does a good job of keeping people in line.
"You get what you ask for."
"Be careful what you ask for, you may just get it."
These are little sayings that remind us to be careful in choosing our path and be focused once we are on it. Once you know what you want, make your choices count, because the sole person responsible for those choices is YOU.
I know what I want, but it took me forty years to have integrity in that and be proud about it, remembering, I don't have to live anyone else's life but my own. When I think in my head, "I got this", I mean it. Not that people can't have hurdles on their path. Not that everyone's path wasn't meant for them at that time. But, if you truly have connected with your hearts desire, and you have taken the steps towards meeting your goals, you should be committed to doing what it takes and finding your success.
Have ever been on a road you realized you weren't committed to, and changed your mind, but you were already halfway there; people were expecting you, and you had made obligations? Instead of just saying, I changed my mind, I made a wrong turn, I'd rather stay right here - instead you continue on, as if you are still committed, and the Universe takes over. The Universe hides your wallet, or your keys, or flats your tire - prevents you from going down the path you've decided was not truly the path you wanted. In the back of your mind, you think, "I didn't really want to go anyway", or on the opposite, you remember the goal - you jump at the best opportunity to get there. Therein lies your stamina for your goal. I almost didn't make it to my flight attendant interview, but through the tears, and pushes from others in the universe who knew how badly I wanted it, I figured out a way to get there. You lay the foundation and the Universe makes a path. Take it!
Have integrity in your decisions and honor yourself first.
Once I had kids it was easier to do this because I had their paths to think about too - and still do. My path directly affects their path. When I was single, I didn't worry about my path because I could change it whenever I wanted to - no harm, no foul. My single friends still have this option, sometimes forgetting that my decisions are still family based. I'm not taking a path I haven't thought over and over to plan for the future of my kids. And I'm not going to let anyone else make decisions for me that will affect my, or their path.
Every step I take...every move I make...is long thought out and I've got my eye on the Universe and how she takes care of me.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Poetry Scramble
NO Rhyme or Reason
Just woke up with all these phrases in my head and didn't know what to do with them
Ring the bell
An angel has fallen
like an addict
the day after he received his chip
Pheromone dust
on my ankles
as I run
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
I called your name when I was four
don't you hear me anymore?
If our hearts were volcano's
what would happen after every eruption?
Does the pumping blood become crusted lava
in our soul, on our organs, for your love?
If love was cheese
and loyalty was wine,
would I be obese?
and drunk?
Just woke up with all these phrases in my head and didn't know what to do with them
Ring the bell
An angel has fallen
like an addict
the day after he received his chip
Pheromone dust
on my ankles
as I run
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
I called your name when I was four
don't you hear me anymore?
If our hearts were volcano's
what would happen after every eruption?
Does the pumping blood become crusted lava
in our soul, on our organs, for your love?
If love was cheese
and loyalty was wine,
would I be obese?
and drunk?
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Entitlement and Canes
Entitlement has been becoming more and more prevalent with each generation. It is easy to generalize a bad habit or attach a negative characteristic to a single group. This MTV generation mentality of getting what you want when you want it - an incapability to follow rules, or even acknowledge rules, highlights a trait of this generation . Everyone thinks they deserve a free pass. Not only do they not have to follow the rules but get an attitude when others do not respect their inability to follow them as well.
Yesterday, as I drove through downtown Denver right before rush hour, I saw an elderly man being escorted across the street by two women. This man had to be at least eighty to ninety years old and the women accompanying him were in their 40's and 50's. They were jaywalking across the middle of the street...mid downtown...busy street...with oncoming traffic.
I guess they assumed traffic would stop...mid street...for them to proceed across.
Which most people would, even as discourteous as the action itself was.
But one car proceeded on, in their lane of traffic, causing the elderly man and his two escorts to look up at the traffic, and stop for a second, before proceeding across the street.
The hunched over, cane using fellow, raised his cane at the car, cursed, and stopped traffic further, as the two escorts tried to get him to continue walking illegally across the intersection.
Entitlement is not just a new concept.
Yesterday, as I drove through downtown Denver right before rush hour, I saw an elderly man being escorted across the street by two women. This man had to be at least eighty to ninety years old and the women accompanying him were in their 40's and 50's. They were jaywalking across the middle of the street...mid downtown...busy street...with oncoming traffic.
I guess they assumed traffic would stop...mid street...for them to proceed across.
Which most people would, even as discourteous as the action itself was.
But one car proceeded on, in their lane of traffic, causing the elderly man and his two escorts to look up at the traffic, and stop for a second, before proceeding across the street.
The hunched over, cane using fellow, raised his cane at the car, cursed, and stopped traffic further, as the two escorts tried to get him to continue walking illegally across the intersection.
Entitlement is not just a new concept.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Signs from the Universe...reality or perception?
I had a huge interview for a job I really, really want. A lifestyle change. Movement in the direction I see my life going...sooner than later.
I had a conversation with a supervisor before I went to the interview about timing. Is it the right time for this? Am I committed to the lifestyle with my challenges regarding family and scheduling? Is the freedom I seek ready for me yet?
Day of the interview:
I woke up at 330a, checked the weather channel to make sure I wouldn't come into any issues with my flights, got to the airport early, had a coffee and some breakfast, checked the internal weather site to confirm there were no issues with my particular flights. I felt confident of the route I chose - I was on an originator (which means it would take the word of God or a mechanical to keep this plane from leaving on time) and I was connecting to a flight which was an inbound originator.
My originator was delayed...God had spoken in the form of a mechanical.
I started to panic after a half an hour and asked the Ops agent if I should get off and try to find another flight. She said, "nah, you'll be fine - only 5-10 minutes late". OK, and I sat back down.
When I arrived in KC to transfer to my flight into Dallas (which is where my interview was scheduled), I was 30 minutes late and fortunately (and unfortunately) my connection was delayed as well. The originator from Milwaukee had been delayed by weather. Again.. had God spoken?
I asked what the arrival time would be and I started making phone calls. I was stuck in KC now. Should I just go back to Denver? Should I show up late, knowing that is the worst way to make an impression? Should I play my cards, go to Dallas and just get the 1st flight back to Denver if I am too late? I had so many questions going through my head. Simple things, it seems, but when you pride yourself on timeliness, integrity and creating the space in life you want - this was the worst possible scenario for me.
I left a message with my recruiter.
I talked to my current supervisor, who was very supportive.
Then I sat down and tried to calm down - almost impossible at this point when I thought about all the juggling I had done to just get to this point. Then the tears came. I tried to breathe and fight them off, but they just came pouring out. I ran to the restroom to hide my embarrassment. I said to myself, "This is not the time to fall apart". I continued to breathe deeply and decided to carry on - cause that's how I roll. "I'm not turning back now", I thought.
I got on the plane and texted, "how long to get to HQ from the airport". Ten minutes was the response, so I thought, if I could land by 1130a (an hour behind schedule at that point) I could run, grab a cab, and possibly still make it.
The flight attendant informed me the flight would land at 1125 - giving me 20 minutes to make it.
BUT, the flight did not land at 1125 - it landed at 1140, and even after sprinting like OJ Simpson through the airport, grabbing a cab, and making it to HQ in about 8 minutes, I was still 10 minutes late. And my group had already departed for the physical part of the exam, and I had missed the meet and greet.
At this point, the tears began to flow again, I guess indicating how much I really wanted this job, or maybe just a sign of my embarrassment and pride. Regardless, it stung.
I got through the morning.
I waited for my 1 on 1, simultaneously waiting to be told I could just go home - I would not be interviewed that day. It was painful.
I got the opportunity to speak to one of the recruiters while I waited and he made me feel very much at ease, and helped me relax a little bit.
I was called in for my 1 on 1, and got two of the most entertaining, fantastic recruiters I could have ever asked for. Erika and Ron made me feel comfortable and at ease, mentioned "we are family" and proceeded with the questions. It was the best interview I have ever had in my life. I understood the intent of every question and felt that I presented myself professionally, with a Southwest spirit and good humor. I actually apologized for my nervous comedic sense of humor before we began and I think I lucked out with my light-hearted panel.
I walked out relieved.
With the knowledge that I gave 100%, from beginning to end. Smiles all the way. Just being me.
100% and that's all I can do, and even if I do not get this position, it is only because it wasn't meant to be this time, and life goes on.
As I left our HQ, brimming with people and excitement (I often think of my final years with the company that I love as my career path will eventually lead me to a retirement in this environment I love so much) I stepped out into the sunlight and realized what an amazing day I had chosen to travel. There were many people waiting for the shuttle.
We boarded the employee shuttle to the airport (by departure time, because there were so many people waiting to get home after visiting HQ this week, and some waited for the next shuttle as a courtesy - because that's the kind of company I work for. We all take care of each other.) and made our way back to Dallas Luv Field.
I looked for my next flight - breezed through security and found myself at the gate of yet another delayed flight. I worried about my connection back home now, thinking about Saunders waiting for me to arrive. I also knew the next flight was full (overbooked) and if I couldn't take the jumpseat, I would not make it back home until late late late.
I went and grabbed a sandwich, realizing I hadn't eaten for almost 12 hours. As I sat and ate my turkey and provolone, I thought about the day and looked outside where the trash on the tarp swirled in circles, around and around under my window. I wondered if this was a sign from the universe telling me, it may be too hard, or if it was a reminder of what some days would look like. Round and round the inconsequential things swirled.
I hadn't had a day like this in years. I do not live in a world of chaos. I like control and order in my life like things in their place and I like a schedule. Not that I don't have the excitement gene, and can't get off schedule, but I like knowing my options up front.
I am a flight attendant. No matter what other job I do, my heart is in the air. I would love to follow my heart with a company that I love but if it isn't meant to be, I am quite capable of finding the next path and jumping on it.
I waited in line as my aircraft boarded and realized we were now 45 minutes delayed. My connection time was not that great. I went back to the gate agent and asked what time my flight for Denver would connect and if I should make other arrangements. She said my connecting flight was delayed by 20 minutes and I should be fine. I looked up and saw another flight going to San Antonio where I could pick up my connection - if it left ontime. I took jumpseat on that flight and decided to try and make it...cowboy style. I let the flight attendant know as I boarded that I was trying to make a connection, and if this flight was delayed even 5 minutes, please let me know so I could get off and look for another alternative.
Yeah, man, my head was on now, and I was thinking clearly.
The flight took off ontime.
I arrived in San Antonio with a weird feeling that I should check in again. Even though I had a ticket and a boarding pass. I felt uncomfortable.
Always follow your instincts.
I checked in with the gate agent who initially treated me as if I was way off base, no way would they have deleted my boarding pass to Denver, while I was on the way on a different flight. But, upon further inspection, he realized, that is exactly what happened. For whatever reason, since I was not on the flight I was designated (cause I jumped ship like a renegade pirate), I was no longer on his flight to Denver. He apologized and printed me a boarding pass for the last seat on the plane. That's how close I came to not getting home last night.
and was this a sign, or an indication of things to come?
Perception is reality.
I had a conversation with a supervisor before I went to the interview about timing. Is it the right time for this? Am I committed to the lifestyle with my challenges regarding family and scheduling? Is the freedom I seek ready for me yet?
Day of the interview:
I woke up at 330a, checked the weather channel to make sure I wouldn't come into any issues with my flights, got to the airport early, had a coffee and some breakfast, checked the internal weather site to confirm there were no issues with my particular flights. I felt confident of the route I chose - I was on an originator (which means it would take the word of God or a mechanical to keep this plane from leaving on time) and I was connecting to a flight which was an inbound originator.
My originator was delayed...God had spoken in the form of a mechanical.
I started to panic after a half an hour and asked the Ops agent if I should get off and try to find another flight. She said, "nah, you'll be fine - only 5-10 minutes late". OK, and I sat back down.
When I arrived in KC to transfer to my flight into Dallas (which is where my interview was scheduled), I was 30 minutes late and fortunately (and unfortunately) my connection was delayed as well. The originator from Milwaukee had been delayed by weather. Again.. had God spoken?
I asked what the arrival time would be and I started making phone calls. I was stuck in KC now. Should I just go back to Denver? Should I show up late, knowing that is the worst way to make an impression? Should I play my cards, go to Dallas and just get the 1st flight back to Denver if I am too late? I had so many questions going through my head. Simple things, it seems, but when you pride yourself on timeliness, integrity and creating the space in life you want - this was the worst possible scenario for me.
I left a message with my recruiter.
I talked to my current supervisor, who was very supportive.
Then I sat down and tried to calm down - almost impossible at this point when I thought about all the juggling I had done to just get to this point. Then the tears came. I tried to breathe and fight them off, but they just came pouring out. I ran to the restroom to hide my embarrassment. I said to myself, "This is not the time to fall apart". I continued to breathe deeply and decided to carry on - cause that's how I roll. "I'm not turning back now", I thought.
I got on the plane and texted, "how long to get to HQ from the airport". Ten minutes was the response, so I thought, if I could land by 1130a (an hour behind schedule at that point) I could run, grab a cab, and possibly still make it.
The flight attendant informed me the flight would land at 1125 - giving me 20 minutes to make it.
BUT, the flight did not land at 1125 - it landed at 1140, and even after sprinting like OJ Simpson through the airport, grabbing a cab, and making it to HQ in about 8 minutes, I was still 10 minutes late. And my group had already departed for the physical part of the exam, and I had missed the meet and greet.
At this point, the tears began to flow again, I guess indicating how much I really wanted this job, or maybe just a sign of my embarrassment and pride. Regardless, it stung.
I got through the morning.
I waited for my 1 on 1, simultaneously waiting to be told I could just go home - I would not be interviewed that day. It was painful.
I got the opportunity to speak to one of the recruiters while I waited and he made me feel very much at ease, and helped me relax a little bit.
I was called in for my 1 on 1, and got two of the most entertaining, fantastic recruiters I could have ever asked for. Erika and Ron made me feel comfortable and at ease, mentioned "we are family" and proceeded with the questions. It was the best interview I have ever had in my life. I understood the intent of every question and felt that I presented myself professionally, with a Southwest spirit and good humor. I actually apologized for my nervous comedic sense of humor before we began and I think I lucked out with my light-hearted panel.
I walked out relieved.
With the knowledge that I gave 100%, from beginning to end. Smiles all the way. Just being me.
100% and that's all I can do, and even if I do not get this position, it is only because it wasn't meant to be this time, and life goes on.
As I left our HQ, brimming with people and excitement (I often think of my final years with the company that I love as my career path will eventually lead me to a retirement in this environment I love so much) I stepped out into the sunlight and realized what an amazing day I had chosen to travel. There were many people waiting for the shuttle.
We boarded the employee shuttle to the airport (by departure time, because there were so many people waiting to get home after visiting HQ this week, and some waited for the next shuttle as a courtesy - because that's the kind of company I work for. We all take care of each other.) and made our way back to Dallas Luv Field.
I looked for my next flight - breezed through security and found myself at the gate of yet another delayed flight. I worried about my connection back home now, thinking about Saunders waiting for me to arrive. I also knew the next flight was full (overbooked) and if I couldn't take the jumpseat, I would not make it back home until late late late.
I went and grabbed a sandwich, realizing I hadn't eaten for almost 12 hours. As I sat and ate my turkey and provolone, I thought about the day and looked outside where the trash on the tarp swirled in circles, around and around under my window. I wondered if this was a sign from the universe telling me, it may be too hard, or if it was a reminder of what some days would look like. Round and round the inconsequential things swirled.
I hadn't had a day like this in years. I do not live in a world of chaos. I like control and order in my life like things in their place and I like a schedule. Not that I don't have the excitement gene, and can't get off schedule, but I like knowing my options up front.
I am a flight attendant. No matter what other job I do, my heart is in the air. I would love to follow my heart with a company that I love but if it isn't meant to be, I am quite capable of finding the next path and jumping on it.
I waited in line as my aircraft boarded and realized we were now 45 minutes delayed. My connection time was not that great. I went back to the gate agent and asked what time my flight for Denver would connect and if I should make other arrangements. She said my connecting flight was delayed by 20 minutes and I should be fine. I looked up and saw another flight going to San Antonio where I could pick up my connection - if it left ontime. I took jumpseat on that flight and decided to try and make it...cowboy style. I let the flight attendant know as I boarded that I was trying to make a connection, and if this flight was delayed even 5 minutes, please let me know so I could get off and look for another alternative.
Yeah, man, my head was on now, and I was thinking clearly.
The flight took off ontime.
I arrived in San Antonio with a weird feeling that I should check in again. Even though I had a ticket and a boarding pass. I felt uncomfortable.
Always follow your instincts.
I checked in with the gate agent who initially treated me as if I was way off base, no way would they have deleted my boarding pass to Denver, while I was on the way on a different flight. But, upon further inspection, he realized, that is exactly what happened. For whatever reason, since I was not on the flight I was designated (cause I jumped ship like a renegade pirate), I was no longer on his flight to Denver. He apologized and printed me a boarding pass for the last seat on the plane. That's how close I came to not getting home last night.
and was this a sign, or an indication of things to come?
Perception is reality.
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