Train of thought...bear with me

"When we live and speak the truth, we free ourselves to to love well and create the space for someone else to love us." Gary Chapman, Love as a way of life

The above statement is the best summation for the frustration I haven't been able to shake in regards to receiving love from friends and family.
I have worked to create this space, yet find all these rules and barriers in place in regards to others expectations of who I should be.
The challenge of living with integrity is the knowledge that being who I am 100% leaves a lot of people feeling out of the loop. I am blessed to see my circle of friends is becming more aligned with who I am and who I trust, moreso than "do as I say, not as I do'ers".

One of the reasons we are witnessing the downfall of society in this generation is the actions have finally caught up with all the liars of the last decades. The continuum of living outside the realm of fact, or money, or realness - the reality of "credit". Because whether the credit of non-existent funds, or the credit of bullshit relationships, eventually it all catches up to you.
When you have a heart attack, who is there to take you to the hospital?
When you get caught pilfering from your company, and not one friend stood up to tell you "maybe you shouldn't do that - I thought you loved this job", yet all shake their heads when you lose your job and possible get arrested; who built that?
When you feel like not one person you have built relationships in the last 2 years show up, where does the concept of, "what's real" come into play?

You live where you build.

I am trying to build a "cash only" lifestyle.
Put your money where your mouth is.
Stand up for your beliefs.
Share yourself.
And with this ideal, I put down my expectations. The innate human need to believe that what you put out there will come back to you. The need for genuine, unadulterated, unconditional, flat-out-balls-to-the-wall, honest love.
...and that sucks, because I was raised in a fairy tale generation, and have spent my entire life trying to retrain myself.