I realize, or I should say I notice lately that the bulk of my friends are single and childless; most by choice, some just by timing. The friends I do spend any amount of time with that do have kids are single dads. This in itself is a societal change that makes the stereotype of being a single mom more of a common, and being a single dad more the new selective point of interest in modern society.
And still single dads are looked upon as some sort of hero. Single moms have been doing the same thing for decades upon decades, yet the stereotype moved from “poor her” to simply being a substantial part of the mainstream. The stereotype of single dad moved from, “what horrible woman would leave her kids to a man” to “what an amazing father”.
Makes me want to puke.
My mom was a single mom and I remember times when she worked 3 jobs to keep our house running. My Nana was a widow and I remember her cleaning houses and going to nursing school full time while raising me. She raised 4 kids and a few grandkids. Women have been taking care of children, making a home while working and educating themselves for years. Our strength as women has allowed society around us to forget the challenge of remaining a woman and an individual outside the stereotype. And, I believe, because we spend so much time catering to men, we have put them on a pedestal for doing the same thing we have been doing all along. I think about how to address certain discussions with my son on being a man and doing the right thing in life, but it’s expected. My single dad counterparts have the awkward task of explaining menstruation to teenage girls and teaching them how to put on makeup and NOT dress like a hoochie. What man wants to have the discussion with his daughters about why her best friends from school last week are so mean to her at school this week? Does he even know?
I don’t believe it’s any easier for a woman to be a mom (much less a single mom), it’s just come to be expected. Women are expected to run the house, raise the kids, make lunches, balance the checkbook, get the cable turned off/on, get a job, feed the dog, register for school/soccer/swim team/etc etc etc, drive carpool, plan play-dates, do the grocery shopping, show up for all the games/awards ceremonies/recitals/etc etc etc, man up for sex, while working on her Master’s thesis and look beautiful while doing it. While a dad (single dad or otherwise) gets a break simply because he’s a man. Really?
Yet another point to be debated on the list of, “equality vs. inequality” of the sexes.
In the end we don’t get paid as much for being mom’s either.
