Gossip and the downfall of woman

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. ~Spanish Proverb


This is something my mother told me a long time ago, "If people are telling you things they have no business sharing, they will do the same thing to you." Which taught me at a young age not to share secrets. Then I became a teenager and within the group of my small handful of friends, we shared everything.

I had to learn the hard way.

I started overhearing things at school that only my small handful of friends knew, and I realized that it didn't matter if people called themselves your best friend or not, they would sell you out for a better opportunity (or simply in a moment of weakness).

I pretty much became a vault in high school - I didn't talk to anyone about personal stuff because I couldn't take the chance of having people know too much about me. When I got to college, I translated that concept into the, "fun girl", just laugh and party and make everyone smile and they won't realize that you aren't sharing personal information. It worked.

It is very easy to imply things without actually sharing anything.

As an adult, I have been told over and over, good girlfriends are hard to maintain. Life gets away from you. People get married and have kids and between family and career, women just don't have the time commitment to friendship that they once had. I got married and had kids and realized that my single friends and I no longer spent as much time together. I attributed this to the fact that I wasn't out drinking and picking up guys 5 days a week anymore. They attributed it to me being serious and boring.

The price of motherhood.

There is an episode of S&TC where the core group of single women go into the suburbs to visit an old friend who used to be the life of the party, and this woman desperately wanted her single life back. As the episode unfolds, this woman gets drunk and naked at a party, where the core group of friends realize how they have all matured and changed on some level, even if they are still single.

And some women never change even when they get married and have babies.


The funny thing about gossip is, no matter whether or not the information is true or not, the intent in spreading it is hateful. The kind of hate that ruins friendships, tears apart realtionships, and spoils good people like old milk. The distrust that forms between people curdles underneath the surface waiting for a new opportunity to stink and taste bad.

There is a great film with Joan Allen called The Contender. In this political thriller, indiscreet sexual photos are released with the Vice President candidate and a group of men, labeling her and her moral values - and she refuses to address the photos. Throughout the film, her advisor cant understand why she will not defend herself, and she explains... "I just can't respond to the accusations, because it's not ok that they are made."

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3096838425/

Defending yourself against gossip is the same as adhering to it...and it will never go away. I believe that as humans (and women especially), we tend to want to defend ourselves automatically because we have an innate sense of survival. This movie was a very powerful reminder to me that intellect is a powerful tool - that our emotions don't have to make every chess move for us. The people you care about will stand by you, even in the light of gossip, hate, and classlessness. Belief systems are more powerful than you think - it's like having faith in God. Faith in your own strength will keep you strong.