Fear based action

I was lucky enough to participate in a self defense class put on by TSA and the Aurora Police Academy Instructors.
Initially, I took this class because I have personal space issues and feel like things that aren't necessarily a threat, feel like a threat to me. I wanted to be more secure in tight spaces with people who sometimes are not conscious of others boundaries. I also wanted to feel more secure traveling, as I have had situations in the past where I have been accosted in foreign countries and felt helpless.
The content of the class was great. 8 hours of direction, contact and physical practice.
Then there were the stories - stories of women who have been attacked and survived. Realistic situations where injury is imminent. Fear based actualities.
Those are the things I have carried around the last few weeks. Fear of opening a hotel door, because someone may jump from the stairwell and shove me into my hotel room and attack me. The fear of being assaulted and worse case scenario, not being killed, but for me, living through it. Fear of losing control. Fear of fighting. Just plain fear.
Simultaneously, I have had some issues in my personal life which are also fear based. Not physically, but people pushing the limits of their authority or past relationship, or concept of who I am and mistaking my niceness for weakness. A far greater fear base than the physical one(s) for me.
As I weigh both sides, I realized I have to treat them the same.
I can not worry about the pending attack until it happens.
I cannot walk the universe not being me and shining my gifts on others. I will not waver because there is a foul, careless world out there.
I have lost some smiles these past few weeks because of the tension in the air. I have questioned the good I seek and do. I almost forgot the impact I have on others.

Today, I take that back.