Setting the Pace

This morning on my daily run, I followed behind a couple in their late 60's early 70's as they ran the same trail I run. They had a solid pace and as the gentleman set the pace, his wife kept up, although I could tell at times it was a bit of a challange for her. They would run side by side, then she would drop back a bit, then she would catch up and run at his side, but he always maintained the stride to match.

I thought, this is probably a great indication of their relationship.

This is indeed the concept of any solid relationship. Each person has their role. There is a pacesetter on each team. Someone has to be responsible for setting the pace or the action will remain stagnate. I believe when the original vows for marriage were constructed, this was the ideal meaning. The truth behind, "Do you GROOM take BRIDE to be your wife – Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?" Then the BRIDE is requested to repeat the same, yet also include "to obey" the GROOM, for as long as they both shall live.

Nowadays, women don't obey anyone. We're all about equality and power.

This has to be one of the largest reasons for the high divorce rate in this world today.

I am a huge advocate for equal rights, don't misinterpret what I am saying here, but I do believe there has to be a pacesetter in every relationship.

If a woman does not trust her man to be the pacesetter in their relationship, why get married? Why commit your entire life and future to someone you don't trust to guide you through your life together? There is always room for discussion. There should be a mutual respect and commaraderie amongst every couple, but when it comes down to it, why do we as women have to take away the pride men have? Why don't we honor their role and just let them be a man? Under the guise of some sort of stand for equality, why must we twist every natural instinct between man and women and turn it into a pissing match? Equality and marriage do not have to go hand in hand. Companionship and relationship have individual spirit. In every circle of friends there is indeed a leader of some sort, someone who plans outings (gets people motivated), someone who communicates with the circle, someone who brings the food. It is a collaborative effort based on every role. A strong woman exists outside of her relationship with her man. We maintain a home, we work outside the home, we raise kids, we give men reason to make a home. Part of being a strong woman in a relationship is letting your man be a strong man. Emasculating men has become a symbol of women's rights. Is it really? Do we really need to shit on someone else to make ourselves feel better, or indeed stronger?

There is room for strengthening one's self and raising up those around us. All teams function this way...all winning teams that is.

I have struggled with this concept of independance and equality in many aspects of my life. I grew up believing if I wanted something done right, I have to do it myself. This doesn't work so well in relatioship. I don't offer up the opportunity of taking care of any of my needs to another person. I don't give men the opportunity to fail on their own. Or to succeed.
I made choices based on principles and an ideal, when in fact these perceptions do not exist without the belief that they exist.
I passed on a relationship that was "marriage material" because I knew in my heart that this relationship would not measure up to my ideal of what a marriage looked like. Loyalty and integrity were not at the top of this potential partner's priority list. His career was at the top, followed closely by his family, and then his associates. I knew that if I wanted to be in this relationship I would have to sacrifice everything I believed a relationship was supposed to look like. Long lasting love. Companionship. Solidarity and Monogamy. These were things I could not, or would not give up. And I struggle. I look at my life, which is happy and fulfilling and think about how much more financially easy it would be had I sacrificed my emotional stuff in lieu of a "nice" life.

As the couple in front of me progressed further and further ahead of me it occurred to me that perhaps they don't have this ideal either, that this is my story for them. It also occurred to me that perhaps I just needed someone to run with, that this in itself might be a good start. Someone to set the pace.