Yesterday I turned 41. Wow...I am actually into the 40's now. Not 40! "whoa- Haha", black balloons and shit-talking about a new generation, but 41 - I've crossed over.
I don't look any different, but my soul feels a little different. I have had epiphany after epiphany this past week and I wonder, am I just more aware? More alert?
My heart feels open. I look around and inhale deeply. I breathe in my surroundings. Not that I haven't done this in the past...just not every day. I wonder about people's "story".
The people close to me - I examine for feelings and history. I realized this week I want to know "why" and "how". I want to feel their passion and understand their outlook.
I don't know that I have heart-felt my friends honesty before this week.
Really grasped who they are from deep down.
I saw my purpose clearly with some and more vaguely with others. I surprised myself. I changed a little. As I drank wine and ate cake and laughed so hard I peed my Smartypants, I really took in each moment.
Every hug. Every kiss. Every touch. Every moment that was different from the last moment and will be different from the next moment. I layed in the sun on a rooftop in my bra.
In those moments I remembered Mexico. I fantasized about Greece. I felt the wind on my face and I felt really loved for a minute. The sun loved me. The wind loved me. A boy smiled at me and I felt so special and I thought - I have moments like this, but I didn't live in them. I didn't appreciate them. I wanted each second to be meaningful. I didn't need to worry about the future. Not the next minute. Not the next day. Just that moment in time when I was fully connected.
And it felt amazing.
Life is beautiful and my goal this birthyear is to embrace each moment. To listen in time. To be present. To accept each moment for what it is and that is all.
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