Friday, December 17, 2010

May September Romance

Recently discussing with a friend about age, relationships, and compatibility - the topic of May September romance came up.
The concept of older men/ younger women is usually accompanied by the stereotype of gold diggers, whereas older women/ younger men equate the idea with cougars and sexual prowess of the older woman - a typical Mrs Robinson.
Why the disparity in concept for the same style relationship?

From HubPages:

"In general, the pros of the relationship include stability, learning from one another and lust. The latter is what tends to drive these relationships initially but that can be said of most relationships. It tends to merge into a sort of infatuation/appreciation that works for many couples over time. In general, these relationships tend to be more stable than other relationships because the older party tends to be patient and forgiving in a way that isn't true when dealing with your peers. The age difference tends to create a learning environment because each partner is in a different stage of life (and perhaps comes from different generational beliefs) which means that they are regularly faced with the opportunity to educate and inspire one another. These are all things that contribute to the positive end of the relationship.

On the flip side, there tend to be some power imbalances in these types of relationships. That stability can turn into a patronizing attitude that leads to resentment in the relationship. Additionally, there are a myriad of problems that being in different life stages can present. The biggest is whether and when to have children together. There are also problems with being in different career stages and having different priorities in life because of age. These are certainly problems that can be overcome but are challenges that tend to be present in the May-December romance." Kathryn Vercillo, author

Personally, I find that younger men seem to be able to keep up with my level of physical activity moreso than men my age but, (and a big but) intellectually and socially, we are on very different planes.
Considering I spend most of my free time doing outdoors or athletic activities - I am a physical person; running, biking, hiking, skiing, traveling, playing. I can't imagine my life without sports and a physical outlet, or a partner to share those things.
I think as I get older I realize the same things that we look at men cockeyed for - chasing around hot bodies, thinking very selfishly - women, as we get older have the same thoughts. I simply believe we are more prone to have considerations of others which we tend to put before ourselves and our needs. Kids, parents, society - these are all factors in our decision making process. Whereas men don't tend to have the same priority in choosing a partner.

The concept of an arm-piece for a man in his September prime toting around a young hottie brings to light the blatant obvious. Men like toys - a little arm candy. What better accessory to that new Porsche than a twenty-four year old strapless dress in CFM heels? And for women it's no different, I could perch my purse on the bar but why not have Adonis hold it?
Who needs stimulating conversation at home?
I have had conversations with men and women, both, 20 years my junior, and I will be the first to admit, it is entertaining at best. There is no reference point. There is no commonality. I revert back to my statement above, the most we have in common is physical activity. On the slopes there is no age. At the top of a Fourteener, there is no age gap in exhilaration. But, at the bar afterward there could be large blocks of silence.
Part of what is so fantastic about meeting someone is sharing life experience; not just today, but the humor in tomorrow and the history of yesterday.

Here's the thing, everything in life is analyzed on some level. Age, race, class, success, power - all these things offer valid points on the speculation of success (or failure) of any relationship. Every relationship has it's reason for being, so to speak. We are still human beings, growing, learning at every level. If any relationship lasts longer than three dates in this day and age, bravo! Give yourself an "attaboy".

3 comments:

  1. passez un bon fétes de fin d'année.

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  2. New to your blogs and enjoy them alot.I understand what you are expressing.As a man i can see this dynamic in both arenas of male and female.
    While i am a active guy who stays in shape and eats well and i think takes care of myself..i have met younger women(younger then 36 or 38) and i have to say that the older women i have dated and date most if not all the time(45/46/48/52) look far better then most women who are 1/2 their age and seem to leave the drama carap far behind.
    As a man i admit that on the top of "our" list is usually wanting to meet someone and be with someone whom we see as unbelievably "hot"..sexy and attractive (to each guy that may be subjective i think so its not one size fits all)

    Then next on the "list" so to say unconsiously may be brains..humor..emotional maturity and similar views and communication skills...of course for me personally I need a very deep almost spiritual connection ...yea ok..for me sex needs to have depth in order for it to move beyond just sex to love..passion just has more meaning and punch if the connection on a deeper level is there..mutually...of course...
    As far as age i would agree that on the slopes or hiking or any activity that age isnt the key but endurance and stamina and passion for the activity are what drive the situation.
    I have met younger gals and i can agree the generational gaps are huge manytimes and as i stated the older women i have dated physically smoke the gals 1/2 their age or 10 yrs their junior..so i do target the more physically fit independent older women but i find they have gone thru a marriage or 2 and went thru the whole looking for a man to provide stuff and have eventually learned to be independent on their own and not rely on a man for their survival...then they seem to realize they just want a guy to love them for who they are as a person and not for what they do or what they have or for their potential...and this to me has always been the key...so often people identify with what they do for a profession to define them when quite honestly that is irrelevant in life to who you really are as a person. Sure I will get flack for this concept and many people i meet dont get it but when i meet someone i dont ask...what do you do? ..i could care less...i ask...who are you? who are you as a person? and usually they answer...i am a project manager for so and so..or a nurse at so and so...or a account executive at this company...and so i ask again...but who are you? Its a hard one to answer...it takes much thought and honestly much alone time to go within and search for who you really are and what you are about...saying you are a doctor may impress some and command respect in some areas but i have known some doctors that are total a holes and alcoholics and angry self serving dicks...and some are decent people..so just saying you are a doctor is a moot point in my book.
    Anyhow...i have noticed the older women seem to just appreciate a guy who has depth and cares for them and loves them for who they are ..many times all the pretenses are dropped and they have learned that in life..money..jobs..cars...stuff..will always come and go but people can never be replaced in the heart.

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