What do these people have in common:
Actors, lovers, kids, lawyers, corporations, and politicians.
They all lie.
The one group not on this list: Your friends.
Your true, loyal, til death do you part, friends.
Friends don't lie to you.
No matter how much it sucks, no matter what the consequence, even if it hurts your feelings - your friends will always tell you the truth.
That is their job in life.
Even when you don't want to hear it.
Your best interest is at hand and the truth is always in your best interest. Whether you know it or not, the truth allows you freedoms you don't even know are good for you.
What freedoms you wonder?
The freedom to choose based on facts...not a story, made up by someone who does not have your best interest at hand, but their own.
The freedom to live in integrity with someone who walks with you.
The freedom to believe in someone other than self.
The freedom to know the value of your own life.
"Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity."
~Robert Green Ingersoll
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Friendship and Quality of Life
Over the past few months I have gone up and down, back and forth with a few individuals and our concept of friendship.
Expectations.
Loyalty.
Derivations of Concept.
I have come to the realization that I have expectations which are not acknowledged nor matched on any level. I have spent the past twenty years accepting the fact that near or far, the friends I have made in my 20's are basically the lifelong friends I will have until I die.
We grew up together in some form or another. We experimented together. We had our hearts broken together. We learned loyalty together. I don't and would never speak ill about any of them behind their back. I don't judge them. If I had a conflict of opinion about their lifestyle that didn't directly affect my life, I would keep it to myself. If I had a conflict of opinion which did in fact directly affect or impact me in some way, I would approach them and discuss it. That's how I was brought up. Men talk over whiskey and shake hands when they agree, or agree to disagree. Women don't stab each other in the back with their petty gossip and rumors, in an attempt to hold themselves in higher regard. That's just not how friends treat one another. That's how I was raised. That's how I am raising my children.
If you don't respect someone - don't call them your friend. Don't socialize with them. Don't disrespect them, but live your life and respect and let them live theirs. My Nana once told me - there is enough love for everyone.
I realized I had to challenge myself recently - challenge my Christianity and the Golden Rule, when I wanted to call someone out - to make them feel the way they made me feel with similar judgments and gossip. But, I didn't. I held my tongue. I didn't send the email that was burning a hole in my laptop, because I realized the path of destruction and hurt it would cause. And it simply wasn't worth it. I would rather lose "a friend" than cause a domino effect of unnecessary drama to prove a point and "be right".
Fuck it. I'm old I can be right in my own head. I can't afford to lose a friend, but then again, anyone who would toss me aside as a friend because of their own hypocrisy, wasn't really my friend to begin with.
I am glad I have solid friendships to compare... so, I know right from wrong. Everyone is not that lucky.
Expectations.
Loyalty.
Derivations of Concept.
I have come to the realization that I have expectations which are not acknowledged nor matched on any level. I have spent the past twenty years accepting the fact that near or far, the friends I have made in my 20's are basically the lifelong friends I will have until I die.
We grew up together in some form or another. We experimented together. We had our hearts broken together. We learned loyalty together. I don't and would never speak ill about any of them behind their back. I don't judge them. If I had a conflict of opinion about their lifestyle that didn't directly affect my life, I would keep it to myself. If I had a conflict of opinion which did in fact directly affect or impact me in some way, I would approach them and discuss it. That's how I was brought up. Men talk over whiskey and shake hands when they agree, or agree to disagree. Women don't stab each other in the back with their petty gossip and rumors, in an attempt to hold themselves in higher regard. That's just not how friends treat one another. That's how I was raised. That's how I am raising my children.
If you don't respect someone - don't call them your friend. Don't socialize with them. Don't disrespect them, but live your life and respect and let them live theirs. My Nana once told me - there is enough love for everyone.
I realized I had to challenge myself recently - challenge my Christianity and the Golden Rule, when I wanted to call someone out - to make them feel the way they made me feel with similar judgments and gossip. But, I didn't. I held my tongue. I didn't send the email that was burning a hole in my laptop, because I realized the path of destruction and hurt it would cause. And it simply wasn't worth it. I would rather lose "a friend" than cause a domino effect of unnecessary drama to prove a point and "be right".
Fuck it. I'm old I can be right in my own head. I can't afford to lose a friend, but then again, anyone who would toss me aside as a friend because of their own hypocrisy, wasn't really my friend to begin with.
I am glad I have solid friendships to compare... so, I know right from wrong. Everyone is not that lucky.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Loyalty and Integrity
Where do I start?
This morning? This month?
I have been struggling lately.
My family is struggling with one another. My friends are struggling...with each other. My relationship w/ a boy has struggled. My kids seem to be struggling. I have struggled financially and on the career front. I heard that Pluto is in Mars or something wacky, which is causing everyone to be agitated and combustive. I have tried to lay low and let everyone work out their own issues, knowing in my heart that this will level out. That one weekend coming up soon, this will all just dissipate and things will appear normal again.
These are the thoughts that cross my mind because I understand loyalty and integrity. I have friends I have had for 25 years. Friends that, no matter how much time passes between us, we can pick up where we left off because we have this commonality of respect for one another. I believe that the people I have chosen in my life maintain some form of this same value system.
This morning I woke up with a sense of something great in the air. This actually happens quite often for me, but today it seems odd because I am not in an amazing position in life right now. Like I mentioned, I see relationships crumbling around me. I feel very alone as I sit patiently waiting for the chaos around me to subside. My job situation has improved only in theory as the 1 opportunity which has been presented to me won't begin for another 6 weeks (changing nothing about my current financial debacle). Yet, still I have that powerful sense of energy bursting from my heart.
Then I read my horoscope:
"Talk about high energy. You're ready to take on the world -- and anyone in it who gets between you and your dear ones. That goes double for folks you're not fond of. You're already as loyal as a friend could possibly... be -- but now? Now you're armed and ready to fire. Heaven help anyone who decides it might be fun to see just how far you can be pushed." (courtesy yahoo)
I know where this sense of energy and power comes from. It occurs to me that certain traits are learned, and some people don't get the opportunity to have a great mentor. I have worked recently for a woman with very little integrity. I have seen friendships fall apart because of a simple lack of loyalty. I have watched men throw away good women because they have not yet been taught (by example) loyalty, and/or how to behave when you have it. I realized what gives me the power to get up every day and press on; to move forward in life because I believe in something.
I had the opportunity to meet someone with a kindred spirit. Someone who lived freely. Someone who had a set value system. She knew who she was and no one could take that from her. She befriended me in a time of my life where I believed no one. Everyone was a liar. Men cheated. I had grown to understand this was just the way it was. She understood this as well, but taught me to realize even though the outer circle functions like that. It is not right. It is not good. Your inner circle should represent your beliefs, not mirror the negative that is out there. We did not have to be the so-called, "screw you before you screw me" herd.
This thing...this power that lets me smile even when shit has not only hit the fan, but is all over the walls, stuck in the blades, and seems to be covering everything of value - this thing is the knowledge in my soul that I am living with integrity. That my loyalty is unwavering. Even though someone may do me wrong - I am living right.
This is powerful.
I also realized that this was a gift given to me by an amazing woman who took the time to nurture this gift...for a lifelong friend. It's my turn to give this gift back. To teach loyalty to my friends. To show people through my actions what integrity looks like and demand it in return.
It is my turn to exchange this gift with the Universe, so this feeling I have in my heart is something I see in my friends and lover as well. I made a mistake by hiding out and letting chaos usurp my relationships during this difficult time. This is the time I should be gearing up like a warrior and making my inner circle face their challenges head on, because they can, and they have loyal friends here to help them not only get through but be successful as well.
"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself." ~Jean Anouilh
This morning? This month?
I have been struggling lately.
My family is struggling with one another. My friends are struggling...with each other. My relationship w/ a boy has struggled. My kids seem to be struggling. I have struggled financially and on the career front. I heard that Pluto is in Mars or something wacky, which is causing everyone to be agitated and combustive. I have tried to lay low and let everyone work out their own issues, knowing in my heart that this will level out. That one weekend coming up soon, this will all just dissipate and things will appear normal again.
These are the thoughts that cross my mind because I understand loyalty and integrity. I have friends I have had for 25 years. Friends that, no matter how much time passes between us, we can pick up where we left off because we have this commonality of respect for one another. I believe that the people I have chosen in my life maintain some form of this same value system.
This morning I woke up with a sense of something great in the air. This actually happens quite often for me, but today it seems odd because I am not in an amazing position in life right now. Like I mentioned, I see relationships crumbling around me. I feel very alone as I sit patiently waiting for the chaos around me to subside. My job situation has improved only in theory as the 1 opportunity which has been presented to me won't begin for another 6 weeks (changing nothing about my current financial debacle). Yet, still I have that powerful sense of energy bursting from my heart.
Then I read my horoscope:
"Talk about high energy. You're ready to take on the world -- and anyone in it who gets between you and your dear ones. That goes double for folks you're not fond of. You're already as loyal as a friend could possibly... be -- but now? Now you're armed and ready to fire. Heaven help anyone who decides it might be fun to see just how far you can be pushed." (courtesy yahoo)
I know where this sense of energy and power comes from. It occurs to me that certain traits are learned, and some people don't get the opportunity to have a great mentor. I have worked recently for a woman with very little integrity. I have seen friendships fall apart because of a simple lack of loyalty. I have watched men throw away good women because they have not yet been taught (by example) loyalty, and/or how to behave when you have it. I realized what gives me the power to get up every day and press on; to move forward in life because I believe in something.
I had the opportunity to meet someone with a kindred spirit. Someone who lived freely. Someone who had a set value system. She knew who she was and no one could take that from her. She befriended me in a time of my life where I believed no one. Everyone was a liar. Men cheated. I had grown to understand this was just the way it was. She understood this as well, but taught me to realize even though the outer circle functions like that. It is not right. It is not good. Your inner circle should represent your beliefs, not mirror the negative that is out there. We did not have to be the so-called, "screw you before you screw me" herd.
This thing...this power that lets me smile even when shit has not only hit the fan, but is all over the walls, stuck in the blades, and seems to be covering everything of value - this thing is the knowledge in my soul that I am living with integrity. That my loyalty is unwavering. Even though someone may do me wrong - I am living right.
This is powerful.
I also realized that this was a gift given to me by an amazing woman who took the time to nurture this gift...for a lifelong friend. It's my turn to give this gift back. To teach loyalty to my friends. To show people through my actions what integrity looks like and demand it in return.
It is my turn to exchange this gift with the Universe, so this feeling I have in my heart is something I see in my friends and lover as well. I made a mistake by hiding out and letting chaos usurp my relationships during this difficult time. This is the time I should be gearing up like a warrior and making my inner circle face their challenges head on, because they can, and they have loyal friends here to help them not only get through but be successful as well.
"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself." ~Jean Anouilh
Monday, August 31, 2009
Melting down
I have had a pretty interesting weekend. Lots of ups and downs - generally the normal roller coaster of life. I got to see the effect of balance in full effect.
I have numerous questions floating around in my head. Work related, life choices, relationship stuff - the normal day to day, year to year stuff that keeps us growing and living. What I noticed this week, was an intolerance for my "me time" - my thinking, percolating time so to speak.
We are so conditioned to react to one another, sometimes we just can't BE.
Change is good.
Life is an ever changing module.
We are creative interesting beings that have so much to give back. Yet we spend inordinate amounts of time worrying about random shit. I am guilty of this too. I have wasted hours, days even worrying about things I have no control over. I have tried to focus on relativity to production value, and usually that works. Emotionally, I think it's difficult to focus on pushing past feelings.
I have been overwhelmed with my own shit and even in the midst of my biggest meltdown, I try not to engage other people. This is how I function. I like to think maturity is part of my growth process. It's difficult. It doesn't feel good. But, it strengthens the soul. I tried to put myself in other people's shoes to try and understand how we get so far away from being selfless, and the love we are supposed to share with one another - how do we become so desperate to cling to "stuff" to prove a point. I have been called a martyr in past relationships because I would rather just accept responsibility and let it (an issue) go. Do we need to be right all the time?
My horoscope today read "It's the right day for any power struggles-- you're clear-headed and there is no way that you can lose a fight! Just make sure while you're busy fighting for what you want, you aren't losing focus on the more important things around you. Other people, not power, should be your top priority right now. So only get into it if you have to -- as skilled as you are besting the competition. At heart you're a lover, not a fighter!"
Yes, I am, my friends, yes I am.
My sister reminded me last night that "other people" often are the cause of drama, and self-preservation should be the task at hand. I reminded her that we have been expert self-preservationists our entire lives. I am clear headed today, and the 1st thing I realized was I hate fighting. If it's that important to you - do it. What is there to fight about? Life is short...how did I overlook this the last few weeks? My life is precious. My time is valuable. And you are lucky ;) so lucky.
I woke up with strange energy, cleaned my house...I should say began to "clean house". I feel empowered and rejuvenated.
I am in flux in relationship.
I am trying to change who I am in my day to day to accomodate my new growth spurt.
I also just want to be happy. I want my friends and lover to be happy. As a parent, I believe you learn how to give up your own happiness for others sometimes at the concept of the greater good. I will struggle for as long as it takes if my kids have a better life. I will end a relationship if I see a more wonderful future for someone without me. It isn't about being a martyr, it's about sharing love. And it's hard.
Love is a brilliant tool, and hard to come by, and usually it's when you witness a melt down right before your eyes that you have the opportunity to give all your love selflessly to see a better world. Yes, I want to be happy. Yes, I want to see my friends and family happy. Yes, I want to grow. My choices don't make who I am; they indicate the paths I have chosen, and the growth I have had, and the potential I have coming.
I have numerous questions floating around in my head. Work related, life choices, relationship stuff - the normal day to day, year to year stuff that keeps us growing and living. What I noticed this week, was an intolerance for my "me time" - my thinking, percolating time so to speak.
We are so conditioned to react to one another, sometimes we just can't BE.
Change is good.
Life is an ever changing module.
We are creative interesting beings that have so much to give back. Yet we spend inordinate amounts of time worrying about random shit. I am guilty of this too. I have wasted hours, days even worrying about things I have no control over. I have tried to focus on relativity to production value, and usually that works. Emotionally, I think it's difficult to focus on pushing past feelings.
I have been overwhelmed with my own shit and even in the midst of my biggest meltdown, I try not to engage other people. This is how I function. I like to think maturity is part of my growth process. It's difficult. It doesn't feel good. But, it strengthens the soul. I tried to put myself in other people's shoes to try and understand how we get so far away from being selfless, and the love we are supposed to share with one another - how do we become so desperate to cling to "stuff" to prove a point. I have been called a martyr in past relationships because I would rather just accept responsibility and let it (an issue) go. Do we need to be right all the time?
My horoscope today read "It's the right day for any power struggles-- you're clear-headed and there is no way that you can lose a fight! Just make sure while you're busy fighting for what you want, you aren't losing focus on the more important things around you. Other people, not power, should be your top priority right now. So only get into it if you have to -- as skilled as you are besting the competition. At heart you're a lover, not a fighter!"
Yes, I am, my friends, yes I am.
My sister reminded me last night that "other people" often are the cause of drama, and self-preservation should be the task at hand. I reminded her that we have been expert self-preservationists our entire lives. I am clear headed today, and the 1st thing I realized was I hate fighting. If it's that important to you - do it. What is there to fight about? Life is short...how did I overlook this the last few weeks? My life is precious. My time is valuable. And you are lucky ;) so lucky.
I woke up with strange energy, cleaned my house...I should say began to "clean house". I feel empowered and rejuvenated.
I am in flux in relationship.
I am trying to change who I am in my day to day to accomodate my new growth spurt.
I also just want to be happy. I want my friends and lover to be happy. As a parent, I believe you learn how to give up your own happiness for others sometimes at the concept of the greater good. I will struggle for as long as it takes if my kids have a better life. I will end a relationship if I see a more wonderful future for someone without me. It isn't about being a martyr, it's about sharing love. And it's hard.
Love is a brilliant tool, and hard to come by, and usually it's when you witness a melt down right before your eyes that you have the opportunity to give all your love selflessly to see a better world. Yes, I want to be happy. Yes, I want to see my friends and family happy. Yes, I want to grow. My choices don't make who I am; they indicate the paths I have chosen, and the growth I have had, and the potential I have coming.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Why Can't We Be Friends?
A really great song from my youth. I remember it like I remember being at my grandmother's house on Saturdays in the smmertime. I would climb trees to sit on the roof and just chill and eat apples directly from the tree. I watched everyone below as they came in and out of the house. I sat alone because I could and I liked it. I liked the solitude, even when I was 8 years old.
Now 32 years later I listen to a new upbeat version of the same song with the same lyrics and the same meaning and I enjoy the same solitude tonight and contemplate "why can't we be friends".
I don't get the lyrics. I'm not sure they have any meaning at all. "I remember when you drank my wine - you had to join the CIA - they wouldn't take you in the mafia..." What the hell does this mean? Is this guy talking to someone he grew up with that is some crazy loser that collects welfare checks and tells tall tales of being a spy? I mean, does anyone know what the hell this song is about?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dYpnd_9TFs
I have friends that I have known from a long time back. They drank my wine. They slept with my boyfriend. They gossiped about me. And we simply aren't friends any longer. There is no question "why". YOU know why.
Maybe this is the type of relationship these guys are singing about. Or perhaps this guy has a hero complex. I still don't know, but damn, I love this song. The original was amazing and this particular cover is one of my favorite covers of all time. Thank you smashmouth.
Now 32 years later I listen to a new upbeat version of the same song with the same lyrics and the same meaning and I enjoy the same solitude tonight and contemplate "why can't we be friends".
I don't get the lyrics. I'm not sure they have any meaning at all. "I remember when you drank my wine - you had to join the CIA - they wouldn't take you in the mafia..." What the hell does this mean? Is this guy talking to someone he grew up with that is some crazy loser that collects welfare checks and tells tall tales of being a spy? I mean, does anyone know what the hell this song is about?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dYpnd_9TFs
I have friends that I have known from a long time back. They drank my wine. They slept with my boyfriend. They gossiped about me. And we simply aren't friends any longer. There is no question "why". YOU know why.
Maybe this is the type of relationship these guys are singing about. Or perhaps this guy has a hero complex. I still don't know, but damn, I love this song. The original was amazing and this particular cover is one of my favorite covers of all time. Thank you smashmouth.
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