Loyalty and Integrity

Where do I start?
This morning? This month?
I have been struggling lately.

My family is struggling with one another. My friends are struggling...with each other. My relationship w/ a boy has struggled. My kids seem to be struggling. I have struggled financially and on the career front. I heard that Pluto is in Mars or something wacky, which is causing everyone to be agitated and combustive. I have tried to lay low and let everyone work out their own issues, knowing in my heart that this will level out. That one weekend coming up soon, this will all just dissipate and things will appear normal again.

These are the thoughts that cross my mind because I understand loyalty and integrity. I have friends I have had for 25 years. Friends that, no matter how much time passes between us, we can pick up where we left off because we have this commonality of respect for one another. I believe that the people I have chosen in my life maintain some form of this same value system.

This morning I woke up with a sense of something great in the air. This actually happens quite often for me, but today it seems odd because I am not in an amazing position in life right now. Like I mentioned, I see relationships crumbling around me. I feel very alone as I sit patiently waiting for the chaos around me to subside. My job situation has improved only in theory as the 1 opportunity which has been presented to me won't begin for another 6 weeks (changing nothing about my current financial debacle). Yet, still I have that powerful sense of energy bursting from my heart.

Then I read my horoscope:

"Talk about high energy. You're ready to take on the world -- and anyone in it who gets between you and your dear ones. That goes double for folks you're not fond of. You're already as loyal as a friend could possibly... be -- but now? Now you're armed and ready to fire. Heaven help anyone who decides it might be fun to see just how far you can be pushed." (courtesy yahoo)

I know where this sense of energy and power comes from. It occurs to me that certain traits are learned, and some people don't get the opportunity to have a great mentor. I have worked recently for a woman with very little integrity. I have seen friendships fall apart because of a simple lack of loyalty. I have watched men throw away good women because they have not yet been taught (by example) loyalty, and/or how to behave when you have it. I realized what gives me the power to get up every day and press on; to move forward in life because I believe in something.
I had the opportunity to meet someone with a kindred spirit. Someone who lived freely. Someone who had a set value system. She knew who she was and no one could take that from her. She befriended me in a time of my life where I believed no one. Everyone was a liar. Men cheated. I had grown to understand this was just the way it was. She understood this as well, but taught me to realize even though the outer circle functions like that. It is not right. It is not good. Your inner circle should represent your beliefs, not mirror the negative that is out there. We did not have to be the so-called, "screw you before you screw me" herd.
This thing...this power that lets me smile even when shit has not only hit the fan, but is all over the walls, stuck in the blades, and seems to be covering everything of value - this thing is the knowledge in my soul that I am living with integrity. That my loyalty is unwavering. Even though someone may do me wrong - I am living right.
This is powerful.

I also realized that this was a gift given to me by an amazing woman who took the time to nurture this gift...for a lifelong friend. It's my turn to give this gift back. To teach loyalty to my friends. To show people through my actions what integrity looks like and demand it in return.
It is my turn to exchange this gift with the Universe, so this feeling I have in my heart is something I see in my friends and lover as well. I made a mistake by hiding out and letting chaos usurp my relationships during this difficult time. This is the time I should be gearing up like a warrior and making my inner circle face their challenges head on, because they can, and they have loyal friends here to help them not only get through but be successful as well.

"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself." ~Jean Anouilh