Basic accountibility

I go on tangents about accountability and manners, and issues I see as those that distinguish between adults and children. Maturity comes with it responsibility.
Almost two years ago, I got into a fender bender in the parking lot of my daughter's high school. I waited for almost a half an hour for the owner of the vehicle, then I put a note on the car with my contact information, letting the owner of the dinged vehicle that I hit it, and wanted to be responsible for the damage.
When the owner called, he said, he was shocked, not only that I idnetified my self, but moreso, that I simply wanted to apologize.
I apologized to him for the inconvenience, for hitting his car and for the damage I did. I then claimed financial responsibility and he was thankful.
This past week, I had another vehicular incident, where the other driver was responsible, the police confirmed this in their report, and not once did she simply apologize.
I am sorry I ventured into oncoming traffic. I am sorry I caused a traffic collision. I am sorry about your car. I am sorry.  
Not only did she not apologize, but when retelling her version of the story, her response was, "yes, I could not see her coming in the oncoming traffic but once in the center of the street, she was coming fast". She actually tried to toss blame at me instead of taking responsibility for the fact that she thought she could beat traffic.
Also, after contacting her insurance company I have been given the runaround, told to be patient, again with no acknowledgement or apologies for my inconvenience, my vehicle or my life which has been inconvenienced immensely. Not only my life, but the life of my family. How about the work I missed due to this accident? Nothing.
Instances like this, although a reminder of where my value system lies, is also a shock as to how inconsiderate and selfish most people who are wandering the universe constantly feeling entitled yet, with no regard to the lives they affect.
We as a nation, and a world, in effect have stopped teaching our youth how to be responsible and take accountability for the results of their actions. We have grown into a culture of advantage-takers. Irreverent, entitled leeches with no moral compass, content with letting others take the fall, and pick up the tab.
Everybody's trying to get over.
...awesome

Power vs the Penis

Following the scandal of Petraeus, which is now being linked to CIA leaks and the accountability for the Benghazi incident, it has occurred to me how trite it is to follow a trail of bullshit and gossip as "grownups" act out a sophomoric stereotype.

Similar to an episode of Gossip Girl, or any day in any given high school, Johnny slept with Janie, who threated Tammy, who is the bff of Johnny, but is sleeping with Aaron, who is the Capt of the football team. They all have significant others (and families) who are impetuously disregarded  in this scenario. Like a high school love triangle, these professional leaders have reduced our government, and their careers to a joke.
Text messages, emails, late night phone calls.
Whores and the men who pursue them.
Ass-Clowns and the girls who love them.
How shall we spin this?

The people running this country, and responsible for the safety and military action as such, are expected to  have more common sense, and value for their profession and our country, not to mention their families. This submission to human nature is not unexpected, nor is it unnatural. The events which followed are the insults to the American citizen, and show the disregard for the American people, which deem the government as incapable of maintaining security for our State, as they are of keeping their dicks in their pants.
There is a time and a place for everything.
High school was the time and place for this rancid, immature behavior.

Now, what I had to stop and acknowledge was the fact that men in positions of power constantly get caught with their pants down. Why? because women love men who appear to be powerful.
Wife or not. "State at risk", or not.
Historically, women want to taste that power, feel like they have seduced the power of man. Look at the premise of Sampson and Delilah, or the Trojan War. We are doomed to repeat this story over and over because men will always be tempted by Delilah and lose their power.
Women have been used to acquiesce control, and whether that means enticing someone unattainable, or running the home of a powerful man from the back room, women are well versed in where their talents lie and what it takes to allow a man to be in control while still maintaining control.
Chris Rock once said, there is nothing better than pussy, except new pussy. When incidents like this get documented, and powerful men get caught, it seems textbook:
Men appear to be incapable of resisting "new pussy".
And, no doubt, as soon as the newness wears off, it is simply the same punani it was before you needed to confirm it wasn't any different. Or maybe that is the issue. I overheard a bartender telling a  trainee, "well, of course it was different, it's all different." But, in reality it is not the strange that attracted you in the first place - it was the concept of conquering.
Politicians have become rock stars. We expect singers to get ass. That's part of the reuirement for being a rock star...panties. But when did the leaders of the free world get so hot? Oh, Clinton, that's right. The blow job heard round the world, in conjunction with the worldwide spread and access of the internet.

The men that have an ego  large enough to think they can run a country rarely have the moral value (or time) it takes to be committed to that task as well as keep their personal promises. More often than not, you have to give up playing nice if you want to be in control of anything capitalistically valuable. The hours and hours of time you commit to an office cannot be compensated for at home. Relationships take time, and so does building an empire - it is rare that both can be done simultaneously.

photo courtesy AP, USA Today

I do believe that the struggle of man is of the basest sense: power vs. the penis. More often than not, the penis wins. Food water sex = needs of man. Power is contrived. A lion is not only the king, he gets all the girls too.

So, the election is over...

After months of agonizing articles, commercials, protests and internet threads, the election is finally over. The dust has settled, our President is still President.
For everyone who said they would move to Canada or Austrailia, funny, the trailers at the end of the block are still here. For those who marched together looking for change - this elusive animal that people seem to think catapults itself through life, they have all gone back to work and coninued with their day to day.
And here we are again, four years later, with the expectations of a miracle, doing nothing.

I simply want to pose the question today, what are YOU  doing for your country?
What are YOU doing to bring gas prices down?
What are YOU doing to help the economy?
What are YOU doing to stop national and international terrorism?
What are YOU doing to enact bills for healthcare and  equal rights and making sure FAIRNESS and EQUALITY exist in OUR country?
What are YOU doing to make sure the President accomplishes everything he promised, and you cheered for?

Everyone who voted, you know you have a voice. Are you using it?

photo courtesy: thewhitneyway

Maturing

I got the opportunity to hang with my seventeen year old daughter this weekend, just she and I, shopping, eating, chatting, and enjoying each other in laughter and bonding.

I have watched this girl intently for 17 years – every day every week. Watched her growing up, and becoming an individual; A strong, independent, intelligent young woman.  Free willed and stubborn but charming and witty, all the things that make a personality valuable.

All the great things I noticed about her this weekend, I realize I nurtured. Her vibrant personality full of humor and curiosity was seeded very early and allowed to bloom. Curiosity and questions were encouraged. When I didn’t know, I answered honestly, “I don’t know”. “Mommy isn’t good at that”. “Maybe we should look it up”. I encouraged use of the dictionary and thesaurus, and any other resources, to challenge questions, and even my own belief systems.

 I respect the ideas and ventures she wants to make. I enjoy watching her learn. This week she made me laugh again and again, and I value that. I understand this sense of humor she has and appreciate the young woman she has developed into. We shared a butt- gusting session over the dance move, “twerk”, and the action of “twerking”. If you do not know what this is, it is the act of standing on one’s hands, positioning the body upside down with feet placed against a wall, and then booty shaking…upside down. This is dancing. We laughed so hard and so long, I was certain I was getting a simultaneous ab workout. Then we both tried it. Even more hysterical laughter at this point, and I thought, I am so lucky to be sharing this moment…these moments with my daughter right now.

I told her that we should have our own reality show, just her and me. Laughing at all the ridiculous things we think are so outrageous and silly. Our everyday lives that we believe are so fun.  But, throughout the fun, the video watching, the talk of slang and what’s going on in high school, we also got to talk about serious topics. She got an opportunity to ask me about the pending election, the other candidates that get no press on mainstream TV, and all the amendments that are on our local ballot. I got the opportunity to share what I have learned and how I am voting this year on these  ”little things”.  I was glad to share the pros and cons of each issue and explain what I thought was important and why I was voting the way that I was voting. I also got to explain why it was important to the other side and what that meant. We take every opportunity to ask questions of each other and learn something different.

These experiences are invaluable. These experiences make relationships. These experiences are the ones that I hold onto because the memories turn into relationship foundations and structure. The maturing process of my child is also the maturation process of me. I am grateful for every moment, every day, every year.

2 Types of Women

"Marriage is not the "destination" for a relationship. Beyond the legal joining of two people, marriage is supposed to be the natural, spiritual re-connection of two souls that recognize each other in this thing called Life. If you're getting married for any other reason, you may end up disappointed." This quote by Charles Orlando, author of The Problem with Women Is Men, is the new topic of the day, and clearly draws a line in the sand between the two types of women I know.
Not to say there aren't many types of women out there and we are all unique and fantastically unparalleled individuals, but there are generally two schools of thought amongst women who have a desire to get married. I repeat, "A DESIRE TO GET MARRIED".
These two schools of thought are defined clearly above and I want to go a step further, because men seem to be under the impression that ALL women are keyed in to the first school of thought, and have a difficult time relating to those of us connected to the second school of thought.

The first school of thought is that women and men get into a  relationship with the intent of eventually getting married. This is why women date, to find a suitable man to marry, have babies and live happily ever after the most beautiful wedding on the planet. Every date after the first "get to know you session" has benign thoughts of, "how will my new last name sound with my first name?", "what will we name our children?", "will our parents get along?", "WHAT WILL MY DRESS LOOK LIKE?" Yeah, there we go, the fantasy all little girls were spoon fed: The wedding is the end goal. 

photo courtesy elizabeth&jane photography

These fantasies are also accompanied by a concept of a house, a certain number of children and usually a pet of some sort, to complete the picture. This school of thought has ended more marriages in divorce than any and every excuse typed on to a divorce document. Irreconcilable differences simply means, we were not made for another, under any uncertain circumstances.

The second school of thought is that women and men are all connected and have a deep desire to reconnect at the heart and soul. That marriage, if necessary, is a contract engaging each other, family, and community in the lifelong commitment of supporting the love and connection the couple has found.
It has nothing to  do with procreation, buying a house, tax breaks or an event.

The issues I have noticed in dating are connected to most men believing that ALL women subscribe to the first school of thought. Most men believe that we must ALL want the kids the house and a ridiculously overpriced wedding event to show the world, we did good. Even though most men will tell you, you're different, what they are thinking is, we are all after the same gold ring.

And women: Really, those of you (that I know personally), don't you want a man who A) knows the difference, and B) believes in the connection you have, not the concept he has been spoon fed?
The society we live in has spent an eternity defining and conditioning men and women to have roles. The reconditioning that it takes to get back to basics could take a lifetime to undo.

Opinion

I have visited the topic of opinion in this blog, and yes, everyone has one, and everyone's opinion does have some validity, but what I have noticed with the upcoming election, is that for whatever reason everyone thinks that their sole opinion is right. A fact, so to speak. The main issue with opinion remaining objective, is the idea that all opinions formed by any one person have come from their own personal history. Each individual has a history which forms opinion. Experiences which decidedly make their opinion a foundation, they believe, to be true, for everyone.

During this election, and I am guilty as well, I have noticed that every person with an opinion believes that opinion to be fact. I know for a fact poverty sucks. I know for a fact that the rich do not pay a fair share of taxes. I know for a fact that small business owners pay too much in taxes and do not get the support locally from sate and government that they need to be successful. I know for a fact that gay marriage should be legal – that equal rights for everyone should not be a matter for courts or other people to decide, it should just be. I know for a fact women are in control and should be responsible for their own reproductive rights. I know for a fact….and so on, and so on.

These facts come from personal experience, friends who have been denied civil rights, women I know that don’t want anyone, man or government, making choices for them regarding their body, small business owners I personally know who were taxed (and insured) out of a fair price range for the profit their business could acquire to remain successful. These experiences which affect people around me that I care about and want to see get a fair shake.

Well, everyone has experiences, on either side of what’s fair. It’s called life. All our experiences have fashioned our concept of what’s fair, so where does any sense of objectivity come in to play? What is fair for everyone? Well the answer is there is not a fair way to do things, because we are not equal. Everyone does not work as hard as everyone else, everyone does not save their money for the benefit of family and community like everyone else. Everyone is not exposed to the education to make them as successful as everyone else. Some people choose not to work. Some people are afflicted and cannot work. Who drew the map that said all people should be treated the same on the level of business and commerce?

Rights and the availability to access the same opportunities seems to be the goal, but everyone has gotten their personal agenda confused with what is fair and accessible. Some people are just not go-getters, business saavy, or have the desire to participate in the business world. If a classroom of people decide they all have the same goal, and 20% of those people go out and over achieve, while 20% of those people decide they would rather wait for something good to fall in their lap, and 40% of those people decide they will just follow the upper 20% and do the bare minimum, we have different people with different values all wanting – desiring the same outcome. It simply is not realistic – or fair.

There is a basis of value for the beginning of any functioning success. Knowledge of how to be successful; Start-up, so to speak, and a team committed to the success of your project. With these things it seems success is imminent, but not all the time. Look at any start-ups that do not have the full spectrum of knowledge of product, or the backing financially to run the entire course, or a half-assed team. These things all directly affect the outcome of any success.

Then the blame starts, "I didn’t get this", "that guy got more", "why isn’t my platform the same" – we as a nation, need to stop comparing ourselves to everyone else and start seeking accountability for what is available, how to fashion it into something personally successful to oneself. My success may not look like your success. And it shouldn’t.

Individuals. We are each singularly responsible for our perception of success and the results of our actions and effort.

The concept of jumping aboard what one man thinks is successful, calling it our own, and then defining it for a nation of people who are as different and unique as snowflakes is one of the biggest issues with why success is un-found for most. The definition is not one’s own.

Thus the concept of opinion and what is relative to experience is confused. I have heard person after person regurgitate something they heard someone else say and treat it as fact. If my dad is a democrat and has an agenda based on his personal experience, what does that have to do with me? My history is with him, my future is with myself. My concept of what is viable and successful is built within my vision I have built for myself. Not something I heard as a child, or in school, or by associates.

Our country has faltered in not allowing free, or critical, thinking, but encouraging classism, racism, and following a group (any group)…to maintain separatism amongst the masses.

Herd mentality is encouraged and this is how the government, via the media and politics, keeps  the rich and powerful in seats, and the poor and ignorant working for them. 

This is also my opinion. 

There were many who believed only by standing together could we make any change, but the concept of change is irrelevant if everyone doesn’t want or perceive the concept of change as beneficial. 

Ideally, we would all be independent minded, follow our own dreams, and grant compassion and good wishes on those around us for their dreams and successes. This definitely is not the case, but at least we can look at what we stand for as our own personal dream of peace and success and not force that on others, or expect others to concede to everyone. 

Opinion...it's just yours, remember?

Embarking on a new journey

Yesterday, on my flight from LaGuardia to Denver, I met quite a few international passengers. It's interesting what airports attract international passengers even when there are numerous options in the area. This is a prime example. LaGuardia attracts hundreds of thousands of international customers, whereas Newark...nto so much.
I met a group from Argentina, who were all going to a wedding together. Beautiful accents and seemed pleasant and easy going. A couple different groups from France. Same thing, easy dispositions and just happy to be going across our country.

I thought about my next trip. Tomorrow, I depart for Puerto Rico. I have never been, and even though owned by the U.S., still a new cultural experience and one I have looked forward to. I do not speak Spanish and although the dollar is used as is English, I want to acclimate to the culture and get to know the beauty of the island.
I think about all the people who come here who do not speak English at all and how difficult that is. I think about my travels abroad, and how I tried to learn new languages and figure out the customs simply to show respect.
I am going in knowing nothing and it's kind of exciting. It is who I have come to be. Just existing. Being in the moment. Living for the sake of living.

I do not know what I will find, but the itinerary is sparse, filled only so far with hotel arrangements, car and beach concepts, and the knowledge that I will be in good company.


Then a quick weekend in Miami to top off the R&R portion of the vacation - dancing in my own country. Free and loved.