Airline Humor

This letter from an upset airline passenger, which I copied and kept as a reminder of one of the reasons I loved my job as a flight attendant so much, is still funny - 5 years later. I have scanned and posted the original document (following my text) so you can see this was a real letter, with drawings and diagrams from a real customer on an actual flight.

If you notice the date and the time stamp on the first document - this is part of the humor (unfortunately): the customer wrote this on Dec 21, 2004 (obviously traveling for the holidays), yet this was not stamped into customer care until Apr 13, 2005...4 months later.

Flight #888 SAN/IAH

"Dear Continental Airlines,

I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left arm and touch the door. All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. Its difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stentch of the sanitation fluid that is blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the whoosh of the constant flushing? or is it the passengers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzel. I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment - while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last! I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the lav.

I would like to flush his head into the toilet that I am close enough to touch and taste from my seat.

Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks!

[depiction of man's butt in my face]

Worse yet, is I've paid over $400.00 for the [indecipherable word] of sitting in this seat! Does your company give refunds? I'd like to go back to where I came from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom. I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor...what about my hair! I feel like I'm bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me. I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.

We are finally descending, and soon I will be able to tear down the stink-shield, but the scars will remain.

I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it, and leave the smouldering brown hole empty, a good place for sturdy/ non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not human cargo."

blog disclaimer: I never worked for Continental. I do not have any connection to this airline, nor do I have anything against this airline.