Indifference

Synonyms: 1. Indifference, unconcern, listlessness, apathy, insensibility all imply lack of feeling. Indifference denotes an absence of feeling or interest; unconcern, an absence of concern or solicitude, a calm or cool indifference in the face of what might be expected to cause uneasiness or apprehension; listlessness, an absence of inclination or interest, a languid indifference to what is going on about one; apathy, a profound intellectual and emotional indifference suggestive of faculties either naturally sluggish or dulled by emotional disturbance, mental illness, or prolonged sickness; insensibility, an absence of capacity for feeling or of susceptibility to emotional influences. (Dictionary.com)

In working on a collaborative project about the approach to relationship via man and woman, the topic of love/ hate came up. My partner in the project noted, "hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is". I immediately remembered dating a guy in college who told me one night about another girl he had dated briefly. His mom asked him why he treated her so poorly, and he responded, he wasn't treating her poorly, he just wasn't treating her at all. The comment by my friend which jarred this memory from 20 years ago stuck out because even 20 years ago, I realized the impact on any human soul by someone who just doesn't have any emotional connection to the "relationship".

I thought about my own relationships. The past relationships that impacted me when I would still feel passionately about the man; passionately enough to be emotionally traumatized by his indifference. Then I remembered the relationships where I just couldn't care less. Everyone has been on one or both sides of this concept.

Indifference states, in a very proper tone, "I don't give a fuck." We have all seen the Hollywood movies where a couple has fallen out of love and one declares, "I hate you", and the next scene shows the couple making out furiously and declaring how much they love each other. This is the catalyst for most chemistry driven relationships. The passion is defined by the conflict. The conflict is the catalyst for the sexual tension. And we are so stimulus-manipulated up to believe this is healthy.


In watching Duplicity this weekend it occured to me why we enjoy films like this. Outside of the sexy leading characters which Directors use to titilate our senses, we are manipulated into believing relationshps like this might actually work out. Really?
"You think I'm playing you?"
This is not a phrase that should ever be heard in a healthy relationship, yet these two characters end up together...in Rome. Sexy, romantic Italy (preface, in bed for three days earlier in the film). Again, the catalyst for their highly sexually charged relationship relied highly on the duplicitous nature of their relationship.
Had Julia Roberts character been indifferent to Clive Owens character this film would have been boring and less-than-impassioned. Had Clive Owens character been indifferent to Julia Roberts character, the concept would not have worked at all.

Which brings us back to the concept of energy...neither created nor destroyed, exists to contwine us via feelings...emotions... passion. The stuff that makes people want more. And when that energy is transferred? What then?

Indifference?

"I've been you."